Lindsey turned around and surveyed Adele cautiously. ‘What?’ asked Lindsey when Adele drew level.
‘I just wanted a word,’ said Adele, pausing to catch her breath. ‘I’m trying to find our Peter. I thought maybe your David would know where he is.’
‘Yeah, course he does. He hangs out with him at that old squat where Peter’s staying.’
Lindsey spoke as though Adele was aware of the squat but it was the first time she’d heard any mention of it.
‘Where is it?’ she asked.
‘Why d’you want to know?’ asked Lindsey, suspiciously.
‘I just want to check he’s all right,’ said Adele. ‘Maybe I could take him some food or something.’
Lindsey took some persuading but she eventually gave Adele the address. Adele scribbled it down on a piece of paper and put it inside her school bag. She intended to call round and see him as soon as she could.
When Adele arrived home she told her mother about Peter living in the squat. Her mother seemed concerned but she didn’t ask where it was. Adele wondered if she really was bothered until a conversation between her parents later that evening made her think otherwise.
Adele was in the kitchen, clearing the dishes from that evening’s meal, and her parents were in the living room. Her father’s raised voice alerted her to their conversation and she crept up to the living room door so she could hear them more clearly.
‘Bleedin’ typical that is!’ she heard her father say. ‘So now I’ve got one in a fuckin’ squat and the other still sponging off me. They’re both fuckin’ useless! All my mates’ grown-up kids are out earning, but not them two. Oh, no. I’ve got a criminal for a son and a daughter who thinks she’s bleedin’ Lady Muck.’
Adele could feel a rage building up inside her but she tried to contain it. Her right hand gripped the door frame tightly as she waited to hear her mother’s response.
‘He needn’t be, Tommy.’ Shirley’s voice was faint, pleading with her irate husband. ‘I’m sure he’s learnt his lesson by now. Why don’t you have him home on the condition…’
Shirley didn’t get the opportunity to finish her sentence as Tommy cut in sharply, ‘No fuckin’ chance! I’m having no fuckin’ criminal under my roof.’
‘But he’s your son, Tommy.’
‘Not anymore, he isn’t. He gave up that right when he had the fuckin’ police round at my door. Now, shut it! He’s not coming home and that’s that.’
Adele could hear a noise that sounded like her father slapping the arm of the chair. Then, silence. She turned to walk away from the living room door and was startled when her father swung it open and stormed into the hall.
‘What the fuck do you want?’ he asked. ‘Have you been earwigging?’
‘No,’ said Adele, wary in case he turned his fury on her. ‘I was just coming to ask my mam something.’ She stood there waiting for his response.
‘Well, go on then,’ he said. ‘Don’t just stand there looking gormless.’
She dashed into the living room, eager to be away from him then sat next to her mother who was in tears again. For some time they remained silent until they heard the front door slam. Tommy was on his way to the pub.
‘I heard what he said about me,’ said Adele, still angry as she thought about his cruel words.
‘Oh, don’t let him bother you,’ sobbed her mother. ‘He’s only letting off steam because of our Peter. Anyway, you’ll be working soon.’
Adele shrugged. She was due to start work the week after her exams finished. She hadn’t fulfilled her grandma’s ambitions for her of going to university. With all the trauma of her grandma’s death as well as her difficult home life, Adele had found it hard to study. She’d tried her best, focusing on positive memories of her grandma to drive her, but her heart wasn’t in it, and she knew she wouldn’t make the grades. She was halfway through her exams now and they weren’t going as well as she’d hoped. With her chances of going to university already gone, Adele had found a job instead as an Accounts Assistant for a firm of solicitors.
She might not have succeeded in going to university but she was determined to do as well as possible in life. Not only would she do well, but she’d make her own way in the world. Her father’s cruel words had stung and as she played them over in her mind she became determined that she would get away from home as soon as possible. She’d earn her own money and make sure she never had to ask him for anything in the future.
Chapter 30
Adele looked up at the building and checked the address on the scrap of paper clasped in her hand. Yes, she had definitely got the right place. She looked up once more, disturbed by the sight in front of her.
It was an old house whose bricks were mossy and discoloured. Some of them were cracked or had holes in them and most of those on the corners of the building were chipped. The roof was in a similar state of disrepair with slates missing, exposing huge lengths of beam in parts.
The house was an end terrace. The rest of the houses on the row were similar in design but better maintained. Its windows were boarded and Adele tiptoed around the side of the building in search of a way in. She took care to avoid the animal faeces that littered the weed-strewn path.
At the back she found a gate and pushed it tentatively. It creaked on rusty hinges and gave way to a yard, which was in a similar state to the front of the house. With a pounding heart she stepped inside and negotiated her way around the abandoned bike frame, broken bits of wood and other unidentifiable items on her way to the back door. It was slightly ajar.
Not wishing to take any chances, Adele pushed the door gently and called Peter’s name before stepping inside.
‘In here!’ he shouted.
She stepped inside an abandoned kitchen, the stench overpowering her straightaway. Mustiness and a pungent, offensive odour filled the dusty air. Adele heaved, her mouth filling with saliva. She swallowed down the urge to vomit and glanced around the room. It was dark and her eyes took a few seconds to adjust. She reached out to touch the wall and recoiled as her fingers grazed the slime that covered it in parts.
Several dated cupboards lined the walls, their battered doors either missing or hanging precariously. The room was full of rubble; plaster that had fallen down from the ceiling, and bits of brick. The walls appeared to be painted but the colour was nondescript and patchy in places where mildew clung to the ravaged plaster and exposed bricks. Everything had a dismal pallor; daubed in various shades of grey like an old black and white movie.
Adele moved on, treading carefully until she eventually entered another room where there was also little light. She assumed it was the lounge. Here the stench was stronger, suffused with urine, animal faeces and decay. Again she swallowed down the urge to vomit. She heard the wind whistling through the eaves and the constant drip of rainwater. The damp penetrated her bones and the stench clung to her clothing.
Adele’s eyes flitted to the far side of the room where she could hear the sound of chattering and laughter. She stepped forward. There was Peter, amongst a group of boys of a similar age all sitting on rickety old chairs and crates, sipping from cans of beer.
This room was also full of rubble: chunks of cement and bricks, empty cans and bottles, some chip shop cartons and a discarded apple core. She eyed the worn-out mattress in the corner of the room, which was sunken in the middle and littered with several used condoms.
‘Peter?’ she asked as her eyes focused on her brother.
The boys stopped talking and stared in her direction.
‘All right?’ asked Peter casually, as though this way of living was normal.
‘Yes; are you?’ she said. Then, feeling discomfort in the presence of the other boys, she began to waffle. ‘David’s sister told me you were here. I’ve brought you some food in case you were hungry. Are you all right?’
One of the boys sprang out of his chair and grabbed the bag she was carrying. ‘Give it here!’ he said before routing inside the bag and passing t
he food around the group.
Peter didn’t respond.
David, on hearing his name mentioned, got out of his seat and stepped towards her. Adele hadn’t noticed him at first and she could feel her back stiffen as he approached.
‘Here!’ he said, passing her a can of beer. ‘You might as well have some.’
Not wishing to offend him, she took the proffered can and tugged at the ring pull. Despite the stench inside the room, she took a tentative sip. The beer felt acrid on her tongue. She gulped it down, washing away the taste of dust. Although she surmised that the offer of beer was a form of acceptance, she still felt wary of David.
‘Come and sit down,’ said Peter, pulling up a battered chair next to him.
As she stepped towards them, a mangy cat brushed past her legs, startling her. She let out a yell, which amused the boys. Adele felt embarrassed as well as uncomfortable. She sat down beside Peter and rubbed at her leg, which was itching from contact with the cat. She guessed that the animal was probably the source of some of the stench.
‘Are you all right, Peter?’ she asked again.
‘Course, I am. I’m with my mates, aren’t I?’
She guessed that his bravado was intended to impress his friends rather than reassure her so she persevered. ‘I’ve been worried about you. My dad still won’t let you come back and I was worried how you’d manage.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I don’t need that stupid prick!’
Adele stayed silent. It was difficult to talk to him with his friends present. The conversation drifted, with a few of the boys complaining about their parents in support of Peter. Adele sat patiently, nervously gulping her beer. She got through the can quicker than she intended, her discomfort causing her to take large sips. David passed her another can.
‘Eh, I didn’t tell you about my dream last night,’ Peter announced to the group. ‘I had a stepdad in the dream and he was a right bastard.’ This drew the attention of the other boys, and Peter continued. ‘Yeah, he kept picking on me, so guess what I did?’
The others paused, waiting for him to deliver his punchline.
‘I killed the bastard. Fuckin’ slashed him to pieces. And it felt brilliant! A slash of the knife for every time he’d hit me. The blood was gushing out of him and he was fuckin’ screaming for me to stop but I just kept letting him have it.’
‘Stop it!’ cried Adele, the vivid description sending a cold shiver throughout her body. ‘That’s horrible, Peter.’
‘I can’t help what I dream, can I? Anyway, he fuckin’ deserved it, and it felt great.’
Some of the boys nodded and murmured their agreement. Adele wasn’t sure whether Peter was referring to the stepfather in his dream or to their own father but either way it was disturbing. Would Peter really do something like that or was he just showing off in front of his friends?
After a lengthy pause, he added, ‘I hate my dad, y’know, Adele.’
‘I know,’ she said. ‘I know he’s been bad to you, Peter, but that doesn’t make something like that right.’
‘For God’s sake, get a grip, will you? It was only a dream! I didn’t say I wanted to do it.’
Again, Adele stayed silent, her discomfort still evident. She waited until some minutes had passed then announced she was going. She hoped Peter would walk out with her; it might give her chance to talk to him alone. But he didn’t. Instead, David offered to see her out.
Adele was surprised at David’s change in attitude towards her. Gone was the hostility that she had experienced previously. It seemed to have been replaced with an urge to impress her for some reason. Perhaps Peter had had a word with him when he had thumped her a while ago, and he was now feeling remorseful. Or perhaps he had just grown up a bit.
She said goodbye to her brother and his friends. Peter’s lack of emotion at her departure saddened her. Was he still displaying bravado or had they really drifted apart so much?
As she made her way out of the dilapidated living room, David followed her. His gait was unsteady due to the amount of beer he had drunk.
He waited until they had passed through the kitchen before speaking. ‘How about, me and you, Adele?’ He winked lecherously at her.
‘What?’ she asked, shocked.
‘Y’know. We can go upstairs if you want.’
‘You must be joking!’ she cried. ‘What do you think I am?’
‘I thought you’d be up for it. After all, you went out with Gary Healey, didn’t you?’
‘So. That doesn’t mean…’
‘Aw, come off it. You must have shagged him. There’s no way he’d have gone out with you otherwise.’ He reached out and grabbed her arm.
‘Get off!’ she yelled. ‘I haven’t been with Gary. And what business is it of yours anyway?’
As she pushed David’s hand away, Peter dashed into the kitchen.
‘What’s going on?’ he asked.
‘Nowt,’ said David, stepping away from Adele and making his way back to his friends.
‘You all right?’ asked Peter.
‘Yeah,’ said Adele but she couldn’t hide the fact she was shaken.
‘What was he after?’
Adele blushed.
‘I’ll fuckin’ kill him!’ he said.
‘It’s OK. I think he got the message.’
There was an uncomfortable atmosphere between them until Adele broke the ensuing silence. ‘Thanks anyway.’
‘It’s OK. You’re my sister, aren’t you? Come on, I’ll walk with you to the street.’
He didn’t say anything more but those few words had been enough.
Chapter 31
After that, Adele tried to visit Peter whenever she could. She would take him bits of food to make sure he got something decent to eat. But whenever she visited she found it difficult to relax. David’s presence unnerved her; he was so unpredictable.
The other boys could be quite raucous too, and she felt alarmed by their endless talk about the mischief they got up to and the crimes they committed. Sometimes it seemed as though they were competing to be the most outrageous. She was always ill at ease in their presence and had a sense of not belonging.
Adele wished that Peter could come back home but unfortunately her father wouldn’t allow it. And as time passed, her visits became less and less frequent. Peter seemed indifferent towards her most of the time so she decided to spare herself the trouble of spending time in such an intimidating environment.
Instead, she focused on her own life. The week after her exams finished, she started work at a firm of solicitors called Scott and Palmer Ltd, in John Dalton Street. The work could be tedious at times but, for the main part, she enjoyed it. She got along well with her work colleagues and felt a sense of achievement now she was earning a wage.
The atmosphere at home didn’t improve, though, and Adele decided she would move out at the earliest opportunity. Each payday she squirrelled away as much money as she could in order to raise the deposit for a flat, and kit it out with furniture and electrical goods.
Adele worried constantly about how her mother would survive once she was gone. But, like her mother had said, she had made her bed and now she had to lie in it. Adele, on the other hand, hadn’t chosen Tommy for a father and she was determined to break away from him as soon as possible.
When she had been working a few weeks, the envelope containing her A level results arrived on the doormat. Adele nervously opened it while her mother looked on. She noticed her mother’s sharp intake of breath as she took out the slip of paper and scanned it.
‘Have you passed?’ asked Shirley.
Adele stared at the piece of paper on which her results were printed; two Es and a D.
‘Just about,’ she replied, the disappointment evident in her voice.
‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’ her mother asked.
‘Not really. My grades are rubbish.’
‘But you’ve passed, love, and you’ve already got a good job so what are y
ou worried about?’
Adele didn’t bother explaining. Her mother wouldn’t understand. Instead she put the piece of paper down and shrugged.
‘Come on, cheer up,’ said Shirley, hugging Adele then planting a kiss on her head. ‘There’s not many round here that can say they’ve got A levels, is there? I’m proud of you.’
‘Thanks,’ Adele muttered before going upstairs to her room.
Once she was alone, Adele shed a few tears. She was disappointed. Her grades wouldn’t have been high enough to get into university anyway so perhaps she had done the right thing in getting a job. She’d just have to make the best of it, as her Grandma Joyce would have said. And she’d continue squirrelling away her money until she could afford her own place. She might not have succeeded in fulfilling her grandma’s ambitions for her by going to university but she was going to escape her father somehow.
*
‘Mum, there’s something I need to tell you,’ said Adele later that evening.
Shirley’s eyes widened in apprehension. ‘What is it, love? Is it about our Peter?’
‘No, it’s about me.’
‘Oh. What’s the matter?’
Adele noticed the look of alarm on her mother’s face and knew this wasn’t going to be easy. She decided to just get it over with.
‘I’ve started saving up so I can move out. As soon as I’ve got enough, I’m going.’
‘You’re what?’
Adele could sense the first stirrings of panic in her mother. ‘I’m moving out, Mam,’ she said, lowering her voice.
‘But why?’
‘Need you ask, Mam?’
‘But, Adele. You can’t. How am I gonna cope?’
‘You’ll be OK, Mam. I’ll come and visit whenever I can.’
Adele could see tears forming in her mother’s eyes, and the guilt stabbed away at her.
Her mother sat down and lowered her head. ‘That’s knocked me for six, that has… bloody hell! I didn’t expect that.’
Adele’s feelings of guilt were battling with a burgeoning anger. She’d known her mother would make her feel guilty, and she resented it. Why should she feel guilty? Why should she be made to feel responsible for her mother? She was a grown woman when all was said and done!
Born Bad Page 17