by Mark Twain
CHAPTER XXX.
WHEN they got aboard the king went for me, and shook me by the collar,and says:
"Tryin' to give us the slip, was ye, you pup! ?Tired of our company,hey?"
I says:
"No, your majesty, we warn't--_please_ don't, your majesty!"
"Quick, then, and tell us what _was_ your idea, or I'll shake theinsides out o' you!"
"Honest, I'll tell you everything just as it happened, your majesty.?The man that had a-holt of me was very good to me, and kept saying hehad a boy about as big as me that died last year, and he was sorryto see a boy in such a dangerous fix; and when they was all took bysurprise by finding the gold, and made a rush for the coffin, he lets goof me and whispers, 'Heel it now, or they'll hang ye, sure!' and I litout. ?It didn't seem no good for _me_ to stay--I couldn't do nothing,and I didn't want to be hung if I could get away. ?So I never stoppedrunning till I found the canoe; and when I got here I told Jim to hurry,or they'd catch me and hang me yet, and said I was afeard you and theduke wasn't alive now, and I was awful sorry, and so was Jim, and wasawful glad when we see you coming; you may ask Jim if I didn't."
Jim said it was so; and the king told him to shut up, and said, "Oh,yes, it's _mighty_ likely!" and shook me up again, and said he reckonedhe'd drownd me. ?But the duke says:
"Leggo the boy, you old idiot! ?Would _you_ a done any different? ?Didyou inquire around for _him_ when you got loose? ?I don't remember it."
So the king let go of me, and begun to cuss that town and everybody init. But the duke says:
"You better a blame' sight give _yourself_ a good cussing, for you'rethe one that's entitled to it most. ?You hain't done a thing from thestart that had any sense in it, except coming out so cool and cheekywith that imaginary blue-arrow mark. ?That _was_ bright--it was rightdown bully; and it was the thing that saved us. ?For if it hadn't beenfor that they'd a jailed us till them Englishmen's baggage come--andthen--the penitentiary, you bet! But that trick took 'em to thegraveyard, and the gold done us a still bigger kindness; for if theexcited fools hadn't let go all holts and made that rush to get alook we'd a slept in our cravats to-night--cravats warranted to _wear_,too--longer than _we'd_ need 'em."
They was still a minute--thinking; then the king says, kind ofabsent-minded like:
"Mf! ?And we reckoned the _niggers_ stole it!"
That made me squirm!
"Yes," says the duke, kinder slow and deliberate and sarcastic, "_we_did."
After about a half a minute the king drawls out:
"Leastways, I did."
The duke says, the same way:
"On the contrary, I did."
The king kind of ruffles up, and says:
"Looky here, Bilgewater, what'r you referrin' to?"
The duke says, pretty brisk:
"When it comes to that, maybe you'll let me ask, what was _you_referring to?"
"Shucks!" says the king, very sarcastic; "but I don't know--maybe you wasasleep, and didn't know what you was about."
The duke bristles up now, and says:
"Oh, let _up_ on this cussed nonsense; do you take me for a blame' fool?Don't you reckon I know who hid that money in that coffin?"
"_Yes_, sir! ?I know you _do_ know, because you done it yourself!"
"It's a lie!"--and the duke went for him. ?The king sings out:
"Take y'r hands off!--leggo my throat!--I take it all back!"
The duke says:
"Well, you just own up, first, that you _did_ hide that money there,intending to give me the slip one of these days, and come back and digit up, and have it all to yourself."
"Wait jest a minute, duke--answer me this one question, honest and fair;if you didn't put the money there, say it, and I'll b'lieve you, andtake back everything I said."
"You old scoundrel, I didn't, and you know I didn't. ?There, now!"
"Well, then, I b'lieve you. ?But answer me only jest this one more--now_don't_ git mad; didn't you have it in your mind to hook the money andhide it?"
The duke never said nothing for a little bit; then he says:
"Well, I don't care if I _did_, I didn't _do_ it, anyway. ?But you notonly had it in mind to do it, but you _done_ it."
"I wisht I never die if I done it, duke, and that's honest. ?I won't sayI warn't goin' to do it, because I _was_; but you--I mean somebody--got inahead o' me."
"It's a lie! ?You done it, and you got to _say_ you done it, or--"
The king began to gurgle, and then he gasps out:
"'Nough!--I _own up!_"
I was very glad to hear him say that; it made me feel much more easierthan what I was feeling before. ?So the duke took his hands off andsays:
"If you ever deny it again I'll drown you. ?It's _well_ for you to setthere and blubber like a baby--it's fitten for you, after the wayyou've acted. I never see such an old ostrich for wanting to gobbleeverything--and I a-trusting you all the time, like you was my ownfather. ?You ought to been ashamed of yourself to stand by and hear itsaddled on to a lot of poor niggers, and you never say a word for 'em.?It makes me feel ridiculous to think I was soft enough to _believe_that rubbage. ?Cuss you, I can see now why you was so anxious to makeup the deffisit--you wanted to get what money I'd got out of the Nonesuchand one thing or another, and scoop it _all_!"
The king says, timid, and still a-snuffling:
"Why, duke, it was you that said make up the deffisit; it warn't me."
"Dry up! ?I don't want to hear no more out of you!" says the duke. ?"And_now_ you see what you GOT by it. ?They've got all their own money back,and all of _ourn_ but a shekel or two _besides_. ?G'long to bed, anddon't you deffersit _me_ no more deffersits, long 's _you_ live!"
So the king sneaked into the wigwam and took to his bottle for comfort,and before long the duke tackled HIS bottle; and so in about a half anhour they was as thick as thieves again, and the tighter they got thelovinger they got, and went off a-snoring in each other's arms. ?Theyboth got powerful mellow, but I noticed the king didn't get mellowenough to forget to remember to not deny about hiding the money-bagagain. ?That made me feel easy and satisfied. ?Of course when they gotto snoring we had a long gabble, and I told Jim everything.