by Sally John
She had to shut him up. With shaking hands, she lifted the lid of the ring box. A bluish square stone caught the lamplight and winked.
He said, “She told me it’s aquamarine. Not the exact color of your eyes. It’s the clarity that reminds me of them.” He took out the ring and held it up to the light. “Look at that. You can see right through.”
That described how he always saw her, right through into her deepest being.
How could he be so far off the mark now?
He went on, eyeing the stone. “Clean and pure and beautiful inside and out.”
“No.”
Aidan looked at her.
“No, I’m not like that. And you’ll know it soon enough. You don’t want to marry me. What got into you? It’s probably your dad. His getting hurt. You’re bonkers. It has nothing to do with us.” She sat up and climbed around him. The box fell to the floor. “I can’t marry you. I don’t want to.”
“Kenzie!”
She heard him follow her into the bedroom, but the banging in her ears muffled his voice. Forcing herself to reason, she moved like a robot. Knapsack. Wallet. A handful of underwear, shirts. Sweater. Skirt. Jeans. She slid her feet into sandals.
“Kenz! What are you doing?”
“I gotta get out of here.”
“You’re running again. You’re always running.”
“I just need some space.”
“That’s getting a little old, you know? We all need our space, but sooner or later you have to face life and share some of your space with those who love you.”
She walked across the living room. “I’ll go to Dakota’s. I’ll get the van back to you—”
“Phoenix? You’re going to Phoenix?”
“She’s living in San Diego.”
He waved his arms. “That is so typical. She’s here, she’s there. You’re here, you’re there. I can’t keep up with you. Why are you so afraid of staying put for once in your life?”
She pulled open the door.
“Kenzie, if you leave tonight…”
She whirled around. “If I leave tonight, what? I shouldn’t come back?”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Uh-huh. Neither did my dad when he said it to my mom. Somehow I don’t believe either one of you.”
Before he could reply, she’d rushed through the door and slammed it shut behind her.
Sixty-Six
“He took a nap after church. A few minutes ago he left for the grocery store.” Susan giggled into the cell phone. “Do you believe it, Natalie? Drake never naps or shops for groceries. Not to mention he doesn’t even have a change of clothing here yet.”
“I’d believe anything right about now. Good grief. Rex and I walk into church this morning and the senior pastor is nowhere to be found. On Easter! Then Mildred tells me you called her and said you planned to attend a service down there this morning. Pastor of a thousand-plus and he goes to church on Easter at the beach—on the sand—where he knows only two people, Julian and Zeke, men he obviously disdains.”
“Disdained. Past tense. Oh, it has been a whole week of unbelievable, hasn’t it? I’m still trying to imagine Aidan asking Drake to bless their marriage.”
“Truly mind-boggling. I want the guy to give lessons to my sons. But what I’m still trying to imagine is you and Drake singing a duet at the beach house during a boycott. And I was there when it happened!”
Susan smiled and stretched her legs across the ottoman where Pugsy snoozed. Through the window she noticed the boardwalk jam-packed with people, bicycles, and skates. It was another warm sunny day at the beach. Resurrection joy permeated the air.
“Natalie, the most unbelievable thing is what’s happening right here and now. Drake and I haven’t stopped talking for almost two days. We keep learning new things about each other. We even named our lost baby. Jade Anderson Starr. And whenever Drake starts to sound like the old Drake, he catches himself and rephrases his words. I know we have a long haul ahead of us. We’ve barely touched on Kenzie’s dilemma except to agree it’s up to him to pursue reconciliation with her. One step at a time. Right now, though, this honeymoon phase is pretty wonderful.”
“I’m so happy for you, Suze. You’ll stay there all week then?”
“Yes. I don’t know how to thank you, Natalie, for everything. Not just for this annual stay at the beach house, but for insisting I come here ahead of schedule. And for bringing in the Martha Mavens. And for telling me the hard stuff, like the jot and tittle thing.”
Muffled sounds came through the earpiece.
“Natalie?”
“Mm-hmm. I’m here.” Her alto voice rose to a falsetto. “I can’t stop crying. I am so amazed at what God can do. At what He does. At what He did.”
“Amen.”
“Amen. I gotta go. I’m out of tissues. Bye.”
“Bye, Natalie. I love you.”
“Love you too!” Definite soprano.
For Susan the uncontrollable came not in the form of tears but in smiles, cheek-stretching and jaw-aching grins. Her mourning had indeed been turned into dancing.
The front doorknob rattled, and Susan looked up from her book, eager to greet her prince. The door swung wide and as it banged against the wall, Kenzie stumbled inside. The screen door slammed shut behind her.
“Mom!” Tears streamed. Her dark hair sprang every which way, disheveled, not styled. Clothing overflowed from the knapsack she clutched to her stomach. She wore dark green baggy flannel pants and a black T-shirt. For all the world she resembled a pregnant urchin. “Mommy!”
“Sweetheart.” Susan went to her, pried the bag from her hands, and hugged her tightly.
“I’m losing my mind!”
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
Susan prayed silently, waiting for the flood to slow, fighting down fears that the baby was hurt…Aidan hurt…Mick worse…
At last Kenzie pulled back and rubbed her palms across her face. “Oh, Mom! I don’t know what to do.”
“Let’s sit.” She led her to the couch and they sat beside each other. “Come on up, Pugs. He is your dog still.”
Crossing her legs, Kenzie pulled Pugsy onto her lap and nuzzled him.
“What’s wrong, hon?”
“Ha!” She sat up straighter. “What’s wrong? More like what’s not wrong! Aidan wants to get married! He’s nuts. He doesn’t love me. How could he? I’m a basket case.”
“He proposed?”
“Yeah. Last night. On his knees! With a ring that belonged to his grandma!”
Susan couldn’t help but smile.
“But it wasn’t right, Mom. It wasn’t. He’s just upset about his dad and thinks if he acts the way Mick wants him to, Mick will get better.”
“What does his dad want him to do?”
“Get married. He told him that from the beginning.”
Susan kept her smile inside. Totally opposite of her first impression, the Carluccis were traditional, probably more so than she ever was.
“Not that he was ever pushy about it.” Kenzie lifted her chin, eyelids fluttering. “Not like my dad.”
“What did you say to Aidan?”
“No. And I left.” Her lips trembled.
“Where did you go?”
“Dakota’s. But she’s no help. If anybody could be in a worse mess than me, it’s her.”
“So.” She rubbed Kenzie’s arm. “How did you leave things with Aidan?”
“I told him I’d get his van back to him. Dakota and I took it back just now. I left the keys in it and she brought me here.”
“But what did you say to him last night? Besides no.”
“I told him I needed space.”
Susan bit back her first response. Why did she run away all the time?
Then she recalled Kenzie as a little girl. She had always craved her own “space.” A second response took shape in Susan’s mind and she followed it.
“You know, Kenzie, even as a toddler, you’d scurry of
f when people were around. I’d discover you later, perfectly content in a quiet corner, spinning your own fairy tales and humming original music. That’s just you. It’s the way God made you and it’s okay. You need to find your quiet corner and let this song write itself out.”
She stared at her. Tears pooled again. “I can’t find the corner anymore.”
Susan heard movement through the screen door and looked up. Drake approached, his arms laden with paper grocery sacks, a bouquet of flowers in one hand.
Kenzie inhaled sharply. “What’s he doing here?”
Unease tore through Susan like a charging bull. Every muscle tensed. Her throat went dry.
Drake reached the door and paused, looking at them through it. His eyes met hers.
And she saw fear and hope and compassion. Maybe it was her imagination, but those were the emotions he voiced when he spoke of Kenzie. They were there inside of him. All brand new.
Susan recognized her own response as all old. Something to discard. I am not their referee anymore. Her muscles relaxed.
“Kenzie, your dad is here because he loves us. And you know what?” She touched her daughter’s chin and turned her face toward her. “He just might know where your quiet corner is.”
The reunion between father and daughter soared somewhere beyond awkward.
Drake stumbled over words. Kenzie actually kept her mouth tightly closed up. Susan’s emotions bounced back and forth. Referee or walk off the field?
“Kenzie,” he said, “I don’t know where to begin.” It was his third or fourth repetition of that phrase. “I want to fix things between us. No, I don’t mean that. I do, but I don’t mean that I can force a fix. Or that I even want to try. I want us to dialogue. Both of us talking and listening. Without preemptive judging.”
He went on like that, describing what he wanted to talk about but never doing it. Finally Susan stood. “Excuse me. May I make a suggestion?”
They both looked up at her, their expressions blank.
“I’m going to the bathroom. Then I’m going to put my flowers in a vase and the groceries away. Why don’t you two take Pugsy for a walk and get to know each other again?” She smiled brightly, spun on her heel, and walked down the hall.
They’re all Yours, Lord. Please, please do something!
Sixty-Seven
Spotting her dad through the door made Kenzie feel as though she’d walked into a blast of desert heat. Tears dried on the spot. Emotions puffed away, good and bad alike. Not that she’d felt a good one in recent history except for ten minutes ago when her mom said God made her the way she was and that was okay.
Which probably explained why she didn’t have a thing to say. He could blabber on and on, but the usual hate and anger toward him just didn’t show up.
She wasn’t so sure, though, about taking a walk with him.
He smiled. “Your mom’s been—how do you say it?—pretty ‘right on’ through this whole, uh, situation. Maybe we ought to follow her suggestion.”
“Huh?”
Now his teeth showed and his eyes crinkled. “Yes. I am agreeing outright with your mom. Will wonders never cease, eh? Let’s walk. I suppose we should put Pugsy on his leash?”
That one did it. Drake Starr was going to walk the dog? She unfolded her legs and set Pugsy on the floor.
Her dad turned around in a circle, his face a question mark.
“It’s on the hall tree by the door,” she said.
“Ah.” He went to it and lifted off the leash. “Okay. Pugsy?”
The dog tilted his head, his dark muzzle as scrunched and questioning as her dad’s face.
Kenzie rolled her eyes, walked across the room and took the leash from him. Within a few moments, she’d hooked Pugsy’s collar and walked him out the door.
At the patio fence’s gate, her dad reached around her and unlatched it. “You know what I’d really like to do?”
Leaning down to hold the gate, he was nearly at eye level with her, only inches separating them. Struck with the dark grayness of his eyes, she froze. Were they always that color?
He stared back at her. “May I tell you what I’d really like to do?”
“Sure.”
“Build a sand castle with you.”
“Why?”
“We used to do it.”
“Yeah, when I was like five.” That was a partial truth. They always built one when they were at the beach until she was twelve.
He shrugged. “It might be…fun?”
“Dogs aren’t allowed on the sand in the afternoon.” She didn’t mention that she and her mom had ignored the rule. Her dad and rules were a different story. And there were more people on the beach today than last week.
“Pugsy won’t bother anyone. All he does is sit at your feet.” He pulled a plastic bag from the pocket of his pleated dress slacks and smiled. “For clean up.”
Way too bizarre. She nodded. “The shovels and pails—”
“Are in the shed behind the house. I remember. I’ll get them.” He strode off. “Be right back!”
Kenzie heard unspoken words: Don’t go anywhere. He’d always said that to her when she was little and he’d have to leave her for a minute.
Dodging an inline skater, she crossed the boardwalk to the seawall, Pugsy at her heels.
And she didn’t go anywhere, her feet rooted to the concrete by a pair of dark gray eyes.
They worked in silence for a long while. Digging, carrying water in the pails, packing damp sand into walls. Pugsy slept in the shelter of the highest one.
Kenzie stole sidelong glances at her dad. A breeze fluffed his hair all directions. He’d rolled his pale blue dress shirt sleeves above his elbows. He sat flat on the sand, his tan pants a mess, full of sand and wet spots. He seemed oblivious.
“Well.” He rested an elbow on his raised knee and surveyed the castle. “It’s looking good. Plenty of towers.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“So anyway. I don’t know where to begin. But I guess I already said that.”
She nodded and kept on patting and smoothing a wall. “Once or twice.”
“I guess I should just jump in anywhere. Kenzie, I’m sorry. I am so very sorry for hurting you.”
She stilled her hand.
“I ask for your forgiveness. I’ve been a proud fool, too concerned about my own comfort and reputation to love you unconditionally. I’ve been wrong all up and down the line.”
Kenzie looked at him.
The dark gray eyes were on her face. “I love you and your mom more than life itself. And I pushed you both away. By God’s grace, I will spend every waking moment undoing that, repairing what damage I can. Will you give me a chance? Please?”
She blinked rapidly. What was it with this eternal fountain of tears?
“I feel like I left you hanging about the time you turned twelve or thirteen. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with you. We were kind of like buddies up until then. Weren’t we?”
She nodded. The old memories were there from so long ago. Their aftertaste was always one of regret because the good times were short-lived.
“You grew into a young woman, and to tell you the truth, Kenz, that scared me. You were so pretty and boys are such jerks. I treated your mom disrespectfully. I hated the thought of a guy…And so I turned tyrant. You will not do this or that. I used the pulpit like a weapon, thinking the sharp sword of my words could protect you and all the young people in our church. I wanted to control everything.”
He paused, raking his fingers through the sand. “And somewhere along the way God brought all these people. The pews filled up. They came to listen to me. Or so I thought. My head swelled up like a mushroom cloud.” He smiled at her. “Hallelujah, holy winds are blowing through that cloud now, dispersing it to the ends of the earth.”
Holy winds? She wrinkled her brow at his goofy grin and odd choice of words.
“It’s a Zeke quote.”
“Zeke?”
“He and I ha
d a talk today.”
She went speechless again.
“Aidan and I had a talk on Thursday.”
“Aidan!”
“Strange.” He shook his head as if in disbelief. “I get blown away by a young kid I wanted to strangle and a flakey street preacher. God is getting more mysterious by the hour.”
“Aidan? Thursday?”
“You don’t know about that? He didn’t say anything to you?”
“No. We’re sort of…separated. For now. I don’t know.”
“It’s okay. Things will work themselves out in time. Don’t worry. Your mom and I are together, we’re with you, and we love you.”
It was okay? Don’t worry? He loved her? And thought she was pretty? Her head spun.
“The bottom line is, I realized I would lose you and your mom and my grandchild if I didn’t do something. Only there wasn’t anything I could do in the sense of force or control. I had to lean solely on God. You’d think I would have known how to do that by now. But here we are.” His shoulders rose and fell. “Kenzie, you are welcome to visit or live with us anytime. Pregnant, married or not. No conditions whatsoever. Our home will always be your home. And it’d be all right if you bring Aidan along too.”
As tears spilled from her dad’s eyes, she really didn’t think hers would ever stop again.
Sixty-Eight
Susan pinched her arm and didn’t wake up. Evidently the scene before her happened in real time.
Husband and daughter shivered in front of the fire. Kenzie sat on the brick hearth and Drake stood next to it. They huddled under beach towels, their clothes damp and covered with sand. Traces of tears streaked both faces.
The aura they’d carried in with them through the door surprised Susan most of all. Peace, tenderness, and a trace of joy radiated from them.
They hadn’t even mentioned the delicious garlicky scent from her chicken cacciatore cooking in the oven. Nor had they seemed impressed with her fire-making abilities. Those things mattered not at all in comparison. She sank onto the couch and simply stared as they told her about the enormous castle they’d built.
She had seen it from a distance. Wild horses couldn’t have kept her in the kitchen. Every so often she stepped out onto the patio and gazed their direction. After a while, she could tell they conversed. Then clouds rolled in and the wind increased. The temperature dropped considerably, but none of that seemed to affect them. They still talked, worked on the castle, and even ventured out into the ocean, rinsing hands and splashing each other.