“Ow!”
“Does that seem familiar?” I said to him. “You were drunk last night at a club about fifteen minutes from here. Your boys left you. I took your tail home, trying to help you out and make sure you made it. I didn’t let you drive drunk, get in the wrong person’s car, mess yourself up from being eligible to play, or who knows whatever else. I should have left your drunk behind at that place if you were going to tell the world all kinds of lies about me. You get with this? Boy, never. I used to think you were a man of integrity and intrigue, but I can see now you ain’t nothing but a lame jerk.”
“I—I—I—I just thought that ... ,” he mumbled.
“I don’t know what you thought, I don’t know what you were trying to make up, but let the record show for everybody out here that nothing happened between us, last night, never. Nobody here has touched any of this.” I pointed at myself, angrier than a bee who’s hive had been disturbed. “That’s what’s wrong with y’all brothers—when you got a good thing, you’re so stupid, letting what’s between your legs run you off a good thing. You got my girl Loni devastated out here telling lies, trying to beef up your rep on something that never even went down. If you recall, you woke up with your pants on because I didn’t touch them, and I hope she wakes up and smells the coffee and never gives you the time of day. What happened to men being gentlemen and telling the truth about situations and not trying to mess up a lady’s reputation? You’ve got a great girl, and you’re trying to brag about getting with somebody else you didn’t have?”
“I’m sorry, I just thought that we ... ,” he said, trying to explain his way out of trouble.
“Please, you’ve lost your mind. Don’t try to lie or front—you know we didn’t grind.”
15
PROBATION
“Hey, hey, come back! I’m sorry, dang!” Ronnie said as he tried to corner me and calm me down.
Heated, I asked, “What is it you have to say that can undo all this wrong?”
“I do feel really bad, Alyx. Thanks for getting a brother to the room. If I would have missed curfew ...”
“Actually, I was trying to do your tail a favor. And for no reason whatsoever, you try to mess up my rep.” I was so upset and frazzled, I thought of taking my literature book and throwing it at him.
Holding his head, he said, “A couple of the guys questioned me about you taking me home, and it just got out of control. I didn’t say we did this and that. I just didn’t say we didn’t. I now see how stretching the truth was wrong.”
“Yeah, but how could you do that to me after I tried to help you?”
“I’m sorry—that’s why I’m sincerely apologizing. Are you going to accept it or not? My head has been pounding all day. Chuck it up to me being stupid.”
I thought about the times when I had done crazy things. I needed somebody to forgive me: in days, I was going to have to appear in Arkansas criminal court for my DUI case, and I also had a hearing at the Department of Motor Vehicles for driving while intoxicated. It was going to be hard going to two different trials in one day. I was going to need mercy. I was so thankful I hadn’t hit the lady and caused irreversible damage. Because no one had been hurt, and because I had told her about my mom, the lady was going to write a letter on my behalf to try to help my case. I didn’t deserve her grace, but she had been moved to give me compassion.
“You better go straighten this with Loni,” I said to Ronnie’s somber face.
Loni suddenly came running over. “He’s not the only one who owes you an apology,” she said to me. “I do, too, for believing him in the first place. You forgive me?”
“I just want you to know I care about you, girl, and I would never set out to hurt you like that,” I said sincerely. “The bond we’re forming is just too deep. We can’t fall out over no guy.”
“Particularly one who isn’t worth it,” Loni said as she reached her hand out to me.
I ignored the handshake and hugged her instead. We started gabbing and walked away from the crowd. Happily we left Ronnie standing there alone, looking like a nut.
I had forgiven him, and she was ready to move on. We didn’t need some men in our life. I only hoped her good judgment would last.
That weekend we were at the statewide Founders’ Day meeting. Having had five founders, every year we’d focus on a different one. It took us five years to get through the cycle. I had pledged last year, so I had missed the first year in the cycle honoring leadership and founder Cleo Armstrong. Last year in Texas we’d had a nice-sized group there to reflect on founder Viola Roundtree when the focus was on sisterhood. This was the third year in the rotation, and we were to focus on Soror Beatrice Blue and education.
Soror Beatrice Blue was born in Pittsburgh, Virginia. She’d been an educator most of her life. The Marriott Marquis Grand Ballroom was packed, and though I thought it was hard to find white in winter, all the sorors looked lovely and ready to reflect. Hugs were given as soon as we walked in the door, and everyone was smiling and saying hello. It was a warm atmosphere I was excited to be a part of, and it really helped me take my mind off my own troubles.
The state director said, “You know our National President is from our state of Arkansas, but she has been invited to do a couple of other states’ Founders’ Day ceremonies, so we couldn’t get her this year. However, I’m excited to preside and to give you the history of Soror Beatrice Blue, a lady who believed with all her heart that education was the key to unlocking great possibilities.”
The lights became dim. We got out our purple candles, and everyone lit theirs from the one in the center of the table. We stood and said our daily prayer, watched a video on Soror Blue, and vowed to dig into ourselves in order to excel and expand our knowledge so we could increase our power and use our intellect to bless many.
The state director had us blow out the candles and then left us with these closing words. “To not be able to have an opportunity to learn and grow is a great tragedy and injustice to yourself. We are women who want to do the best we can. Though we might not be the best at everything, we can certainly try to strive to reach new heights.”
It was crunch time to get ready for the big play, Know Love. I was now taking my role seriously, but as hard as I tried to learn the lines, they just weren’t sticking.
Ben, one of the male leads, threw down his script during a rehearsal and said, “You know what? I just can’t do this, Cody. Obviously Miss Cruz doesn’t know her stuff ’cause she’s messing me up. We open up next week and she is not prepared. We need to get another person in here for this role. Where’s the understudy? Alyx is going to mess up my chances to get discovered. All the people from Broadway are coming to see this play.”
Another girl echoed, “We need the understudy!”
“Why is she getting special treatment? I know all the lines. Can I just try?” said Carol Leigh, the understudy, coming from backstage. “Mr. Director, you say I don’t have it like she does. I might not have her pizzazz, but if she can’t memorize anything, why is that better for the performance than me delivering every line with fire? I can work on my passion.”
“Carol Leigh is fine, dude,” the musical director said to Cody. “I know you may like Alyx and want to get in her pants and everything, but aren’t we supposed to go after what’s best for this play? The dreams need to be saved for the bedroom.”
Cody grabbed the guy by his shirt collar. “Okay, that’s enough.”
Frustrated, I said, “Listen, I don’t need any special treatment. There’s nothing going on between him and I. We actually haven’t even seen each other lately. I just can’t get the script. Mental block, I don’t know.”
Cody saw my despair and said, “You can get this. I believe in you.”
I said, “But they are right, Cody. Look, just give it to Carol, and let’s just move on.”
“First of all, none of y’all are the dang-on director,” Cody stated clearly.
Sharon stepped up from behind the crowd, s
urprising me, and said, “So you heard the man. Everyone, slow your role, and let’s support her and help her get it. We all know that when Alyx is on, we’ve got something.”
I grabbed her hand and took her to the female dressing room behind the stage. “Why did you come to my defense? Why do you care? If he doesn’t choose the understudy to be the lead, maybe he’ll move you up. You know all the lines, too.”
Sharon said, “You know what? You’re right. I do know the lines, so maybe you and I need to get together to study them. And I like playing the antagonist role. I’m working that villain. I don’t want the lead anymore. So you better get it.”
Looking away, I said, “You just don’t understand. This is hard, okay?”
“I understand, but Cody’s right. You’ve got something special when you stand onstage. When you say the lines, you know we all stand still waiting for your next word. That’s a true actor. That’s natural ability. That’s what an actress is supposed to do. You move the crowd. And just because you don’t totally have it all down now, does that mean you should quit? You don’t have to give the guy who believes so much in you a bad rep.”
“What do you mean? I told him tons of times to get somebody else and just let me not do this, but he won’t give up on what he sees in his mind. He’s so stubborn. He’s going to mess up his own play because he thinks I’ve got talent I don’t have.” I plopped down in the chair and held my head in despair.
“Stop that. Enough of the pity party.” Sharon hit me in the head a couple of times. “I just told you you do have talent, but now you have to believe it. You’ve got to dig deep into your soul if you want to do this.”
“So what about everything else that’s going on in my mind? I’m thinking about my mom—I mean, I just lost the person I loved most in this world.”
“Pour that into the person you’re portraying. Transfer those real feelings to the character. The character is going through grief. Use that same emotion to be real with who this person is. And Cody—I know you feel something for him. I know you do.”
“What are you talking about, Sharon?” I said, trying to play it off.
“It’s obvious you both are fighting something, and I’m staying out of that ’cause you know my girl Penelope liked him. They used to be a thing, but they’re not together anymore, so, hey, one of us Betas might as well snag a good man who’s going somewhere. Use what you feel for Cody when you are onstage with Ben.”
Frowning, I said, “Ben gets on my nerves. He makes me sick.”
“Yeah, but Ben is not the character. Am I making any sense?”
“Yeah,” I said and nodded.
“I’m going to send out the director to talk to you ’cause I think you got a few things you want to say to him.” Sharon walked over to the door.
“Wait, Sharon!”
Sharon held up her finger and closed the door behind her. I dropped my head in my lap. My chest started heaving. I felt so uneasy. Cody was taking such heat for me. What could I say to him? Before I knew it, Cody was tapping on the dressing-room door.
“I’m in here alone. Come in.”
He entered. “Sharon said you wanted to see me?”
“I just wanted to apologize. I certainly know you are expecting much more from me.”
“I really am. I know it’s been a tough year for you. But that’s the joy of the arts. This is a getaway from your tension, strain, and strife. I don’t need to name all the stuff you have going on, but I gave you this role because I really thought you could find something else—another joy in your life, something that you are good at—and appreciate that you can really dig deep into the arts and come out a rising star. But you have given me no choice but to let you go.”
“Whoa, wait—I do want to try harder.”
He just stood there, caught off guard by what I had said.
“Cody, I really want to succeed at this. It’s just that I’ve had this court case—two of them, actually—and I’m stressed. I don’t think they’re sending me to jail or anything, but they could. The public defender I’ve been working with has told me to expect the worse ’cause I was too young to be drinking and driving anyway. So I’m not making up any excuses or anything, but if you give me another chance, I’m ready.”
“One more chance. And you’ll be all right tomorrow—I’ve been praying.”
“You think so?”
“You’ll be all right. Get yourself together. I’ll see you out there in a few minutes.”
As he left I bowed my head. “Lord, please help me.”
“Why couldn’t they just combine both the cases?” I said to the public defender, Attorney Maynor.
“Because in the state of Arkansas and in most states, DUIs are two different offenses—criminal and civil.”
“So they are probably going to take my license away, huh?”
Attorney Maynor peered over his thick glasses. “I would count on it. But we’ve got two strong cases here. You were under the influence that night because you found out your mother had passed away. Depending on which judge we get in criminal court, it might not be so bad. Plus, we have great character witnesses here to testify on your behalf.”
“Character witnesses?” I said, confused as to what he was talking about. Maybe he had the wrong client or something. I didn’t have anybody there to stand up for me. I shook my head.
“Yeah, you do have some. They’re sitting right back there,” he said, pointing to the back of the room.
I turned around and was blown away to see Malloy and Cody. My roommate waved and gave me a thumbs-up. My theater director sat there cool, calm, and collected, but just the fact that he was there let me know he really was into me, and he really cared about what happened in my life. I knew if I was to get home—and not get thrown behind bars—I’d dive into my script until I knew it forward and backward. Cody was there for me, and that was real. If he cared that much, I certainly was going to do my part and be there for him.
The criminal court judge was a stern, older man somewhere in his sixties. Worse, he had a frown on his grumpy-looking face that wouldn’t go away.
“I’m glad you’re pleading guilty, and I appreciate you knowing the circumstances by which you committed this crime. But I do want to tell you that underage drunk driving is the leading cause of vehicular manslaughter, and though that thankfully wasn’t the case this time, I hope you understand how grave this situation could have been.”
“Yes, sir, I do,” I said when my attorney told me I could respond.
“Good, because life is hard. There are going to be more tough days, but you’ve got to understand there’s a more responsible way to deal with your pain. Hitting the bottle and just driving without consequence is a crime you must be punished for. So I’m sentencing you to one hundred public-service hours. I see here you are a member of a sorority, and you are currently mentoring a young lady. Provide me with a log of the amount of time you spend with your mentee and anything else you do through your organization. Those activities, upon my review, will count as part of your public-service hours. Also, I’m ordering you to take a six-week drunk-driving class. Because you are underage you must pay a fine of one hundred and fifty dollars. There is also a three-hundred-dollar fee for the court case and jail time.”
I wanted to collapse in my seat. But my attorney helped me up.
The judged sighed. “After reading statements from your friends and members of the community, I’m going to sentence you just to the time served. So, basically, you’re free to go.”
He hit the gavel. I was relieved. I ran to the back of the room and hugged Malloy tightly.
“Thank you guys for coming. Thank you so much,” Mr. Maynor said. “Your presence helped the judge see that this type of behavior was uncharacteristic of Alyx.”
Cody said, “One down, one more to go. Looks like you got to go downstairs to your other case.”
Hating that he was right, I nodded. “Thanks, you guys. You don’t have to come.”
; “Are you kidding? We’re here for you until all this is over. We are not going anywhere—except downstairs,” Malloy said.
We all laughed. I walked beside Cody and just started reciting lines from the play. I didn’t even realize I really knew them. But because I had released a little stress, I was able to be free, let go, and just say them.
He smiled, saying, “I knew you knew those lines.”
“I’m going to study more tonight.” I hated that I was letting him down.
“Thanks.”
Very happy that he was in my life, I said, “No, thank you.”
An hour later, we were on own way out of the courthouse for good. I was thankful I had gotten my license suspended for only one hundred and twenty-one days and not the maximum punishment of three years. I was happy to be on probation.
16
BUILDING
“You should go after him,” Malloy said to me as we exited the courthouse.
She didn’t have to tell me twice. I gave her a really big hug. I asked her to tell my attorney I would call him and dashed over to Cody’s car.
“Mind if I catch a ride? I don’t have my license, but I guess you know that,” I teased.
He touched my face, and our eyes locked. It was as if he was looking deep inside my soul and wanted to say more but couldn’t. I couldn’t hold back my feelings any longer either.
I took his hand and said, “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“I know I don’t have to,” I told him, blushing, “but your support has been amazing. Now, can a sister get a ride or not?”
“You might want to catch it with your roommate. I’m not heading back to campus.”
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