by Janice Ross
But I’m trying to behave, right?
Trying, yet failing shamefully...
Caleb shook his head enough that his dark red hair fanned down into his eyes before he motioned with his right hand for me to have a seat. Reluctantly, I did after clearing my throat as our server appeared.
“Welcome to Virginia’s. I’m Stephanie, your waitress for the evening.” She had slick black hair pulled into a ponytail. Puffy lips spread wide as the girl flashed every tooth in her mouth at Caleb, like I wasn’t sitting right there. She then added, “Here are your menus.”
“We’ll let you know when we’re ready to order,” I tossed out coldly through gritted teeth before snatching the menus out of her hands. Crossing one leg over the other, I shifted sideways to see where Caleb’s head was in all of this.
“Attitude...” he stated when our eyes met; his pupils were a golden brown shade with green speckles.
“I lost my appetite.” I dropped the pamphlets down on the table and pouted. Though slightly childish, these were my feelings to get caught up in.
“Maddie, you’ve always had a mean streak.” He was right, but I didn’t co-sign out loud.
Instead, I shrugged.
Being with him was supposed to be a good thing. Here I sat in a comfy booth of an upscale bistro in the East Village next to the red-headed sex symbol I’ve known most of my life. But I was too worked up to enjoy this “good thing.”
“Cut the bullshit.” He frowned. “You know I’m yours.” The right corner of his lips cruised sideways.
“Are you?” I turned to gaze into his translucent eyes.
“Why wouldn’t I be yours?” He always had a way of staring beyond me, like he was reaching through all of the bullshit to study my core.
I laid my palms flat on the table next to the menus. His fingers crawled over to mine. We were like night and day, with my slightly warmer skin tone contrasting his somewhat lighter one. He didn’t take my hand like I kinda hoped he would, instead, just sat it next to my fingers. The dark swirls of ink were like candy, calling out my name. But I avoided touching him.
“Maddie?”
“Whenever I’m in the city, I make it a point to spend time with you.”
“Yeah, whatever,” I whispered, not entirely sure he’d heard my timid reply. “For a few hours, and then you leave for weeks or months.” Counting my breaths, I tried to steady my nerves and hide the shakiness of my chest.
He eased over until his arm brushed against mine. It was the type of touch that electrified, like the energy had been waiting forever to unleash. I shivered beneath a sporty red mini with straps no thicker than two of my fingers put together. We’d gone from flirty to needy to intense within five minutes. Every second mattered. Every breath mattered. Every move mattered. And I was being stifled by my biggest desire. I didn’t want to push him away, but I knew we shouldn’t get too close either.
Then he broke the awkwardness. “How’s Adam?” he asked about my older brother.
Exhaling slowly, I shifted in the seat to gaze back into his face. He had devilishly thick eyebrows with a natural arch. A pointed nose sat above the most perfect set of pink lips with the right amount of flesh and thin outline.
He cleared his throat.
“Adam’s fine,” I replied, still in a daze.
“Tell him I said hi.” He tipped up his chin as the sentence faded away.
I exhaled. Only then did I realize I’d been holding my breath. My lashes dipped shut. Images of the past flashed before my eyes. There we were as kids and teenagers. Caleb, Adam, and Brendan were always so tight. “Why, don’t you guys talk anymore?”
“Nosey,” he shot back. “Should’ve known you’d end up becoming a lawyer.”
“You’re not getting off that easy. What’s going on?” I picked up his hand from the table, right at the swirling designs. “Caleb―”
“No Maddie...”
“What happened to you guys?”
“Nothing happened, Madison Alexandria Shay. Not a damn thing.” He shifted in the seat, widening his already broad shoulders. His jaw tightened while a tiny vein flexed at his temple, leading up to side-cropped ginger hair. Like most redheads, he had freckles, but his could pass as beauty marks. At first glance, he might’ve seemed innocent. Not for long though.
“Your eyes are getting dark, Caleb. Am I making you uncomfortable?” I teased.
“Look, life took us all on different paths, but nothing can change the core friendships we grew up with.” He used his hands to point and direct, by shifting and expanding. “We’re good.”
“Huh...” My head dipped. I focused on absolutely nothing at the edge of the table.
“Madison, I came to see you. To make sure you’re okay.” Caleb paused. He reached up for my chin and turned me to face him again. “Stay in the moment. Stop worrying about irrelevant shit.”
“You’re irrelevant?” I cried out louder than necessary, but I didn’t give a shit. A few heads turned in our direction, and I kept a direct eye on him.
He wasn’t having it!
“Come here,” he bit out, grabbing my elbow and rushing us out of the restaurant. I was barely able to grab the straps of my purse as everything danced around us. I trotted behind him. Glancing left and right, I wanted to keep from focusing on him. But his fingers were tight against my skin. And it was so damn uncomfortable, with everyone staring us down.
I let my eyelashes shade out everything and didn’t open them back up until I felt the heavy night air blowing into my face. The buildings, people and cars outside were all a blur. A thousand fragments of memories flowed through my mind. Not a single one of them had a damn thing to do with our surroundings. It was all him.
We turned up the street and past a few buildings. I continued to teeter behind in flat, multicolored sandals.
He suddenly stopped at an alley along the side of a brownstone. Setting me against the wall, he took two steps back. “You’re driving me crazy!” His hand stretched into the air. He snatched his hair with both hands and pulled. “I can’t fucking concentrate. Don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Spinning around, he added, “Can’t find the damn car!”
“Then let’s go our separate ways,” I cried out, though the words nearly burned a hole in my throat. “I’ll find my way home.”
“Seriously Maddie, you’re messing with my head.” Drawing closer, he lowered his voice like this might’ve been harder on him than it was on me. “Is this how it’s gonna be?”
I didn’t know how to answer. The “it” happened to be the big, fat elephant in the room.
But Caleb didn’t wait for a reply. He walked up closer on me and cupped my face. I struggled to breathe, to get a single breath out and appear normal all at once.
“Don’t get quiet now. You had that damn attitude a second ago.” He fed me the words. They vibrated against my lips, traveling over every inch of my body.
“This is bullshit, Caleb,” I tossed out, though still weak and under his spell. My words were breathy. Didn’t know if I was coming or going. Didn’t have or want to understand any of this shit either. “I’m... Forget―”
Without warning, his tongue darted into my mouth. What the hell could I do? I didn’t fight or push him away. This was everything I’ve ever wanted since the first time I’d seen this pale, red-headed tyrant. So I tugged his hair and yanked him closer into my kiss... into my body.
“You’re fucking killing me,” he mumbled against my lips.
“Good,” I replied and nibbled on his lips. They tasted like nectar, and I damn near lost my mind.
Not more than an inch separated us. He pulled me off the ground, up to his waist as we drifted further into the darkness of the alley. His fingers reached underneath my dress, beyond sheer yellow panties. I wanted to fight him off because I was so wet that I’d already soaked my undies. Couldn’t find the strength to let him go though.
My muscles were pulsing and throbbing. I slipped further into lust and deeper into a
vortex that was devoted to him. My mind flashed over every possible scenario, leading up to a single fact: I had Caleb Michaels!
Finally.
After years of waiting for some real interaction, I could now feel the manifestation. After scattering my brother’s best friend’s hair just about every time I’d see him and thinking nothing of it at first, I now know it might’ve set something in motion.
Our emotions were like a freight train on the fritz, without an end in sight. And I couldn’t help but savor the hell out of this catastrophic train wreck. But I was there for it. All in for the man of my dreams. Willing our desires to burn like hell and consume us without end.
“Ahhh,” I breathed towards the cloudy, dark gray sky. The night air gave me a sense of freedom. Being out in the open had me feeling downright trashy...cheap as hell, and I didn’t give a damn.
“I dreamt about your body so many times, baby. Kissing you. Ripping off your clothes. Owning every damn inch of you.” He eased two fingers at my clit, and then began massaging my juices all over my freshly waxed flesh. I matched the movement by grinding on him.
“Take me, Caleb. Now, right fucking now!” I was bursting apart at the seams, losing any ounce of decency and not giving a damn. Warmth sped up my legs, only to settle at my core. “Oh my god!” I threw back my head and moaned up at the air. So when he fell to his knees and his tongue twirled around my clit, I screamed louder, in sync with my release.
But he didn’t pull back...
Caleb held tighter onto my hips. His breath tickled at me, while sending chills back through my limps. My head fell back to the wall. My fingers slowly shuffled through his hair, making sloppy circles over and over again. A teardrop trickled down the left side of my face.
“Where do we go from here?” I croaked. “We’re in an alley. I’m naked. I’m ready to give you all of me. Right. Now.” I blew out. “But I’m not this girl.”
He paused.
One... two... three... four... five seconds and counting...
Neither one of us pulled away. I should’ve, but couldn’t force myself to let him go. And what the hell kind of place to be stuck like statues.
What if...
Maybe...
But, just maybe if I moved, this dream would dissolve and I’d have nothing more than my imagination to live off of.
“Caleb...” Another tear escaped with the words. One drop after another trickled slowly down my face to land on the back of my hands. “Caleb, talk to me...please?”
Perhaps it was our past blocking the moment, though he’d already gone this far, but he held on in silence. And when I tried to shift away, he pulled me closer. He had to want this as much as I did, otherwise, why would he have gone this far?
“Say something or let me go,” I demanded.
Caleb said something alright. His fingers slipped back inside of me as his tongue began twirling around my clit. This time, his actions seemed more intense, like he was trying to get me to understand him.
“No...” I knew better than to move around. But I did. Knew better than to try to fight him off. But I did. Yet, with each attempt, I grew weaker and weaker until the effort was no longer there.
He had me...
So, I let go and paid attention to nothing more than his “words.”
And once again, I became weak, completely sated and beyond giving a fuck about time, place and circumstance.
—————
CALEB
MADISON WASN’T SOME random girl I’d thrown up against the wall to tongue down. God knows, I’ve always wanted to possess her. But what we’d done... Specifically, what I’d just done had me feeling like shit. I’d always promised her brother to never lay a finger on his little sister. And yes, that promise was now completely out of the door.
So, I admittedly felt bad for the obvious reasons. But, can’t say I was weighed down by too much regret either. With both of us now leaning our backs to the walls, and the sounds of horns screaming out in the distance, I hoped to God she couldn’t hear my heart thumping.
I might’ve been adventurous in so many ways, but this was a first. Reaching over to check if she was okay, my fingers rubbed against the coarse brick building. Her arm was just there, dangling. As I ran my palm up and down her, eventually stopping at her wrist, I slid my thumb between the back of her hand and the wall. I dipped down, so that our faces were just inches apart. Her breath hit my face, but I tried like hell to hold mine.
“You okay?” My voice was shaky. Shockwaves rode up and down my spine. “I don’t know...” I didn’t know what to expect. It was dark enough out here in the alley that I couldn’t make out the details of her face, but I’d already memorized her profile.
“Ca-leb,” she blew out. Her fingers cupped the sides of my face. This wasn’t a typical thing for me because I wasn’t one for just anyone putting their hands on my face. That was too intimate. And like now, the impact grazed my soul. My heart raced; sped up like hell.
“Maddie...”
“I’m floating,” she replied almost instantly.
She wanted to be lost, to forget that this should’ve never happened. I didn’t blame her, but it was a fucking beautiful thing. Just not the right thing to do. But standing right next to her, watching her get jealous over the waitress and the two of us pretending that our emotions weren’t real had finally gotten to me.
So, was it the right thing to do?
And if... if given the opportunity again, would I?
—————
Two Weeks Later
MADISON
“WHO THE HELL keeps calling you?”
Every inch of me sparked. I wanted... no. I needed to look at the screen and see the name of the man I craved more than food. Well, a slight exaggeration, but close enough. So, I blindly slipped out my iPhone one last time to turn it off before the damn thing could vibrate again, and then shoved it back into my purse.
Fuck him! I internalized. Fuck those taunt muscles popping all over him.
“Fuck!” slipped out.
“Madison, who’s got you so worked up?”
“Huh?” I was literally in a daze. “What are you talking about?”
“The phone calls. You sneaking into your purse and turning off the phone. You spazzing out.” She purposely stepped in front of me. “Your bout of Tourette’s.”
“I’m okay, Quinn.” Couldn’t maintain eye contact with that lie. God knows I really wasn’t okay. I’d finally made it past the friendship stage with Caleb, only to be shunned like I was the plague. “I’m okay,” I repeated, like my feelings would magically change with the words.
“Enough, Madison. Who are you avoiding?” Her pupils sparkled, while a sly grin formed across her lips.
I froze in place. There was a slight breeze and the usual sounds from being out in Manhattan. Being outdoors should’ve helped to quell the anxiety I’d been feeling since losing myself to him. But I had no intentions of admitting it to my little cousin. “Absolutely no one,” I whispered, leaning sideways to her ear.
“Well Madison, I wish absolutely no one would keep calling me and get me caught up like you.”
“Forget about my phone, Quinn.” Redirecting her attention with a nod towards the entrance to the club ahead, I added, “Your father would kill me if he knew―”
“C’mon Madison, my life has been a series of books, numbers, letters and shit.” While she made these proclamations, I couldn’t help but notice how mature she looked. “We both deserve a night out.”
“Yeah, whatever.” I stopped moving, and then grabbed her by the arm. “You’re seventeen. You have so much time ahead of you.”
She blinked. I couldn’t believe how much older she looked, dressed in a bronze mini with matching accessories and natural makeup to compliment her honeycomb complexion. Quinn had the deepest, waviest, shiniest black hair.
“Okay cuzzo. But tell me, who are you trying to avoid?”
I exhaled. Never realized I’d been holding my breath u
ntil I blew out, as usual. “Do you remember Caleb―”
“Michaels?” She cut me off and wrapped her fingers around my wrists.
“Ugh!” I was trying to play it cool, but my heart pounded at my chest. “Yes. Him.”
“I swear, Madison, I used to dream about his pink lips.” She got a distance, far off gaze. “And those eyes! The tat―”
“Dammit Quinn! Yeah, I know.” I had to force myself to not look guilty, especially with my outdoor make out session with Caleb still fresh in my mind. Two weeks had passed since then, and now he wanted to call me.
Fuck him!
“Wait, why is he calling you?” Suddenly, going out didn’t seem to matter to her, like my life represented a shiny, new toy.
My eyelids twitched. I swayed my head left to right and bit my lips to hide a smirk. “Umm, he comes to the city from time to time.” I tried to redirect towards the club.
“And you actually hang out with him, Madison?”
“Yeah, so what?”
“So what?” She spun me around with an odd, childish pout. “Arson. Theft. Assault. Take your pick. He’s done it all.”
“Hearsay. Besides, he’s a grown man now.” I’d heard all of that before. “Those were teenage accusations that he never got caught on.” Didn’t give a damn either because I never saw him light any fires. Never saw him steal any shit. And sure as hell never saw him beat up on anyone, unless I considered his assault in the alley a crime.
“Don’t let his sexy fool you. His ass is no damn good!”
“Forget about Caleb.” I thought about the phone, but his disappearance stood out more than anything else. “C’mon Quinn, let’s see what Matryoshka is all about.”
“You’re kidding, right?” she blurted out.