by Alexia Purdy
Desire. Wanting. Admiration.
He was conveying it all to me, broadcasting like an amplified radio signal. All for me and he wanted me to know it. He didn’t care who else saw it either.
I finally turned away and stared at Liz. She gave me a gentle smile that warmed my suddenly chilled soul and gave me a nod. Saul was listening to the music, eyes closed, and the calm contemplation on his face made me panic.
What did Liz know that I didn’t? Saul didn’t know it either, from the looks of it, but I felt it down in my marrow like a fire igniting and threatening to consume me. It was part of something bigger than us three in this room…us four.
I just wish I knew what it was, and Liz was going to cough it up by the end of the day or it’d be the death of her.
I hated games. Especially ones I was forced to play a role in.
Chapter Ten
Liz
A knock on the bus’s door rattled me from my sleep. Cursing, I rolled over, hoping whoever it was would just go the fuck away. The lights turned on, and I heard some muffled words toward the front of the bus. Besides Audrey, Saul, and I, there was the bus driver and our band assistant, Emily, who was the only one still awake, working our schedule for the week. She was our handler basically, telling us where to go, where to be, where we were, what time we ate, slept, had free time, and whatever else. It was all laid out like we were just puppets in a show.
“She needs her rest.”
“Cancel tomorrow’s show.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Do it. Jonas requested it.”
“It won’t go over well with the venue.”
“Fuck the venue.”
I sat up, listening to their tense conversation. Whomever it was wouldn’t take no for an answer. Smoothing down my hair, I slipped out of my bunk below Audrey’s, who was already standing in the middle of the hallway in her pajamas, looking as mussed up as I knew I looked.
“What’s going on?” I peered down toward the front, finding Emily still arguing with the leader of the group filling the entrance of the tour bus.
“Jonas’ men are here.” She turned toward me, looking more than morose. “For you. He’s requesting to see you, Liv.”
“What?”
Lonzo, Emilio’s usual second in command but now head of our security detail, stood before me and held his hand out. “Your presence is requested by Jonas.” His lips tightened as he waited on me. “His orders. You have to hurry. He’s waiting.”
I knew Lonzo was Emilio’s ally, not Jonas’, but he still had to follow orders or face dire consequences. He knew the duality of the life I led and the dangers constantly surrounding my love for Emilio. He was one of only a few that knew and could be trusted, but even he could not protect me from Jonas.
I nodded. “I need to get dressed.”
He acknowledged this and turned away, motioning his crew off the bus. As soon as they left, Emily rushed toward us near the wardrobe I’d just opened to grab my things. She pulled the curtain shut behind her for privacy, leaving just Audrey, Saul, her, and I in the rear of the bus.
“What the hell is going on? You can’t go out with him tonight. Our show is tomorrow afternoon!”
“You heard him. Cancel it. I have to go. I have no choice.” My voice deadened as I stared at her before grabbing a short black dress from the wardrobe and yanking my pajamas off. I stood there, naked except for the black panties I wore. Saul was the only man present, but his blindness saved him from having a show.
“This is ridiculous. Do you know how many tickets will need to be returned? Thousands!”
“Deal with it, Emily. I don’t have the time.” I pulled the stretchy dress over my head and went to wash my face to throw some make up on. At least I was proficient at doing this quick make up and dressing routine. Years of practice.
After quickly putting on my face, brushing my hair, and running some product through it for a slick, curly look. I was ready. I slipped on a pair of boots, knowing that this finishing touch wouldn’t be to Jonas’ liking, but that’s what he got for pulling me out of bed so late at night. The fucker could deal with my choice of shoes.
Grabbing my purse, I stood at the curtain and peered over at Audrey, who was looking even more exhausted than I felt.
“See you later, Sis.”
She waved me on and groaned. “Yeah, yeah. Maybe you can convince him that two in the morning booty calls are not cool for any of us.” She tapped her head and grimaced. “Bad for the creativity!”
“Got it.”
I smirked and twirled around, rushing through the curtain.
Finding Lonzo and his Cartel buddies waiting outside, I stepped into the humid night air, wondering momentarily what city this was again. I couldn’t remember for the life of me, but was certain it would come back as the night wore on. That, or I would just ask out of overwhelming curiosity. The asphalt parking lot surrounding us was sleek with rain, but it was just drizzling now. The water glistened across the street like a billion diamonds spilled across the ground.
“I’m ready.”
Lonzo took lead as he looked me up and down, grimacing at my black boots, shaking his head.
“Come on. Let’s go.”
*****
The hotel was still alive with activity when we arrived. Bell hops were moving luggage around as janitors vacuumed the lobby. It was funny to imagine the sleeping bodies above in the rooms, oblivious to the continued bustle of the workers down here.
“Hold the elevator!” Lonzo called out to the awaiting carriage which was about to close its doors. The elevator attendant nodded, pressing the hold button so the doors would remain open for us. We hopped onto it and let the doors finally slide shut just as it began to complain about being open too long.
“Penthouse please,” Lonzo instructed. He knew the routine, though he’d admitted he hated having to take me to Jonas when he knew how Emilio felt about me. I just nodded, not saying a word, for it made no difference at all to me. Nothing mattered. Nothing I did took me away from the prison of my duty to Jonas. My plans had backfired, and I was cemented into this position; a forced lover to a man I could never love.
“Have you heard from Emilio today?” Lonzo asked me.
I nodded. “I spoke to him earlier. Why?”
Lonzo nodded. “Jonas has cut him off, not only from you, but from his friends, too.”
The elevator doors swooshed open, jolting me out of my despairing thoughts. I met his dark eyes, looking full of suspicion.
“What do you mean?”
Lonzo motioned me on. “Jonas is waiting for you.”
I watched in horror as he remained in the elevator, giving no further clues as to what he’d just asked me. The confusion of it all made my throat clench. The doors slid shut in a finality that made me feel like I was walking into my death chamber.
Please let this all just be paranoia on my part. Emilio was fine when I spoke to him this morning. He was fine when I’d last saw him three days before, the evening of our first studio session for the second album. We just had a few more tour dates before our next break to record the rest of it in the studio. This working, writing, and recording at the same time was wearing us all thin, but that’s how things went. You worked hard to play hard. It wasn’t always fun and games when one was a rock star.
If only Jonas wasn’t in the mix. Like I needed more to worry about.
“Hello, Bonita.” His voice echoed from around the corner. “Do come in.”
I stepped forward, peering around the pristine penthouse. It was very white, all over the place, vomited onto the furnishings like a whitewashed paint spill. Only the dimmed lights created a somewhat muted tone to the harsh brightness of the place. It was literally my nightmare of a place. I’d never decorate like a padded room in an insane asylum was my inspiration.
“You sent for me,” I stated. My fatigue was undeniable, and I hoped he had some coffee in this God forsaken place.
“Yes. I do apologi
ze for the interruption. I know how late it is, but I simply couldn’t wait to see you.” He was at the windows, staring out across the city. This hotel sat on the hill, and the city looked brightly lit and flashing from the far away downtown area. Vegas? No, too small. I joined him at the windows and squinted my eyes to focus on the casino lights. Reno. That’s it.
I had to pay more attention to where the hell I was.
“Everyone’s just upset about cancelling the show tomorrow.”
Jonas huffed, chuckling under his breath. “They’ll enjoy getting a rest. I’ve heard about how grueling your tour schedule has been. Come here.” He held his arm out, and I stepped closer, slowly. His arm encircled my waist, and he pulled me to his side. His faint cologne was pleasant, and the warmth of his body against the chill of my soul was soothing.
“My sister says the two am booty calls are not cool.”
Jonas laughed at this and turned toward me. His startling dark brown eyes were so shiny and liquid, they appeared to glow from the lights of the city.
“I agree. I don’t usually call on you so late, but I couldn’t sleep. I needed to see your face.” He moved his free hand up to my face to gently play with a strand of my unruly hair. “Do forgive me.” He wound his finger around the soft lock, letting it slide smoothly over his skin. I seriously had to have it straightened or trimmed; it was driving me mad with wild curls lately.
He pushed the loose curl behind my ear, sending an involuntary tingle down my scalp. It zinged across my neck and down my spine, sending the tiny hairs on my body to stand slightly. I gasped.
Traitorous body.
“I’ve missed you.” Jonas pulled me closer, and I didn’t fight it. It was useless. We both knew where this would lead.
“I didn’t know you were going to be in town today,” I said, trying with all my might to change the atmosphere to stall. I didn’t want to jump into bed right away. I wanted answers to these insane things tormenting me about us, about Emilio. But how was I to get them out of Jonas? Especially without mentioning his brother?
“The hacienda gets very quiet at times.” He let me go and approached the window pane again. Staring out over the city, he looked vulnerable. Did he just admit he was lonely? It was something I’d never peg Jonas to admit to anyone. Would a powerful crime boss ever become lonely?
“How’s Caridad? I miss her cooking. Man, I could use a hot bowl of her tortilla soup right now.”
Jonas turned back to me, his eyes brightening at the mention of his beloved housekeeper. She probably was more of a mother to him and Emilio than anything else. I did miss her fantastic food though. My stomach clenched at the thought of food. I was hungry, but eating this late wasn’t a good idea.
“Yes. She loves to cook for more than one person. I think my sulking about the Hacienda drives her a bit crazy. So I have to get out sometimes, get some air and check the businesses I run. I have one here in Reno, and I have the schedule for your tour and commitments from Emily, so I thought I could stop by tonight and see you.” He inched closer again. I could feel his body heat spill onto mine, making me shiver at this. He was devastatingly handsome, his well-defined features worthy of magazine covers, though I knew the wicked heart beneath could wither my world with one beat. I was a sucker for a looker of a man, especially one who was so close, smelled amazing, and dressed like a boss.
Maybe because he was Emilio’s brother, he was harder to resist than another man would’ve been. I hated myself when I was with Jonas. I had to admit, the pleasures of the flesh when I was with him were too good to not enjoy. No matter how hard my mind fought it and how guilty I felt the day after, I fell for Jonas every time he was near. I let him do what he wanted to me and enjoyed every bit of his body during these sessions.
I despised myself. How could I love what I hated so much?
“It’s always nice to see you,” I whispered, his lips already on my neck. Warm, gentle kisses beckoned me to the beast, and like a tempting ambrosia, I succumbed every time. I let his mouth slide along my jawline, across my cheek to my lips where his kiss deepened. Our mouths were in sync, and we desperately inhaled each other as the night wore on.
“Liv, I crave you. There is no one else I think about when I’m alone, when I’m out there without you.”
His words stung, and I closed my eyes as he lifted me up into his arms and brought me to the immaculate white couch in the center of the sunken living room. The place was upgraded with top notch amenities that I would thoroughly enjoy the next day. A sixty inch flat screen was mounted to the wall with every channel I could imagine. Streamlined expensive furniture with a cohesive design was throughout the room, custom designed. Everything was custom made around Jonas, not one knock off, nothing second hand like the things I owned. He was the opposite of the life I’d lived.
“Jonas…” I felt him unzip my dress, and he tugged it off my slender shoulders. He was impressive with his shirt half buttoned, showing off his well-toned chest. Even his slacks, steam pressed and starched straight, made him look more desirable. I pulled at his shirt, working the buttons open all the way down to his belt. He watched me patiently with a hungry look on his face. His desire fueled mine, and my belly fluttered with tiny sparks as he slid his hands down my body, admiring my curves. I was naked besides my panties, which he made quick work of. The only item of clothes left on were my boots.
I reached down to take them off, but his hands met mine, stopping me before I could yank them off.
“Keep them on. I want to fuck you with them on and nothing else.”
I nodded as he swiftly yanked his shirt off. His broad chest was well built, his waist slender with chiseled muscles that led beyond his beltline. He worked his pants off and stood with his erection at full force, hard and ready just for me.
I took him into my mouth, enjoying his moans as I pleasured him. He was built so well, sex was always amazing. I couldn’t deny he was an extraordinary lover, never failing to fill me with exquisite sensations. He finally pulled away from me, breathing hard, excited and almost orgasming from my mouth alone, when he flipped me around, laying my chest to the sofa before he entered me.
I was ready and slick for him as he pumped harder and harder. We changed positions often, allowing us each opportunity to explore the other. From caressing to digging our nails in until our sweat slid down our bodies, we were lost in each other. Finally, I motioned him to sit on the couch so I could ride him and make him explode.
Sliding down his shaft, I worked my hips until he was completely tense with pleasure, groaning as he held back his orgasm to feel more and more, easing the tension as best he could. I rocked my body, sitting on his thighs, and bounced up and down until his hands gripped my waist, holding on to help me move faster. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to hold off much longer.
“Yes, Liv, do that harder.” His gruff voice, the same I’d heard in the conference room, reminded me of him sending my lover Emilio away, and I fought it as it killed my passion some. I dared not show it. I let my thighs burn with effort as I rode him harder, building up enough sweat to drip down my belly, mixing with his.
Hearing the satisfying sound of his release, I came to a slow stop, sucking in deep breaths, winded from the effort but with my body tingling all over. I leaned down, forehead to forehead, and stared at Jonas. My keeper. My enemy. My lover.
“Liv?”
“Yes?” I didn’t want to move for fear of breaking this spell. A moment where I didn’t loathe him and the world was just a bit different.
“This. This is what I love. To be with you.”
I moved to sit next to him, and he reached over to pull me closer, stroking my hair as I leaned on his shoulder.
“What are you thinking about, Mi Bonita?”
“How crazy life can be.”
He laughed. “That is a given. It has so many roads we can choose. So many choices. Do we always pick the right ones? Probably not.”
I peered up at his face, and all I saw w
as a dream filled desire. The same after sex look Emilio gave me.
“What if we picked the wrong ones?”
He shrugged. “Everyone makes mistakes. We pay for them dearly, but we also try to move along and make the right choices in the future. Nothing is predictable, really.”
I listened to him, wondering why he made me feel so conflicted. With Emilio, it was easy to love him. He was no contradiction, and felt natural. He was a fierce love, whilst his brother, Jonas, was a careening high kind of love that was sure to devour me whole. Both were undeniable.
Since Emilio had returned, I’d been so happy. But he’d been gone so long, so very long, my head was now more accustomed to Jonas. Why did everything turn out so complicated for me? Why wasn’t it all clear cut and easier to read?
This love was more like real life—unpredictable, addictive and unforgiving.
“You must be tired. Let’s go lie down. We can get comfortable on the memory foam. It’s absolutely perfection.” Jonas grinned and stood up, his glorious body in full view. He was thicker than Emilio, but just as remarkable. They both had their admirable qualities, and I feared I wouldn’t be able to separate myself from either of them for much longer.
“Okay.”
“Are you alright?” He froze, looking at me curiously, worried.
I nodded. “Yeah…it’s just… there’s a lot going on.”
His fingers ran along my collar bone, sending tiny shivers across my chest. “Anything I can do?”
“I don’t know.” I toyed with his fingers. They were strong and sturdy, soft yet not fragile. “Audrey’s been on my ass to get stuff done. I don’t respond too well to pressure. This entire tour has been kind of crazy. Sometimes I just want my sister back, the way she supported me no matter what, like before. I want that carefree aspect of it all back, you know?”
I hoped he would take the bait, talk about his relationship with Emilio some, their past… Anything to get the ball rolling, even if I had to give up some of my own vulnerability for it.