by Bloom, Nikki
“Pamphlets? Pamphlets? That’s supposed to help her?” Autumn shook her head. “I can’t believe this. You’re lying to me. If my friend really had cancer you would have told me sooner.”
“I could have but I had a feeling you would react this way,” I said, holding her firm. “Now, listen to me. I need you to stay strong until tomorrow. Sara can’t know about this, you hear me? Or I risk losing my job.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face against my chest. “Tell me your lying. Just tell me it’s all a lie –that I’m dreaming– anything but that.”
“I’m sorry, Autumn…” I rubbed her back. “But I promise you…” I stopped and took her face in my hands. “…that I will do everything in my power to help her. And I mean everything.”
11
Autumn
A few months later.
“How are you feeling?” I asked as I left the drive-thru. “Is the nausea starting to wane? Leo said the new pills he gave you were supposed to help you with that.” I could tell that I was going on a rant but I just couldn’t stop myself.
“Autumn. What did I tell you about nagging?” She reached into the bag and pulled out a fry. “You worrying about me like this isn’t really helping the situation. If anything, you’re making it worse.”
“I’m sorry… it’s just that…” I sighed and rested my head against the steering wheel. “Somehow, you’re taking this much better than I am.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” Sara eased into her seat. “Now, can you just leave me alone so I can enjoy my fries in peace?”
“Yeah, of course.” It was difficult for me to stay quiet but I did my best for her sake.
It didn’t take long for us to arrive at the hospital.
She was out of the car before I could even put it into park. I watched her tighten her headwrap. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was severely self-conscious about her lack of hair. I could remember the way she cried when she asked me to shave it all off.
“Ready?” I asked.
“I guess. There’s not really much to be ready for. All I do is sit down in a chair for a couple of hours while they pump chemicals into my veins.”
“Do you bring your book with you? Because if you forgot it back at the house, I can go get it for you.”
“Autumn.”
“Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”
We had been to this hospital so many times that we knew the maze of corridors like it was the back of our hands. Once we entered the radiology wing, things became a lot bleaker. Pencil-thin patients struggled to walk as they clung to their IV stands. Others wore masks and stared at everyone as if they harbored the black death. Doctors never smiled.
Just being here filled me with this overwhelming sense of depression. I didn’t want my best friend to die in this place and yet, what hope could she find in these white-washed walls?
Sara turned into the chemo lounge, as they liked to call it. The woman at the front counter already recognized her. “Take a seat,” she said, motioning toward the row of recliners pushed up against the wall.
As was her habit, Sara picked out the one closest to the wall. Outside, the season was changing. Most of the leaves had fallen from their branches but there was still a dash of color here and there.
Before I could sit down, a gust of wind rattled against the window. Instantly, the memory of losing my paycheck came to mind. Every time I thought about it, I was left with an agonizing amount of guilt.
Leo was supposed to tell me about Sara’s prognosis that day and instead, we just hopped into bed together…
“Hey, do you think you could move a bit to your left?” Sara’s voice broke me out of my trance.
I snapped back into reality to see her sitting there with a sketchbook in her lap. “You’re going to start drawing again?” I asked. “You haven’t done that since college.”
“I know but I figured I have a lot of time on my hands.” She shrugged. “I doubt I’m still good but it’s worth a shot, right?”
“Of course! Do you want me to get you a clipboard or something? I’m sure it would make things easier for you and I’m sure they have a ton of them behind the counter.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She waved me into silence.
Her eyes were focused as she took in the late-autumn scene beyond the window.
When the nurse came by to start her treatment, Sara barely acknowledged her, but I could still see the flash of pain in her face when the needle pierced her skin. She hated this. She hated needles. If I had to guess, this was pure torture for her.
I was about to take out my book and read when I heard the familiar thump of Leo’s footsteps. He was dressed in his traditional doctor garb. Long, white lab coat and a button-up underneath. He was one of the only doctors who didn’t wear a tie. He claimed that he didn’t like how it flopped around when he was trying to examine a patient. And, truth be told, he looked better without it.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked as he considered her clipboard. “At the end of the week, we’ll have you in for a CAT scan. That should tell us how we’re doing. Hopefully, we’ll see a reduction in the tumor size.”
Sara nodded. “Sure. But I got a question, Doc. With all this fancy technology nowadays, you couldn’t make that machine more comfortable? Do you know how hard it is to stay still for an hour? Then there’s the damn noise…”
Leo nodded his understanding. “I wish there was more I could do but unfortunately…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Just let me complain.” Sara chuckled.
I glanced at Leo. We had been seeing each other on and off for the last few months. We didn’t want to make it obvious or anything considering that Leo was Sara’s oncologist. That would look a little weird, you know?
“Well, just let me know if there’s anything I can do for you – besides remodeling an expensive piece of machinery I have no control over.”
“Will do.” Sara tipped her head in his direction.
I bit the inside of my lip. Leo had invited me over to his place that night with the tease that I was in for a special treat. Besides worrying about Sara, it was the only thing on my mind. What was he planning?
“You know, I’m still waiting for you to pay up.” Sara tapped a pencil against her sketchbook to highlight her words. “And I mean it.”
“Huh?” I knitted my brows together. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, don’t the innocent card with me. It’s not going to work,” she chided. “I wasn’t born yesterday. There’s definitely something going on between you two.”
“I…”
She shot me a reprimanding look. “Are you really going to try and lie to me while I’m in a chemo chair? Think again.”
I gulped. Sara could sure be intimidating when she wanted to be.
“You’re right. I guess we’re having a bit of fling right now,” I admitted.
“A fling?” She cocked her head to the side. “Is that all it is to you? Because, if I’m not mistaken, you’ve fallen for him.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that serious.”
“Say whatever you want but I can see it in your eyes.” She shifted in her chair and closed her eyes. “Would it kill them to get better chairs in here?”
“Do you want me to get you a pillow?”
“Don’t think you can change the subject. I’m not done discussing doctor love throb.” She chuckled. “So, how did it happen anyway? What finally made you forgive him?”
“He’s just…different.” I sighed. “Back in college, he was a jerk. He made a fool of me –ridiculed me in front of the whole student body– and for what? Because I rejected him and told him I would rather focus on my studies than call him my boyfriend?” I ran my fingers through my hair at the thought of it. “All he wanted was…”
“So what? Now he’s some sort of a southern gentleman?”
“I wouldn’t go that far but he’s certainly developed in the manners department.” I found t
hat my voice was becoming higher in pitch like I was some kind of high school girl swooning over her football crush.
“Yeah, I can see that. He’s much more refined. Probably has to do with him being a doctor and all.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure that has a lot to do with it.” I ran my hands along the length of my thighs, wiping the sweat from my palms. “But, it’s not just that. He respects me now. If I need space. He gives me space. If I tell him my opinion on something, he listens. It’s like he’s an entirely different man.”
“Well, I’m happy for you.” Sara placed a hand on my shoulder. I could feel how boney it was even through the thick material of my sweater. My friend was wasting away and yet, here I was pursuing a relationship… “And I want you to go for it. I know what’s going on inside that head of yours. You’re hiding your happiness for my sake – well, don’t.”
“But it’s not fair,” I protested. “Why should I go out and have fun while you’re throwing up in our bathroom every night?”
12
Leo
I was sweating through my shirt and that was a problem. I could feel the minutes ticking by and if I didn’t hurry, Autumn would arrive before I had the chance to clean myself up a bit. And the last thing I wanted was for her to see me drenched in sweat and smelling terribly of onions.
“Come on,” I coaxed the pasta as I moved it all around the saucepan, waiting for it to take the appropriate color. When I thought it was done, I poured the mix atop a pair of chicken thighs, which were already cooked and seasoned.
I paused to dab my brow with my apron. Only then did I bend down to add the embellishments.
“Perfect,” I said to myself with a smile on my face. Carefully, I carried the plate of food over to the table and made sure it was centered. I stepped back and narrowed my eyes with scrutiny.
Tonight was all about the details. If I wanted to impress Autumn, I needed to really blow her away. It was time to take our relationship to the next level. Hopefully, Autumn felt the same way.
I glanced at the clock. Seeing the time, I quickened into my bedroom and retrieved a fresh button-up. I tossed it on and ran my fingers through my hair. I thought about gelling it a bit but just then, I heard the ding of the doorbell.
Eager to see the most beautiful girl in the world, I practically ran down the stairs. I already had my hand on the knob when I stopped and gathered my breath. I turned my head and considered the mirror that hung on the wall. My reflection wasn’t perfect but it would have to do.
I swung open the door and offered her a smile.
She smiled back and took my outstretched hand in hers. “You look nice,” she said, eyes roaming over the length of my body. “I mean… you always look nice.”
“Are you trying to make me blush?” I teased as I helped her out of her jacket and hung it up on a nearby peg. “I’m glad you could make it.” I kissed her cheek and led her into the kitchen.
“What’s that smell? It’s amazing.”
“I’m making a chocolate pie,” I said. “It’s my first time making it, so I hope it comes out alright.”
“Did you say chocolate pie?” She followed me to the oven and peered over my shoulder as I pulled out the pie. The crust at least was nice and golden. I had no way of knowing how it looked on the inside. Hopefully, the chocolate had melted to a smooth consistency. “My favorite…”
“I know, that’s why I made it.” I placed the pie on the windowsill to cool. “Sara told me that you go crazy for the stuff.”
“Sara, huh?”
I nodded as I began to set the table. Once I was done, I pulled out her chair and offered her a seat.
“What else has she told you?”
“Oh, lots of things.” I grinned. “She loves to rave about you whenever she’s in the office.”
“Like what?” she pressed.
“Now that would violate my doctor-patient confidentiality. What’s told to me in the exam room stays in the exam room.” I said as I placed a chicken thigh on her plate before putting on mine.
“That’s hardly fair.”
“I’m sorry, Autumn, but that’s just the law.”
“You’re having way too much fun teasing me.”
“It’s not my fault that you’re easy to tease.” With my fork in hand, I spun it around the noodles and took my first bite. Thankfully, all the seasonings were well-balanced and the pasta was nice and tender.
Subtly, I glanced across the table and studied my guest. Did she like my food or did she hate it? Her face was hard to read as she considered the taste.
“Did you make all this yourself?” she asked before I could ask for her opinion.
“I did.”
“I’m impressed. This is really good.” She sliced through her chicken and it oozed with juices. “It’s amazing, actually.”
“If you’re trying to inflate my ego, it’s working.”
She groaned. “I’m sorry, did I say this was good? I meant to say that it was absolutely horrible. I hate it. I almost choked with how horrible it was.” Somehow, she managed to say all that with a straight face.
“Oh jeez, well, I guess we just need to toss it all in the bin then.” I reached for her plate but she pulled it closer to her body – so close, in fact, that it tottered on the edge. Before she could do anything to stop it, the plate toppled over and her dinner landed in her lap.
She screeched with surprise and jumped out of her seat.
“Can’t take you anywhere,” I said with a shake of my head. “Let me help you…” I picked up the bulk of the mess with a few paper towels. Then, when it came to cleaning her clothes, I took my time.
She caught my eye and I could see the blush spreading across her cheeks and up to the tips of her ears.
I continued to wipe down her lap, teasing her with the motions.
Her cheeks burned even brighter.
“Enjoying yourself?” I asked, my other hand slipping onto her thigh. Lucky for me, she had worn a skirt and her shapely legs were on full display. I must admit, it was quite a view from down on my knees.
“Quit it.” She pushed me away.
“I think someone’s just grumpy because she’s out of a meal.” I slid over my plate. “But, worry not, we can share.” I picked up a piece of chicken and led it straight to her mouth.
She responded by parting her lips. “Mmm.”
I continued to feed her until most of it was gone. “How was that?” I asked.
“Honestly, it was delicious. I’m a little jealous. I wish I cook that well.” She gazed longingly at the empty plate. “And I’m incredibly sad that I dropped my half.”
“I can always whip you up another,” I offered, whispering the words into her ear.
“No. I wouldn’t want you to go through the trouble.”
“No trouble at all,” I said. “It would be worth it just to see you smile.”
She blushed even harder and looked away.
“And, if you ever want to learn how to cook, I can teach you.” I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. “But, for now, what do you say about heading into the bedroom?”
“Oh?”
“I picked up a bottle of lotion. I was thinking I could give you a nice massage.” My fingertips danced along her arm, all the way to her shoulder. “Working as a personal trainer must be such a strain on your body. You deserve to relax.”
“How am I supposed to say no to that?” She giggled. “Are you any good?”
“At massages?”
“Yeah.”
“I know a thing or two, but you’ll have to be the real judge.” I leaned forward and pressed my lips against her neck. I lingered there a moment, taking in her scent. It was simply intoxicating. “Now, why don’t you head up there and I’ll join you in just a second.”
“Don’t take too long,” she said with a wink.
Once she was gone, I grabbed the bottle of champagne I had been hiding for the occasion. As I pulled out a couple of glasses from the
overhead cabinet, Jade slinked into the room. She peeked around the corner, suspiciously looking around for Autumn. She wasn’t fond of guests – especially those that took away my attention.
Meow!
“There’s fresh food in your bowl,” I answered. “So, don’t get your tail in a bunch.”
She jumped onto the counter and settled onto her haunches.
“I have a feeling you’re up to no good.” I wagged my finger in warning. “You better be good or no catnip for you.”
Jade responded by licking her paw. Of course, she wasn’t at all phased by my threats. She knew that a few cute meows were all she needed to get me to cave.
I turned my back and fetched the box of chocolates I had ordered online. Apparently, they were filled with exotic liquor cremes. I hadn’t tasted them, but the reviews were fantastic.
Crash!
“Jade!” I chided but it was too late. The bottle of champagne was busted on the ground. She just looked at me like she had done nothing wrong. “Bad!”
Rather than face my wrath, she disappeared into the living room while I was left to clean up after her mess. With a sigh, I straightened back onto my feet and sighed. Well, there goes that idea.
With no other choice, I started up the stairs with a just a box of chocolates.
Thankfully, Autumn was known for her sweet tooth. Sara called it her kryptonite.