Despite the fact that she agreed to the entire sham, the realization stung. She didn’t understand why—she had no interest in staying. But it would be nice if someone, just once, looked at her like he was and actually meant it. Matthew certainly never had, although his eyes had been adoring when the cameras were trained on them. But the intensity and even the raw lust Nioclas managed in his gaze, false as it was, had never been thrown her way.
The thought was sobering.
“Let’s be off,” Nioclas said, leading her out of the kitchens to the stables. “I thought it best if we took a journey to the sea before it becomes too cold to do so.”
As Brianagh’s usual state was just above freezing, she didn’t ask what he meant by “too cold.” She merely followed him dutifully and allowed him to help her onto the mare he’d readied for her, hoping he’d packed blankets.
Tightening her cloak, she followed him out the gates, and about twenty-five heavily armed men followed them both.
“Who are they?” she asked, pulling her mare alongside his mount.
“My personal guard.” His face darkened momentarily. “The ones who should’ve been with you when you left the castle with Maguire.”
She angled a look back. “I recognize some of them,” she said suddenly. “They were in the village when I was there, although not on horseback.”
“Once I learned you’d left with only a handful of men, I ensured your safety. They”—he jerked his head back to indicate the troupe following them at a not-so-far distance—“protected you whilst you were securing our cook.”
Bri looked at him in surprise. “Truly? Were you there too, then?” Brianagh couldn’t be sure, but she thought he flushed.
“Aye. The dangers are great, especially for my wife,” Nioclas replied, sounding slightly embarrassed.
“Thank you.” She smiled softly at him. “I don’t know very much about the dangers here. I thought I’d be safe enough with Donovan and his men.”
“Not safe enough for me,” Nioclas replied, then snapped his mouth shut.
Brianagh looked back and noticed the guardsmen were doing everything they could not to listen, but it was obvious they could hear every word. Her heart plummeted farther. Nioclas really was skilled at his game.
She tried to stiffen her spine. She had no business letting her heart soften toward this man. In just a couple months, she’d never see him again.
The thought was more painful than she liked to admit.
• • •
“Tell me about your plans for Keela.”
Nioclas and Bri were sitting between two large rocks, somewhat protected from the winds off the Atlantic. Bri still had two blankets wrapped around herself and was struggling not to shiver, but she had to admit it was nice to be out of the castle.
Nioclas was funny. She’d seen flashes of it while spying on him in the lists, but he’d never truly directed it her way. He told her stories of his youth and the scrapes he and Aidan used to get into together. She was laughing so hard, she had tears running down her cheeks.
Poor Erin had figured into many of the boys’ adventures.
Bri dusted her hands off and snuggled farther into the blankets, considering. “To start, she has to be willing to find someone. If she’s not willing, it won’t work.”
“Why not?” Nioclas asked. The wind tousled some of the strands free from the ever-present leather strap holding his hair back, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Brianagh tried to ignore the overwhelming urge to tuck it back into place and concentrated on his questions instead.
“You can’t force love,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’ve seen it done too many times. Some arranged marriages grow into respect and then eventually love. But most don’t. The most successful relationships—marriages—come from two people who start with respect, admiration, and passion for the other. And if all that is present, it can, with work, develop into love. But once the passion cools, it’s the respect and admiration that keep the couple strong.”
“Passion doesn’t cool,” Nioclas replied. “I’ve caught many an elder in a corner kissing his wife senseless.” He smiled at the memory.
“Nioclas, why don’t you want to find love for yourself?” Brianagh asked tentatively.
He froze. She saw it start in his jaw, and then it was as if his entire body developed a crust of ice.
“Love will destroy the clan.”
It was said so flatly, she didn’t doubt he meant what he said. But it didn’t make sense to her—how could love destroy anything?
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine,” she finally replied after a few beats of silence.
He let out a sigh, then noticed her blue lips. “By the saints, Brianagh, how cold are you?” He quickly moved to her side and opened the blanket, then wrapped them together. “You’re shaking! We should go back.”
“If you want to,” she said, a vague sense of disappointment clouding her. “But I am getting warmer.” It was true—the man was better than a furnace. She had no idea how he generated that kind of heat, but she didn’t want him to move just yet. She hadn’t been this warm since she got out of Reilly’s car.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the waves break on the small strand of sand immediately at the water’s edge. The sand was quickly replaced by progressively larger rocks, making the shoreline trickier to get to than she’d thought when Nioclas took her to the battlements and she had her first clear view of the water.
“My father will destroy anything he can,” Nioclas said without preamble. “He would kill the woman I love without so much as blinking first.”
Brianagh’s mouth formed a silent O.
“My clan wants me to marry to produce an heir. But Aidan will ensure the line lives on, whether he marries or not. He has many women in the village who desire him, and he can get any one of them with child if he so chooses. That child would inherit the lairdship by blood.”
“Wouldn’t Burke go after the child?”
“Aye, if he knew about it. The plan is to send the child away with his mother until he’s old enough to come back, or my sire dies, whichever comes first.”
“You Irish certainly love to send your kids away,” she murmured.
“It’s for protection of the clan, Brianagh. Hundreds of people depend on me to protect them in times of war and settle their disputes in times of peace. I have pledged my life for theirs, and they have done the same. In our clan, we’ve decided that the lairdship will be passed by relation instead of staging a battle between those who desire it. I have no love for bloodshed.” Nioclas paused, weighing his next words. “My sire murdered my mother and, I suspect, her entire clan.”
Brianagh’s heart lodged in her throat.
Nioclas continued. “He thought them to be weak, and therefore, unworthy. When he killed her, something inside me snapped.” He stared out at the waves for a moment. “A laird should be a fearsome creature to his enemies and a source of safety to his clan. My sire ruled us for too long as if we were his enemies.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I swore that I would be different. I cannot be married, then send my wife and child off—he’d find and kill them. Any child I have would be considered an heir and in serious danger, more so than most lairds’ children. But if Aidan had a child… Well, it isn’t unheard of for an unmarried pregnant lass to leave the clan.”
At Brianagh’s gasp, his gaze trapped hers. “If it were Aidan’s child, she would be more than taken care of, Brianagh. We would never send her somewhere without protection, coin, and comforts as best we can provide.”
Brianagh was quickly getting the picture. He would never love because of the danger posed to the woman, and he would never put a woman in that kind of danger.
“I guess I came along at the perfect time,” she said softly.
He smiled sadly at her. “The Kildare lass—I didn’t even know her name, but I knew I’d be the death of her if I wed her. Eventually, he’d find her alone, or worse, with a c
hild… It’s best she returned home. Aside from the danger, she’s just a child. I have no stomach for that.”
“As you’ve mentioned,” Bri replied with a nod. “I can see now why you were so upset when I went to the village with such inadequate protection. Thank you for explaining it to me.”
“I can keep you safe, Brianagh.”
“I have no doubt.” She gazed out at the rocky beach and noticed the clouds gathering in the distance. “Perhaps we should go back. I think the weather may turn.”
He glanced out to the clouds, then kept the blanket wrapped around them as they rose together. He glanced down at her and smiled grimly. “I have to leave for a few days. I have business with an ally in the south. I’m taking Aidan but leaving most of my men.” He paused, then bestowed a quick smile on her. “I don’t think I’ve thanked you properly for wedding me under such circumstances.”
She forced a bright smile. “Getting me home will be thanks enough.”
Nioclas’s eyes dropped to her lips, and instinctively she licked them nervously. He leaned in and gently kissed her. “Were our situation different,” he murmured before stepping out of the blanket, “I believe we would suit quite well, Lady Brianagh.”
“Yes,” she agreed quietly. “I believe you’re right.”
Chapter 17
“We really need to find someone suitable, and soon,” Erin said as she and Brianagh hurried down the stairs together. “Word has gotten out to the men in the village that Keela has a new position in the castle, and that the laird is very pleased with her efforts.”
“So that means they’re all suddenly interested in her now?” Bri asked, slightly out of breath as they threaded through the various clansmen loitering in the great hall.
“Before coming to the castle, she was just another village girl tied to her ailing mother, and now she’s free from that burden because of the women you’ve chosen to help. When you add that to what she can do to a slab of beef, it’s no wonder the men have been falling all over themselves.”
“She’s attractive too,” Brianagh mused. “I’ll need to interview these men and get to know Keela better before we go any further.” At Erin’s confusion, Bri clarified, “I’ll need to speak with the men to determine what they’re like off the battlefield.”
“Excellent. If you wish, I can help with that.”
“Help with what?” Donovan asked, stepping into their path.
“Finding the perfect mate for Keela,” Brianagh explained.
“We can stay, aye?” Erin pleaded, placing her hand on his arm. “There’s nothing happening at home. I’m happy here for a while yet.”
He acquiesced with some grumbling, but it was clear he’d do anything to make Erin happy. Brianagh bit her lip, a stab of jealousy rocking her, and she once again found herself wanting to be the center of someone’s world.
She had a strong suspicion that, were circumstances different, she would be the center of Nioclas’s world.
She resolved to ignore the hollow ache in her chest and focus on matching Keela, because that was what she loved to do: find someone her happily-ever-after. As it always was with a new client—and then at the subsequent wedding—she had to accept she wasn’t destined to have her own happily-ever-after.
As she was debating with herself about the best ways to ignore the disappointment of that depressing reality, Nioclas entered the great hall, handing his cloak to one of the women by the door, and her heart squeezed a tiny bit.
Bri didn’t want this complication. She didn’t want to be attracted to a medieval man who held more power in his hand than the modern-day Queen of England, but she also didn’t want to live without electricity, toilets, or hot showers.
Or Matthew, she reminded herself. Or my family.
When Nioclas joined them and swiftly kissed her hand in greeting, her heart clenched even more and she recognized the truth of it. Despite all its downfalls, medieval Ireland held the one thing the future didn’t, and he was currently gazing at her with such intensity her entire body felt as though it had caught on fire.
“Whoa,” Erin murmured, looking from Brianagh to Nioclas and back again. “Perhaps we’ll discuss this more later, Brianagh?”
“Ah…” Bri faltered, trying unsuccessfully to tear her gaze from Nioclas’s.
“Aye, later,” he answered for her, then took her hand and nearly dragged her through his clansmen, who either moved swiftly out of his way or thumped him on the back in greeting as he led her back toward the stairs she’d just descended. “Follow me.”
For quite possibly the first time in her life, Brianagh felt maybe she ought to follow her heart and see what happened.
So she followed.
• • •
Nioclas led her into his chamber, determined to woo his wife. And that started in the bedchamber.
“I’ve moved your belongings in here,” he explained, motioning to her trunk. “I hope you’ll do me the honor of staying?”
Brianagh’s mouth dropped open. “Staying?”
He wondered if she understood he was asking her to stay longer… He wanted her for forever.
Slowly, Nioclas. Woo her slowly.
“Aye. Your chamber is not as warm as mine, and the bed is plenty large enough,” he replied. “I’m leaving tonight for the south, but I hope you can make yourself comfortable here while I’m away?”
She looked around the room, taking in the large bed and canopy, the cheery fire, and the scarce furnishings.
“May I…freshen it up?” she asked hesitantly.
Nioclas reigned in his enthusiasm. He folded his arms and leaned back. “Freshen it up?”
“You know, add a small table and chair where Iona can style my hair in the mornings. Maybe bring that screen thing in.”
“The privacy screen?” Nioclas repeated. “You would use it?”
She shrugged. “We value our privacy in America…”
“Done,” he agreed immediately. “And you may make whatever other changes you feel are necessary.”
She gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”
“Perhaps a token of your gratitude?” he wondered, presenting his cheek. After a slight hesitation, she quickly pressed her lips against it.
He smiled at her. “That wasn’t so terrible, was it?”
Confusion warred with humor in her eyes. “Are you teasing me?”
“If you have to ask, I must redouble my efforts. I shall see you at supper, my lady.”
The look of astonishment on her face lightened Nioclas’s heart.
’Twas the right decision.
• • •
Though she spent the better part of the afternoon sorting through the finer details of what her clients had told her, Brianagh still couldn’t figure out Nioclas’s intent. Were they still playing the game? Or was he serious?
A slightly-more-than-tiny part of her wanted to believe he was serious, but she knew such thoughts weren’t wise. She didn’t want any reason to stay in the Middle Ages; she earned her T-shirt and was ready to go home.
Well, almost ready, she amended, glancing at the large bed. Maybe her reason for going back in time was to see what all the fuss was about that elusive feeling of desire. Perhaps her fate, despite what Reilly continued to insist, was that she needed to learn about those feelings in order to better match her future clients—
“Are you well?”
Brianagh jumped, startled by Erin’s appearance. “Me? Oh yes. I’m perfectly well.” She glanced at the window in her chamber, noting the lengthening shadows. “I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten. Is it time for supper?”
Erin nodded and entered the room. “I’ve said that twice already. Are you certain you’re well, Bri? You seem distracted. Is it because Nioclas is going to visit his former lover?”
Brianagh frowned. “I didn’t realize he was going to visit a former lover.”
Erin shrugged. “He’s not really. He’s visiting her sire’s stronghold, as he has business with the
man.” At Bri’s raised eyebrows, she hastened to add, “Oh, don’t concern yourself about the lass’s reputation. Her sire is well aware of her indiscretions, and though he hoped for a match with Nick, he knew such a powerful laird would want someone with more…”
“Discretion?” Bri supplied.
Erin snickered. “Aye. Discretion. The MacDermotts have always hoped to ally with the MacWilliams, but her sire knows such a match is merely a hope.”
“Of course,” Bri murmured.
“Well, may you never meet Una in the flesh. There’s something about her that makes me tuck in a bit tighter to Donovan.”
“Where I’m from, that’s called women’s intuition. It means we can sense that something’s not right.”
Erin nodded emphatically. “Aye, that’s it exactly. But worry not, my lady. Nick is true and honest; he’s clearly smitten with you, and during the wedding he did give a vow of chastity to his true love.”
“The vows. Right,” Brianagh echoed.
A lover.
Of course he would have a lover. Theirs was a game they were playing, so that he wouldn’t have to commit to anyone, and she could go home.
The burning sensation in her chest only proved her desperation to return home. She was sure of it.
So sure, in fact, that she took supper in her chamber, resolved to think on only future things for the remainder of the night.
• • •
Reilly watched Brianagh stab at her little pillow, marveling at how the thing still managed to stay in one piece with her ruthless assault. She’d been in a bad mood since before Nioclas left for the MacDermotts. Reilly hadn’t seen her this grouchy since…well, he couldn’t think of when. Erin sat with Bri, shooting her puzzled looks as she set up a chessboard.
Bri’s sewing reminded Reilly of the voodoo doll she’d created when she’d been stood up for her junior prom. His jaw almost hit the floor as realization dawned. That was the last time she’d been so upset—the day she’d been used for a ticket into the junior prom by a senior. She’d had such a crush on him, and when he didn’t show to pick her up, he and Colin went on a recon mission and found the kid making out with another girl in Bri’s class.
The Winter Laird Page 15