T: Oh, it’s not fear, just too much work. You have to organize everyone and repair all the little squabbles and ugh! I watched all the work Jesslynn did, and no thank you, honey! Oren can play coven leader and handle all the boring garbage. I much prefer to worry about myself. It isn’t as if I don’t make sure that I get what I want now that Jesslynn’s gone.
V: You don’t seem very broken up about that.
T: Should I be? You forget, she was my sister-in-law. They don’t improve with age.
K: This is also from Juli, “I sometimes think you were born in the wrong time period, and perhaps live in the wrong area. The way I see it, you’re more of a glitzy, “Sex in the City” sort of vampire. You seem like the kind of gal who craves passion and adventure rather than hanging out in the sticks. Am I right?”
T: Yes and no. There is one advantage to being in the wrong place; you’re the only one of your kind. Much less competition. Not that I need to worry about competition, but, you know…
V: You don’t need to be faster than the bear, just faster than the people you’re with.
T: Exactly. *winks* I had no idea you were so smart. Why do you waste your time hanging around that annoying little human?
K: *ahem!* from Donna, “Torina, how can you dress as you do and battle too? Wouldn’t it be easier not to be so dressed up?”
T: Maybe. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never tried it. When I was human women dressed to the teeth - layers and layers! - just to go to the garden! I guess I never got out of the habit. Unlike some people *coughs and looks at Katelina*
K: Excuse me if I dress like a normal person!
T: I’d use the word ordinary, but whatever.
V: *ahem* Donna has one more question, ladies. “I felt so sorry for you in ‘Ashes of Deceit’, but you are feeling better now that you had the news about Oren, aren’t you?”
T: *looks uncomfortable* Well… yes… of course… *clears throat*
V: It’s all right, I think we all understand. *pats her hand*. There is one final question from Juli - with no e - hello there, Juli! *winks* She says, “Oh! And the stories you could tell! I can only imagine. Would you care to share something juicy? I’d love to hear it!!!”
K: Well I wouldn’t!
T: No one asked you, dear. Though since you’re so over sensitive I’ll keep the stories about Jorick to myself. Oh! I know one! You might remember Jesslynn’s brother, Fabian? One evening Jesslynn had a party, I think it may have been Oren’s birthday. I don’t remember now what she did or said, but she made me angry, so I found it quite amusing to drag her “precious little brother” into the basement where I had my wicked way with him in Jesslynn’s coffin! Ha! Of course once the initial rush faded he was suddenly terrified she’d find out. Naturally she would not approve. It wasn’t her fault, she was always so plain and rigid and boring, I suppose. Nor his that he was so fussy. Someone described him as a yapping Chihuahua and that fits him perfectly. He was always fussing about this or that. But, I derived great pleasure for several months in taking him to the basement whenever Jesslynn annoyed me. *laughs* I can still see the look on her face when she found out! Oh! It was beautiful - pinched and sour and furious! Ha! Of course it was Fabian’s fault. He got too excited and made a mess. And Jesslynn would have to have a velvet lined coffin. Have you tried to get blood out of velvet? This was before all the fancy cleaners and convenient chemicals. When she saw it she demanded to know where it came from and I took great pleasure in telling her.
V: *tsk*tsk* You are naughty.
T: Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you just how naughty I can be. In fact, I think I’ve been a very, very bad girl and need an Executioner to punish me. Thoroughly.
K: Oh my God. I think I may throw up. How can you say that crap with a straight face?
T: You should try it, dear. You’ll find that men like it.
V: *snickers* Speaking of things men like, you were saying? I think I have a window in my schedule right about… now. And I’d be more than happy to punish you until you repent of your wicked, wicked ways.
K: Ugh. You’re both disgusting. Just go! I’m sick of this interview already! And speaking of interviews, next week Loren will interview Micah. That should be something to look forward to!
.**********
Micah
Loren here, filling in for Katelina because I wanted to. It’s about time I got to do one of these interviews. That Verchiel guy has hogged way too many of them. Anyway, today I’m interviewing none other than… *drum roll noise* Micah!
Micah: Ta-da!
L: *snickers* So, you ready to answer questions? Because there’s a bunch of them… though some of them are kind of similar.
M: Lemme guess, it’s chicks wanting to know if I’m single, right. Well, honeys-
L: Um, no. Actually it’s kinda like… well… it’s mushy stuff. Not like romantic mushy stuff, but-
M: Oh, just spit it out, kid!
L: All right. Like Sharon asks, “What are you hiding behind all that macho bull shit? Who hurt you?”
M: Ah. *regains composure* Pfffttt. Who says anyone hurt me? I’m just macho, you know? I’ve always been pretty damn tough.
L: Well you had to be. After your master just dumped you like that.
M: Well… yeah. I was tough before that, though. But yeah. Look at that. Some weak ass punk woulda just rolled over and whimpered in the corner, but not me. No sir, I got off my ass and fuckin’ figured this shit out myself. You can’t always rely on someone else, ya know? They just let you down and, fuck, even if they don’t, they won’t be around forever, anyway. I mean look what happened to Benjamin. Everyone thought he’d be around forever but no, he got whacked-
L: Who’s Benjamin?
M: What the fuck? Are you serious? He was this - he was this crazy vampire who owned a motel. We used to go play poker with him sometimes and he’d fucking take big ol’ swigs of booze and spit the shit in a bucket. Talk about disgusting! Jorick and them stashed Arowenia at his hotel and when the bitch pulled her shit-
L: Ah, he’s the guy who got killed.
M: Damn straight. He’s the reason I joined up with this pansy ass war in the first place. I wanted to beat the fuck outta that bitch for it!
L: That kinda goes with Donna’s question. “Your personality is so different from Jorick and Oren, so why do you hang around with them?”
M: Hey, yeah it is! I don’t hang out with them - fuckin’ ex-Executioner dog and his boy wonder. Eh, I suppose Oren ain’t all bad. He’s had some shit, you know? But I was hanging out with Herrick and Des and Benjamin and them until this mess. Des and Oren were buddies - or actually Torina and Des were, if you get my drift, and so he was helping Oren out, and that’s how Benjamin got dragged into it all. Since then I’ve just been enjoying the ride.
L: Amy asks, “Do you remember anything from “before?” You seem to be a pretty complex guy (the anger issues, along with the intense loyalty), makes me wonder what your human life was like.”
M: You want a biography, sweety, come see me after class *winks* Eh, I was living over in New Jersey in a shit town fixin’ bikes at Lo Dog’s shop. Dog was pretty all right and he was fuckin’ huge, man. Seriously, one look at him and you’d have shit yourself, he was that scary. Then some money went missin’ and of course since it was me, Dog and Dog’s piece of shit son Trick workin’ there, you know who got blamed. Wasn’t nothin’ new though, so I said fuck this and left town. That’s when I ran into him and got turned into this.
L: Juli says, “I’m fascinated by tattoos. There’s always a story behind the ink. What’s the story behind your tats?”
M: Now there’s a decent question! Well, see the mermaid over here, left arm? She was the first. Fuck, I was seventeen and drunk outta my mind, so this guy Carl I was hanging with says to me, “you got virgin skin, we better fix that” and drags me to his uncle’s house, right? Well turned out his uncle was a tattoo guy. Well, he used to be. Lost his license over some bullshit. Any
way, so he did her. He also did this one here, right above her. See, it’s two moons, right? Like the crescent moon here on the bottom, then the full moon here on top, and then you can’t see the fuckin’ new moon, so there’s nothing for it. But it’s like the phases of the moon, coz even back then, man, the night time was way better than the fucking day time. Then this thing over here on my right arm that looks like a fire ball? Yeah, so I was working at this bottling plant, right, bottling soda. Well there was this idiot there - Curtis - fuck, can’t believe I remembered his name. Anyway, Carl and I had split by then so this dude Curtis says he can lay ink. Yeah, well guess what? He fucking couldn’t. Made such a mess I had to pay someone to try to cover it up and this was the best they could do with it. Not that he was much better. Shit. Carl’s uncle was way better than that clown.
L: What about the one on your face?
M: That was the last one I got. Lo Dog and I went in on my birthday and got this. It was like a fucking statement, you know? All these guys got these tear drops and shit, meaning that they killed someone or did time in prison, or whatever, like that makes them tough or some shit? Just coz they got one don’t mean they ever really killed no one, and just coz someone ain’t got one don’t mean they ain’t fucking killed a dozen people. So I say look at this shit and tell me what it means. It don’t mean shit. It’s just a bunch of wriggly weird symbols that some tat guy came up with. Though if someone asks me about it in a way that pisses me off I fucking tell them it’s part of the cult I’m in. *laughs* shuts ‘em up every time.
L: This seems like a good place for Sue’s question, “Not only who hurt you but why are you always so angry?”
M: Fuck, honey, I ain’t angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry! Ha! *pokes Loren* You ever see that? Incredible Hulk. Now that was the shit.
L: I dunno. I like X-men better.
M: X-men? No way! Too much whiny bullshit!
L: No there’s not! And Wolverine is way cooler than some huge green guy!
M: Fuck, you got a lot to learn kid! But come on, what’s the next question.
L: All right! Jonathan says, “I bet deep down you are sensitive. It’s okay, but appearances are important, right?”
M: Sensitive. Pffft. Yeah, my ass is sensitive. What’s with this? First I got anger issues and now I’m sensitive!
L: That’s because you are. Deep down you’re like a widdle cuddly teddy *dodges fist* Call X-men whiny bullshit again, will ya, asshole!
M: Just get on with it, ya’ whussy-wolverine-lovin’ nit wit.
L: There is nothing wrong with Wolverine! He’s awesome! From Donna, “You are so kind to Loren. Have you adopted him as a little brother?”
M: I’m gonna un-adopt him in about three point o. Ah, what can I say. The little punk needs someone to look after him, and that prick Jorick ain’t doing such a good job.
L: Eh, Jorick’s not that bad.
M: Says you. I say he’s a royal douche. His type always are; know-it-all jack asses who think they can scare everyone off just by lordin’ over their great ancient fuckin’ age and their status. *in high squeaky voice* “Oh, look at me! I’m a thousand years old and I got a shiny necklace! Whoo-hoo! Run in fear!”
L: You better watch it. If Jorick hears that he’ll kick your ass.
M: Him and what army, huh? What else you got, boy?
L: I have one more from Donna, “Micah, you tease Katelina so much, but let’s face it, if given the chance you’d want to be the one to change her, wouldn’t you?”
M: Ha! Why not? As I said, Jorick can’t even manage this punk *points at Loren* and we’ve all seen what he did to Oren. He’s got no idea how to raise a fledgling. Let me get my hands on Lunch for a month and I could turn her into a real vampire. You wouldn’t even recognize her when I was done, guaran-fucking-teed.
L: Uh, You better not let Jorick hear you saying that, either.
M: *snorts* Like I said, him and what army? So that it, or what?
L: Yeah, that’s all of them.
M: Good deal. Then here’s where I say that we’ll see you next week when it’s Loren’s turn to sit in the hot seat and my turn to ask the questions.
L: Katelina’s not going to interview me?
M: Fuck no! It’s my turn, punk.
L: I’m not so sure that’s a good thing…
**********
Loren
This is Micah. I’d say I was filling in for Katelina, but frankly she hasn’t done most of these damned things. That Executioner twit with the red hair has probably done half of them.
Loren: And I did it last week!
M: My point. Anyway, today I’m interviewing this pipsqueak named Loren, who has no taste in super heroes, by the way.
L: Yes I do! X-men rules!
M: Fuggedaboutit. Hulk would pound their sissy faces in. But enough of that. We got some new questions for you. Eh, let’s start with Sharon’s, “What does he want out of life (or undead life) now? Where does he see himself in 10, 50, 100 years?”
L: Yeah, just start with the hardest one, thanks! Hmmm. I don’t know. I never really thought about it. I guess I’ve just been kinda floating around, waiting for something to, I don’t know, drop from the sky or something. Wow. I need to think about that.
M: Don’t think too hard, huh? Okay, we’ll move on for now. From Sue, who, by the way, also comments that she really likes you-
L: Really? You mean I have a fan?
M: Yeah, evidently. Anyway, she asks, “Does it bother you that you’ll be a teen forever?”
L: Nah. If you’ve ever played video games, you’ll know that it’s always the teenagers who save the world. And it means I can scope out more chicks. Old dudes like this guy look creepy checking out a seventeen year old, but I can get away with it, and older ladies love young guys.
M: Really? Like you know anything about that shit.
L: I’ve had girlfriends! I had one chick stalk me in fact, so there.
M: Yeah, yeah. Sue also asks, “Do the big boy vampires treat you as a lesser vamp?”
L: Eh, not really. Well, Jorick does sometimes, but it’s not just me. He kinda treats everyone he likes that way - like they’re little kids and he’s their dad.
M: Well hell, you are a little kid. You’re like what? Twenty?
L: I’m over thirty!
M: Oh, excuse me, ancient one. *snickers*. Ah, I been there. I used to be the new kid on the block, and don’t think they didn’t all remind me. You just gotta start hanging out with someone younger. But we got more questions. This one’s from Donna - I like her. She’s got good taste in characters. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, “You seem to always get stuck baby-sitting Katelina. Does that make you feel like the lesser of the group?
L: Nah, I don’t mind it, most of the time. I mean, someone’s gotta keep an eye on her, you know? It makes me the last line of defense. Like, if something happened to Jorick or whatever then I’d be all that was left. So it’s actually kind of a big thing. I think it means he trusts me - not just for that, but not to do anything to her. He doesn’t just leave her with anyone.
M: He sent her with me.
L: Only because I was there. He wouldn’t let you spend time alone with her. Especially not after all that stuff you said last week about making her into a real vampire.
M: Yeah, well, offer still stands. Speaking of Katelina, Sue wants to know, “Do you wish you could have a girlfriend like Katelina someday? Would you care if she was human or not?” Fuck, I hope it’s a less annoying one than Lunch!
L: *looks uncomfortable* Well, um, yeah, I guess. I mean, sure, a girlfriend would be cool. And nah, I don’t care if they’re human or not. Maybe it’s better that way. Then it makes you the stronger one, you know? You get to be all manly and save her and stuff.
M: You’re just a little soppy-sappy romantic, aren’t you? Here’s another feely question. This one’s from Donna again, “do you still miss your parents? You lost them at so young an age.”
L: Yeah, so
metimes. If they hadn’t gotten killed, then things woulda been really different, you know? I think about that sometimes. My brother Ashton never would have started hanging out with Jessie and those guys, so he never would have been a vampire, so he never would have had to turn me…
M: And you’d have never met me. Depressing idea, huh? Well, Sharon wants to know, “What do hate about life as a vampire?”
L: The no sunlight thing blows, especially in the summer. I grew up on the beach; you know, swimming and the whole nine yards, and now I can’t go out in the daytime. Sure, I can do it at night, but it’s not the same thing. Also the food. I’d kill for a twinkie, dude! Or some mustard flavored pretzels.
M: Mustard and pretzels? Are you kidding me? Is that a real thing?
L: Yeah. You get them out of vending machines.
M: Yuck! The only place mustard belongs is on a fuckin’ hot dog. Seriously, you modern people!
L: You sound like Jorick.
M: You didn’t just compare me to that prick, did you? Coz if you did…
L: What? Huh? You’ll ask me another question? *snickers* Our author told you that you had to be good or she’d pull the plug on the interview, so I’m not scared.
M: Oh yeah, hide behind the author. You wait ‘til this is over. Last question from Donna, “Who frightens you more - Micah or Jorick?” I can answer that one: Me, coz I’m a scary sumbitch.
L: Nah. Not really. I think Jorick’s scarier.
M: What the hell? First you compare me to him and now you’re saying he’s scarier?
L: Sorry, but he is. You’re all noise, but he’s quiet. Your kind just punches someone in the nose and walks off. His kind takes a machine gun to the post office.
M: Yeah, he is kinda nuts, I guess. But I’m still scarier. All right, and here’s the last question of the interview and it’s from Barb, “You wanted to fight in Oren’s war so badly, do you still think this was such a good idea? Would you have waited?” Hell yeah it was a good idea!
Amaranthine Special Edition Vol II Page 68