by John Booth
I was feeling trapped. What was it Kenneth Williams said when he was stabbed while playing Julius Caesar?
‘Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me.’
It is my firm plan to go out laughing, not destroying billions of people to fulfil some stupid prophecy.
I turned to the spectral girl, having formulated a cunning plan.
“Right…, well…, you’re not needed right now, so I want you and all your friends to go back to sleep until I call you. Just don’t do anything AT ALL. Is that clear?”
The girl smiled. “All is as was predicted.”
And I was back in the cymbal building. In the dark. As always.
When I hopped to Esta’s apartment I found I was the last one back.
“We were getting worried,” Lana said. “It has been over five hours since we parted company.”
“And we know how much trouble you can get into in five hours,” Esta added.
Lana frowned. “Are you all right? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”
“The Ghost of Futures Yet To Come.” They looked at me blankly. A Christmas Carol hasn’t made it across the multiverse yet. “Nothing. I saw nothing.”
“Do you want me to ask my father to investigate that world?” Lana asked.
“Absolutely not,” I snapped, suddenly feeling angry and worried at the same time. I managed to calm down with an effort. “Sorry. I think we should forget that place exists.”
“And de Conte?” Esta asked
“If he’s going to turn up again, he will.”
“My father may get something from the female.”
I nodded, “That too. Now tell me young ladies, would you like to come to a genuine Welsh wedding?”
“Someone has invited you to a wedding?” Esta asked in amusement.
“I’m going to be the best man.”
“You get to take the bride before the groom? Does Jenny know?” Esta asked wide eyed.
I was too busy laughing to explain for some time.
41. Advice
I left Esta’s apartment early in the evening, Earth time, though it was barely noon on Balmack. Lana and Esta were enthused by the idea of attending a real Earth wedding. I tried to explain that we have many customs on Earth and what they were going to see was more Welsh Catholic than typical of the planet. They didn’t seem to think that mattered and spent a considerable amount of time asking me which of their clothes would be most appropriate.
Jenny would be worried if I didn’t check in before bedtime, but I needed to talk to Esmeralda first. She’s my logical wife. The one that puts information into pigeon holes in a rational way and that was what I needed.
Morgana flew into my arms as I materialized and I wasn’t able to avoid falling over.
“Do not offend the dignity of the Lord Wizard, my daughter. What little he has, he needs to preserve.”
“Mummy’s funny,” Morgana told me. She had taken up a sitting position on my chest.
I pulled her down to kiss her cheek and she giggled. “How did you know I was coming?”
She tapped her head. “I know.”
Well that was difficult to argue with. She must have started her swoop towards me while I was still on Balmack. She and her brother had done it often enough for me to be certain it wasn’t a fluke.
“If my Lord Husband is planning to stay on the floor, I can have the servants bring in cushions.”
I used magic to pivot into a standing position via the heels of my shoes. It must have looked funny because Esmeralda suppressed a smile. Morgana laughed as we rotated.
“Do it again.”
“Did I not mention my husband’s dignity?” Esmeralda said in a mock severe voice. “Let the Heir and her Wizard have a few moments together.”
To my surprise, Morgana acquiesced and slid to the floor. She ran out of the room giggling.
“They act so much older than their actual ages,” I said as the door closed behind her.
“Of course, Morgana is my daughter.”
“And Merlin?”
“By association with Morgana. The rest he gets from Jennifer.”
“So I had nothing to do with it?”
Esmeralda mused. “They are sometimes annoying. They get that from you.”
We came into each other’s arms and kissed. Then we kissed again. It went on for some time and ended up involving rather more than kissing.
“You didn’t only come for that,” Esmeralda said as we lay in bed a short time later. “Something is troubling you.”
So I told her about the spaceships in the void, ships with the power to destroy planets and possibly stars, all waiting for the word to attack.
“You think the war to come is with the Diabli?” she asked after a long silence.
The Diabli are the boogie men that even scare the Dragons. Whole universes were destroyed in the last war with them and the remnants of those universes are evaporating in the void outside the multiverse. The Diabli are trying to escape those remnants and it seems the Krake are helping them. All I want is a quiet life and I’ve been quietly hoping the Diabli will die with the destruction they created.
I shook my head. “Those who know won’t tell me. The Dragons have already declared for me and even they won’t tell me who’s going to be fighting who. Betty says that to tell the future is to change it, and the last time we talked about it she said I’ve changed the timelines too much to be sure of anything. But none of that matters; I don’t want to be the Great Destroyer.”
“Then do not become him.”
I stared at Esmeralda. Was she serious? Could it be that simple?
“I’m trapped in some web of fate. That’s how I ended up at those ships today.”
Esmeralda laughed. “With one breath you tell me you have changed the timelines and with the next that you are a pawn in the hands of fate. You can’t be both.”
“Then I will never use them,” I declared.
Esmeralda put a finger to my lips. “Do not throw away such power so lightly. One day you may need those ships. If you do, it will be because Jake Morrissey has decided they are needed. Not the Great Destroyer.”
We kissed again and I felt a tension I had not been aware of until that moment fade. This was Esmeralda’s gift. She was born into power and understood its nature and limitations. She never let it dehumanize her. I gently disengaged from Esmeralda and got ready to go.
Jenny ran into my arms. We hugged for a minute. She sniffed loudly.
“You have been with Esmeralda. Did she tell you that the rehearsal is tomorrow?”
I nodded, pushing my chin against her shoulder. If Esmeralda gift was wisdom, then Jenny’s was peace. It was only when I was with her that I knew things were going to be okay. She was my anchor to humanity.
“I want to know positions and durations and you’d better match or excel them all with me.”
I thought my wives had forgotten that rivalry. I picked her up and hopped her to our bedroom, dropping her onto the bed.
“Then get them off, wife.”
Jenny giggled. “Not so fast. I want to know exactly what happened first. Did you catch de Conte?”
“No, but other things happened. I’ll tell you if you cross your heart not to tell anybody else.”
“You’ve told Esmeralda, so you’ll tell me without any conditions.”
Put like that I had no choice. So I did.
“Esmeralda told you that whatever you do, you’ll do it as yourself, not as the Great Destroyer?”
I blinked. My wives seemed to be able to read each other’s mind.
“How do you do that?”
“Esmeralda is a realist. She doesn’t live in cloud-cuckoo-land like you.”
“Do you think she’s right?”
Jenny kissed me on the nose. “I think you’re a good man who should be wearing a chastity belt with mine the only key.”
“You wouldn’t like walking around bow-legged all the time.”
“Put your
money where your mouth is, Jake Morrissey.”
I was never one to shirk a challenge.
I was awake the whole night. Jenny woke as dawn broke.
“You will be at the rehearsal today? Malcolm and Silvia are counting on you.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“And you’ll wear formal clothes tomorrow?”
I rolled over so we were face to face.
“I haven’t got any. Apart from the Zorro costume.”
“Malcolm has hired morning suits for all of you. Yours will arrive later today.”
I grinned. “It might not fit.”
Jenny punched me gently. “You’re a wizard, so I expect you can make it fit.”
I laughed. “My secret is out. Now I’ll never be able to get out of anything.”
“Everybody is coming except for Esmeralda and people from Salice. Silvia said she doesn’t think she could explain them to her parents.”
I thought of Lana and Esta and my heart missed a beat. It must have shown.
“Out with it, Jake. I know that look.”
“I invited Lana and Esta. They’ve never seen a Welsh wedding. They’ll be wearing suitable clothes.”
Jenny’s face went through a variety of emotions.
“You invited your … girlfriends to the wedding?”
“It seemed the polite thing to do.”
“Don’t you dare kiss them where anybody can see.”
Jenny rolled away from me and I went back to staring at the ceiling and this time I fell asleep.
42. Rehearsal
Merlin woke me by dropping on my chest. He must have done it from the ceiling because it hurt.
“Wake up, Daddee,” he shouted into my ear.
I responded in the only way a father can in such a situation, I tickled him. He squealed and struggled to get away, but used no magic.
“I’m trying to sleep,” Jenny murmured and rolled further away from us.
My son decided that playing fair was over and lifted into the air away from my fingers.
“I win, you cheated,” I told him.
“Did not.” Merlin spun in the air and went for my feet, which I had carelessly left where any super powered toddler could get at them. I slapped a bubble of magic around him that cancelled out his attack and he floated up to bounce against the ceiling.
“Cheater!”
Thinking that would hold him for a while, I rolled over towards Jenny and stroked her back.
“Forget it,” Jenny told me as she inched away.
A shriek of triumph had me looking up to see Merlin hurtling towards me. There were mages in Balmack that would have taken half-an-hour to remove that spell and my son had cracked it in under a minute.
Jenny hummed to herself as she prepared a Full English breakfast. There are not many things I would give the English credit for, but their breakfasts are one. Part of me thinks they must have stolen it from a Welsh housewife when she wasn’t looking. Jenny makes the best breakfast in the multiverse and there is nothing better than the smell of bacon sizzling on the grill.
Merlin was in his high chair eating cereal. Despite having a ravenous appetite he was thin for a child his age and Jenny was always feeding him snacks between meals.
The doorbell rang.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I asked and Jenny shook her head. It was barely half past nine, which was early for visitors. I hopped to the front door and opened it.
Bronwyn was on the door step. She wore a leather jacket, tee shirt and jeans and had an eager smile on her face.
“Are we going to chase de Conte, today?”
I waved her into the house and we walked to the kitchen.
“Auntie Bron,” Merlin shouted as she entered. Bronwyn walked over to him and ruffled his hair.
“Would you like some breakfast?” Jenny added.
“Do we have time?” Bronwyn asked.
“They went yesterday,” Jenny said brightly. “Jake couldn’t find you.”
“Did you look?” Bronwyn’s eyes were ice.
“Everywhere.”
“Including Tydan?” Her voice now matched her eyes.
“I’m not welcome on Tydan,” I told her.
Jenny put a full plate in front of Bronwyn.
“There you go. It’s done now. You might as well eat.”
Bronwyn’s lips trembled. I couldn’t see why she was so upset. We didn’t catch him anyway.
“It was a dead end. The teleport receiver was set to explode when we arrived. The place turned out to be a small city on an asteroid. There was a dome over it to hold in the air.”
“Nothing for Auntie Bron,” Merlin chipped in. “Only for Daddy.”
Bronwyn ignored him.
“You could have waited.”
“No time. Malcolm and Silvia’s wedding is tomorrow. I have to be at the rehearsal later today. Are you going to attend?”
“No.” If anything, talking of the wedding seemed to upset Bronwyn even more.
“The asteroid was a dead end, but Alan d’Fallon still has Greta, so we might find out who they were working for from her.”
Bronwyn stood and banged her fist against the table.
“Might isn’t good enough. Don’t you understand that?”
I saw tears start to form in her eyes and she hopped before they fell.
“I wonder what’s got into her?” I asked.
“She wasn’t invited to the wedding. Malcolm is frightened of her.”
Malcolm had good reason, but getting her pissed at him wasn’t a wise move either. Still, it was his wedding.
“Silly Malcolm,” Merlin opined.
“Eat your breakfast before it gets cold,” Jenny said. I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or to Merlin, but it was good advice either way.
It wasn’t a dress rehearsal and everybody except Malcolm had dressed casually. Despite the fact that very few people needed to be there, a lot of people had turned up. Malcolm and Silvia’s parents were there and I shook hands with them. Jenny and Merlin had come with me and Mister Griffith was with his wife. It seemed that the happy couple had arranged for a choir and they had chosen to attend to practice the hymns. Add in the organist, choirmaster and some of the parents of the younger member of the choir and you had quite a crowd in a small church.
Silvia was bouncing with excitement. She was a pretty blonde girl with a good figure. As my eyes roamed over her body, I noticed a suspicious bulge just above her jeans. She was pregnant.
She came up and kissed me, hugging me close to her.
“Jake, I’m so glad you came. Malcolm has been worried you wouldn’t show. And he wants you to be his best man so much.”
“I see you two have been busy.” My eyes drifted downwards.
Silvia giggled. “It could have been you at one point. I was so hot for you when we first met.”
That was my fault. I’d been leaking sexual magic without realizing it.
“But you got the best man in the end.”
She smiled. Pregnancy makes many women radiant and Silvia had always been attractive. She looked gorgeous at that moment.
“I did. Mam and Da’ are a bit upset about us jumping the gun, but I won’t be the first Catholic girl married while a little bit up the duff.”
I laughed.
“I thought it was compulsory; at least in Cardiff.”
She play-slapped me. “Don’t say that sort of thing to my parents. I’m sorry I couldn’t invite the Princess, but it would have made introducing them to my parents pretty well impossible.”
“And this is Jake’s other wife?” I suggested.
“Exactly.” She looked around her. “Will you go and rescue Malcolm from Father O’Brien?”
I turned around and spotted him near the sacristy. It was obvious what she meant. It was either rescue him or go over and perform the last rites on him. Rescue it was then.
“Hello Father, I’m Malcolm’s best man and I don’t have a clue what I have t
o do.”
The priest stopped his lecture to Malcolm and fixed me with a glare.
“Jake Morrissey? You’re not a Catholic then?”
I smiled back at him. “Not even Chapel in the last ten years. Do you think my immortal soul is in danger?”
Malcolm was giving me grateful looks while sidling away. Father O’Brien started to turn towards him so I stepped forward and put an arm around his shoulder to guide him away from Malcolm.
“I never did understand how God could be three things at the same time. If you could explain the Trinity in a simple sentence I’d be so grateful. I might even become a Catholic.”
“The Mysteries can’t be explained, that’s what makes them Mysteries. However, I have some pamphlets from the Catholic Truth Society that might help, if you want to know more about the faith?”
“Please,” I said. “And then if you could tell me exactly what I have to do during the ceremony, I’ll be most grateful.”
By this time, Malcolm had made it safely back to his bride-to-be and gave me a thumbs up sign. I nodded at him as the Priest led me into the sacristy.
I managed to get to talk with Mister Griffith as the rehearsal came to a close. I stepped down from the platform the ceremony would take place on and left the happy couple to chat with the priest. All I had to do was hand Malcolm the ring after escorting him to the altar. Even I couldn’t screw that up.
“Malcolm’s happier than I’ve ever seen him,” Mister Griffith told me. We were on first names terms, but in my head he would always be Mister Griffith, my boss from the woodyard.
“How are Jean and Gwydion?”
“Looking forward to the wedding, well, Jean is. It’s difficult to tell what Gwydion is thinking at his age. Probably wondering when his next meal is coming up.”
I laughed. “Silvia has been good for Malcolm. All his spots have vanished.”
“Down to you, that is. I’m sure you gave her a little hocus-pocus push at your wedding.”
I put on my best shocked-face. “When do I ever interfere in other people’s lives?”
Mister Griffith chuckled. “When don’t you? Not that I’m saying it doesn’t work out well, most times. But you are a born busybody.”