“Natalie,” Colin began, “I’ve known you since we were teenagers. When you came back into my life, I knew you were someone special. The more time we spend together, the more I realize that I want to spend all my time with you, for the rest of my life. I love you, Natalie Sharpe. Will you marry me?”
Now Natalie was certain she was going to pass out. She could feel the whole concert hall start to spin. Her chest grew tight, her cheeks burned. What was he thinking? All these people were watching. Blake was watching...
Colin held up the ring. It was beautiful—a large oval diamond set in platinum with a pear-shaped diamond flanking it on each side. The cut and clarity were amazing. The stone glittered with the lights on the stage, beckoning her to reach out and take it. All she had to do was say yes, and he would slip it on her finger.
And then what? They’d get married and last a few years at best? Then they’d get divorced and spend months squabbling in court? In the end, she’d become a bitter divorcée and sell this same beautiful ring in a ranting ad on Craigslist.
Yes, she loved him, but why did they have to get married? He was ruining everything they’d built together by changing their whole relationship dynamic. Love or no, she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t get the words out. All she knew was that she had to get out of here. Avoiding his gaze, Natalie shook her head. “No. I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said, before turning and running off the stage.
As she ran, she was only aware of an eerie silence. The entire concert hall had quieted. The crew backstage all stood around in stunned confusion. Apparently no one had expected her to reject his proposal.
“Natalie!” she heard Colin yell, but she couldn’t stop. She weaved in and out of people and equipment, desperately searching for the side door where they’d come in. Just as she found it, she heard the music start playing again. Life went on for everyone else, just as her life started to unravel.
Bursting through the doors, she took in a huge gulp of cool air that she desperately needed. The security guard watched her curiously as she bent over and planted her hands on her knees for support.
Marriage? He’d proposed marriage! He’d taken a perfectly wonderful evening and ruined it with those silly romantic notions. Why did he do that?
“Natalie?” Colin said as he came out the door behind her a moment later.
She turned around to face him, not sure what to say. She felt the prickle of tears start to sting her eyes. “What were you thinking?” she asked. “You know how I feel about marriage!”
“I was thinking that you loved me and wanted to be with me,” he replied, his own face reddening with emotion.
“We had an agreement, Colin. We were not going to fall in love. This was supposed to be fun and easy.”
“That’s how it started, but it changed. For both of us. Tell me you love me, Natalie. Don’t lie about it, not now.”
She took a deep breath, trying to get the words out of her mouth for the first time. “I do love you,” she said. “But that doesn’t change my answer. I don’t want to get married. That just ruins everything that we have going so perfectly right now. I’ve told you before I don’t believe in marriage. Proposing out of the blue makes me think you don’t listen to me at all. If you did, you never would’ve done something like...like...”
“Something so romantic and thoughtful?” he suggested. “Something so perfect and special to commemorate the moment so you’d never forget it? Something that a woman that truly loved me could never turn down?”
“Something so public!” she shouted instead. “Did you think that you could twist my arm into accepting your proposal by having four thousand witnesses? You proposed to me onstage in front of Blake Wright! All those people watching us.” She shook her head, still in disbelief that the night had taken such a drastic turn. “That whole thing is probably going to end up on the internet and go viral.”
Colin’s hands curled into controlled fists at his sides. She could see the ring box still in one hand. “Is that what you think I was doing with all of this? I couldn’t possibly have been trying to craft the perfect moment to start our lives together. Obviously, I was just coercing you into marrying me, because that worked out so well for me the first time.”
It was perfect. It had been perfect. And if she was any other woman, it would’ve been the kind of story she would’ve told her grandchildren about. But she couldn’t pull the trigger. This was too much, too soon. She’d just come to terms with loving him; she wasn’t ready to sign her life away to this man. They might have known each other since they were kids, but how much did they really know about each other?
“You hardly know me, and yet you want to change me. If you really loved me, Colin, you wouldn’t force me into something I don’t want to do. You would understand that I need time for a step this big, and that I might never want to make that leap.”
He ran his hand through his hair in incredulity. “Yes, I’m such a horrible person for inviting you to be a part of my family and to let me love you forever. What a bastard I am!”
Natalie stopped, his beautiful, yet rage-filled words sending a tear spilling down her cheek. There was no stopping the tears now, and she hated that. She hated to cry more than anything else. How had this perfect night gone so wrong? “You can do all that without a marriage.”
“But why would I want to? It doesn’t make any sense, Natalie. Why can’t you make that commitment to me? You know, I always thought you were such a strong woman. So in control, so self-assured. But in reality, you’re a damn coward.”
“What?” she asked through her tears.
“You heard me. You hide behind this big philosophical cover story about love and marriage being this forced social paradigm and whatever other crap you’ve recited because you’re afraid of getting hurt. You’re afraid to give in and let someone love you, then have it not work out.”
Natalie didn’t know what to say to that. It was true. She’d justified her own fears in her mind with all the statistics and academic findings she could spew. But the truth was that she used it all to keep men away. She’d done a hell of a job this time. She didn’t want to lose Colin entirely, though. Couldn’t they just go back to before he proposed? Pretend like tonight never happened?
“I might be scared to take the leap, but what if I’m right? What if I’d said yes and we had this big wedding and four kids and one day, we wake up and hate each other?”
“And what if we don’t? What if we do all of that and we’re actually happy together for the rest of our lives? Did you ever consider that option while you were wringing your hands?”
Did she dare consider it? Her mom considered it over and over just to fail. Time had turned her into a bitter woman constantly searching for something to complete her. Natalie wouldn’t let herself become like that. “I’m sorry, Colin. I just can’t take that chance.”
Colin stuffed his hands in his pockets, his posture stiff and unyielding. “Don’t be sorry. If you don’t want to marry me, that’s fine. It doesn’t matter what your reasoning is. But I’m done with the two of us. One marriage to a reluctant bride is enough for me. Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
“I think I should take a cab. That would be easier on us both.”
She saw the shimmer of tears in his eyes for just a moment before he turned and walked away. Natalie could only stand and watch as he got into his car and drove away.
As his taillights disappeared into the distance, Natalie felt her heart start to crumble in her chest. She’d been so afraid to love and be loved that she had driven Colin away and made her fears a reality.
With one simple no, Natalie had ruined everything.
Eleven
Colin avoided going to the chapel for as long as he could. He didn’t want to see Natalie. He didn’t want to spend most of the evening with her, pretending everything was fine
for the benefit of his sister and her fiancé. Like any injured animal, he wanted to stay in his den and lick his wounds alone.
The worst part was that he knew he’d done this to himself. Natalie had been very clear on the fact that she never wanted to get married and yet, he’d proposed to her anyway. He’d thought perhaps it was some sort of defense mechanism, insisting she didn’t want it so people wouldn’t pity her for not having it.
Overhearing her confession to Gretchen of being in love with him had given him a false hope. Somehow, he’d believed that offering her his heart and a lifetime commitment would not only show her he was serious, but that she had nothing to fear. That hadn’t panned out at all.
What was wrong with him? Why was he so attracted to women who didn’t want the same things he wanted? It was like he was subconsciously setting himself up for failure. Maybe he was the one who was really afraid of being hurt, so he chose women he could never really have. What a mess.
Pulling his truck into the parking lot of the chapel, he parked but didn’t get out. The rehearsal was supposed to start in twenty minutes. No need to rush in just because there was no sense in going all the way home first.
Glancing out the window, he looked around at the other cars. He spotted Natalie’s sports car, plus a handful of other vehicles he didn’t recognize. There were no motorcycles, though. And no little hatchback. Where were Lily and Frankie?
Reaching for his phone, he dialed his sister’s number. “Hello?” she shouted over a dull roar of noise around her.
“Lily, where are you?”
“We’re stuck in the Vegas airport. Our flight got cancelled because of bad weather in Denver. We’ve been changed to a new flight, but it’s not leaving until tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow morning? You’re going to miss the rehearsal and the dinner.” Colin knew the weather wasn’t Lily’s fault, but things like this always seemed to happen when she was involved. Who booked a flight that connected through Denver in the winter, anyway?
“I know, Colin!” she snapped. “We’re not going to make it in time for your choreographed circus. That’s why I called Natalie first and told her. She said she’d handle things tonight and go over the details with us tomorrow afternoon before the service. We’re doing what we can. It isn’t the end of the world.”
Nothing was ever a big deal to Lily. She said Colin was wrapped too tight and needed to loosen up, but he would counter that she needed to take some things—like her wedding day—more seriously.
“Just cancel the rehearsal dinner reservations,” she continued. “It was only the wedding party and Frankie’s parents, anyway.”
That he could do. Thank goodness they hadn’t opted for the big catered dinner with out-of-town guests. “Fine. You promise you’ll be back tomorrow?”
“I can’t control the weather, Colin. We’ll get back as soon as we can.”
Colin hung up the phone, a feeling of dread pooling in his gut. He was beginning to think this entire thing was a mistake. Lily didn’t want this wedding, and he’d twisted her arm. If he hadn’t done that, he wouldn’t have made such a calculated error with Natalie. Lily would be happily courthouse married. He wouldn’t have learned the truth about his parents’ marriage yet. There also wouldn’t be an extremely expensive diamond engagement ring in his coat pocket.
He needed to take it back to the jeweler, but he hadn’t had the heart to do it. He’d return it on Monday when all of this was over. That would close the book on this whole misguided adventure and then, maybe, he could move on.
With a sigh, he opened the door and slipped out of the truck. After talking to Lily, he knew he needed to get inside and see what needed to be done to compensate for the absence of the engaged couple.
Inside the chapel, things were hopping. The doors to the reception hall were propped open for vendors to come in and out with decorations. He could see Gretchen and the photographer, Bree, putting out place settings on the tables. A produce truck was unloading crates of fruits and vegetables into the kitchen.
Natalie was in the center of the chaos, as always. She was setting out name cards shaped like snowflakes on a table in the crossroads of the chapel entrance. A large white tree was on the table in front of her, dripping with crystals, pearls and twinkle lights. She was stringing silver ribbon through each name card and then hanging it from a branch on the tree, creating a sparkling blizzard effect.
She reached for another, hesitating as she noticed Colin standing a few feet away. “Have you spoken with your sister?” she asked, very cold and professional once again.
“Yes. Will we still have a rehearsal?”
“Yes.” Natalie set down a snowflake and turned toward him. “It’s not just for the benefit of the bride and groom. It helps the pastor, the musicians and the rest of the wedding party. They only have a best man and maid of honor, so it might be a short rehearsal, but it’s still needed to get everyone else comfortable with the flow.”
“Are the others here?”
“We’re just waiting on the maid of honor.”
“What about the parts for the bride and groom in the ceremony?”
“We’ll have to get someone to stand in for them both. I’ve had to do this before—it’s not a big deal. I had a bride get food poisoning, and she missed everything leading up to the ceremony. It all turned out fine.”
“Okay.” Her confidence made him feel better despite the anxious tension in his shoulders. “I’ll stand in for Frankie, if you need me to. I’m not in the wedding party, so I don’t have anything else to do.”
Natalie smiled politely and reached for her paper snowflake again. “Thanks for volunteering. You can go into the chapel and wait with the others if you like. We’ll begin momentarily.”
Even though he was angry with her, he couldn’t stand to see the blank, detached expression on her face when she looked at him. He wanted to see those dark brown eyes filled with love, or even just the light of passion or laughter. He wanted to reach out and shake her until she showed any kind of emotion. Anger, fear, he didn’t care. She had been so afraid to feel anything before they met. He worried that after their blowup, she’d completely retreat into herself. He might not be the one who got to love her for the rest of her life, but someone should.
Natalie would have to let someone, however, and he had no control over that.
He wanted to say something to her. Anything. But he didn’t want to start another fight here. Instead, he nodded and disappeared into the chapel to wait with the others. That was the best thing to do if they were going to get through all this without more turmoil than they already had.
The maid of honor walked in a few minutes later with Natalie on her heels. She had her headset on and her stiff, purposeful walk had returned.
“Okay, everyone, I’m going to go over this once, quickly, then we will walk through the whole ceremony so everyone gets a feel for their roles and how it will all go.”
Colin stood with his arms crossed over his chest as she handed out instructions to the string quartet in the corner, the ushers and the wedding party.
“Colin is our stand-in groom today. After you escort in your parents, you and the best man are going to follow the pastor in and wait at the front of the church for the ceremony to start. Everyone ready?”
All the people in the chapel, excepting the musicians, went out into the hall. Colin and the best man, Steve, followed Pastor Greene into the chapel, taking their places on the front platform. The string quartet played a soothing melody that sounded familiar, but he didn’t know the name. At the back of the room, Natalie gave a cue to the pastor before slipping into the vestibule. He asked everyone to rise. The musicians transitioned to a different song, playing louder to announce the coming of the bridal party.
The doors opened and the maid of honor made her way down the aisle. She moved to the
opposite side of the landing and waited for the doors to open a final time. The music built a sense of anticipation that made Colin anxious to see what was about to happen, even as a stand-in groom for a rehearsal.
The doors of the chapel swung open, and standing there holding a bouquet of silk flowers, was Natalie. His chest tightened as she walked down the aisle toward him. She was wearing a burgundy silk blouse and a black pencil skirt instead of a white gown, but it didn’t matter. The moment was all too real to Colin.
But with every step she took, reality sunk in even more. This wasn’t their rehearsal and they weren’t getting married. She had turned him down, flat, in front of a couple thousand people and a country music star. The sentimental feelings quickly dissipated, the muscles in his neck and shoulders tightening with irritation and anger.
Natalie avoided his gaze as she approached the platform. She looked only at the pastor. Her full lips were thin and pressed hard into a line of displeasure. Neither of them seemed very happy to have to go through all this so soon after their blowup.
This was going to be an interesting rehearsal.
* * *
Natalie wished there was someone else to fill in for Lily, but there just wasn’t. Everyone else was preparing for tomorrow and Bree was capturing everything—including her awkward moments with Colin—on camera. All she could do was man up, grab the dummy bouquet and march down the aisle so they could get through this.
“Frankie will take Lily’s hand and help her up onto the platform,” the pastor explained. “Lily will pass her bouquet to the maid of honor to hold, then I will read the welcome passages about marriage.”
Natalie took Colin’s hand, ignoring the thrill that ran up her arm as they touched. She clenched her teeth as she handed off the bouquet and listened to the pastor go through his spiel. They had opted for the traditional, nondenominational Christian service, passing on any long biblical passages. Colin had insisted that Lily didn’t want to stand up here for a drawn-out religious service. She wanted to get married and then cue the party.
A White Wedding Christmas Page 13