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“Indeed. Most of parenthood does. But we can still celebrate. ” He kissed her lightly on the lips. “Maybe now you can relax. ”
* * *
After last period, Lexi went to the counselor’s office. It was a small narrow room lined on all sides with bookshelves. In those shelves, there were literally thousands of college manuals.
She sat in a blue plastic chair, waiting.
At just past three-thirty, the receptionist looked up from her desk. “Lexi, Mrs. Morford can see you now. ”
Lexi nodded and slung her heavy backpack over her shoulder. She walked down the narrow, college-poster-lined hallway and stepped into the office in the back. Through the window, she could see the gym and a pair of skinny kids—probably freshmen—playing Hacky Sack.
Lexi sat down opposite the large brown desk that dominated the room. Her counselor, Mrs. Morford, sat behind it.
“Hello, Lexi. ”
“Hey, Miz Morford. ” Lexi reached into her backpack and pulled out two thick envelopes. Inside were acceptances from the UW and Western Washington. She handed them to her counselor, who read the letters and then set them down.
“Congratulations, Lexi. Now, what can I do for you?”
“Both schools offered me scholarships. Two thousand dollars. But … look at the costs. The UW tuition is fifty-three hundred, room and board is sixty-two hundred, and books are another thousand. That’s more than thirteen thousand dollars. How can I get more help?”
“We talked about this when your grades dropped last semester, Lexi. The UW and WWU are extremely competitive schools. There are several island scholarships you can apply for, though, and you could always take out a loan. They have some really good educational programs. ”
“I’d have to borrow ten thousand dollars a year. And even then I’d have to work all through school. I’d be in debt when I graduated. ”
“A lot of people go through college on loans, Lexi. It’s a way of betting on your own future. ”
Lexi sighed. “I guess community college isn’t so bad. I can go to the UW in two years. ”
Mrs. Morford nodded. “It’s a great way to save money. Two years will go by fast. In no time you’ll be back with your friends. ”
Not the ones who mattered.
Lexi thanked the counselor and walked down to her bus stop. All the way home, she worked and reworked the numbers, trying to magically refashion it all into a plan she could make work.
But there was no making it work. Short of borrowing a ton of money, she was not going to a four-year school.
By the time she was home, she was thoroughly depressed. Never had she felt as much of an outsider on Pine Island as she did now. She would have given almost anything for the choices most island kids took for granted.
At home, she went straight into her room and flopped onto the bed.
The phone rang.
She answered. “Hello?”
“Lexi! Zach and I got into USC. Both of us. And Tyler got into UCLA. Isn’t that awesome? Can you come out to dinner with us tonight? We’re celebrating!”
“That’s great. ” Lexi banged her head against the headboard. She should just drown herself. Tears stung her eyes. She wasn’t one to feel sorry for herself, but why couldn’t life go her way JUST ONCE? “Of course I’ll celebrate with you. ”
Mia launched into another college story and Lexi couldn’t take it anymore. She mumbled some excuse and hung up on her best friend.
A few minutes later, a knock at her bedroom door surprised Lexi. “C-come in,” she said, sitting up in bed.
Eva walked into the small, cramped room. The walls were covered with photographs: there were pictures of Zach playing football, of Mia waterskiing, of the three of them at the homecoming dance. “These walls are paper thin. I heard you crying. ”
Lexi wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry. ”
Eva sat down on the side of the bed. “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”
Lexi knew she looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. “Zach and Mia got into USC. ”
“You didn’t want them to get in?”
“No. ” Just saying it made her feel miserable and small. “I’m afraid that when he leaves…”
“You know, I met my Oscar when I was sixteen and he was twenty-eight. Ooh-ee, was it a mess, I can tell you. A sixteen-year-old girl isn’t supposed to know what she wants, and a man that age ain’t supposed to want her at all. ” She sighed, smiling. “My daddy woulda shot Oscar if he’d showed his face at our place, so we waited. Oscar was in the service, and he went away for a few years. We wrote letters back and forth. Then on the day I turned eighteen, I married him. During Vietnam, we were apart again. ”
“How did you make it through all that?”
“It isn’t about being at the same school or the same town or even the same room, Lexi. It’s about being together. Love is a choice you make. And I know you’re young, but that don’t mean a thing. Do you believe in how you feel? That’s what matters. ”
“I want to believe in it. ”
“Is that the same thing? You might think on that. ” Eva patted her hand and stood up. “Well. If I don’t head out now, I’ll be late for the night shift. Do you have plans for tonight?”
“The Farradays want to celebrate tonight. They invited me to dinner. ”
“That isn’t the most sensitive thing I’ve ever heard. You okay with it?”
“I have to be,” Lexi said. When her aunt got to the door, Lexi said, “Thanks, Eva. ”
Eva waved a gnarled hand as if to say, humpf!, and left the room.
Alone again, Lexi looked at the pictures and clippings on her wall. Then, with a last tired sigh, she got up, made her bed, and headed down the hall.
Forty-five minutes later—right on time—she was sitting in the living room, waiting. She had put on her best dress and taken extra time with her hair and makeup. When she was done, no evidence of her emotional meltdown remained.
Outside, a car pulled up. Headlights shone into the living room and then clicked off.
She meant to get up, but she couldn’t seem to move.
The knock on the front door rattled the whole mobile home.
Finally, she made herself rise, move, open the door. Zach and Mia stood there.
“Can you believe it?” Mia said, launching herself forward to hug Lexi, who did her best to reciprocate.
Lexi dared to look over Mia’s shoulder at Zach, who looked as devastated as she felt.
“Congratulations,” she said woodenly.
He nodded.
Lexi felt Mia take her hand, and she let her best friend lead her down the wooden steps and across the wet grass to the waiting Escalade, where the three of them got into the backseat, with Lexi in the middle, as usual.
“Hey, Lexi,” Miles said, looking at her in the rearview mirror. “We’re glad you could join us. ”
“I’d never miss a celebration like this,” she said, managing a smile.
“We’re all celebrating,” Mia said. “Lexi got scholarships to the UW and WWU. It’s a dream come true, right, Lexi?”
“A dream come true,” Lexi agreed tiredly.
After they picked up Tyler, the conversation kicked into high gear. All the way to the restaurant, Mia and Jude talked about USC and Los Angeles and what it would be like to hang out on the beaches of Southern California. Every sentence began with some version of It’ll be so cool …
Zach held Lexi’s hand, squeezing it just a little too hard.
Finally, as they pulled up to the restaurant and parked, Lexi dared to look at him.
I don’t want to go, he mouthed. But he would, and they both knew it.
* * *
May came to the Pacific Northwest like a favorite relative, bringing sunshine. Gone were the perennial gray skies and ceaseless, dripping rain. Overnight, it seemed, color returned to this misty landscape. All over the island, curtains that had long
been ignored were thrown open, barbeques were wheeled out of their garage hideaways, and patio furniture was uncovered and scrubbed clean. It was a glorious leonine month always, a bright respite before the pale gloom of June, and this year it was particularly bold. The combination of an egg-yolk sun and a surprising heat brought kids pouring into beach parks and bike paths.
On Saturday, the fifteenth, Lexi woke early. It had been a restless night, full of bad dreams about planes that taxied down runways and rose into cloudy skies. She padded out of her bedroom and headed down the hall.
Eva was waiting for her in the kitchen, wearing her old white chenille bathrobe and a pointed metallic hat. On the table beside her were two glazed donuts on yellow paper plates; one had a twisty blue candle in it. “Happy birthday,” she said, blowing on a noisemaker.
Lexi almost burst into tears. In all the college drama, she’d forgotten about her eighteenth birthday. But Eva had remembered.
“I got you two presents this year. ” Eva cocked her head to indicate the wrapped packages on the table.
Lexi couldn’t help remembering her birthdays before Eva—long, unhappy days spent waiting alone for a mother who never showed. She kissed her aunt’s wrinkled, velvety cheek and then took a seat at the table.
“Open it,” Eva said, taking a seat across from Lexi.
Lexi enthusiastically started unwrapping the paper. Inside the box lay a sapphire blue cotton sweater with tiny silver buttons. She held it up, admiring it. “It’s beautiful. ”
“If it don’t fit, we can exchange it at the store. ”
Lexi would never return it, even if it were two sizes too small. It would always be in her top drawer, alongside the pink bedazzled butterfly sweatshirt she’d outgrown. “It’s perfect, Eva. Thank you. ”
Eva nodded. “Open that one. ”
The other gift was about the size of a tablet of paper, and slim. Lexi opened it carefully and lifted the lid.
On the top was a four-color brochure for an apartment complex in Pompano Beach, Florida. “Fun in the sun,” it promised, in big, bold type. Below it was a class catalog from Broward Community College.
“That’s Barbara’s apartment building,” Eva said, leaning forward. “I got to thinking about your future, and I thought, hell’s bells, why couldn’t you come to Florida with me? Barbara’s got two bedrooms, and her and I have shared a bedroom before. You could have your own room and go to classes during the day. You wouldn’t have to pay any rent at all. ”
Lexi looked across the table at this woman who had done so much for her, and her throat tightened. “It looks great. ”
“I shoulda known you wouldn’t want beauty school. Barbara told me as much. You’re the first one of us ever to go to college. College,” Eva said the word reverently. “We’re so proud of you. And you need to get to know your other aunt. Her kids and grandkids are dying to meet you. ” She patted Lexi’s hand. “I know you got your boy to think about, but he’s goin’ off somewhere with his sister. So I wanted you to know you had me to think about, too. You aren’t alone anymore, Alexa. Not unless you want to be. Now, let’s eat these donuts. I got to be at work soon. Make a wish and blow out your candle. ”
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