After Braddox took forever to get things processed, I rushed home, not even taking the time to check my almost-dead phone or anything else.
But I was too late. Walking into the front room, I’d gasped, inhaling the rancid smell of stale vomit mixed with the musty scent of pot and whatever else she’d been cooking that she’d OD’d on.
Had I fallen to my knees when I’d seen her half-hanging off the couch? I couldn’t be sure. In fact, most of everything seemed confusing and hazy. Maybe I’d imagined the whole thing.
Just when I started thinking I needed to get up and double check, a police officer came out with a pad of paper and a pen poised to take notes. What notes did he need? I’d almost convinced myself that she wasn’t dead, that I’d imagined the whole thing and there he was to try to undo all of that?
Who the hell did he think he was?
“Jaxon, I understand you found your mother. Do you know where she got her chemicals from?” The police took a seat beside me and then looked past me, suddenly standing and speaking to someone else. “Excuse me, Mr. O’Donnell, sir.”
“Thank you, officer. Do you mind if I speak with my son?” Dad’s voice had softened from the last time I’d talked to him in person. Over the phone, it was impersonal and professional. In that frozen moment of pain, I could almost hear affection in his words.
I didn’t look up. I just continued staring at the landing past the tips of my fingers in my point of view. I didn’t want to see Dad. I didn’t want to accept the blame that would be on his face.
Because why wouldn’t he blame me? He’d sent me there to protect Mom and I’d failed. I’d lost my perspective.
I couldn’t handle the pressure of my shame and guilt. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
My father lowered himself to sit beside me, his breathing shallow because of the climb up the stairs. He folded his hands between his knees and stared with me in silence.
The moment stretched between us and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel so alone.
I didn’t have a plan on where I would live or what I would do. I only had a few months before I turned eighteen, so they would want a plan for me since my legal guardian was dead in the apartment.
I took a long shuddering breath. I could feel Dad raising his gaze to look at me. I shook my head and sniffed. “I would have been here. I should have been here, but I was in jail last night for hitting Norman. Over and over. I didn’t stop.”
My dad reached out to put a hand on my shoulder but I stopped him with splayed fingers in the air. I closed my eyes and dropped my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let you down.”
When Dad finally spoke, his voice was choked and constricted. He rested his heavy hand on my shoulder. “Jaxon, you didn’t let me down. You did more than you should have been asked to do. Your mom made a lot of demands on me that made it hard for me to try to have a relationship with you. Multiple times…” He paused and then cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. What matters right now is that we’re free from her. I want you to come live with me.”
Hope burgeoned in my chest, pushing out the fear and loneliness and unbearable sadness that struggled to suffocate me every moment I was awake. I blinked and raised my gaze, studying him as if I’d never seen him before.
And maybe I hadn’t. Maybe I hadn’t realized just how much he’d meant to me – even the impersonal notes and texts had taken root in my life as a present father-figure.
“Would you be okay with living with me? And Braddox, of course. I did recently get married. She has a daughter your age. We could maybe make a go of having a family. What do you think?” He had more uncertainty in his features than I had in my heart.
I nodded, wiping at my nose and covering the tears brimming in my eyes. I wasn’t sure what had taken so long, but I was ready to go back to the home I’d been ripped from.
We both stood as if in sync. Dad, though, moved as if to step down the stairs. I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “I need to get a couple things. Is that okay?”
“Of course. Yeah, I wasn’t…” He nodded and paused, resting his hand on the railing while stepping slowly behind me as I climbed the steps.
The gurney from the ambulance creaked as the EMTs raised it from the position on the ground in the living room.
Mom’s body had been covered and strapped onto the rolling bed. Which was good. I didn’t want to see her again. I’d never be able to get the image of her from mind – eyes wide open and blank, mouth open, lips blue, and vomit down the front of her. Obviously, I’d seen her in worse conditions – not the dead part – but she’d been fine afterwards. She’d been alive. This time we didn’t even have a chance to talk about what had happened. The last thing I’d heard from her before she died was how much she hated me.
I stopped by the doorway, waiting as the EMTs worked the gurney to the stairs. Out of their view, I heard their comments.
“Good thing about the junkies, they’re pretty light.” A burly one quipped as he headed down the stairs backward. The other one grunted in agreement, his back to me.
I didn’t care. I’d known for a long time that my mom was a junkie. I’d even suspected that she started turning tricks for her and Norman to get hits. Hearing it didn’t seem to hurt like I thought it would.
I glanced at Dad, a little embarrassed that he had to hear the comments. His ashen appearance gave me pause. I furrowed my brow and bent my head as I studied him. “Are you okay?”
He shook his head, staring after the EMTs and their load. Dad’s eyes had a confused pinch at the corners. “I… I’d never heard her referred to as a junkie before, you know? She was formidable on the west side of town. She was amazing and vibrant and present. For whatever reason, she started doing drugs and I’m not sure why she couldn’t come back from that.” Incredible sadness pulled on Dad’s shoulders, and he slumped forward a little bit as he turned back to face me. “You said you needed to get something?” He motioned through the doorway and I walked through, leading the way into the apartment I’d shared with my mom for quite a while.
I swallowed, suddenly shy about where we’d lived. I lamely motioned at the living room and kitchen. “This is… the place. I’ll be right back.” I ducked into my room, coming to a shocked stop two feet through the doorway. I blinked, taking in the garbage bag filled with my clothes and a banged up cardboard box haphazardly filled with random items.
She’d even half-packed a shoe on top of a handful of Matchbox cars from a few years ago.
Blinking back more pain, I turned to the closet. Reaching up into the back of the shelving she hadn’t touched yet, I pulled down a photo album and some papers. Tucking my prizes into the backpack hanging on the handle of the bedroom door, I looked back at the room. I didn’t want anything else there. I had some money saved up that I’d hoarded in case I needed to make a payment on the apartment or something. I could buy all new clothes. I didn’t need anything else.
I returned to the kitchen in silence, watching as Dad tried to take in the general squalor of the place. Cigarette burns spotted the floor and various stains camouflaged the original colors of the carpet. The linoleum was nothing to call home about. Even the appliances were stained from nicotine and other random items Mom and Norman had never bothered cleaning.
I didn’t even care. I just wanted out of there.
“Do you… I mean, will I still go to East Shores?” I inhaled softly. I didn’t want Dad to know that I honestly didn’t even want to go back to school with only three months left, but with graduation so close, I had to at least finish it.
Dad turned toward me, slow to remove his disapproval with the surroundings from his face. He blinked, taking in my appearance and the fact that I only had the one bag. “No. You’re not going back to East Shores. You’ll graduate from West Shores. I’ve had access to your grades for a long time. You’ll do fine to get your diploma. We’ll talk about the business and what I expect going forward once
you’ve had a chance to get settled at the house.”
Settled at the house.
My entire life was about to be flipped upside down.
Dad reached out, clamping his hand on my shoulder and smiling with more enthusiasm than I expected. “It’s time I got my son back.” After staring at me for a moment, he pulled me into his arms and wrapped me tight against him.
The moment was heady and more than a little overwhelming.
On one hand, my mom was dead and I mourned her loss. It hurt that no matter what I did it wasn’t enough. Seriously. I couldn’t make her happy. Sticking up for her with Norman had made her hate me. I didn’t understand that mentality. But… I’d also always felt like my dad didn’t want me and that there had to be something wrong with me for that to be the case.
Adding Mom’s hatred only made sense.
But now… Dad was offering me what I’d longed for for so long. Braddox and I could be together again.
Braddox… He hated me. He wouldn’t accept me at his school, in his house, with his dad.
That close to Olivia.
Now, though, we’d all be under the same roof. All bets were off and I had no doubt he had plans to already go after her, regardless of what we’d agreed upon. Now, though I would be able to call him on it.
Just like he wouldn’t be able to stop me.
Then it struck me as I followed Dad down the stairs. He didn’t say anything about me and Olivia which meant he didn’t know about us. That was a small blessing that I’d take and not tell anyone.
If I could get closer to Olivia, things could smooth out. But I had a feeling that not only was the step-sibling thing going to be awkward to work through and not to mention forbidden, but also ramp up the competition between Braddox and myself.
There was too much between us. Maybe I needed to talk to Braddox about making our relationship more neutral, if not better.
Climbing into the Nova and following Dad from the East Side to the West, I couldn’t help the optimism from taking over.
Mom might have died, but opportunities were opening up to me.
I just hoped I didn’t lose the chances as I dealt with the opposition that would surely come.
Chapter 5
Olivia
I knew Jaxon was with Trenton as soon as I heard the deep throaty growl of his Nova pulling into the drive. I couldn’t see the driveway from my room, but with the window open, I could hear clearly when he arrived and when he shut it off.
I rushed to the door of my bedroom and pressed my forehead to the closed panel. Closing my eyes, I rubbed my lips together and braced my hands on the door.
I wasn’t trying to keep him out. On the contrary, I wanted to snatch him up and drag him inside. He had to be going through so much pain and loss. I hadn’t been sure what Trenton was going to do, but I’d hoped his main goal was to bring Jaxon home with him. If not for me, then for Jaxon.
That wasn’t what I meant.
I didn’t expect Trenton to do something like bring home his son for me. I opened my eyes only to roll them at myself. I could be such an idiot sometimes.
What I meant was I was worried about Jaxon. He hadn’t answered my texts still or my calls and I’d finally given up. He had so much going on; it didn’t seem fair for me to continue hounding him.
All I wanted to do was comfort him. He’d been given a bad turn and it wasn’t fair.
I stiffened at the sound of footsteps in the hallway and Trenton’s muffled but audible words. “You’ll be on this side of the hallway. Braddox is across from you and Olivia is here. If you need anything, Maria and I are down the hall past the stairs. I’m sure you remember the layout.”
Jaxon assented and I closed my eyes again at the rough baritone of his voice. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him. So much had happened since the night before. Our simple date at DeGuido’s had turned into so much more than just pizza. We’d gone from living at the East Shores Apartments to living on the West Side – a bittersweet return for both of us. My mother had remarried and Jaxon’s mom had died.
One weekend had turned our lives upside down and thrown us together under one roof.
Trenton’s footsteps faded back down the hall and I sagged against the door. What would I give to open the door and beg Jaxon to come in my room? I had no doubt Braddox could hear everything as well through his door, if he was even listening.
Somehow, I had no doubt he listened. Braddox was suspicious and thought the worst of everyone. He was hurting, too.
I couldn’t do that to either of them. They needed time to adapt and grieve. I still wasn’t done mourning my father. I’m not sure why I expected them to get over anything in less than an hour.
Jaxon’s door opened and then closed softly with a click.
The finality of the sound hit me in my soul. I pushed off the door and slowly ambled to the couch set up beside the window looking over the ocean. I ignored the waves crashing far below and the rolling waves as they worked their way toward the shore.
Pulling my knees up, I wrapped my arms around my legs and stared at the carpet. I couldn’t help feeling like he was mad at me. I didn’t care about Braddox. No, wait, I cared about Braddox but I wasn’t worried if he was mad at me or not. I didn’t like that he was hiding his pain, but I got it at the same time. How many nights did I face the darkness of my dad’s death alone? It was easier to pretend like nothing had happened rather than face the pain waiting to rip me apart.
My stomach growled, but the mild hunger wasn’t enough to drive me from my room. I didn’t want to get caught by anyone who would start an uncomfortable conversation with me.
Trenton had lost the mother of his children and his ex-wife. Mom… she was in an untenable position that I couldn’t even begin to try to understand. Braddox and I were on some kind of a precipice and I had no idea how to tip one way or the other.
And Jaxon… What if he didn’t want to see me after the terrible day he’d had. I hated that I couldn’t do anything to help him.
My insecurities swarmed me and I snuggled tighter on the couch, pulling the decorative throw over my legs as I continued watching the sun set and the stars take over the sky.
How had I gotten there? What exactly was I supposed to learn from the shit I’d been through lately? I couldn’t figure it out and that scared me. I rested my chin on my arm draped across the back of the couch and stared toward my bed, unseeing the covers and pillows stacked there. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I jolted to grab it.
Blinking, I swiped the screen.
A text from Jaxon greeted me.
J: I’m sorry.
I pressed my lips to the side, shaking my head as I wondered just what he was talking about. He had lost his mom. I needed to apologize to him.
Me: What do you mean? Are you okay? I’m sorry about your mom.
I chewed my bottom lip as I hit send. I was so relieved he was okay and that he’d finally texted me back.
J: I didn’t mean to miss out last night. I was arrested.
My jaw dropped in surprise as my thumbs flew across the onscreen keyboard. I’m not sure why, but that just made him hotter. More dangerous. I had it bad for him.
Me: You were in jail?!
Me: How is that possible? What happened?
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I wanted to text him a whole slew of things, but he needed a minute to text me back. I was fine with that. He was texting me back. That’s all that mattered.
J: Mom was getting beat up by her boyfriend. I stopped him and kept hitting him.
Me: That is crazy. You shouldn’t have been arrested for that. Sounds like he deserved it!
J: It was my word against his. They arrested us both and they’re letting court sort it out this week. I don’t have to go because Braddox arranged for a lawyer.
Braddox had arranged things to help his brother out? That didn’t seem like the Braddox I was mad at. Braddox had a habit of only doing things that would help himself.
&
nbsp; Me: What’s in it for him?
J: ?? Yeah, I know, but I’m hoping he really does want to help me. We’re going to be living together, now…
Me: True.
Me: We live together, now, too…
I wanted to say so much more, but how did I broach the serious side of the subject of he and I living together? We were under one roof and I just wanted to see him. We lived with each other and we were supposed to be together the night before.
That hadn’t happened. Did he still want it to happen? Was it terrible that I wanted to ask him if he still wanted me?
He didn’t reply to my comment about us living together. That made my stomach twist with nerves.
Me: This place is huge.
J: Lol, yeah. You’ll get used to it. You’re from the west side, remember?
Me: It’s been way too long.
I stared at the screen. Three months seemed like forever. He’d been away from his home for six years. I couldn’t imagine how spoiled I sounded. One more reason for him to change his mind about me.
J: I shouldn’t have left last night. I should have stayed there with you.
Me: Well, there’re good things and bad things about you leaving. My mom came in and woke me up this morning to tell me she and Trenton got married. Can you imagine if you’d been there when she got there?
There would have been hell to pay. I had to keep the positive in mind.
J: But if I’d come… you would have.
His sexual innuendo made me blush and I suddenly pushed the blanket off me. The room was overly warm and I couldn’t cool off fast enough. He was just across the hallway.
Forbidden: A bully romance (An Academy Twin Rivalry Series Book 2) Page 4