Ginny Moon

by Benjamin Ludwig

  I look at Patrice. “I want to stay at the Blue House,” I say.

  Patrice smiles. “That’s the best thing I’ve heard you say in a long time. Now, let’s talk about what we have to do to keep you there. You’ll be seeing me three times a week for a long time, so we’re going to work on this a lot.”

  EXACTLY 5:29,

  MONDAY, OCTOBER 18TH

  It is the night of the Harvest Concert but it isn’t night yet. The sun is going down but it is still day.

  I have been very, very good at the Blue House and at school so that I wouldn’t get myself unadopted. Even though the things in my brain keep trying to pull me into dark places. I have been picking at my hands a lot and keeping them in my lap so no one sees. I didn’t try to get on the computer or to have Larry get on the internet for me. I told Patrice three times each week that I wanted to be a good big sister. And it’s true. If I wasn’t going to get kidnapped tonight at the Harvest Concert I would try very hard to help take excellent care of Baby Wendy when it’s born.

  In my backpack I have my flute, my quilt and a half gallon of milk. I’m all set to take care of my Baby Doll as soon as I find it.

  Mrs. Wake is bringing me to the band room to warm up and practice with the rest of the band. The musicians have to be in the band room at five-thirty. The concert starts at seven.

  We pass through the lobby and by the three glass doors that go to the front bus loop and the parking lot. I look outside. It is hard to see because it is so bright. The sun is shining right in my face. I wonder when the Green Car will come. I squint.

  After the lobby we pass the office. Coming the other way I see some chorus kids. They are dressed in white shirts and black pants and they are carrying water bottles and black folders. Behind the chorus kids is a man with a blue coat. Someone’s dad, I think. Then a lady wearing a red vest with a sweater under it. Someone’s mom.

  I turn around. Behind us I see two ladies talking and walking. Behind them I see another lady. She has her hair pulled back tight in a ponytail. She has a big brown unzipped jacket. She has a purple-and-brown flannel shirt. She is not heavy but she isn’t skinny like Gloria. She stops next to the first lobby door and smiles and puts her finger on her lips.

  It is Crystal with a C.

  I don’t know why Crystal with a C is here. It should be Gloria. But I am very, very happy. It’s good that Crystal with a C is here instead of Gloria because Gloria is unreliable and impulsive. Plus she made quite a scene. Twice. And my Forever Mom said that everyone knew I was contacting her on the computer.

  “Ginny?” says Mrs. Wake.

  “What?” I say.

  “Let’s watch where we’re going,” says Mrs. Wake. “The band room is this way.”

  I look behind me one more time. The other two ladies are gone now. Crystal with a C is still near the first lobby door. I turn around to keep walking but I hear her footsteps. She is following us.

  We pass the gym. There is a bathroom in there so I stop. “I have to go to the bathroom,” I say.

  Mrs. Wake looks into the doorway. It is dark in there except for a small light. Mrs. Wake looks inside. “It looks like the girls’ locker room is open,” she says. “Go ahead in, but then come right back out. I’ll wait right here for you.”

  Before I go in I look back. Crystal with a C is at the last lobby door. She smiles. She points at me. Then she points to the door. I see her take out a cigarette and walk outside.

  So I walk into the gym. The doorway to the girls’ locker room is right inside. I walk in and pass all the lockers and benches and come out on the other side of the gym. I see the exit sign above the door. It goes out to the fields. I push it open.

  And run.

  I run across the back of the school. It still isn’t dark yet but it’s getting hard to see. I run past the janitor’s car and the Dumpster. I run past the back door to the cafeteria. The loading dock. Then I get to the corner of the school where the teachers park. I slow down and look. No one is here either. I hurry past the empty parking spaces and now I am at the front of the school. I look down the long sidewalk to the lobby. I look out at the parking lot again. I don’t see Crystal with a C.

  So I look both ways very carefully and then I cross the bus loop. I stand between two empty cars looking. I walk down the rows of cars and I look and I look until I see a shape near a gray car. It is a person. With a red dot next to its mouth.

  “Hey, Ginny,” she says. “Ready to go on a little trip?”

  I nod my head yes. And smile. Because Crystal with a C is the one who’s going to kidnap me and she’s the one who tells the truth. She opens the door to the car for me and I get in.

  EXACTLY 5:43 AT NIGHT,

  MONDAY, OCTOBER 18TH

  Crystal with a C gets into the driver’s seat fast. She starts the car. She has a metal ball in the side of her nose that wasn’t there before. And purple pointy glasses. Also new.

  I smile big with my teeth and make my shoulders go up to my ears.

  “Wow, that’s a nice smile!” she says all at once. “I’d love to give you a hug, kiddo, but we need to get out of here quick as we can. Okay?” The tires make a tiny squeal and she pulls out of the parking lot. Crystal with a C winces which is what you do when you hear something loud or someone is going to hit. She looks in the mirror and then back to the road.

  “Did you find my Baby Doll?” I ask. “Gloria said she did but—”

  Crystal with a C glances in the mirror. I see her eyes there.

  “I had a feeling you were going to ask that. You haven’t changed a bit,” she says. “Yes, we found your Baby Doll. I did, actually. Gloria called me from the police station, so I went over to the apartment right away. She didn’t know where you put the baby, but I put two and two together and found the suitcase.”

  “Was it a—” I start to say but I can’t finish the sentence. “Is it a—”

  She looks at me. “Is it alive?” she says. “Is that what you’re trying to say? Holy shit, of course it was alive! What did you think, that you killed your baby sister?”

  I want to answer her question. I want to say Yes, thank you, thank you for finally telling me but my throat hurts and I can’t move my mouth anymore but then it opens all by itself and my chest moves up and down fast. No sound comes out but hot, hot tears fall on my face and pants. I cry and cry and shake while Crystal with a C looks at me and looks back at the road and says something and looks back at me but I can’t hear anything at all.

  Then I stop. And breathe. I am better.

  “—all right?” I hear Crystal with a C say.

  I don’t know what she asked but I nod my head yes anyway.

  Crystal with a C makes a breathing sound. “Ginny, I just can’t believe it. It’s been five years. Five frigging years. I know your mom is a real piece of work and that you needed to be away from her, but it’s just awful to imagine what you’ve been through, not knowing what happened to your sister. But right now I need to get us out of town, okay? You’ve got to let me drive for a while. We have ten minutes at the most, I’m guessing, before someone calls the police. I’ve got to take some back roads. We can’t take the highway because the police will put up a blockade.”

  “What’s a blockade?”

  “It’s a roadblock. You know, a place where the police park their cars across the road and stop everyone from driving. They’ll be looking for you. They’ll have an Amber Alert and everything.”

  “Is my Baby Doll with Gloria?”

  “Yep, she’s with your mom.”

  Crystal with a C pats my arm and makes a happy face. Her shoulders go up to her ears and come down again. Then she looks back at the road. “She was in pretty bad shape when I found her. I guess you were right to be worried. I was really scared for a while because she’d been in there so long.
At least an hour, easily. I thought she was...sleeping at first, but she was just unconscious. She came right back when I gave her mouth-to-mouth.”

  Then Crystal with a C is quiet.

  “Where did she come back from?” I say.

  “Back from—Shit, I don’t know. She’s fine, okay? She’s really fine. But if I hadn’t gotten there when I did, things might have turned out differently.”

  “She’s fine,” I say. To help me remember.

  “Right. So, to make a long story short, I brought her home and got her all cleaned up and fed. She was way too skinny. Not as bad as you, though. Do you remember when the judge described how you looked? In the decision papers? I’m not sure if you read them. Actually, you were way too young, so you couldn’t have. He said you looked like you came out of a concentration camp, you were so thin and beat-up. I feel bad to this day. I was out of the picture for a while that first year when Gloria was taking care of the two of you. But what that judge said—he really nailed it.”

  Crystal with a C is talking too fast. I nod my head yes even though I don’t know why.

  “Anyway, she was suffering from malnutrition. The doctor I brought her to said she was surprised she made it so long. You kept her alive, Ginny. You saved your sister’s life.”

  “By putting her in the suitcase?” I say.

  “No! God, no! By keeping her fed and protecting her from your mother. I love my big sister, but she’s not a good mom. And she’s so fucking impulsive! I mean, she’s come a long way, especially after the parenting classes, but she still doesn’t have her act completely together. You’ll see.”

  I don’t know what doesn’t have her act completely together means so I say, “Is my Baby Doll safe with Gloria?”

  Crystal with a C laughs. “Safe enough. I still don’t like to let more than a day go by without spending a few hours with both of them. Gloria sort of depends on me to do her thinking for her. I’m the one who got her to go to rehab and made her go to those classes. Plus, I had her move in with me until she got back on her feet.”

  “Does she give it plenty of food?”

  Crystal with a C makes a breathing sound. “Yes, she gives it plenty of food.”

  “Does she remember to give it a bath?”

  “A ba—”

  “Does she remember to change its diaper?” I say and then I stop and start picking at my fingers. But I am so anxious that I have to keep talking. “Does she know what to do when it throws up? Does she put socks on its hands so it won’t scratch its face?”

  “Ginny, how the hell old do you think your Baby Doll is?”

  “Almost one year old,” I say. “Its birthday is November 16th.”

  “Whoa,” says Crystal with a C. And then “Whoa” again. “Are you serious? Of course you’re serious. You couldn’t crack a joke if your life depended on it. But, girl, there’s a lot we have to talk about. Not right now, though. I don’t think you’re ready for it yet. And I have to drive and think. I forgot the way your brain works.”

  “The brain is in the head,” I say.

  “No shit,” says Crystal with a C.

  EXACTLY 5:27 IN THE MORNING,

  TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19TH

  I sit up straight and look around. I am alone in the car. The sun isn’t up yet but I can see there are trees with yellow leaves outside the windows. Crystal with a C is gone.

  I open the door and get out. The wind is blowing and I am wearing my jacket but I am still cold. Behind the car is a small white house with a chimney with white smoke coming out of it. I hear music inside. I pull my backpack high up on my shoulders and go to it.

  Crystal with a C is in the house. I see her walk past the doorway as I climb up the stairs to the front porch. I go to the screen door and stand there waiting.

  Crystal with a C walks past the door again. She sees me and puts her hand on her chest. “Ginny!” she says. “I didn’t even see you. How long have you been standing there?”

  “Since 5:28,” I say. My watch says it is five-thirty.

  “Well, come in, will you?” she says. “We can’t have you standing out in the open. We’re pretty far from the main road, but someone could still come up the driveway. You were fast asleep when we got here, and I didn’t want to wake you. You used to wake up kind of wild. You didn’t like to be touched. Not sure if that’s changed or not.”

  I rub my arms and open the door and go in. Inside I smell bacon and toast and smoke from a woodstove. I am hungry.

  Crystal with a C is in the kitchen now. I follow her. She is wearing a brown-and-orange shirt with squiggly white lines on it. She puts down a plate of food on the table. “I was going to make some for you after you woke up, but I guess you beat me to it,” she says. She points to the food.

  I sit and pick up a fork and start eating.

  “So we need to talk about a few things,” she says. “You’re all over the news already. There’s an Amber Alert, just like I said. I haven’t been in touch with Gloria yet. It’s just not safe. The police can see anything you put online, and they have access to cell phone records, too. So we’re going to stay off the map for a while. Just a few weeks until we can head up to Canada.”

  “Is my Baby Doll in Canada?” I say.

  “Baby Doll,” says Crystal with a C. “Why don’t you use her name?”

  “Because you said she’ll always be my little baby, no matter what,” I say. “So is it up in Canada?”

  “You really took me at my word, didn’t you?” she says.

  “Yes,” I say.

  “Fair enough. But to answer your question, no, not yet. I’ll find a way to get a message to Gloria when things have settled and tell them to come meet us. The two of us were born up there, you know. We both have dual citizenship. So do you. I even have your passport—I snagged it from Gloria when she finally brought you back to Maine. But your Baby Doll was born in my apartment. Gloria didn’t want to go to the hospital because she was scared they would have taken her. She was pretty well-known by the police, at that point. Gloria, I mean.”

  I don’t remember when my Baby Doll was born. I know its birthday but I don’t remember the day. “Where was I when my Baby Doll was born in your apartment?” I say.

  “You were home, waiting.” She picks up a coffee mug from the counter and drinks from it. “Your mom was never great at being a mom, but she loves you. Loves you like crazy. I mean, crazy, crazy crazy. You know that, don’t you?”

  I’m not sure if I know that so I make sure my mouth is shut and nod.

  “She’s been looking for you for years. Online, on the phone, every which way. She cares more about getting you back than she does about her own safety. So when you found her on Facebook, she jumped in the car and came to get you. Then she went to your school. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t listen. These sorts of things need to be taken slowly, but Gloria doesn’t live that way. Finally I had to sit her down—this is after the police threatened to make her spend a night in jail—and say, ‘Look, if you don’t stop this, you’re going to end up in prison. Then you won’t see either of your girls.’ That’s when she told me about her plan to go up to Canada.”

  She puts her coffee down. “You’re how old now?” she says.

  “Fourteen years old,” I say.

  “And your Baby Doll is still one?”

  I nod my head yes.

  “So you aged five years, and your Baby Doll didn’t age at all. You’re pretty good at math, aren’t you? The math doesn’t add up.”

  “It’s because she’ll always be my little baby just like you said,” I say. And then, “When does Gloria want us to go up to Canada?”

  Crystal with a C shakes her head and makes a breathing sound. “I’m just going to let the first part of that go for now. As for Gloria, she doesn’t even know that I’m do
ing this. If she did, she’d get involved, and then she’d end up in jail. But Canada is a great place for us to go. We’ve got a lot of family there. And it really is pretty easy to disappear up in Quebec. But, no, Gloria isn’t expecting to meet us. She thinks I’m in my own apartment right now.”

  “When are we leaving?” I say.

  “When things settle down. We could probably make a run for the border right now, but Gloria is going to be watched and questioned for a long time. I don’t want the day we cross the border to be anywhere near the time you disappeared.”

  “Then who will take care of my Baby Doll?” I say.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You aren’t spending at least a few hours with both of them every day and Gloria doesn’t have her act together.”

  Crystal with a C makes a breathing sound again. “My big sis is going to have to manage on her own for a while. I think they’ll be okay. With all the attention, Gloria’s not going to step too far out of line. She can act pretty reasonably, when she’s not strung out on drugs or with a man. Well, reasonably enough. Now, I’m sorry, but I have to get going. I have to go to work and act like nothing unusual is going on. Ha! But it’s a long drive from here. I bought this place ten years ago. It’s sort of my home away from home. There’s food in the fridge—you know how to cook, don’t you?”

  She asks if she can give me a hug and I say okay. Then she gives me one and she leaves.

  EXACTLY 6:23 IN THE MORNING,

  TUESDAY, OCTOBER 19TH

  I stand waiting until I hear Crystal with a C’s car pull out of the driveway. Then I start to hear some of the empty sounds I used to hear when I was alone in the apartment. The refrigerator and the ringing sound that comes from all the walls and rooms. I almost hear the sound of my Baby Doll breathing quiet, quiet on my shoulder. But then I hear the wind in the leaves outside and so I let my fingers go out straight again.

  I go to the front porch and put my toes on a crack at the edge of the doorway. Outside I don’t see neighbors or a street. I don’t see any buildings. I see only white trunks and yellow, yellow leaves.