It is the Other Ginny.
I’m guessing she’s mostly in kindergarten or in first grade. She is small enough to make an acorn out of construction paper and to paste her picture on it to put on a bulletin board. She is too small for me to be mad at. Even if she replaced me I don’t want to get her eyes out like Michelle Whipple’s.
The Other Ginny starts walking. Toward me. Closer and closer.
When she gets to me she smiles.
She isn’t teasing or making fun. She is in front of me just smiling. Then I see that she’s holding something in her hand. She holds it up for me to see.
It is a picture of me when I was nine years old. In it I am holding my Baby Doll.
I want to grab it. I want to put it near my eyes and look and look and look. I want to see my Baby Doll’s tiny face and hands but the Other Ginny takes the picture away and runs back the way she came. She moves out of people’s way like a squirrel or a cat. She runs down the hall and ducks and then stops. And looks back at me. She is standing next to the popcorn machine again.
With Gloria.
I don’t hear any sound at all. The ground is flat and hard under my feet. It is like I am standing on the back of a giant equal sign even though I can’t see it. So I take a step toward them. Gloria looks at me and puts her finger in front of her mouth. I want to yell What are you doing here? You should be taking care of my Baby Doll! but no sound comes out. I try again but I can’t talk. So instead I start walking toward them. Fast.
A police officer walks in front of me. I recoil. He crouches down next to me and asks if I’m all right. With my eyes closed I nod my head yes. He asks if I need help. I shake my head no. He stands up and says he’s sorry and asks if I know where I’m supposed to be. I nod my head yes again. He asks if I need help getting back to the game. I shake my head no. Then he says again that he’s sorry that he startled me. He wishes me good luck and walks away.
I look back to where Gloria was standing with the Other Ginny. She is gone. I look in every direction. I look at the doorway to the bathroom. I look at the exit sign.
The exit sign.
I run to it. I push past two people coming in and run outside into the parking lot. I slip on slushy ice but someone catches me. “Sorry,” I say in a quiet voice. Because it is freezing and the cold makes it hard to talk. I don’t have my coat or boots but I don’t care. I look across the sidewalk at all the cars in the parking lot. I look hard to find Gloria or the Other Ginny or the Green Car but I don’t see them.
Which means I am alone again. I am fourteen years old and still on the wrong side of the equal sign.
My hands are shaking and I am breathing fast because Gloria was here with another Ginny and neither of them had my Baby Doll but the Other Ginny had a picture of her. And of me. The Other Ginny smiled and showed me the picture but she didn’t let me have it. But where did they put my Baby Doll? Did they leave it in the car while they came inside?
Then I wonder if maybe Gloria is still in the building. Maybe she didn’t come out to the parking lot. I go back in.
Steam covers my glasses. I wipe them on my shirt and put them back on. I look and look but I don’t see Gloria or the Other Ginny anywhere.
“Hey there, Ginny,” someone says.
I look. Maura is coming toward me from down the hallway. Pushing a baby stroller. People move out of her way.
“I didn’t know if Wendy’s schedule would let us come, so I didn’t say anything,” she says, “but we really wanted to see you play. What are you doing out here? Is the first game over already?”
I look behind her. I look back at the exit sign. I look behind me and at the bathroom again.
“Ginny? Is the game over?”
“No,” I say.
“That’s great! Why don’t you walk me to the bleachers to find Brian? Wendy and I will stay as long as we possibly can.”
I look at Baby Wendy and grab my hair. I take three deep breaths just like Patrice taught me to do and then start walking back to the court. Maura follows me with the stroller. When I get there I see Brian. He is next to the bench holding out my water bottle. He waves to Maura and Baby Wendy.
“Here you go, Ginny,” he says. “Have some water. That was quite a fall you took! What happened out there?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Did you get confused?”
“Yes,” I say and look back up to where Gloria and the Other Ginny were sitting. The space is empty. I wonder if she saw Maura and decided to leave. Or if she got scared by the police.
“Hey, Ginny. Are you ready to play again?” says Coach Dan’s voice. I look up. He is standing with me and Maura and Brian. “Alison came in when you left, but Brenda is ready for a break. What do you say?”
I know that I look like a cave girl. I know that my mouth is open and my head is down and that I am thinking. I am not interacting. I am withdrawing. That’s what Patrice says. She says I withdraw when I am upset and that I don’t think of anything when I withdraw but what I’m really doing is thinking really, really hard.
Someone says, “Ginny, let’s go sit down in the stands. Did you hurt your head when you fell?”
Someone else’s voice says, “Come with us and take a break. You’ve done a great job so far. You’ve made your dad and sister and me really proud.”
It is Maura. She is talking to me. About Brian and Baby Wendy.
I shake my head no. “I want to play,” I say.
“You do?” says Brian.
I look at the numbers on my watch and nod my head yes. “I want to play basketball with the Lee Lancers. I want to help us win.” Even though there is no us. There is only them. I stole three cell phones from people on the team and I don’t care about Larry at all. I made Mrs. Wake go away at school and made Crystal with a C go to jail. And now Brian and Maura might send me away to Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls Who Aren’t Safe. I have been replaced by a new Ginny. I am (-Ginny) and I don’t belong anywhere. I’m not allowed to be part of something but I still want to win. At anything. Just once.
Coach Dan looks in my eyes and asks me to follow his finger. I follow it. I growl a little like a Maine coon and then he does a shoulder shrug and says, “She looks fine to me. It’s all up to you.”
“It’s all up to you,” I say as well because this is like part of a movie. Only I don’t remember the name. It might be Teen Wolf or The Empire Strikes Back or High School Musical.
They let me play.
EXACTLY 4:03,
SUNDAY, JANUARY 23RD
At Grammy’s house we are having a celebration dinner. Because we won gold medals at the tournament. We beat all the teams we played except one and that team won gold medals too. I am wearing mine right now.
After supper we are having a cake that says Congratulations, Ginny! on it. I saw it when I went to count how many bottles of soda were in the refrigerator. The cake is a chocolate cake with white frosting and red writing on it.
I am sitting in the living room watching Baby Wendy hold big fat Legos on the floor. It doesn’t know how to sit up yet. It doesn’t even know how to put the Legos together. I want to help it but I remember the most important rule. There is no reason for you to touch Baby Wendy whatsoever.
I brought my backpack with some things in it like my iPod and a puzzle and some maze books and some coloring books from Christmas in case I get bored. I brought Brenda Richardson’s phone too. It is in my pocket. I put it there when we took our coats off at approximately 2:32. Because I need to find a place to call Gloria. I need to ask her why she got the Other Ginny and why she came to Special Olympics and where my Baby Doll was but the house is full of people and I can’t find a quiet place.
My coat and hat and gloves are in the mudroom which is on the other side of the kitchen. My boots too. I will need those t
hings to go outside into the yard. Outside is the only place where I can make the call, I’m guessing.
I walk into the kitchen. Everyone is talking. Maura is sitting at the table and Grammy is cooking and Uncle Will is leaning on the counter. They talk, talk, talk. And laugh too. They are having a great time. Granddad is in the other room with Aunt Jillian and Baby Wendy. Brian and Uncle John and Aunt Megan are somewhere in the house. I don’t know where.
I walk past everyone into the mudroom. I stand around the corner and put my things on. I don’t zip or snap my coat because I don’t want to make any noise. I am as quiet as a Maine coon walking on a carpet.
I walk out and shut the door behind me. It is colder than ever. I zip my coat and run down the steps and stand right next to the house where no one can see me from the windows. I take out Brenda Richardson’s cell phone and turn it on and dial Gloria’s number.
Gloria picks up. “Holy shit, I’m sorry! We’re sort of on the run at this point, and we needed a place to come in and get warm. Plus, I wanted a chance to see you! It’s like the old days—we’re living in the car. The tournament was the perfect place, since we need to be in town on Tuesday anyway. But, girl, I wanted to grab you and hug you so bad, but that cop was right there! I was afraid he’d recognize me or ask something, so we ducked out. Why are you calling? Is everything okay?”
I start picking at my fingers. I really, really want to say something but she asked two questions. I don’t know which one to answer first. Which makes me confused and anxious.
“Ginny?”
“What?”
“Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“Because you asked two questions.”
“I did?” Gloria laughs. “Good old Ginny.”
But that is not true. I’ve changed a lot because I’m taller now and my hair is longer. I even wear a training bra. Plus I’m not who I’m supposed to be. So I say, “But my eyes are still green.”
She laughs again. “I’m sure they are, girlfriend,” she says. “So why are you calling?”
“You have to feed my Baby Doll,” I say.
Gloria makes a breathing sound. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know,” she says. “Are you going to start riding my ass like the social workers? I kept her alive this long. Doesn’t anyone get that? She’s a skinny little girl, okay? Didn’t you see her today? It was just a few hours ago. All the girls in my family are skinny. You included.”
I want to say No, Crystal with a C kept her alive this long. But I don’t care because I am confused. Because Gloria said Didn’t you see her today? and It was just a few hours ago. I don’t know what she means.
I swallow. “I didn’t see her today. Or a few hours ago. I saw the Other Ginny.”
“Excuse me?”
So I say, “I saw the Other Ginny. You left my Baby Doll in the Green Car and brought the Other Ginny to the tournament. But you can’t do that, Gloria. You can’t leave a tiny baby in the car. It’s way too cold to leave a baby in the car. You have to take excellent care of it.”
“Wait,” says Gloria. “Even after seeing her, you still don’t get it?”
“Even after I saw who, Gloria? Did you get the Other Ginny so that she could take care of my Baby Doll when you go to see your dealer? Does she sleep in my room? Why didn’t she bring my Baby Doll into the gym?”
“The Other Ginny?” says Gloria. She doesn’t sound angry anymore. “Are you seriously serious? You think the little girl you saw earlier today is some sort of replacement? You really are—Listen, I’m really, really sorry that those assholes took you away when they did. So much has changed, you aren’t going to believe it. I mean, you’re really not going to believe it. And I know you don’t like change, so this is going to be...a little surprising.”
“I don’t like surprises,” I say.
“I know. I got an email from Crystal with a C. They let her write to me from jail. She said you don’t understand how much time has passed or how much people might have changed since then. I told her it wasn’t a big deal, but now I see it is. It’s going to take a lot of explaining in order for you to get it. But listen, we can’t stay on the phone right now. You’re going to get caught if you do. So we can’t talk about this right now. Do you understand?”
“No,” I say.
“Well, then you’re just going to have to not understand. Until Tuesday. Because Tuesday morning is our little rendezvous. But the Other Ginny isn’t what you think. I mean, she’s not like some kind of clone or something. You could never be replaced. But like I said, we can’t talk about that now. I have to go switch cars. Now, do you remember what to do?”
I nod my head yes.
“Ginny?”
“What?”
“I asked if you remember what to do on Tuesday.”
“Yes,” I say. “I’ll bring all my things on the bus in the morning and when I get off the bus I’ll walk on the sidewalk past school and then I’ll cross the street by myself when I see Cumberland Farms.”
“And you won’t run,” she says.
“And I won’t run,” I say.
“I’ll be waiting for you right there. Just remember not to run. Running attracts attention. When you get to Cumberland Farms, you’ll hop in the back of the car, and then we’ll zip the hell out of town. Do you like black hair or red?”
“Red is my favorite color,” I say. I am shocked that she doesn’t remember.
“Red it is, then.”
“Gloria?”
“What?”
“You have to watch out for the police. Crystal with a C says that if the police find me with you they’ll put you in prison.”
“Believe me, I know all about that, girlfriend,” says Gloria. “I know how and why Crystal with a C got caught, and I won’t let the same thing happen to me. She might have been the smarter one, but she always tried to do everything herself. That was her downfall. I survived because I know how to ask for help. How to network. The police have been on my case for years for all sorts of things. I know how to snake my way around and avoid them. Traffic is going to be pretty heavy at the school Tuesday morning, but we’ll be pointed out of town and I’ll have the engine running.”
“Will you bring my Baby Doll?” I say.
Gloria pauses again. She makes a breathing sound. “This is all too much for you, isn’t it? Honey, we’ve got a lot to talk about, but we’re going to make it all right. But yes, your Baby Doll is fine. And yes, I promise I’ll bring it and give it some food and keep it plenty warm. This will all be a lot easier to explain when we’re all together in the car and we can actually see each other and talk. Then you’ll understand. But again, yes, I promise I’ll have your Baby Doll with me. You can count on it.”
I look down at my fingers. I remember all the promises she broke. “I’m good at math,” I say.
“Right. Well, I’ll see you in two days, okay? You’d better get off the phone before someone finds you. Did you manage to get a few extra phones?”
I shake my head no because I have only one. Even though I found two.
“Ginny?”
“No.”
“Well, we’ll still manage. How about some money? Did you get any money?”
“No,” I say, “but I learned a trick that you do at the cash register.”
“You mean where you ask for change a bunch of times and the cashier gets confused? That’s a great one. Surprised you can pull it off, though. I’ve been working it since I was in high school. We’ll work on it together.” She stops. I listen to the quiet between us. “All right, then,” she says. “I love you. See you on Tuesday.”
Then she hangs up.
I stand in the yard by myself with the phone in my hand looking at the snow. There are no marks in it. The whole yard is clean and white. On Tuesday I’ll have a little rendezvous with Gl
oria and I will get in her new car and see my Baby Doll. I will have a bottle of milk ready for it.
EXACTLY 10:47 IN THE MORNING,
MONDAY, JANUARY 24TH
Everyone calls it Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls but in my brain I know it’s Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls Who Aren’t Safe.
We are in a bedroom that has a bed and a dresser and a desk and a little sink with a mirror over it. Girls who live at Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls Who Aren’t Safe get their own sink and mirror. They get a crucifix on the wall over their bed next to the window. Brian and Maura want to see if I like it here. To see if it can accommodate my needs. Which is fine because I’m going to the little rendezvous instead to see Gloria and my Baby Doll and maybe, I’m guessing, the Other Ginny. I don’t like her one bit. I wonder if my Baby Doll does. I want to talk with Brian about it. We used to talk a lot about all the things in my brain. He mostly didn’t understand but it was okay because we were still talking. Now I can’t say anything to him. I have to keep my mouth shut and not say anything about anything at all.
“What do you think of the room?” Brian says.
I don’t answer because he is behind me and I don’t see him. I can pretend I didn’t know he was talking to me.
“Do you like it, Ginny?”
In my brain I say, Well dang! With my mouth I say, “Mostly.”
“What about the food? That was a pretty good breakfast we had.”
“I ate every bit of it.”
“Yes, but you eat every bit of everything. Did you like it?”
“My belly is full.”
I look out the window. I hear Brian let his arms flap down on his sides. He does that when he doesn’t know what else to say.
“The girls we met were very friendly,” says Maura. “I bet you could make some good friends here.”
She wants me to say Yes, you are right, Maura. They both want me to say something like Yes, I like it or maybe You know, this place is pretty okay if you like white walls and brown carpet and people nailed to crosses. Or that I don’t like it and would like to go back to stay at the Blue House. They want me to say anything.
Ginny Moon Page 24