What a conundrum. Wearing a pout, I shook my head.
“There you go. I’ll call him this week, yeah?”
“Thanks, Jason.”
“I’m here for you, love.”
“You always are. Will you tell me what he says?” I swung my legs off his lap and stood.
“Of course.”
“Thanks.”
“Always, Cara. Sleep well.”
But I didn’t sleep well. I spent hours chasing slumber, and when I finally caught it, I tossed and turned like my worst nightmare was coming to life.
18
HAVE YOU EVER
After work the next day, Aaron and I were watching a documentary about white-collar crime in the living room when we heard a key being inserted into the lock of the front door. Sprawled across Aaron’s body on the sofa, I lifted my head to welcome Jason’s arriving figure.
“Hello,” I cooed. “Did you have a nice day?”
Completely ignoring me, he flashed Aaron a fond grin. “Aaron. Good to see you.”
“You too,” Aaron replied, enthused.
“How’s Dentons?” Jason queried as he approached.
“It’s brilliant.”
When he reached us, he didn’t hesitate to smother us with his weight. Squeezed into a sandwich consisting of two unfairly sexy men, I could hardly breathe.
“Jason,” I choked. “Can’t breathe.”
In response, he squeezed me harder.
“Oh my God,” I mouthed as I lost my breath.
Laughing, he reclined towards the other end of the sofa.
“How’s summer holiday?” Aaron asked him and reached for the remote to pause the documentary.
“It’s great. When the sun came out after three, Stephen and I headed to the park with Livy and Giselle to work on our tans. Played some volleyball, messed about.”
“I saw that on your Instagram story,” I remarked with a pout. I’d been envious at that point.
“Yeah. We missed you guys,” he replied affectionately. “Responsible twats that you are.”
Aaron shook beneath me as he laughed.
“You spending the night, Aaron?” Jason asked.
Turning his deep brown eyes towards me, Aaron said, “I think so.”
Hugging his warm body beneath my own, I smiled up at him. “Of course you are. Why else would I tell you to bring a change of clothes?”
Grinning, he planted a kiss on my head and brought both arms around me to squeeze me against him.
“Sweet,” Jason commented. “Fancy a beer, then?”
“Suppose the one won’t do any harm.”
Nodding, Jason headed for the kitchen. “How was your day, love?” he asked me on his way there.
“It was good. Much better than yesterday,” I said, which was the truth. William and I had hardly spoken, and whenever we had, it had been strictly professional. Moreover, he hadn’t fucked anyone in his office, which was where I’d set the standard since yesterday. So, whenever William didn’t shove his cock into somebody else in my presence, I was having a good day.
“William treat you well?” Jason queried.
“Brought me coffee, actually, so yes.”
Aaron tensed beneath me, which perplexed me.
Gobsmacked, Jason halted and turned around. “What?” he asked disbelievingly. “Isn’t he your boss?”
“Yes?”
He looked stumped. “Then aren’t you supposed to bring coffees for him?”
“Oh, don’t be so conventional, Jason.” I rolled my eyes.
He chuckled. “Sorry. It’s just, I’ve known that man all my life, and I don’t think he’s even brought our mother coffee.”
Aaron studied Jason with a contemplative expression on his face. It bothered me somewhat. What was he thinking? Was he catching on to something? I feared he was, as he was no fool, nor was he gullible. In the end, Jason had essentially declared that I was receiving special treatment. Will’s behaviour might not slip past Aaron.
However, I knew better than to ask. Aaron was extremely reserved. If he wanted to talk about something, he would. If he didn’t, I would never hear about it.
I argued, “Well, I think he was only trying to make me feel welcome, or perhaps he meant to apologise for yesterday.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Jason said as he disappeared into the kitchen.
“What happened yesterday?” Aaron inquired.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” I murmured with a pout.
He hesitated. “Is it related to him walking in on us that time?”
I shook my head. “No. Of course not. Why would it be?”
He glanced sideways, and it roused some alarm in me. I wished I could hear his thoughts. Was he suspicious of William? Had he sensed something that awful day? Sensed my past with William?
“I was just making sure,” he finally said. “I’ve been worried that incident would make things awkward for you once you started work.”
Touched by his concern, I smiled fondly at him. “You’re very sweet for worrying about that, but you don’t need to. I’ve seen him several times since then, and it’s clear he’s acting like it never happened.”
“Alright. Good.” He nodded and rubbed my back. “I’m here if you want to talk about it, though – whatever it is.”
I hugged him tightly and drew his soothing scent deep into my lungs. “Thanks, but it’s really nothing. He just did something a bit insensitive, but it wasn’t on purpose.”
“Was he too hard on you?”
“Aaron.”
He chuckled. “Sorry, I’ll stop.”
“Thanks.”
§ § §
When I woke the next morning, it was to the feeling of being tilted to the side. Once my eyelids fluttered apart, the sight of Aaron’s tender smile welcomed me. Infectious in its nature, I smiled back at him before I rubbed my waking face.
“Morning,” he said gently and reached over to brush my hair behind my ear.
“Morning. What time is it?” Since my voice was rather hoarse, I tried to clear it. Then, after rolling onto my back, I spread my arms apart and relished how replete I felt. Sex last night had been exactly what I needed, and it had been good.
“Half six. I woke half an hour ago. Made you breakfast.”
“Aw, Aaron.” I surprised him when I lunged forward to hug his naked back. “Thank you,” I cooed and planted a soft kiss on his neck.
“Why don’t you have a shower while I set the table for us?”
“Sounds wonderful,” I agreed and crawled out of bed. As I paraded completely naked towards the door, I felt his eyes burn into my back, so with a cheeky smile on my face, I turned my head to catch him in his ogling.
“We’ve got time for a quickie,” he said.
I laughed. “Have you showered yet?”
“No.” His usually patient voice was filled with eagerness.
“Then let’s spare the environment and do it together,” I proposed and stepped out. Resembling a young boy in his excitement, I heard him charge after me without a moment’s hesitation.
§ § §
Placing a mug of coffee in front of me on the table, Aaron resembled husband material. With a grateful look in my eye, I gripped the black porcelain and raised it to my mouth.
“How long are your days?” he asked, grabbing the seat opposite.
“Eight to five, but they may differ depending on the workload. You?”
Unlocking his iPad, he opened a newspaper app on it. “Same as you,” he murmured, dragging his own mug of coffee to his mouth. “By the way, you busy next Saturday? Not this one, but the next.”
I frowned in thought. “I don’t think so. Why?”
“Tyler is celebrating his birthday. He said to invite you.”
&
nbsp; I stiffened. “Shit, when’s his birthday?” I asked, worried that I’d forgotten to congratulate him.
He chuckled. “Next Saturday. Don’t worry. Can you make it?”
“Yes, of course. Any ideas for a present?”
“Boxers. He’s in dire need of them, he said.”
I giggled. Student life in a nutshell, that was. “Sorted.”
We’d been sitting there for a few minutes when I suddenly started comparing him to William. They were so different, and yet somehow, so similar. Their drive and intelligence were certainly alike, but Aaron was much gentler. It bothered me to realise that, because it made me question why I hadn’t ever developed feelings for Aaron when he was obviously a much better influence on me. As opposed to William, he didn’t exhaust me, divide my focus or anything like that. Instead, he had always been a positive contribution to my life. Without him, I doubted I would have reached as far as I had within the field of law. So, why couldn’t this be love? Why had I always been determined to avoid pursuing a relationship with him?
Because he didn’t give me butterflies? Because kissing him had never felt entirely right? It annoyed me. Why should feelings be necessary for the pursuit of love? A relationship with Aaron would have made complete sense. It would have been a logical and rational course of action, as he brought out the best in me. Meanwhile, William possessed the power to turn my world upside down in a heartbeat.
As my thoughts continued to delve into the subject, I caught myself wondering whether Aaron had ever been in my place, where a girl he was attracted to had made advances. Had he rejected her to maintain a strict focus on his career? Had he given it a go, but later discovered that they were incompatible? Or perhaps the opposite had happened. Perhaps he’d fancied a girl and had pursued her, but she had rejected him instead.
I was curious to hear his perspective on this. Was he with me because he had no other option? And would he have considered ending our arrangement if he did?
We had never had this conversation before, but before I knew it, I asked him, “Have you ever considered dating someone while we’ve been together like this? Cassie, for example?”
Freezing, his cup of coffee remained by his full lips for several seconds. While staring into my eyes, he lowered it slowly. “What’s brought this on?” he asked suspiciously, eyes narrowing faintly.
I shrugged. “Only curious. I know we’re not supposed to talk about others to each other, but it’s been three years, and I’m curious to know if it’s ever happened during that time. If it has, I obviously won’t get mad.”
His frown intensified. “No, it hasn’t.”
“You’ve never considered it?”
He shook his head. “Not at all.”
“Why not?”
He scoffed. “You know why.”
“Do I?”
“Yes. It’s because, like you, I’m not interested in anything romantic right now. I prefer just sticking to what you and I have got going on.” His eyes narrowed again. “Why? Have you?”
I tucked my cheek into the palm of my hand. “No, not really.”
He knitted his brows. “That’s not quite the answer I was expecting. What do you mean ‘not really’?”
I looked away and folded my arms. “Well, there was one guy who wanted me to give him a chance, but I rejected him, so I was only curious about whether you’ve ever been in the same boat.”
“When was this?”
“Some months ago. Anyway, it’s history, so you don’t need to worry. I was just curious to hear your perspective – that’s all.”
“Well, Cassie has asked me out, but I rejected her point-blank. So, the answer is still the same – I’ve never considered it.”
I gasped. “I knew it. When?”
He rubbed his neck. “During the party after our last exam.”
“See? I knew she had feelings for you.”
“Well, it doesn’t change anything.”
As soon as the satisfaction of being proven right subsided, I pouted. “Poor Cassie. Was she upset?”
Wrinkles formed across the straight bridge of his nose while he avoided my gaze. “Of course. I don’t think anyone enjoys being rejected.”
I sighed and reached for my cup of coffee. “I expect she hates me now.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised, but it would be misplaced. In the end, I’m the issue, not you.”
“Good morning!” Jason exclaimed when he suddenly burst through the door, and I was grateful to discover that he was wearing boxers to show Aaron some consideration. Aaron looked entirely unaffected, but I nearly fell off my chair.
“It’s a beautiful day!” he sang, quoting U2.
“Bloody hell, Jason! Did you fire crack up your arse this morning?” I scolded, annoyed.
He sent me a smile to die for, complemented by a wink, before he moseyed over to grab Aaron’s shoulders. After squeezing them, he leaned over him to steal a piece of bacon from his plate.
“Haven’t you made me breakfast, Cara?” he asked and feigned a wounded tone.
“Sorry,” Aaron chuckled. “I made it this morning. I wasn’t aware you’d be up this early when you’re on holiday.”
Jason scoffed. “Med student. Hello?”
“Right. Serious as they come.”
“Precisely.”
“His earlier show says otherwise,” I muttered. “But you can have the rest of mine. He made far too much.” I pushed my plate towards him.
“Thanks, darling,” Jason crooned and headed over to the kitchen counter to toast some bread.
“Did you wake by yourself today? I was going to wake you in a minute.” I turned in my chair to watch his gloriously naked back. Like his brother, he was athletically built and very tall, with defined muscles that beckoned straight women and gay men to drool over him.
“No. I was woken by the sound of your sexual moans arriving from the shower,” he replied without looking at me.
My face paled. “Oh,” I squeaked. “Sorry.”
“Was weirdly erotic. I almost got a boner, but then I remembered that you’re basically my sister, so it’s all flaccid.”
Aaron guffawed while I sagged into my seat, mortified. Sometimes, Jason was much like his brother – vulgar and blunt. For a moment, I wondered who their inspiration was, but soon enough, it occurred to me that it could only be John.
§ § §
Aaron left before I did, seeing as his workplace was further away. As I was seeing him out, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close. Descending onto my mouth, I felt him smile against my lips. It was a sweet kiss, and it was likely to assist me through the day.
Once he’d pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine and said with affection, “Have a nice day at work, love.”
Grinning to show him how charmed I was, I replied, “Yeah. You too.”
Leaning back, he called out to my flatmate, “Bye, Jason. Have a great day, yeah?”
“You too, Aaron!” Jason shouted back from a closer distance than I had expected, and sure enough, once I’d shut the door after Aaron, I turned to discover that he’d been peeking at us from around the corner.
“Pervert,” I accused.
Laughing, he walked into full view. “Honestly, I’m only fascinated. How the hell have you managed to keep your feelings in check for three bloody years? You look like a couple! If I hadn’t seen it for myself, I would never have believed it.”
I shrugged. “Well, aside from you and Livy, he’s my best friend. I don’t know how to explain it. It just… is.”
“I’m honestly amazed. Where do I get one?”
I giggled and shook my head at him. “I’d start by breaking up with your hand, perhaps.”
“Noted.”
19
IN MISERY
William
In
misery, we feel most alive, or so I had always believed. I was no melancholic, but the pain of sadness reminds us we are still drawing breath because, if we were not, we would not have felt anything at all. There is still an option to end the pain, to seek relief, which comes only with life. In death, only nothingness awaits us. Pain is, the way I see it, the clearest expression of life. It’s an acute experience. One feels it closely. Where pain is a solid blade, delight is an obscure cloud. In happiness, we lose identity. It evaporates into the dizzy elation that comes with joy. After all, happiness is only real when shared. The same cannot be said for misery. Misery feasts on loneliness – thrives on it.
Since Cara, my misery had enjoyed prime conditions. She had abandoned me in May, and in the wake of it, I had tried time and again to pursue other women, desperately searching for her replacement – a woman capable of making me forget about her. But, as time dragged on, I’d realised it wasn’t possible. I’d sleep with Violet and wish she were Cara. I’d look at Francesca’s naked body beneath my own and hate her for not being Cara.
In my desperate search for her replacement, I had even brought Andy out on the prowl with me, but it had always been a pathetic endeavour, since neither of us had been able to cast aside the thought of the woman we loved. Instead, we had drowned our sorrows in our drinks and had ignored every woman casting a glance in our direction. The few who’d dared approach us I’d intentionally offended and chased away, because they didn’t meet my requirements – they weren’t Cara.
Now more than ever, I was grateful for Andy. His broken relationship couldn’t have happened at a better time. It was selfish of me to think it, but then if he and Chloe had to suffer, I wanted it to be now, because if I hadn’t been able to enjoy his solidarity, it was perfectly possible that I would have lost my mind.
For tactical purposes, I had abstained from informing Jason of anything at all, and it had come at a price. I could no longer seek solace in his friendship, but then it had also been a price I was willing to pay if it meant I could ultimately have her. Instead of revealing the truth to him, I had created the illusion that I still kept Francesca and Violet as my lovers because I had hoped that the information would somehow find its way to Cara and set the wrong impression. I wanted her to think I had moved on, because if she did, perhaps it would inspire her to miss my attention.
Skin of the Night: Book One of The Night series Page 28