by Ava Danielle
“What are we doing today?” I ask Daniel.
Trying to divert from the conversation I’m not ready to have with him just yet.
“What do you want to do?”
“Ugh, I hate when I get a question after a question.” I say frustrated.
“Okay. How about we go to a little cafe and have breakfast. And we go from there?”
“You can spend the entire day with me?”
“I sure can. That’s if you want me to.”
“Of course I do,” I say that a little quicker than I intended for it. No use in hiding it.
“Good, get dressed,” he says as he smacks my ass.
“Demanding, are we?”
“Oh baby, you haven’t seen demanding yet.”
“Is that a promise?”
“Perhaps.”
He presses me down on the bed, lifts my hands over my head, and kisses me hard. His lips, his kiss, it empowers me. It allows me the freedom to open up to him. Well, literally, he’s making me crazily wet. And I’m ready for it. I start to moan, when Daniel releases his lips…
“Let’s go,” and jumps out of bed.
“You gotta be kidding me,” I scream after him.
I hear him laughing as he’s getting dressed.
“You getting turned on or something?”
“Jerk,” I say as I get dressed, myself.
Putting on some shorts and a sexy top, making sure he sees my cleavage every few minutes. Two can play this game.
As I walk out of the bathroom, he’s sitting on my couch waiting.
“You look fucking sexy no matter what you wear, do you know that?”
“Oh yeah?” I ask.
I grab my keys and purse.
“Ready? I need some coffee.”
He walks up to me, wraps his arms around me and holds me tight for a minute. He kisses my temple.
“Daniel,” I whisper.
“Sophia,” he whispers back.
We spent a beautiful day in the city. We window-shopped. The stores are closed Sundays, so besides food, there’s nothing really to buy. We strolled through the city and watched other couples walk past us. We tried our luck with the Italian language. We even danced, yes danced, in the street. I don’t know how he does it. He makes me live free. He opened me up in just a few days. No one has ever been able to do that.
As we walk to the bus stop, for me to return home I start to get sad. I know we’re not saying goodbye forever, but I’m going to miss him. I’m sure we’ll see each other. But after this weekend, I feel we have a connection and it’s going to be hard to sleep without him tonight.
“I had a lot of fun today,” I say as I kiss him.
He pulls me into his arms and holds me really tight.
“We’ll talk on the phone and see each other this week, okay baby?”
I just nod. I know we can, we both have jobs and lives to live. We can’t be around each other twenty-four/seven, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
He pulls me back and looks at me.
“I’ll call you as soon as I buy a cell phone, promise. I’ll miss you,” and kisses my lips.
“You’ll just miss my lips,” I say sticking my tongue out at him.
But before I can pull my tongue in, he bites it. He holds it in his mouth. That turns me on so badly. I get instantly wet.
“Don’t do that unless you plan to do more,” I whisper.
“I plan to, but you’ll have to wait for me.”
What a tease. He makes my body ache, but in a good way. He’s amazing. I don’t even think I deserve him. Not with what I’ve been through.
Standing in line to board my flight, I can’t help but think it’s been three months since that amazing night with Daniel. I hate that I miss him so much, considering we only knew each other for a week and just had the one night together. I board my flight. The stewardess explain all the flight rules, but I sit here and play on my phone. I read through all my emails, text messages, and make my last Facebook post.
As we taxi for takeoff, I stare out of the window. I can’t believe I never heard back from Daniel. That night at the bus stop was the last time I saw him. I never heard from him. And my heart broke. Every day I waited for a call. Every day I went to our spots in the city. Every day I had hoped for a sign from him. I searched for anything. He knew where I lived. If he missed me, he would’ve come. But he didn’t.
I replay everything in my mind. Was it something I had said? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn’t do? Did I not show I cared? Did it seem that I wanted a one-night stand? Did my fear and angst get in the way of something we could’ve had? What was it that I had done? Maybe he had a family emergency? So many questions run through my mind that I need answers for. But right now, right now I’m on a plane to my sister’s wedding. I don’t have the date I hoped for. And I don’t know what’s wrong with Daniel, which is the biggest distraction ever.
I close my eyes. But I can’t sleep. Not without seeing Daniel in front of me. He left me broken. Like every other man that has been in my life, everyone in my past, the reason I escaped Seattle. But it followed me to Italy.
– ### –
“Please fasten your seatbelt, we’re beginning our final approach to Seattle,” the intercom releases.
The lady next to me on the plane has been reading on her kindle. I wish I had the energy for that. I wish I had the mindset to be able to let it distract me like I wish it would.
– ### –
As I approach baggage claim to retrieve my things, I wait yet again. Once my suitcase finally makes its way down, I grab it and leave. I’m not fully here, mentally. I’m in Seattle, and I could care less. I just want to get this wedding over with and get back home. I consider Italy my home now. I don’t have a reason to ever make Seattle my home.
Every man that walks past me, I think it’s Daniel. They all look like him. Every corner, every man, there’s Daniel. I don’t know what has gotten into me. But it starts to piss me off.
I see my dad at the gate waiting on me. He’s alone. Of course my Mother is too busy with wedding preparations to remember I still exist.
“Hey Daddy,” I hug him.
“Let me take your bags, I’m parked right outside the door. Unless they’ve already towed me, you know how they are around here.”
“Thanks Daddy.” I kiss his cheek.
I slide into the car as Daddy puts my bag in the trunk. The drive home seems to take forever. I just want to lie down in the guest room and sleep. The flight wiped me out. But instead, once we get home, the entire family is waiting. My aunts and uncles that flew in from out of state are also staying at my parent’s house. They all greet me and eagerly await stories from my stay in Italy.
“It’s everything plus more. It’s stunning and absolutely gorgeous. Aunt Ruby, do you mind if I lie down? The flight really has me wiped out, the time difference is ridiculous, it’s the middle of the night in Italy,” I say as I kiss my Aunt Ruby on the cheek.
I grab my bag, make my way to the guest room, and plop down on the bed. Finally, peace and quiet, but that didn’t last long. There’s a knock on the door.
“Hey Sister, I’m so glad you’re here. We need to get your dress fitted soon. I’d like to have it done before the rehearsal dinner. Do you have a dress for the rehearsal dinner?”
“Lori, you do realize I just got here, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, it’s a nine-hour difference to Italy and I’m tired as fuck.”
“Oh, that’s right, my wedding isn’t important to you.”
“Are you kidding me right now? I’m here aren’t I?”
“Only because Mom asked you to.”
“Shut up Lori. I’ll be there tomorrow morning, pick me up and take me where I have to go. But now, I’m going to sleep. Good Night.”
And with that I turn around in the bed and close my eyes. Everyone else is always more important. Everyone else always puts their needs first and I’m su
pposed to jump per their request. It’s always been like that. I love my family, but I hate how I’m always their scapegoat when things get rough. I don’t know how many of Lori’s problems I’ve listened to growing up. She’s four years older than me. She’s finally getting married to her knight in shining armor, as she calls him. I think she’s marrying him because he’s rich, but that’s not my problem.
She walks out of the room and not but a few minutes later my mom knocks. I swear, none of them have ever left the country, even for vacation. They have no idea what jet lag feels like. All I want is sleep. All I want is to not think of Daniel. Being around my family is making it extremely hard to be here. I ignore her. She asked me a billion questions, but I pretended to be asleep.
I close my eyes and dream of Daniel.
I’m at the rehearsal dinner. I do not enjoy being here, but Lori is my sister, so I’ll deal with it. I’m wearing the dress that she picked out. It’s to the point I don’t even care what she wants me to wear; I’ll wear it. Lori has this vision of this picture perfect wedding and I won’t ruin that for her. I just want to get it all over with so I can go back home and forget it all. I left this life behind for a reason. It’s suffocating.
He’s here. I think I’m going to have a heart attack, though. He’s actually here. My past has caught up with me and I knew I shouldn’t have come. I start to hyperventilate. I can’t breathe. Mom comes up to me, “Phia, are you ok?”
I can’t speak though. I can’t breathe. I don’t know how. I’m not capable of breathing.
“I… I… I need to go… go,” I say.
I try to run, but I can’t. He’s behind me; I know he is. And the further I run, the quicker I run, the faster he becomes. This isn’t my neuroses speaking. Is it? It can’t be. I wish a hole would swallow me whole. If at any time would be best, it’s right now. Someone, just take me. I’m ready to go.
I feel his hand on me. His fucking hand is on my fucking shoulder. Anger consumes me. I scream, looking back.
“Let me go!” I scream.
Everyone’s eyes turn toward me. They all see me. They all see me talking to Ryan. Ryan fucking Johnson has his hands on me. His dirty, filthy little hands are on my shoulder. The shoulder that he once used to…
“Let me go, Ryan! Let me go!” I scream even louder.
The color seemed to drain from his face. But I don’t care. I don’t care what and how he feels.
I run. I run as fast as I can out of the restaurant. I tried not to make a scene, but I couldn’t help it. Tears stream down my face, staining my cheeks with mascara. My past has caught up to me. I run, but he’s running right behind me. I keep running. Trying to run faster, but he seems to pick up speed. Anger overtakes me. My feet start to take off, not even sure where I’m running to. When I run into someone, I run right into someone’s arms, I want to continue to run away from Ryan, he’s behind me I’m sure. But this person has me stopped. I’m wrapped into their arms, and it feels so familiar. His smell, his arms, this all seems so familiar.
“Let me go!” I scream, crying.
Why can’t I escape any of this? How do I run away from this all over again? I thought I had escaped it. I thought it was over.
“Let me go!”
“No Sophia. I’m not letting go.”
How does this person know my name? They were in my way. I have to escape Ryan. Did I run into Ryan’s arms? Please tell me I didn’t. But Ryan is behind me. He will get a hold of me if I don’t continue running.
I look up. What I see shocks me. I’m frozen in my tracks. I can’t run. I don’t know where to run. I’m confused. How did he grab me?
“Daniel?” I sob.
Surely this is a dream. It’s not reality. I’m having a nightmare again. Only this one, it feels so real. It’s like I’m living it. Ryan and Daniel together in a dream, this can’t be happening. You can’t put evil with good.
“Yes Sophia, it’s me. Are you ok?” His voice is soothing.
But my voice leaves me. I don’t know how to speak. Words won’t form. I stand there facing him. I gaze at him like I did a few months ago. I look deep into his eyes, like I did at our goodbye. I feel my love for him suppressing my anger. I feel my burning hatred for Ryan, who is still chasing me. I’m not even sure how to feel.
“Let’s go, Sophia,” Ryan says, as he grabs my arm.
I continue to scream. “Let me go, you son of a bitch!”
I throw myself on the ground and curl up into the fetal position. I rock back and forth. This can’t be happening. Wake up, Sophia, Wake up. This has to be a dream. It can’t be real. I start to pinch myself to the point it hurts. My skin is turning fire red. The pain burns into my soul. The burn might bring me back to reality. Let it burn. Let me wake up. Tears are still streaming down my face. I lie there sobbing, through the pain of my pinches and the pain of these two men hovering over me. Why can’t I wake up from this?
“Leave me alone! Both of you!” I screech at them.
Daniel appears to be lost. And Ryan, I’m not sure what his motives are, but he looks pissed.
“She’s my girlfriend,” Ryan says.
Daniels eyes get wide. He looks at me. Then back at Ryan. I shake my head no.
“Leave me alone, Ryan! You fucking asshole! Leave me the fuck alone!”
Daniel sits down in front of me, grabbing hold of my hands. My hands are shaking. I’m barely breathing.
“Daniel. You, too! You never called! You never cared,” I cry.
I’m sitting in the middle of a field, in the middle of a park between two men that I’m not sure how to feel about. I look like a fool. I look the fool I always am.
But it doesn’t even take a minute for the police to be involved. It never fails. Ryan’s brother works for Seattle PD, and no matter what, he always bails Ryan out. He should be in jail. He shouldn’t be within a hundred feet from me. He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t care. He can’t let me go like I let him go the day he…
“Ryan, get your fucking ass in the car!” Robert Johnson screams.
“Fuck you, Rob.”
“Ryan! Now! Or you want the bitch to make even more false accusations.”
Of course, it’s always my fault. He always gets away with anything and everything. It never fails. It’s always my fault, no matter what it is. Hell, it’s probably my fault Daniel never called.
Once I start to breathe again, Daniel still hadn’t left. In fact, he’s sitting right next to me, when I notice someone else.
Sitting next to Daniel is a pretty brunette. That’s when it dawns on me. She’s with him. In fact, they are here in Seattle for whatever reason, together. And I’m sitting here in the dirt making a complete fool of myself.
I jump up and run. I run back toward the restaurant. This isn’t happening. I can’t see him. I can’t see him with someone else. Not after I let myself go with him. Not after showing him how I felt and having sex with him. Not just sex. What we did meant something to me, but clearly not to him. I’m, yet again, someone’s toy.
The stupid wedding couldn’t go quicker. Helping Lori get into her dress, her best friend and maid of honor, is running around like crazy, and making sure everything is perfect for Lori’s wedding. Me? I’m just sitting here making sure I look presentable. I don’t care about the rest. I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that Daniel is here. That he was at Lori’s rehearsal dinner.
“Do you know Daniel Keller?” my sister asks me.
“I thought I did, once. But I don’t think I do, anymore.”
“It seemed like you guys knew each other. The fight in the park is all everyone talked about the rest of the night.”
“Well sorry we took time away from your party with our distraction.”
“You don’t have to be a bitch about it, Phia.”
“Whatever. So how do you know Daniel Keller?” I ask her back.
“He’s a friend of Andrew’s. He’s actually here for the summer from Italy. But I’m sure you know that.”
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“What makes you think that?”
“I’m not stupid, Phia. Besides, Andrew was talking about you and him.”
My eyes get wide. How much do they know? Why would he even know anything?
“What’d he say? There’s no me and him.”
“Of course there’s not,” she mutters, looking past me, as always. “Alright ladies, I’m ready. How do I look?”
And everyone flocks around her and admires how pretty she is. Sure, she’s gorgeous, like every other bride out there. I’m just too pissed off to care. I’m ready to get this over with and get back to Italy. I need to get back to my life.
– ### –
After the ceremony, after their lovely I do’s, we leave the church. I notice Daniel in the crowd with the mystery woman. I was just another conquest for him in another country, there’s no doubt in that. Hell, she might be his wife that refused to move with him. It wouldn’t surprise me. It’s not like we ever talked deeply, about anything. I do miss him though, a lot. And he doesn’t leave my mind, no matter how many times I’ve tried the past few days. Seeing him, here, in my hometown has been hard, confusing, and heartbreaking. I keep remembering our ‘good times,’ which hasn’t made this any easier.
– ### –
At the reception, I sit with my parents at the table, when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Can we talk?” Daniel asks me.
I shake my head no. My mom gives me a look. You know the look the parents get when they expect you to be respectful, but she doesn’t know the back-story, in fact, she knows nothing about Daniel so I don’t know what her problem is.
“Please, Sophia, you need to let me explain.”
“The fuck I do,” I say as I drink more of the wine that sits in front of me. I’m tempted to drink straight from the bottle.
“Language, Sophia Marie,” my mom chimes in.
“Fine,” I get out of my chair and stomp out of the restaurant and stand outside on the patio.
Daniel followed me. Of course he did. Why won’t he just leave me alone?
“Sophia, will you just stop and let me explain.”
“What is there to explain, Daniel? I was just a good lay to you. I don’t even know why the fuck you are here.”