Falter

  For once, it felt as if he desired me the way I did him. Jolts of power ignited between us, sending a welcomed wooziness straight to my brain. The freedom and serenity bound within our intimacy was intoxicating.

  I found my hands running up his lean rippled chest, bare and hot under my fingertips. I stroked a trail up his strong neck, and then entangled my fingers in silky ribbons of his hair, tugging slightly to keep him near.

  Heavy breaths fled our open mouths as they moved against each other. His arms hooked around my waist, saving me from any chance of separation. I closed my eyes, allowing my other senses to relish the moment.

  A soothing, warm pressure wrapped around me, supporting my back and engulfing my torso like a cocoon. Curious, I peeked out from my lazy eyelids, careful not to leave his lips, and saw that his wings were enveloping me in a cradle of lush feathers.

  I moaned, the desire too much on my senses. His eyes flew open, widening in surprise. We melted into each other, searching one another’s soul, enjoying the sweet-salty mix we made as our tongues danced.

  All of my anger swept away.

  A muffled sound came from outside the warehouse. I paid it no attention, but Archard broke from me and glared at the door. I felt as if he snatched away a piece of me that I couldn’t live without. Tightening his grip around my waist and flexing his wings behind him, he waited and listened.

  Nothing.

  His face relaxed, and his ocean eyes returned to me.

  “What is it?” Nothing could be so important that it required him stealing his lips from mine.

  “Someone’s coming for you,” he said quietly.

  “What? Who is it?” My insides twisted, anxiously anticipating an attack—and the feeling that our time together was finished.

  This was probably a lapse in his judgment anyway. Pity for a sullen girl. But I experienced something far more potent tonight than the other times we were near each other. What I felt for him was different from the lust I had for Malach. Something about Archard made me want to abandon everything for him.

  “I have to go.” His hands lingered at my waist.

  “No, don’t go. I need you. I need answers.” My hands locked behind his neck, determined to keep him captive. I needed him more than I needed to breathe.

  He smiled, kissed my cheek, and tugged my hands down. With a forceful, forward, swoosh of his wings, he stood up effortlessly.

  Another sound of something scraping against the door caught his attention. “I’ll see you soon,” he whispered. Archard turned and swept the great white masses of feathers downward, launching him into the air.

  The moment he flew away, my soul crumbled. My chest ached, and tears stung my eyes. I didn’t want this dependency on him, but it was out of my control.

  Would this happen every time I saw him? Would I give in to him and then be left broken a little more each time?

  I managed one last plea for him to stay with me. “Archard, please.” The whimper sounded pitiful and ridiculous. I couldn’t let him have this power over me. He darted to the ledge of one of the windows above me, perched on it, and glanced down at me. I stared after him as he pushed the window open and ducked through it.

  Though it felt like I did, I didn’t die.

  As the seconds passed, I became a little more whole without him again. Forcing myself to harden my emotions, I stood and slid into a shadow.

  A moment later, the ragged, wooden door scraped against the ground. Still fastened with the chain, it only opened a few inches.

  “Nevaeh? Are you in there?” The man sounded tired and worried.

  “Gavyn.” I ran from the shadows to let him in. “Gavyn, I’m here.”

  Slowing just before reaching him, I turned back and scanned the line of windows, wondering if Archard was still watching me from outside.

  What now? What do I tell Gavyn?

  Go to him. He can offer you more guidance than I can. Archard’s words echoed painfully in my head. My heart ached as if someone had stabbed me. He was pushing me away—again.

  Tell him what you must, he thought, reluctance straining his thoughts.

  “Nevaeh, are you coming? What are you doing here?” Gavyn pushed against the chained door again and shoved it open enough to squeeze his upper body through the crack. He looked distraught, but every bit of his distress eased when he saw me.

  “I’m here.” I stepped closer. He grabbed my arm and yanked me against his upper body, sandwiching the edge of the door between us. He hugged me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe.

  “Oh my God, Nevaeh.” He examined my face, kissed me, and then hugged me some more.

  “I’m ok. Really.” I tried to convince myself more than him. Was I okay? I felt a reconnection to the man holding me, and I liked it. But the link I had with Archard was deeper. Something that was there whether I wanted it or not.

  “You didn’t show up last night. I’ve been up all night and all day looking for you.” He stepped back, maneuvering me under the chain and through the slight opening he had wedged himself in. “I almost went home, and then I thought I should check here one last time.”

  “You’ve been here before?” I asked as the last of my body shimmied between the door and warehouse wall. I hugged my chest and shivered as the cool, fresh air outside sent chills over my skin.

  “Yeah, a few times in the last twenty-four hours. One of the homeless people saw you come in here.” He shrugged off his jacket and draped it around me.

  “I’ve been missing for that long?” It seemed like only hours in the portal.

  “What happened, Nevaeh? Where did you go?” He gripped my shoulders, focusing on my reaction.

  “Right now, I just want to go home and clean up. I’ll tell you everything when we get back. Let’s get out of here.” I couldn’t tell him about Archard though. Not until my emotions calmed. Though our connection was strong, I needed to discern how much was what I truly felt and how much was the bogus angel-attraction crap.

  He nudged me into his body and cupped my cheeks softly, warming my skin in the heat of his hands. He pressed his lips to mine. His kiss grounded me, brought me back to earth. His touch leveled some of my confusion. I pressed into the fullness of his mouth and invited the composure that he brought. This felt right—stable.

  Don’t do this to me, I begged my heart, Don’t let me fall for both of them, then make me choose.

  When he parted from me, I noticed his eyes were glossy and his expression full of peace. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Gavyn took my hand and led me back into the city.

  Gavyn unlocked the door to Joe’s and held it open for me. I squeezed by him, stepping inside the quiet space. I breathed deeply, inhaling the never-fading scent of strawberries and ice cream. The café’s warmth stung my cold cheeks but calmed my chattering teeth.

  He locked the door behind us, placed a careful hand on the small of my back, and led me to the stairwell, leading to his apartment. “I think it’s safe to say you’ll be staying with me from now on?” An enticing smile tugged at his lips.

  “Gavyn, I don’t want you to feel like you have to—“

  He interrupted me with a wave of his hand. “I don’t feel like I have to do anything. I want you to be close. I can’t lose you again, Nevaeh.” He waited for me to take the first step onto the stairs—waited for me to accept his invitation.

  Still unsure about my feelings for Archard, but not wanting to end things with Gavyn either, I accepted and climbed the stairs. Gavyn followed close behind.

  About halfway up, his hand found my right hip, and he closed the gap between us. The heat of his body beside me washed away the uncertainty in my heart. He offered a coupling that would survive any future with me—no matter which way I chose to go. A chance of a life full of love and support, of steadiness and stability. As stable as it could be, given the circumstances. Not the constant thrusting into loneliness, after only a taste of affection, that Archard seemed to put me through.

  Gavyn followed me
as I wandered through the apartment toward the bathroom. He scooted around me and removed a towel from the small corner cabinet.

  “I’ll go find ya some clothes.” He paused next to the sink for a moment as if fighting the need to leave.

  “Okay.” I took the towel from his hand and waited for him to decide on his next move.

  “Kay, then.” He left, tugging the door closed behind him.

  I sat the towel on the counter and looked myself over in the mirror.

  What a mess. I was covered in dirt, blood from my nose, and…what the hell was that goo? Bruises and a few burn marks marred my skin, bringing fresh pain when I accidently brushed against them. And I thought the streets were rough on me.

  I shuffled out of my disgusting clothes, careful not to cause myself more pain, and turned the faucet on. My hand thawed as I held it under the heating rush of water to find a tolerable temperature. I pulled the shower lever into place and slid the navy-blue curtain closed to trap the glorious heat inside the tub.

  Gavyn tapped lightly the door. I yanked the towel from the counter, wrapped it around me, and then let him in. “All I could find were some old sweats and a t-shirt of mine.” He neatly set the clothes on the edge of the sink and rested a hand on top of them. His shy eyes grazed over me through the mirror. “Hope these’ll be alright.”

  “They’re fine.” I couldn’t care less about what I was wearing at this point, but I smiled appreciatively.

  “Need anything else?” The tension between us grew with every second he stayed. His tongue ran across his plump lips, leaving a pretty, wet sheen.

  I wanted to get lost in him. I wanted to surrender myself to the somewhat normal life he represented. I needed him.

  “Yes,” I breathed, a little shocked that I actually said it. Butterflies flittered in my belly at the notion of making a move on him, but I had to follow through. I had to see where our attraction might lead. Stepping closer to Gavyn, I slid my fingers along his sharp jaw and coaxed his face down to kiss me. He didn’t resist.

  I detected that undeniable aroma again, the one that called to me when Archard was around, drifting on the puffs of steam escaping the shower curtain. I refused to break from Gavyn. I refused to let Archard distract me whenever he felt like it.

  You only come when it’s convenient for you. I can’t rely on the feelings I have when you’re around. I need someone that wants me wholeheartedly and won’t make me feel your emotional lies. You can’t keep doing this to me, I thought, begging for a reprieve from the angel.

  Nevaeh, I do not want to cause you torment. I will leave you with him if that’s what you want, but you can’t deny your feelings. You know they are true. You cannot hide from the many choices you need to make, either. Remember that.

  His voice in my head, along with the fragrance he emitted, vanished as quickly as they had manifested.

  I relaxed into Gavyn’s embrace, our tongues softly twisting around one another. His lightly callused thumbs brushed my back just above the edge of the towel clinging to my body. It felt good. It felt real. Something I could grasp onto without the chance of it fleeing.

  Gavyn trailed his hands slowly down my sides, then broke our kiss to look into my eyes. His brow furrowed as he searched my face.

  Without a word, he walked to the shower and held out his hand, inviting me closer. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I accepted the invitation anyway. I trusted him and how I felt with him.

  My feelings were betraying me. I was falling fast for Gavyn.

  A thankful smile formed on his mouth when my palm covered his. He gently squeezed my hand then let go of it. Strong chest and stomach muscles flexed and stretched as he pulled his shirt up over his head. Then there was a moment of delay. Everything he did was slow and begged for my approval.

  Pleased with his need for assurance—and where things seemed to be going—I moved my trembling hands to his pants and clumsily unbuttoned them. He released a deep, raspy groan as my fingers brushed his lower abdomen while I worked.

  The quickness of his breath excited me. Silky moisture gathered between my thighs.

  Finally, I pushed his jeans and briefs down, sliding them over his thick thighs and letting them drop to the floor. I bit the inside of my cheek and kept my gaze fixated on his sexy lips, too nervous to look at the lower half of his body. He watched my expression curiously and grinned when I stilled.

  Gavyn lifted his hands to unfasten the towel tucked at my breasts. I quickly knocked his hands away, blocking his action—a reflex from years of having to fend off sexually depraved goons. Realizing what I’d done, I yanked my arms back down.

  “Sorry,” I said, my cheeks heating with shame and embarrassment. He was standing naked in front of me, completely vulnerable, and I automatically denied him the same from myself.

  Gavyn leaned in close to my face. “Relax,” he whispered next to my temple, “we can say stop at any time.” Catching a matted piece of my hair between his fingers, he pushed it back behind my ear and kissed my cheek. Before his lips left my skin, I turned and entrapped his mouth with mine. Kissing him relentlessly, I made my intentions clear. I most certainly did not want to stop.

  Suddenly, the terry cloth that was separating us fell to the floor. My nipples hardened, prodding against his panting chest. He grinded into me and the trail of hair along his bare stomach tickled my navel. I moaned into his mouth, my legs weakening from the pressure of his bulge teasing the delicate mound of skin at the apex of my thighs.

  His strong hands reached around my hips and cupped the base of my rear, lifting me off the ground. Impulsively, I wrapped my legs around him for a better grip. Another gruff growl escaped him, and a gentle squeeze braced my bottom. I beseeched his hands to explore farther and find where I was most sensitized—for him to feel how slick and excited I was.

  He stumbled out of the pants bunched around his ankles and carried us into the shower. Little droplets of hot water sprinkled down my back, puckering my chilled skin. Gavyn carefully lowered me down and guided me under the showerhead.

  His attentive hands wet my long, tangled hair and directed the water over my body. Every caress made me want him more, but I held tight reigns on my desire and enjoyed the moment. There was no need to rush. I was safe with him.

  He lathered soap into a washcloth and started at my shoulders, rubbing leisurely circles while working his way down. I quivered as he washed away the filth. Tortured whimpers vibrated from my lips when he slid the washcloth over the throbbing areas I wanted him to explore so badly, but he remained mindful not to touch me with his bare hands and not for too long. The gentle pressure of his fingers was just as effective through the soapy cloth as it would have been without it though. The sensation of his hand rubbing over my hardened nipples, palming the plump curves of my breasts, dragging the rag down my trembling stomach and slipping between my folds—it was just as tantalizing as I imagined.

  The strain in his expression hinted that if he touched me—flesh to flesh—it would all be over. The gentleman in him would not be in control anymore. Something more feral would take over.

  Oh, how I wished he would let loose. My insides spasmed with an eager hunger for him. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. I leaned back into his chest and looked up over my shoulder at the beautiful, olive eyes exploring my naked body.

  I could tell he was thinking of the intimate things he wanted to do with me by the passion in his eyes and the quickening change in his breath; not to mention, the swelling length of flesh between his legs, pressing against my ass.

  His need to respect and ask permission was becoming a bit frustrating. I wanted him to overtake me, to lose control and do what he wanted. However, the fact that he kept his composure let me know he wasn’t the type to get what he wanted then leave, as was my experience in the past. He respected me, and he appreciated me. For that, I was thankful. If only I could control myself a little better.

  When he was done with me, he washed himself. I’d reac
hed out for the rag, intending to return the favor, but he backed away shaking his head, refusing to let me have it. He had just washed every part of my tightly wound body. I was going to, at least, see what he was denying me. Abandoning shyness, I let my eyes follow the soapy water as it trickled down rope after rope of delightful muscle.

  Warmth swirled in my veins as I watched. My body reacted with arousal, swelling here and tightening there all over again. Dewy moisture slickened my thighs, eagerly readying for such a man. He was stunning.

  He turned away to let the water rinse his dark hair, and I couldn’t stop myself from gliding my hand down his sudsy neck and wide shoulders. His body stiffened as I traced my fingers from the toned ridges between his shoulder-blades to the underside of his perfectly rounded, muscular ass. I grinned, feeling dozens of goosebumps raise under my touch.

  He gasped as I slowly pressed myself into his back—flesh to flesh. He continued to wash, permitting my hands to wind around his torso from behind and wander along the ripples on his chest. I would have to be content with just touching him. For now.

  As I let my hands wander farther down, circling his navel with my finger and venturing below the tiny divot, he grabbed my wrist and gently pulled free from my hold. He turned around and smiled sheepishly, stepping under the shower’s waterfall to rinse his front side. I licked my lips, watching the suds slide down his masculine form. He leaned in close, teasing me further, and reached to turn off the cooling water.

  “If we start, I won’t be able to stop.”

  “So don’t,” I permitted with a mischievous grin.

  He froze, debating some internal battle as he eyed my wet body. Apparently coming to an answer, he reached for the towel outside of the shower and gently patted the droplets from my skin. Gavyn wrapped the fabric snugly around my chest and waited for me to climb out of the tub.

  Confused, I leaned a hip against the sink, watching him dry and step out onto the floor. His brow furrowed again when he shot a glance my way. Was he really holding back to be a gentleman, or was there something else?