Falter

  It was virtually too subtle to detect, but the voiceless words floated on a breeze around me with a gentleness that soothed my miserable soul.

  You are strong enough to endure this, my child. They want you to doubt; that’s how they win you over.

  I sprang up, amazed that He heard me and actually responded.

  Rising from Gavyn’s bed, my attention drifted to something shiny laying on his dresser. The small pile of gold sparkled on the dark wood under a ray of light extending in from his window like a spot light. I scooped up the necklace and examined the simple, abandoned crucifix dangling from my hand.

  Gavyn wouldn’t want to be a slave to the demons. There is no way he willingly chose to go with Layla. I refused to believe it. I would find a way to fix this.

  They told me, even if you choose to go Dark, you could come back from it. Gavyn’s faith was strong, if anyone could return from Hell’s clutch, it would be him, and I’d be the one to drag him out by the hair if I had to. It wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t care. Determination drove me now. There had to be a way to bring him back, to bring both of the men I’d lost back. I was not going to lose anyone else to doubt.

  I flung open the door and marched down the hall, ready to do some damage. I stepped into the living room, beaming confidence, and all eyes turned to me.

  “Malach, I need to know exactly what you saw when you came in,” I demanded.

  The Archangel obviously didn’t get demands very often. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes, seeming to struggle with whether or not to answer me. He widened his shoulders and placed his hands on his hips, then gave in to my command. “I came through the ceiling, same as before. The room was still red and hazy from her portal. Layla stopped with her body half inside already, winked, and threw the letter at me just before pulling herself through. I’m sorry, Nevaeh.” He plopped down on the futon and dragged his hands down his face. “I couldn’t get to the opening fast enough.”

  It was unsettling to see such a powerful creature so broken, but, at the same time, it was amazing to know that such heavenly beings cared for us so much. Each angel had built their own special relationship with those on Earth, and most humans had no clue.

  “We will find them. If I’m The Clavis, then it is my responsibility to save everyone I can, right?” I glanced at Archard. Pride beamed from his sharp features.

  “How did she get through the portal? I thought I was the only Celata able to do that?” A sour silence filled the room. No one wanted to answer, but I could tell they all knew.

  “Hello?” I yelled, expecting someone to respond.

  “She may have hit a new level in her demonic transformation. Her powers would get stronger if she’s becoming full demon,” Arkin answered casually while sifting through Gavyn’s cabinets for food. “She probably won’t have long before she’s unable to turn back.”

  “So, there is a deadline on when you can change your mind?”

  “Kind of, but it’s different for everyone. The evil you let take over your heart, and how fast you give in to it, determines your change.” Archard sighed and straightened from the bar, tensing as he shifted weight.

  He was uncomfortable talking about this. Maybe he feared what might happen if I let my dark side out. I had a hunch the demons would make damn sure I was flooded with evil and that I didn’t have much time to turn back.

  I thought of Gavyn. His heart was full of love and warmth. I wondered how much time they would let him have before ripping his integrity to shreds. We had to move fast.

  “Did you talk to Gavyn’s Guardian?” I hoped his angel could offer some clues to what happened before he left with Layla.

  Remorse consumed Malach’s face. “I’m his Guardian,” he whispered, his gaze never leaving the floor. “It’s been me from the moment he made his decision.”

  “But…you’re an Arch,” I argued, stunned by his confession.

  He nodded. “I asked to be assigned to him. I figured I could help him more than a Guardian angel. His powers were so out of control and so strong.” The angel hung his head, shame contorting his strong features. “I guess I was wrong.”

  I didn’t know what to say. No wonder Malach was so heartbroken about Gavyn. They were more than friends. They were bonded, like father and son. Like brothers. “Did Gavyn know?”

  Malach shook his head. I couldn’t see continuing the interrogation and bringing more misery to the Archangel. We needed to think about how to get Gavyn back.

  I turned to Arkin and Archard. “Okay. We know that Layla is developing quickly. Gavyn is probably with her, but we have to remember Malach didn’t see him enter the portal. So, we can’t assume to know her game.

  “We know that I can portal jump, but the risk is too great for me to do it safely.” My brain was on fire, trying to filter through the facts. “And, if I make my choice now, there’s no way of knowing what gifts I’ll receive, or if the one I have will change?” I scanned the heavenly faces listening to me sort things out and waited for acknowledgement. Each one reluctantly agreed.

  Archard stepped forward, facing me, and took my hands in his. The charge between us flared. It was strengthening. The faint hint of surprise in his eyes told me he felt it, too.

  “If you declare yourself, your gifts might be the very thing that saves them.”

  I glanced down at his defined chest, afraid to see how he would react to my answer. “I can’t. I can’t take the chance of them knowing. I would lose George forever.”

  Relief sank into my heart as I heard his words swirl in my mind, It’s okay. I understand.

  When I returned my gaze to Archard face, his compassion and love shined back at me. “Just know, if it wasn’t for that, I would have already declared myself. The moment we came back, last night, I knew what I wanted. I just can’t do it right now. Saving my soul is not enough to convince me that it’s okay to let George’s go. Or Gavyn’s.”

  “Then what’s the plan, cupcake?” Arkin eyed me as he chomped on an apple.

  “Malach, can you help us with manpower? We have a strong group of angels, but it would help to have some Archs on our side.” Archard patiently gave the sad lump on the futon time to speak.

  Malach reflected for a moment. “I can get a few...but why should I help rogue Guardians?”

  For the first time since he sat on the couch, Malach’s attention was entirely present with the rest of us. He wanted to get Gavyn back as badly as I did, but he was apparently too stubborn to offer help so easily.

  “Malach, he’s my Guardian. He had good reason for what he did,” I argued in Archard’s defense.

  “I know who he is. I just don’t like it.” The Archangel glared at Archard and exhaled loudly. “What do you need us to do?”

  “We’re on day four. Only two more full days before she has to meet them with an answer. Let’s make the most of it. We need to train her the best we can. Get your guys to find out any information about The Clavis, portal jumping, and if there’s any loopholes into Hell. Then, just be there when I say.”

  “Be where exactly?” Malach raised a curious eyebrow.

  “They want her? They’ll have to fight for her.” An arrogant grin curved Archard’s flawless lips.

  “Woo-hoo! Damn, straight!” Arkin cheered obnoxiously behind me.

  I twisted around and giggled at the sight of Arkin dancing around the kitchenette as if he’d just won the lottery. From my peripheral, I noticed an envelope sitting on the bar in front of him. “Wait a sec.”

  I padded over to examine the unsealed sleeve, remembering that Layla left the note for Gavyn the day I went to the library. The side was neatly slit. I pinched the paper between my forefinger and thumb and removed it from the envelope. It was worn from opening and refolding it multiple times. He must have read it after I left that day.

  “What’s so important that you had to interrupt my happy dance, sweet cheeks?” Arkin leaned over the bar to look at the object in my hands while Archard and Malach gathered behin
d me.

  I had to regain my wits with all three so close. I’d made progress with handling the angels’ graces, but this was ridiculous. They were so close, and the energy swarming around me was so intense that I might combust. It wasn’t lustful, just an overwhelming taste of bliss and passion. I wanted to throw my hands in the air, giving up on this world all together, and ride Malach’s coattails through the portal back to Heaven.

  Beads of sweat began to form on my forehead and neck. My slow, steady breathing was rapidly increasing to a pant. This situation was going to become dangerous if I couldn’t gain control. The lines would soon blur again, between the growing faith I held prominent in my soul and the inherent evil lurking beneath it.

  “Can you three back up just a smidge? I need some space.” I forced the words out, not really wanting them to do as I requested.

  They considered me for a moment with confused expressions on their faces, then realized what I was asking. Arkin and Malach both shifted to the opposite side of the bar and leaned against the far counter. Archard stood firm, refusing to leave my side. He scowled at the other angels, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed.

  “Hey, man, don’t look at me. I’ve been keeping mine under wraps all day,” Arkin protested.

  My angel shook his head, dismissing Arkin’s argument. Archard’s inviting, aqua eyes darted to mine.

  I want you to get accustomed to what little effect I still have on you. I need to be the one who levels you out in stressful times, he spoke in my mind.

  Accepting his suggestion, I took a deep breath and relaxed into his presence. I noted that when the others stepped back, there was only the love and trust emitted by Archard; not the needful desire that threatened to conquer it. My bond with him dredged up the strength from my soul.

  “So...what does it say?” Malach asked cautiously.

  “It’s another letter from Layla.” My voice shook as I explained what the letter said. “She demanded he choose her over me, or I would die.” Tears gathered in my eyes. “She bullied him into going with her.” I sat the letter down on the counter, unable to look at her words any longer.

  “What a bitch!” Arkin spat.

  “So, he didn’t choose willingly. That’s good. There’s still hope for him.” Malach smiled with relief. “We just need to get to him before the evil consumes his heart.”

  “Oh, that’s all? You make it sound so easy.” The sarcasm in my words bit at him.

  He held his tongue, acknowledging the difficulty in what he proposed.

  After a few minutes of silence and brainstorming, it came to me. “What if I’m bait?” I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner. It could work.

  “There’s no way!” Archard objected.

  “It’s the only way.” I touched his arm, trying to subdue the anger rumbling in his voice. “I won’t have to go into a portal. We can bargain for them to bring George’s soul and Gavyn to a meeting place. You guys can ambush the demons, and once we have sight of George and Gavyn, I can make my declaration and hope for the best.”

  “Hah...hope for the best?” he snorted. “That’s how you’re going to make it through this? Hope for the best?”

  “Archard, she’s right,” Malach agreed.

  “No, she’s not!” my angel yelled, and then stomped to the other side of the room, eager to escape the argument.

  “You know I’m right. What happened to having faith?” I followed Archard until he stopped, but he wouldn’t turn to face me. I smoothed my hand along the ridges of wings hidden beneath his duster. He shivered under my touch. “I have to do this. If I’m really The Clavis, God will be there to back me up, right?” My fingers barely wrapped halfway around his bicep as I tugged at his folded arms, urging him to turn around.

  He finally grabbed my arm, dragged me in front of him, and locked his hands around my back. I smiled at the safety I found inside his protective hug.

  “Ok,” he whispered reluctantly.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Making Plans

  The next night, after a day and a half of constant training, learning to move my body in ways I didn’t even think were possible, I was thoroughly exhausted. I wound my arm around in a circle, stretching my sore shoulder as I wandered down a hallway of the factory. Arkin had made it his personal goal to have me trained to military status in just under forty hours. Unfortunately, my body was in total disagreement.

  I tried to partner with a few of the other angels, but always ended up with him. I figured, after the first three times of asking another Guardian to show me a particular move and being directed back to Arkin, it was time to surrender. Archard and Arkin had probably conspired to take complete control of what I was doing—and with whom.

  In the end, I enjoyed Arkin’s methods of instruction. I’d gotten used to the sexist nicknames and crude gestures. Throughout my body’s consistent beating, we formed our own special partnership. I found a friend in him. He would never hold back on me, never baby my feelings. Somehow, in the silence of our intense battles against one another, I learned I could trust him with my life and not think twice about it. We molded an unbreakable brother-sister relationship. Something I never had before.

  Meanwhile, Archard and Malach worked on gathering what information they could. Half of the time, I saw them huddled in the manager’s office at the factory, muttering about our situation; the other half, the two angels were nowhere to be found.

  I finally spilled the beans about my experiences on the other side and everything I discussed with Gavyn. I told them about my debilitating visions, my demon encounters, and how I learned there was a book. There was too much happening and too many lives involved to keep secrets anymore.

  The angels suggested that if we found whoever gave the book to Margie, they might bring us a little closer to the information inside. Now that we knew of a tangible resource about The Clavis, we figured the rumored stories had to contain some truths. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get to it without risking myself.

  I still felt like the vision of my mother, if that’s who it was, held some profound answer that was lost in translation. It made more sense now that Arkin connected some of the dots for me. But how did she show me what happened? Why did she leave? Was she in Hell, too?

  My heart sank with the idea that so many people in my life had ended up there. I couldn’t help but think that maybe ending up in Hell was my true fate. It seemed the easiest end to all of this. I guess, if it’s that easy though, it probably isn’t the right answer.

  I slowly shuffled back toward the room I now claimed as my own. The tight quarters, where Archard took me deep into my unknown, had sentimental value now. It didn’t feel right sleeping anywhere else.

  My muscles and bones hurt with even the slightest twitch. Several spots on my skin were beginning to turn a pretty shade of purple.

  I laughed at the ridiculousness of me sparring with an angel. Who would’ve predicted it a few weeks ago?

  The sting of a fresh cut on my lip forced me to stop laughing. I sucked air through my teeth and winced, recalling how Arkin had elbowed my mouth in defense when I yanked hard against his wing.

  I entered my room and headed to the plush bed, peeling off my damp, sweaty clothes along the way. I grabbed the lighter lying on the small table and lit a few of the candles Archard left on the floor.

  The mattress squeaked as I plopped down and settled onto the fluffy comforter. The chilly factory air drifted in through the door I left open, cooling the sweaty, bare skin not covered by my bra and panties. I was too tired and hot to care if someone walked in and saw me.

  It was quiet at this end of the building. I welcomed the silence and centered myself. I shut everything out—except for Archard. His heavenly beauty was all I saw when I closed my eyes. So much worry and love laced the hard lines of his face when he looked at me lately.

  Before we left Gavyn’s apartment yesterday, I spoke to Archard alone. I replayed our conversation over and over in my mind, now. No one
but George had ever been that concerned for me. He must’ve asked if I was sure about the plan I suggested fifty times, and every time I knew it was the only option.

  A warm gust of wind ignited my spirit and distracted me. The sudden exhilaration was like breathing for the first time—like the first flicker of life.

  I opened my eyelids to see my angel standing by the bed, staring at me with hunger in his eyes. I stayed still and quiet. I didn’t want him to leave, but I didn’t know if we were ready to address the undeniable connection between us, either.

  Soft candlelight danced gloriously in the reflective sheen of his pupils, enhancing the mesmerizing shade of neon-blue glowing around them. His naked chest heaved in deep, heavy breaths as sweat dripped down his tight ridges of flesh. My eyes followed the droplets of moisture down to the dark jeans hanging low on his waist, leaving his incredible abs exposed for me to admire.

  His magnificent wings flexed behind him, tightening in response to the increasing tension between us and pressing out against the thickening atmosphere. The sight of him rendered me completely defenseless to whatever intentions he had.

  He shut his eyes and touched the top of my foot, tracing a slow path past my ankle, up my shin, and then stopping at my knee with his finger still pressing against my skin. His full lips pulled up into a satisfied grin. Archard shifted at my side, adjusting his weight and leaning over to reach me better. He let the rest of his hand settle on my inner thigh, just above my knee. Short, shallow respirations rushed in and out past his slick lips, while I quivered with anticipation for more.

  “What are you doing?” I exhaled the words, not realizing I was holding my breath.

  His grin widened. “Memorizing the feel of your skin,” he whispered.

  “Well, I have a lot more skin to memorize if that’s the case.” I slid my leg under his palm, desperate for more of his touch.

  He shifted his weight, again. The scent filling the room changed from smooth honey to a spiced sweetness. I inhaled the aroma of need radiating from his pores and longed to taste his sugary essence.