So. What was he supposed to do? She was offering him something that he hadn't considered before but that had some merits. If he turned her down, he might never get another offer like it. If he turned her down, he might be sorry in ten or twenty years. If, God forbid, something happened to one or both of his parents the way it had happened to Jenna's, would he be sorry he hadn't given them the gift of a grandchild? If something happened to him, would he lie on his deathbed wishing he was leaving behind something more of his body than a golden urn filled with ashes?
He swore loudly and turned away from the light of the moon. Sweet, innocent Jenna had opened a can of worms. He kept trying to close it, kept trying to simply make the decision to see her in the morning and tell her no, then fly back to Florida and immerse himself in his work, but he couldn't make that decision. Something was holding him back. Some gut instinct.
Spencer had been in many a precarious position in the course of his travels, and if there was one thing he knew, it was that his gut instinct was sound, damn it.
Jenna had trouble falling asleep. She didn't know whether to be hopeful or discouraged by Spencer's call. She hadn't realized how much she'd set her heart on using his sperm, until she realized that within hours she might know that she couldn't. Then again, if he said yes, she'd be on her way to having the most incredible child in the world. The excitement of that thought alone kept her up for a while.
She fell asleep shortly before dawn, which was probably why she didn't hear the doorbell when it first rang. She didn't rouse until the tone was coming in imperious bursts of threes, and then it was a minute before she could correctly identify the sound. She stumbled from bed and was at the bedroom door before she thought of covering herself. Ducking back in to snatch the decorative throw from the back of the wicker chair, she wrapped it around her and ran barefoot down the stairs.
Squinting out the sidelight, she felt a moment's panic. Spencer was standing there, looking freshly showered and awake enough to make her acutely aware of how awful she appeared. Her hair was a mess; her eyes were still only half opened; she was sure there were pillowcase creases on her face.
But he had seen her peering out, so she couldn't pretend she wasn't home. And anyway, she wouldn't do that. If he had made a decision, she wanted to know what it was.
Clutching the throw around her with one hand, she opened the door with the other. The sun hit her full face. She swayed sideways to use his large frame as a shade.
"What time is it?" she asked in a sleep-gritty voice.
"Eight-forty, " he answered, sounding remorseless as he took in her disheveled appearance.
Wondering how he could look so good with so little sleep, Jenna swallowed and pushed loose wisps of hair back from her face. "Want to come in? It'll take me just a minute to put something on. "
"Don't dress on my behalf, " he said.
She took that to mean he wouldn't be staying long enough to make it worth her bother, and felt an immediate stab of disappointment. "You won't do it?" Tears sprang to her eyes. "Oh, Spencer—"
"I didn't say I wouldn't. " He scowled at the tears. "There are a few more things I need to know. "
"Oh. Okay. " She glanced around, not sure whether to lead him into the living room or the kitchen. She wished she could think clearly, but his appearance had caught her off guard at a time of day when she was at her worst. "Uh, let me make coffee. " The making would buy her time; the drinking would help clear her head.
Maintaining a grip on the throw, she went into the kitchen. Though she sensed Spencer behind her, she didn't look around. Rather, she did the best she could putting on a pot of coffee to brew. Working one-handed slowed her, but she didn't dare let go of the throw for fear it would fall to the floor. Her nightgown was of fine, soft, translucent cotton. She had nothing on underneath.
The instant she had the coffee machine gurgling, she said, "I'm running upstairs. I'll be back down in a second. "
"Sit, " Spencer ordered.
"But I'm not dressed, " she protested, daring to look at him. It was a mistake. His scar was like an exclamation mark after his order, and above that, his eyes were compellingly blue. Though they didn't move from her face, she felt their touch all over.
"What we're discussing is pretty intimate, " he said. "You're dressed just fine. "
She wanted to argue but was loath to anger him. So she slipped into a chair at the small glass table and sat looking as poised as possible with the throw protecting her virtue, her legs pressed together and her ankles crossed and tucked under the chair.
Spencer leaned against the counter. He was wearing slim-fitting black pants and a loose black shirt. His hair had been parted and combed to the side, but spikes were already falling over his brow. In keeping with the scar, they gave him a commanding look, which he accentuated by folding his arms across his chest.
He regarded her steadily. "You mentioned basal body temperature. Explain that term. "
She refused to squirm. "That's what my temperature is when my body is at total rest. I take my temperature every morning when I first wake up, even before I sit up in bed. Then I record it on a chart. "
"You've already been doing that?"
"For three months, every morning. Except this one, " she added, since it was obvious that she hadn't taken time for anything when the doorbell had rung. "But that's okay. I can miss a day or two. I know what my temperature would have been if I'd taken it"
"How?"
"There's a distinct pattern. " More quietly she added, "And I'm very regular. "
As though mocking her shyness, he said in a bold voice, "This relates to your period, I take it"
"Yes. "
He waited, then gestured for her to continue. "Come on. Tell me. I want to know how it works. "
The fact that he was listening and considering her request lifted her spirits above the self-consciousness she felt. "My temperature is below normal on the days leading up to ovulation. It usually drops even more when I actually ovulate, then starts to rise after that. It keeps going up until I get my period. "
"So the exact day of ovulation is the critical one?"
"Kind of. "
"What do you mean, kind of?"
"According to my doctor, it's best if sperm is already in the fallopian tube when I ovulate, which means doing his procedure just prior to that time. Actually, " she mustered the courage to say, "if you were willing to hang around for a few days, he'd do the procedure twice. "
"Twice, huh?" Spencer said.
"Only if you were willing, " she rushed on. "I've done so much reading on this, and the books seem to agree that when a couple is trying to conceive, they should have intercourse, ideally, every other day around the time of ovulation. That gives the sperm count time to fully recover, and since sperm will stay alive for forty-eight to seventy-two hours, every other day makes sense—but that's for couples, and we're not a couple in that sense. I know you have other things to do, and that you don't like being around here with your parents and all, so if you could do it once, that'd be great. I mean, it could be that I'll conceive—" she snapped her fingers "—like that. "
"It could be, " he drawled, "that we'd need to do it a whole lot of times before you conceive. " The look in his eye grew speculative. He dropped his gaze to her neck, which was encased in lace, then her breasts, which were bound by the throw, then her belly, which rested somewhere under multiple folds of fabric.
Jenna wanted to hide. She felt naked and exposed, and decidedly inferior to every other woman Spencer had been involved with. True, what she was proposing didn't mean that kind of involvement, but he was right. It would be a pretty intimate thing if she carried his child.
"I'll do it, " he said.
Her heart tripped. "You will?"
He nodded.
She came to her feet with a huge smile. "You will?" She brought her hands together in front of that smile and looked at him through tears of happiness this time.
He made a sound that told he
r what he thought of the tears. Then he said, "On one condition. "
"I'll do whatever you want" She beamed, feeling lighter and brighter than she had in weeks. "I'm so grateful, Spencer, so grateful, and relieved! I thought for sure you'd say no and then I'd have to use the sperm bank, and this way my baby will be perfect, absolutely perfect!"
"No artificial insemination. "
Her breath caught. The smile faded. "No what?"
"Artificial insemination, " he repeated. "It's the real thing or nothing. "
"The real thing?" she asked.
He looked as if he wanted to grin but was holding it back. "Sexual intercourse, between you and me. "
Jenna felt suddenly weak in the knees. Dropping back into the chair, she clutched the throw to her chest. "We can't do that, " she said in dismay. "We're not like that with each other. "
"We can be if you want my baby. "
"I do, I do. " She made a helpless face. "But you don't know what you're saying!"
"I know exactly what I'm saying. I've been thinking about it all night. I'm saying that if you're going to have my baby, I want it conceived the normal way. I'm also saying that I won't stand in a little room and pleasure myself when you could do that for me. "
"But you're Caroline's brother!"
"So?"
"So, I'm like a sister to you. "
Very slowly he shook his head.
"But I'm not good at sex!" she protested. As mortifying as it was, she had to tell him the truth. "I've been with three men, and none of them raved about my skill. I don't think I could begin to pleasure you. "
"You could begin, " he assured her, and his voice was suddenly thicker, "and I'd show you what to do from there. "
"But you've been with so many women! You're so experienced! You're so big!" She grasped on to that. "You said it yourself—I'm too short. You're nearly a foot taller than me. "
"You liked that when you were thinking of having a boy. "
"I do like it, but that was when I thought we'd be doing this in a doctor's office. Honestly, Spencer, it would be so much better that way. "
"Maybe for you. Not for me. And since I'm the one this thing hangs on... " Unfolding his arms, he straightened away from the counter. "Need time to think, Jenna? I'll give you time. " He strolled toward the door. "Take as much time as you want. I'll be in Florida for the next six months, but after that I could be God knows where. Caroline has the number of my place in the Keys. You could leave a message, then when I get back—"
"Wait, " she cried just as his foot cleared the threshold. She couldn't let him walk away, not when she was so close to getting what she wanted. "Okay. " She rose from the chair, determined to commit herself before she could be paralyzed by shyness. "Okay, we'll do it that way if you want. " She could handle it; she knew she could. "We'll do it that way. "
A small smile lifted one side of his mouth. "Good. "
"But will you promise me one thing in return?" she begged. "If it doesn't work that way—I mean, if you can't—if I can't help you—" She sucked in a breath and pushed it out with the words "If the actual act is a total disaster, will you do it my way?" Her cheeks burned, but she held steady.
"The act won't be a disaster. "
"Don't be so sure. I'm really not good at this. "
He frowned. "You think you won't turn me on?" He started toward her.
"It's been known to happen. "
"I find that hard to believe. "
"It happened. "
He stood directly before her. "With all three of your lovers?"
"With the last. "
"Then that was his problem. It won't be mine. "
"How do you know? Here we stand, fully dressed—at least, you are, and I'm covered up. How do you know what will happen when we're in bed? This is like a business arrangement, for goodness' sake. Is it realistic to expect that you'll be turned on enough to—" she swallowed "—enough to... "
"Come?"
She nodded.
"Yes, it's realistic to expect that, " he said. Lifting a hand, he ran the backs of his fingers along the side of her breast.
Jenna gasped in surprise. Her first instinct was to move away, but the lightness of his touch and the fact of who he was and what she had asked of him, held her to him. Within seconds, she'd begun to tremble inside. Eyes riveted to his dark face, she saw the small, seeming involuntary rise of his head and the faint flare of his nostrils. There was nothing more by way of touching, just the backs of his fingers shaping her breast through two layers of fabric for what couldn't have been more than another ten seconds, before he dropped his hand to her waist, then away. In the next instant he looked down at himself. Jenna followed his gaze to the swell of arousal at his fly.
"I don't think I'll have a problem, " he remarked dryly.
Ridiculous, given the circumstances, but she felt guilty, as though she had walked in on him when he'd been performing a private act that had nothing to do with her. Unable to meet his eyes, she backed down into the chair.
"Anything else you want to test now?" he asked.
She studied her hands. "No. "
"Want to change your mind about me fathering your child?"
She looked up at him. "No!"
He chuckled, then shot a glance at the coffee maker. "That smells good. I could use a cup. Want one?"
"Uh, sure, " she said, but she didn't move. She let Spencer do the pouring, while she struggled to regain her poise. One part of her was near to bursting with excitement about the baby she was going to have. The other part was totally unsettled by the thought of what she was going to have to do to get it.
She took the cup and saucer he handed her and quickly put them down on the table so that the shaking of her hands wouldn't show, then she waited while he set down his own cup and took a seat across from her.
"Okay, " he said, stretching out his legs, "let's talk specifics. Yesterday you said you'd be ovulating in two weeks. Do you have your period now?"
She focused on the coffee. "I'll be getting it tomorrow. "
"How can you be sure?"
"I have a twenty-eight-day cycle. Always. Besides, I can feel it. "
"You're crampy?"
"Bloated. "
"You don't look bloated, " he said, then tacked on, "not that I can see much more than your face, but that looks fine. "
Jenna didn't believe him for a minute. She had barely had four hours' sleep, and she hadn't washed, hadn't combed her hair, hadn't put on a bit of makeup. As if that wasn't bad enough, she felt totally unprepared for the conversation they were having. She knew everything there was to know on the topic of artificial insemination, but Spencer had shifted topics on her. It wasn't fair.
She looked down at her coffee again. "Spencer?"
"Yes, Jenna?"
She heard his amusement and felt worse. "I'm very nervous about this. "
"I can see that, " he said gently. "But I thought I put your worries to rest. "
"There's something else. It's the awkwardness. You're Caroline's brother. I never intended we'd actually have sex. "
"Neither did I, but I spent all last night thinking about it, and I was hard then, too. "
"You're just saying that. "
"I'm not. "
"You never would have thought of it if I hadn't drafted you. "
"Maybe not, " he admitted, "but only because I'm not around here enough to get ideas like that. Which raises another point. Where should we do it? The doctor's office is out. "
She eyed him beseechingly. "You could reconsider. It'd be so much more controlled if we did it my way. " She watched him take a drink of his coffee and set down his cup, and noticed that his hand didn't shake in the least. He looked as though he was enjoying the discussion. No self-consciousness on Ms part
"I don't like things controlled, " he said, "not things to do with sex. So. Where'll it be? My place or yours? We could use a hotel, but that'd be kind of sterile, don't you think?"
"Sterile is fine. A
fter all, this is a business arrangement It's not like it has to be romantic or anything. We'll only be doing it once. "
"I thought you said the ideal thing was to do it every other day around the time you ovulate. "
"We don't have to. "
"If we're going to do this, we'll do it right So. We should get together twelve days from now?"
Her stomach was jumping. The baby. Think of the baby, she told herself. "Twelve days. That sounds right. "
"Unless you want to take a few months to get used to the idea. "
Jenna didn't think any amount of time would get her used to the idea of having sex with Spencer. Figuring that she was best to get it over with, she gave a quick headshake. "I want to get pregnant as soon as possible. I'll be ovulating around the eighth of July, which means that if I conceive right away, the baby will be born next April. "
"Boy, you've got that down pat. "
"I've had plenty of time to count. "
He finished off his coffee. "Then I should fly back here on the sixth?"
"If you could. " She thought ahead to that time. "I had everything figured out when I assumed we'd be using artificial insemination. We would have been able to see the doctor separately during the day and go our own ways at night without even bumping into each other. I thought it would be less awkward that way. " She grimaced. "This way will be more complicated. "
"How so?" Spencer asked. He sank down in the chair, stretching his legs out even farther. "I don't see any complications. I'll stay here. You have plenty of room. "
"Here?"
"My parents and I don't do well under the same roof. I doubt I'll even tell them I'm in town. "
"But they'll want to see you. "
"They won't miss me if they don't know I'm here. "
"What if they see you around town?"
"They won't. I'll stay here the whole time. "
Jenna had visions of trying to entertain him and proving as inept at that as she would be at sex. He was a man of action. He was used to exciting things happening, which they certainly wouldn't do in her stately old house. "Good Lord, Spencer, you'll be bored. Besides, I was planning to work. "
"No sweat. You can work. You won't even have to break up your day to keep a doctor's appointment, since we'll be doing our thing at night. "
The Stud Page 5