by Bree Darcy
“You think you’ve got it all figured out. What’s to say you and I would fare any better?”
“Because I know you better than he does.”
“No you don’t. I’ve been with Curtis nearly half my life. Look at us, a few days together and we’re already arguing. And let’s not forget there’s no risk involved for you. If we didn’t work out, you can just get up, brush yourself off and give supermodel Trinity a call. You’ve got nothing to lose, your marriage is over. I’ve got everything to lose.”
“Sometimes you have to lose everything to gain everything.” He looked thoughtful for a moment before reaching for his phone.
“If you key that into your song lyric file, I’m gonna punch you in the face.”
He sheepishly put his phone away before his expression grew serious. “I’ll tell you what feels like a right punch in the face. The fact that here I am, able to give you the life I always dreamed of giving you, and you still don’t want it. Or me.”
Silently we filed on to the gangplank, ticket in hand.
“So explain to me how my life would work in Dangerfield world?” I asked as we found an unoccupied row of seats. “How does my job fit in or my kids? How often would I see you while you’re off touring the world?”
“All you need to know is-”
“All you need to know is I’m not breaking up my family. I didn’t ask you to come crashing back into my life. You’re the one who wrote me that letter. You could have come to Sydney, filmed the show, and left again. No harm done. But no, you had to keep turning up, buzzing around, like an annoying mosquito.”
Andy thumped the chair in front of him. “I am very tempted right now to say adios, have a nice life, because I’m getting sick of this shit. But the reason I’m gonna hang around, annoying you like a mosquito, is because it will give me immense pleasure to prove you’re wrong for once in your life. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out you’re meant to be with me, not him. I might do some crazy stuff but I have never, ever lied to you.”
The ferry lurched away from the wharf and we had to stay silent for a moment to listen to the captain’s address.
“No but you did cheat on me.”
“That one time – a million years ago. Goddamn it, you don’t think I’ve paid for that enough? I never said I was perfect, Kell. No one’s perfect. Not even you. Or how else do you explain that you’ve spent the past four days – the best four days of my fucking life, no less – lying about your whereabouts to your husband. You need to stop lying – especially to yourself. You say you want the truth, well here is my truth – I want you to leave him for me. You need to tell him as soon as you get home.”
“And I’ve already told you I’m not breaking up my family, not today, not ever.”
“Why can’t you see you already have a broken family – why do you think your son wished someone else was his father? You know, I sort of wish we had got caught out on Rotto, that someone saw us together and told your husband. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret any more.”
Andy stalked off to the bar, returning with three cans of beer and a lemonade for me.
“I hope you’re not planning on drinking all those on the boat,” I frowned. “You’ll make yourself sick. And I don’t want to be vomiting from watching you vomit.”
Andy’s eyes creased as he chuckled. “Like that time in, where was it, Arizona? You were the only one who wasn’t sick because you hadn’t eaten the chicken, but you still threw up, out of sympathy for me.”
As the skies cleared the closer we got to the mainland, somehow the tense atmosphere between us vanished too.
* * *
“You know it might be quicker to walk,” I told Andy as we joined the long taxi queue.
As we inched our way along the line, I wanted to make the most of every second I had left with him. Not giving a damn for anyone who felt uncomfortable around public displays of affection, we kissed like teenagers, his beard now a familiar rasp against my skin.
However, it was all too soon our turn. I was off to my mum’s, while Andy was heading in a different direction to the airport. Andy helped me load my bags into the boot, then flung his backpack in to. “Tell you what, I should really call in on Caprice first.” He ran his fingers through his hair, all tangled from the wind. “I could do with a haircut and a shave. So let’s share a taxi and I’ll drop you at your ma’s on the way.”
I climbed into the back seat, glad to spend that bit more time with him.
* * *
“Can you pull up here?” I asked the taxi driver as we neared the park down the street from Mum’s. “I don’t want her to see you,” I said to Andy. “You understand?”
The driver popped the boot for me to unload my bags. Andy hopped out too, telling the driver to wait while palming him a hundred-dollar note.
“So I’ll see you around, I guess.” I suddenly felt tongue-tied.
“Keep in touch.” He tapped his phone. “And if you decide to ... you know… move on, you know where I am. Waiting.”
“I did have the best time – I hope it was worth travelling all this way, in economy class no less.”
“It certainly was – even though my legs are dreading the flight home. I’ll have to repay you next year for your fortieth. You figure out your dream destination and it’s a date.”
I smiled wryly, knowing I’d be spending the day with Curtis and the kids in England.
Another few moments of silence and then I blinked away the tears as we embraced. Andy held me at arms’ length. “This whole experience, it hasn’t changed your mind? Don’t I mean enough to you?”
“Oh Andy, you mean everything to me. But I have another life I can’t just walk away from. I’m sorry.” We had had our chance years ago and we missed it.
“Look, I’ll change my flight and come to Sydney with you,” Andy pleaded. “I’ll be with you while you tell him it’s over. And I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything to hurt you and the kids. We’ll get in the best attorneys and …”
“I’m sorry Andy. But this has to be goodbye.”
How could I explain to him that he was like a drug. And a very addictive one at that. He could make me feel on top of the world but he also had the potential to destroy my life. This trip was one final overdose on him before I tried to give him up. For good.
“Thanks for everything,” I said. “And whatever happens, remember -”
“We’ll always have Rotto.”
I laughed before leaning in to give him one last kiss.
I had nearly reached the verge of Mum’s place when I noticed Andy hadn’t climbed back in the taxi. I doubled back. “You can go, you know. I’m a big girl, I can make it inside safely by myself.”
“I wanted to make sure you didn’t changed your mind at the last minute. Like you did that time in London.”
I crumpled, unable to stop the tears streaming down my face.
“Do you want to change your mind?” Andy tenderly pushed my fringe off my forehead.
I reached out to interlock my fingers with his.
“You’re not going to, are you?”
I dropped his hands and walked away without looking back again.
CHAPTER 17
Waiting for my luggage at Sydney airport, I dug around in my handbag to retrieve my phone and turn it back on. Time to get back to the real world.
There were dozens of missed calls. Zara’s could be ignored for now since she was most likely haranguing me about another assignment. But I planned to return Nikki’s as soon as I got home, to apologise about parting on such bad terms at the restaurant.
I scrolled through my texts, calling up one marked urgent from Adele. My heart plummeted as I read: “Photos of you with AJ Dangerfield on Sloane?!?!?”
With a shaking hand, I clicked the link. Under the headline ‘Flirting with Danger’ was a photo of Andy and me walking hand in hand along a beach. “Newly separated Danger Game frontman AJ Dangerfield has leapt straight back into the dating po
ol, spending a week on an Australian holiday island with a mystery woman. A source tells me the heart-throb singer – looking remarkably like the Tom Hanks character from Cast Away - celebrated his fortieth birthday by rekindling an old flame.”
At least the story didn’t name me. I flicked through the photo gallery – would people be able to tell that woman was me? There was one of us lying on the beach, another of us paddling in the shallows, another of us kissing at the taxi rank. If you knew me, you’d recognise me, absolutely. As Adele obviously did. How could we have not noticed that someone had their camera trained on us? And how did they track us down in the first place? The only person who knew where we were was Nikki. Surely she wouldn’t have opened her big gob?
Of course there had been that kid on the beach who’d recognised Andy but many of these photos were taken before that so it couldn’t have been him.
After scooping my bag off the luggage carousel, I dialled Nikki. “Before you say a word, first of all I’m sorry for what I said the other night and secondly, have you seen the photos? I’m trying to work out how this happened. Did you say anything to anyone?”
“No, of course not, well not apart from Seth. And before you start pointing the finger at him, he wouldn’t even know who Sebastian Sloane is. By the way that sunset photo is gorgeous. And Andy looks like he really enjoyed that donut – I should have gotten you to bring me back a tray.”
Trust Nikki to try to lighten the mood.
“I’ve got to get to Curtis before he finds out.”
“Too late. I’ve already had an irate call from him looking for you. He’s been inundated with reporters hassling him for his side of the story.”
“They know who I am?”
“It’s the lead story on StarReach. How their former writer has been having a sizzling affair with a rock star. There’s even an old photo of you guys sitting in the sand dunes up at Lancelin.”
Damn Zara. No doubt she couldn’t resist scoring points over Amanda.
“Shit. What am I going to do?”
“What do you want to do, Kell?”
* * *
I turned my key in the lock and hesitantly pushed open the front door. I wasn’t sure what sort of reception I would receive. But the alarm had to be deactivated which meant no one was home. The blinds were shut and everything smelt a bit musty.
I ignored the answerphone flashing with messages. I had already texted Curtis in the taxi on the way home: I’m sorry. We need to talk. Home soon.
I also sent one to Andy, telling him our cover had been blown and asking if he was responsible. He did after all say he wanted our relationship to be out in the open. Because if you are, I’ll never forgive you.
Waiting for someone to come home was torture. I sat near the lounge window, never taking my eyes off the driveway. But after half an hour of waiting, I figured it was better to keep myself occupied. So I took a long, steamy shower, put on a load of washing, and logged on to the computer to view the photos on a bigger screen. Sebastian Sloane’s article had been updated, naming me and referring to my red-carpet incident with Neil Lucas.
Hearing Curtis’ car pull into the driveway, I raced down the stairs. He was alone and his face was like thunder. “Excuse me if I don’t ask if you had a nice trip,” he snarled throwing his keys on to the side table. “It’s fairly obvious from the photos that you enjoyed yourself.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to-”.
“I’ve not only had my day disturbed by an endless stream of reporters, I also had to leave work early to calm down my mother and pick up the kids from school to shield them from nasty gossip about their mother.” Curtis paced the hallway, looking into the kitchen and lounge. “Where’s Dangerfield?”
“He’s flown home.”
“Too scared to show his face around here, I bet. Now I’m going to ask you a few simple questions and for once don’t dare lie to me – at least show me that respect. Just a yes or a no. Did you sleep with him?”
“Yes.”
“Was that your first time, since we’ve been together?”
“No.” I hung my head into my hands.
“Do you love him?” My head shot up. I paused, but nodded when I realised I had to be truthful.
“More than me?”
I refused to answer that. The pain in Curtis’ eyes was unbearable.
“Well, I hope he was worth ending our marriage over. I really can’t believe you’d do this to me. I grew up never measuring up to my brother. Not for one moment did I contemplate not measuring up to another man with you.”
“It wasn’t like that Curtis, I promise.” How could I explain to him that it had nothing to do with him, it was to do with who I was before I met him, the girl who had fallen hard for a rat.
My phone beeped on the coffee table.
“Wonder who that’ll be?” Curtis asked sarcastically. “I’m off to pack. Ryan and Ciara will be staying with me at my parents.”
He stormed upstairs as I checked the message. No of corse not me. ru ok? waiting in line to book flight back.
NO! Don’t come back. It’ll only make things worse. I need to sort this out myself.
“KEL-LIE!”
I raced up the stairs, to find Curtis reading a new StarReach article. With a photo of Andy and Ryan playing guitar together at the school concert, it speculated whether my son was actually the result of our long-standing affair. It quoted a source who had seen Ryan at the David Wallace show with Danger Game.
“You let Ryan meet up with him behind my back? After you had the gall to swear that prick wasn’t his father!”
“It’s the truth! Andy’s not his father, you are.”
“Do you swear on your son’s life?”
I looked Curtis straight in the eyes. “Yes.” And then I told him how I knew for sure. And how Ryan had mistakenly believed that Andy was his father, thinking that explained why Curtis acted so cold towards him.
Curtis held up his hand to cut me off. “Here we go. I knew you would try to turn the tables and blame me for this whole mess. Don’t you dare claim I forced you into the arms of another man. I have given you absolutely everything. There is no excuse for what you’ve done to me. And now Ryan’s been dragged into this whole disgraceful affair. If you can’t show me the results of that paternity test, then you need to order another one. I’m not taking your word for it. Boy oh boy, I can’t wait for Ewan to hear about this. He did warn me not to get involved with someone like you.”
“Excuse me but it’s not like you can take all the moral high ground here,” I said.
“Just watch me.” I flinched as he poked his finger at me. “I have never cheated on you – not once.”
“Maybe but you have lied incessantly. I had no intention of going away with Andy until I found out some things about you. Like the letter in the attic from Felicity, revealing how you begged her to marry you and move to Sheffield even though you were with me. In fact it was right before you proposed to me. It made me realise I was only ever your consolation prize.”
“That’s ridiculous. It was stupid of me to write her that letter, I’ll admit, I don’t even know why I did it. But Felicity’s reply really opened my eyes and made me appreciate what I had with you. I can’t believe you were dumb enough to use it as reason to run off and ruin our marriage.”
“Actually that wasn’t what made me decide to go. It was finding out you lied about losing your job that did that.”
Curtis reeled as if I had struck him.
“You knew how reluctant I was about moving, especially because of Ryan, and yet you tricked me into thinking we had no other choice. I saw your resignation letter and how you accepted the Manchester job long before you even mentioned it to me. Just another example of putting yourself first and not caring about the rest of us. Unlike Andy, who was there for me when Ryan was hit by that car, who taught our son how to play guitar, who ran alongside me at that fun run instead of trying to beat some stupid personal time. Even when he’s on
the other side of the world, he shows more interest in us than you bother to, sitting right here on our couch.”
Curtis zipped up his suitcase and bumped it down the stairs. “You seem to be forgetting that he’s a rock star, Kell. He’s probably got women like you all over the world falling for his schtick. But off you go with him then. The kids can come to England with me. Because I’ll tell you this for free, if that Yank comes within a foot of my kids, I’ll ensure you never see them. You may have chosen him over me but are you that heartless you’ll choose him over your kids as well?”
CHAPTER 18
I never made it to bed that night. I was still curled up on the sofa early the next morning when the doorbell rang. I had no intention of responding until I heard a familiar voice call my name.
I sprung up to fling open the door. “How did you get here?”
“On a plane – it’s this amazing thing that flies you across the country.”
I lifted the suitcase into the foyer before dissolving into a flood of tears.
Mum took me in her arms. “Andy rang and told me everything. He booked me a flight, he’s so worried about you.” She looked around. “Where’s Curtis?”
Through my sobs, I filled her in on him leaving me and threatening to take the kids away. After I finished explaining the whole sorry saga, Mum convinced me to take a shower to freshen up. She was making a shopping list in the kitchen when I returned.
“You know I often wondered how my life would have turned out if your father stayed around,” she said. “But he left and never looked back – not once. Not even when he knew there was a baby in the picture. And I finally came to terms with the fact that he couldn’t have done that if he loved me even a little. So really Peter did me a massive favour, because I didn’t end up with the wrong person. I have never been one for interfering but I’ll admit it right now, it has torn me apart watching you end up with the wrong person.”
Mum put a bowl of tinned peaches in front of me, urging me to eat something. My last meal had been cheese and crackers on the plane.
“I think in a way, this trip with Andy, deep down you wanted to get caught out. So Curtis had all the ammunition he needed to end it for you. On the plane over, I even considered it was you who leaked those photographs.”