I can hardly deny that my blood pounded at the thought of being his wife, queen or not. I could not help but remember the way we’d laughed the last time we played at senet. The way his eyes sparkled and his face became animated when he discussed his plans to build a huge monument at Memphis. Any woman would be honored to bed him. But I was no temple priestess, beloved of the gods. I was not even an Egyptian princess. In fact, I had no royal ties at all, unless one counted my patrons.
And if my near sister thought I aspired to such greatness, then surely those who knew me less well would think the same. That could make my position quite tenuous when the Great Wife was named. So I kept my remaining rose-gold slipper. I hid it carefully away in my room, where it burned like a guilty secret. When no one was about, I unwrapped it from the shabby peplos and stroked the finely wrought workmanship.
Here it is. The answer to all my prayers. With this, I could be queen of this land, his Great Wife. And I would, if only Amasis wanted me.
I took special care to absent myself from his presence unless I was summoned, and I did not dance. If any in Sais remembered the origin of the rose-gold slippers, they did not speak it publicly. So there was no one to know that Amasis’ proclamation named me as his Great Wife, save for those of us too heartbroken or frightened to mouth it.
*** ***
The next week a second misfortune struck. I’d just finished praying at the temple of Neit, and honored the priests with offerings of oil and amber. As I went to put up my jeweled bracelets, I noted the lock was open on my cedar chest and the peplos with the rose-gold slipper hidden inside was gone.
I called for Mara. Together, we turned my household upside down, but the fact remained that my treasure, my only connection to the greater glory of being Amasis’ wife was stolen away from me. I doubled the guards in my household, and allowed Mara to hire new concubines to attend me. She was a comfort to me, my near-sister, and went about her business of tending me with a patient and kind efficiency. I was nearly inconsolable, for I felt I’d lost my last ties to Amasis. I sobbed my heart out in her lap, while she stroked my hair like a child.
The next day I nursed a sore head and a worried heart. I pushed aside my feelings for Amasis and vowed to accept one or two of the more interesting invitations. But my heart was not in it and before I knew it, two weeks went by without my answering any. Two weeks spent in restless activity--my garden had never looked so fine.
My seclusion only gave fodder to more speculation that all was not well between Pharaoh and myself, and Mara reported that whispers of my celibacy had reached the palace. Ladice had asked once again if I should attend her, but I demurred, giving a paltry excuse. Mara gave me a shrewd look and asked if I was still unwilling to leave Sais and Amasis behind.
But I could not.
I don’t know what I waited for. I suppose for some foolish Egyptian girl to grow a foot large enough to fit my slipper. But only a Thracian woman was tall enough to fill the treasure. And I would not dare to approach him and claim to be his queen. Neferenatu and his lot would murder me before my words met Pharaoh’s ears, even if I dared to speak them.
I spent long hours pacing in the courtyard of my own rented home. I feared that someone might remember days of the past when Charaxus and his lovely Flower danced for entertainment, but none came forth to denounce me. Days passed and Amasis did not visit me, nor did I go to him. What would be the point?
Still I ached for news of him.
I heard from Mara that the royal court bid him to begin his search in Sais. The falcon caught his treasure there, they reasoned. A great procession of women lined up, royalty and lesser nobles to try on the slipper. I watched them from my covered roof. Mara brought me some wine and slipped her hand around my waist as I spied on the proceedings.
“It is for the best, Dori.” She sighed and leaned her head against my shoulder. “You know he must choose another.”
I watched another litter depart from the palace, with some poor dejected creature no doubt weeping behind the linen curtains, her royal family’s hopes no doubt scattered with a jingle of a slipper’s brass bells.
“You always have my best interests in mind, near sister.” I said, moving away from the view. She moved to kiss me, but I dodged her advance. “Not now, Mara. I’m tired, dearest.” I patted her cheek and ignored her frown.
I felt old, well beyond my years. My heart ached.
“Dori,” Mara said, taking up my peplos. “I can see your heart is heavy. I only ever wanted you to be happy. I think you…” She shook her head and began again. “I am truly sorry it is not to be with this man. For your sake, if not for his. If I could, I would make it so, for you.” Her face looked strangely scrunched as if she were about to cry and she fled like a wraith from my sight.
That night, I mixed a measure of lotus wine and honey and drank deeply. I wanted to sleep like the dead. Instead, I slept fitfully, in small dozes where I would jolt awake for no reason I could name.
For once, I did not dream. Even the precious steeped lotus could not bring me serenity.
I thrashed about my fine bedclothes, drifting in and out of consciousness, until the dark early morning hours just before dawn. Unable to gain respite, I had just pulled back the linen sheet to fetch myself a drink of cool water when a soft thump sounded from the other side of my chamber, nearest the window.
“Kyky?” I whispered into the dark. No chattering response. No answer at all. “Who is there?” My heart pounded. Sweat trickled down the small of my back. I opened my mouth and prepared to scream for help.
“One who needs you,” said a voice I never thought to hear in my bed chamber.
Amasis. My heart seized in my chest.
“Nesu?” I slipped from my bed and kept my back to the wall. My tongue felt heavy from the lotus wine. “Is it you? Where are your royal guards?” I heard someone moving towards me.
He bumped into the wooden cedar chest by my bed and whispered a curse. “I left them at the palace. They think I am sleeping.”
“I can scarce believe you could sneak out of the palace undetected.”
“You forget, I was a soldier. I am used to stealth.” Though he jested, I sensed that his heart was heavy, for no mirth tinged his words.
“What are you doing here?” My eyes strained against the darkness.
“I hardly know myself.” I heard him laugh without mirth. “Ah, Rhodopis. What am I to do?”
He sounded so weary. I sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Come here,” I patted my silk wrapped mattress, grateful again for the extravagance my profession afforded me. I felt the weight of him sink beside me. A warm cloud of sweet almond enveloped me.
“Did you know that I was once a thief?” he asked. “Long before I entered Apries’ service...it seems ages ago. I was very young and poor. I snuck into the homes of the rich and stole fruit from their gardens. Have you never wondered why I sanction some temples and not others? Once Apries was defeated, I visited every temple to ask what sins I’d committed. Those that spoke truth--the ones who decried my thievery--they are the ones I have sanctioned.”
I could not guess why Pharaoh stole into my house at night to tell me he was a thief.
I could not guess why he was here at all.
“I know how much you value truth and honesty.” I said to make polite conversation. I heard him sigh.
“What can I do, Rhodopis? You have given me counsel before. Tell me what I can do?” His voice broke. Had the royal families overcome him at last?
“What is it?” My heart ached for him. “I will help you, if I can.”
“I know,” he said. “I know.”
We sat for some time, while I waited for him to speak. The light became ghostly and birds began to rouse and twitter outside my window ledge.
“I have prayed, Rhodopis. All of Egypt has heard that I have prayed to almighty Ra to bring me a worthy wife to raise up as my queen.”
I did not want to hear this. I could not…why
could he not speak to me of other things?
“I have found her, Rhodopis. I know it. And yet I fear she may be lost to me.”
I forced my mouth to work. “Surely that which is lost may be found?”
“Ha,” Amasis said and paused. “I would lift this woman up as Great Wife, yet I cannot endanger the future of Egypt for my own selfish desires. We are on the brink of war. Kourosh of Persia masses his troops on the border. Without support from the royal families, Egypt will fall.”
“And the royal families will allow Egypt to fall to this Kourosh, just to force you to favor whom they wish?”
Amasis gave an odd snort. “I believe some of them would sell off the palace stone by stone just to keep me from it.”
“That cannot be.”
“No,” Amasis agreed. “They would not act openly of course, but they grow bolder each day that I delay my decision. In their arrogance, they believe themselves certain to overthrow the Persians, once I am safely ousted. That is not a new strategy. You were not here some seven years past when the Kushites gained the throne. Apries took it back for Egypt and now I have taken it from Apries. You might say we are all thieves, in that regard.”
“What about the Greeks? Do they not send you aid?” Oh, I did not want to help him win this woman, but I could not stand to see him suffer so!
“The Carians and Greek mercenaries will arrive any day but I will not repeat Apries’ mistake. I will not alienate my people to save their lives. Not when I have the power to avoid it.” His warm hand covered mine.
“Will it be enough?” I asked.
Amasis inhaled deeply. “I have contracted with Polycrates of Samos to build a naval force of one hundred warships for Egypt. If Egypt and her allies can hold the seas, the Kourosh and his armies will never penetrate the deserts of the north without exposing his armies, no matter how much gold he sends to the Bedouins. Still, it will not be enough, for I have heard recent reports that Polycrates has sent an envoy to Cambyses, son of the Kourosh. If he has betrayed us, the Greek mercenaries alone could not withstand the Persian armies. We must have his warships.”
“I see.” Princess Therawejt’s insults on the trip to Sais suddenly made much more sense. And it further made sense that Amasis would visit Ladice often, as cementing relationships with his Greek wife could only strengthen the support of this Polycrates. “I see,” I repeated, nodding.
“Of course you do.”
Something about the way he spoke that simple phrase warmed me through and through. I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand. His fingers clenched mine and he drew my hand to his warm lips.
“Rhodopis,” his voice was thick with emotion.
I felt him draw closer and scarcely dared to breathe, afraid that the spell would be broken and he would remember that he was a god-king and I, a courtesan.
“Rhodopis, I was never so much myself as when I was with you. I exist, pretending all is well and that I do not feel this hollowness in my middle. Curse you for finding me! Would it have been better to go through life without knowing you existed? I don’t know. I just know that I’ve found the other half of my soul, and I cannot stay away.”
Oh, sweet, silvered words!
My breath caught in my throat. I felt as if I’d been slapped.
“Nesu….” I began. But I did not know what to say.
A sudden gust of warm breath against my cheek signaled his position a scant moment before his lips covered mine. He kissed me. A true and honest kiss that a man gives to a woman. My senses reeled and I turned to molten gold against him.
This could not be! And yet, how long had I wanted him?
“No, please,” I broke away. “Please do not torment me! I know you have your duty. You have given your word to the people, after all. You must stay the course of your decision, I know this. But, I do not want to hear the name of your queen. Not now, when you are here with me like this.” I forced myself to push away from him.
“Rhodopis.” He drew back as if he could see me in the dark. “I watch for you, did you know? I visit the Cyrene, Ladice, for I know of her fondness for you. Seeing your handmaiden, the Little Blue Eyed One gladdens my heart, for I feel as if you are there.”
“Nesu…” I protested weakly. I could not breathe.
“It is so. I send my men to gather news of you in the city, to seek for signs of you at the palace. I smile at the very mention of you, even when we cannot steal away and talk. My heart lifts. I watch for you, and see you wherever I go. I hear your name on the lips of the people.” I sensed him smiling now, beside me in the darkness.
“This thing between us cannot be.” I was miserable. “You yourself have said it.” At last Love had opened to me, and yet it was as far away from me as the stars in the skies above.
“Rhodopis,” he mumbled against my lips and laid me back against the silk mattress. “Light of Ra, help me. Help me find a way to make you mine.”
Oh, the swift prick of pain that speared my heart!
I had little trust in a man’s words, but Amasis was a soldier—a man of action. And this man wanted me.
“Hush,” I whispered back. “I want no more of words, only this…this time with you.”
His lips took me with the force of a sandstorm. Every fiber of my body burned with desire. Amasis fumbled with our clothing, drawing my robes away with rough, desperate hands. His uncharacteristic awkwardness roused me even more. This was no hollow daydream, no whore’s pretense. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me.
The air was thick with the scent of sweet almond and desire. His mouth was a hot torrent of pleasure raining on my face, my neck, my breasts. I arched against him, straining to fill the ache within me.
He gave a little cry of wonder as he sank into me. I had never felt so complete, so whole, so worthy before. What did I care of the goddess’ glory? I had the love of this one man. And for me, it was enough.
“Ah,” he sighed. I felt a warm drop against my lips and tasted the salt of his tears on my tongue. He lay there for a long moment without moving, allowing my body to adjust to the weight of him within me. His warmth infused me like sunlight. I was alive and on fire with him. Then he moved and pleasure speared my core.
When he thrust inside me, again and again, it was as if the waves of the Nile lapped at my body, warm and fluid and full. My hips lifted to meet him and I twined my legs around his long dark limbs. He felt so good within me, gods he felt so good! I am ashamed to say that I did not ply my trade with him. I did not think of the hetaerae schooling, of what the temple training declared I should do to please him.
I laid with him, a simple woman who desired him. I let the heat and rigid, silky motion of his body bring me to climax. When I cried out and shuddered against him, his body stiffened and I felt his phallus flexing within me as he spent himself.
“Ah!” Amasis leaned his face against my cheek and kissed my eyelids. “This is truth,” he whispered. “This is real.”
There was such raw emotion in his voice, such wonder. I wanted to lie with him forever. I wanted to shield him from worry and pain, and to bring him joys beyond measure. If only I could hear that awe in his voice…that truth.
Realization pricked me like a rose’s thorn, sweet and despicably painful.
I loved him.
I knew then, that I had never loved before. Amasis, the proud and clever god-king. Amasis, who cared less for my beauty than he did my counsel--who knew my past transgressions, and trusted me with his own. I wanted to be at his side, to help him bear the burdens of his throne, and to give him children to fill his life with joy. This was not the hollow dream of my youth. Egypt was my spirit, yes, and Amasis, my heart.
We satisfied ourselves with each other’s bodies, and did not need to speak. Our minds and souls already joined. I did not know this man, and yet I felt I did. For to be with him was like staring into a clear pool. The other half of myself.
I gave myself to him completely.
It was many long hour
s before either of us could trust ourselves to speak again.
“Rhodopis. Do you love me?” he asked, at long last when we were finished.
“Oh,” I breathed. “How could I not?”
“You know I must have my Great Wife. The people demand it.” He sighed.
I did know, though my heart railed against it.
“Raise up whomever you must,” I said. The languorous ease of our lovemaking now spent, I spoke the words that would give him away, and thus keep Egypt safe. “You must choose another, for Egypt to prevail.”
“You are a beautiful woman, Rhodopis. And too proud, by half.” He gave a dry laugh, a sound I never thought to hear. “I have decided. Do you not see? You are the goddess the people have dreamed of. They see your worth, as I do. They will support this—and they will support Egypt against her aggressors.”
“Me? You cannot!” I sat up. “The others? The royal families will never agree…” I could not believe my ears.
We were quiet a long moment, there in the dark.
“Rhodopis, the royal houses cannot agree on anything. But the gods have already spoken to me of their choice. Horus has made all clear. I am but their humble vessel.”
I sucked air between my teeth. How could I tell him I was the cause of the gods sign? Could it be true? My heart pounded. I could scarce draw breath for fear of shattering the perfection of this moment.
“The slipper.” I said.
“It is a true herald from Horus,” Amasis continued. “It cannot have been clearer than at the temple. Still, I am a man, Rhodopis. I am wise enough to know whose slipper I hold in my grasp. It is yours.”
My cheeks burned and I hid my face in my hands.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Did I not tell you I’d news of you? I knew that you were the woman of Charaxus the Greek. And there was another…a scribe of some kind. He and his wife have both come forth to declare you as the proper owner of the slipper, for they saw you dance long ago in their household. I should like to have seen that, I think.” And he chuckled low.
My mind worked furiously. It must have been Isesi and his wife Wakheptry, she who had sheltered me so long ago. And now Amasis wished to pose me as the choice of the gods?
HETAERA: Daughter of the Gods Page 36