by Laura Ward
“What about your parents?” I asked, turning the conversation away from me, and my dysfunctional past.
His smile turned bittersweet. “My mom died when I was little. My dad’s a good guy. He was pretty terrible at the parenting part when we were younger, but his heart is in the right place.” Ben shrugged. “Some people aren’t good at being parents, but that doesn’t mean they love their children any less than other moms and dads. He loves my brother and me, and that’s all that matters.”
I was taken aback at how he viewed his family. His perspective was beautiful and heartbreaking, and a confirmation of how special Ben was. “That must have been so hard. I’m sorry about your mom,” I said.
He tugged me closer. “I’m sorry about yours too.”
As we continued, we fell silent again and the new truths about our pasts clung to us. We walked past the iconic Memorial Chapel and the field where Taren, Lex, and I had gathered with all the other pledges two years ago when we decided to rush a sorority. Seeing the field brought back all the memories of freshman year and how much my best friends meant to me. We’d been through so much love and loss together. Lex and Taren were, without a doubt, my family. The family that truly mattered. The one I’d chosen.
And now I had my bass boy and hope for a future with him. Maybe even love, if I didn’t screw it up.
“Is that a wedding?” Ben’s head was tilted to the side like he was listening to something.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“I know we’re near the Chapel and I can hear a lot of people. Since it’s Saturday, I was wondering if it was a wedding.”
“Oh, I uh...don’t know.” I looked over my shoulder to peer back at the Chapel and sure enough there was a limo parked in front of the church and a crowd of well-wishers throwing confetti at a bride and groom. “Huh,” I said, surprised. “What do you know. It is!” I turned toward Ben and squeezed his arm. “How did you know?
He shrugged, his smile sweet. “I heard the bells ringing so I knew we were near the Chapel. Since it’s Saturday and they do over 100 weddings a year, it was a safe bet.”
I marveled at him. Not only had I not noticed the people gathered in front of the Chapel, but I hadn’t heard the bells either. Sometimes I forgot that Ben had to constantly stay focused and rely on his other senses to get around. And it amazed me at the details he was able to pick out that I overlooked or took for granted.
“Besides,” he added, “there are few things in life that create that particular sound of joy.”
I’d never thought about that before. Had my parents been that joyful when they got married? I mentally shook that thought free. I didn’t want to think about that. I only wanted to think about Ben and how utterly perfect he was.
With my hand tucked into Ben’s, a sugary smile plastered across my face, and a box of Cake Factory mini cakes tucked under my arm, I was feeling content in a way I’d never felt before. So, of course, I had to make a joke and put a real smile on Ben’s face instead of that bittersweet one that still lingered from our conversation about parents and weddings.
“I’m never eating another cupcake again,” I lied.
“Good,” Ben said. We reached the intersection of Route 1 and waited to cross over toward Frat Row. “Because I plan on spreading the frosting all over your body and licking it off you while you read to me tonight.”
If my vagina had a hand, it would have pumped its fist in the air with excitement. “I think I’ll let you do that,” I teased him, trying to keep my cool. “Although, you better make sure you work up a sweat tonight at The Shell. These babies are virtual fat bombs.” I shook the box of cakes that was tucked under my arms.
And totally worth it, I added silently.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be working up a sweat with you afterward. You can count on it.” He released my hand and his fingers trailed up the back of my arm and over my shoulder before coming to rest on my lower back. “Nurse Julie has done her job well. I’m feeling up to more strenuous activities.”
Hell yes.
We reached my house and I turned to face Ben at the bottom of the steps, slipping my arm around him while keeping hold of the cake box.
“You want to come in for a little sneak peek?” I asked, shaking the box so he could hear the goodies rustling around inside.
He pulled me against him, the cane tight against my back, caging me in. “What exactly will you show me at this sneak peek?” He lowered his head to nibble on my ear and a hot flush bloomed all over my skin.
“Julie!”
Like nails on a chalkboard, hearing my name made my body go rigid. I opened my eyes and turned to see Nikki standing in the open doorway of my sorority house. Lex was beside her, and the expression on her face looked like she was begging for my forgiveness.
I pulled away from Ben as my mom made her way down the steps, heels clicking against the bricks. Her makeup was thick, and she was dressed in a tight skirt and an even tighter top. One wrong move and she’d be part of the Free the Nipple campaign.
“Hey, baby,” she said, wrapping me in a perfumed hug once she’d reached me. “I called but you didn’t pick up.” She released me and turned her attention to Ben.
Usually when face-to-face with a guy as hot as Ben, Nikki Prescott had her charm on point. I caught her gaze roaming over his tattoos, her eyes narrowing when she saw his cane. The expression on her face was one of uncertainty. When she finally noticed the box of treats I was holding, her lip curled up in revulsion.
“Who’s your friend?” she asked, unable to mask her disapproval as her gaze raked over Ben again.
“This is Ben,” I told her. “Ben, this is my mom, Nikki Prescott.”
“Nice to meet you Ms. Prescott,” he said, nodding his head at her.
“Please,” she cooed in her syrupy sweet voice, “call me Nikki.”
An awkward silence followed, during which I was desperately wishing for my mother to disappear. No such luck.
“Are you coming to dinner with us, Brad?” Nikki asked with fake sweetness.
“It’s Ben,” I said through gritted teeth. “And no, he’s not coming because you and I don’t have plans. I’m busy tonight, Mom.”
She laughed. “What? Now I can’t show up to have dinner with my only daughter? Are you going to turn me away?”
Ben cleared his throat. “I should go, Jules. Leo and I were going to work on a song before tonight.”
I held his hand tightly. “Stay.”
He leaned in to kiss my cheek and whispered, “Go ahead and spend some time with your mom. After the show, you’re mine.”
Mine. I liked that.
Before I could even argue, he had kissed my cheek again, turned and was making his way down the sidewalk, cane sweeping in front of him.
“He’s working on a song?”
I startled at the proximity of Nikki’s voice and turned to face her, propping the cake box on my hip. “Yeah. He’s the bassist for a local band. He co-writes a lot of their original songs.”
Nikki sighed with a groan. “Please tell me you’re not dating him, baby.”
I shrugged. “Fine. I won’t tell you.”
She gave me her disapproving mom look before blinking slowly as she turned her gaze back to his retreating form. “He’s blind?”
Now I knew where my idiotic questioning trait came from.
“No. He put his contacts in backward this morning.”
The eye roll she gave me was patronizing. “Dating him would be a bad idea, Julie.”
“Don’t talk about what you don’t—”
“Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said?” she interrupted angrily. “Stay away from musicians and guys with tattoos. That’s rule number one.” She held up her finger and pointed it in my face.
I wanted to ask her if she learned that from Nickelback dude the night of my graduation. Instead, I brushed her finger aside with my hand. “I thought rule number one was never let them see you without your makeup on.” I l
aid the sass on extra thick for her.
She crossed her arms and gave me a superior look. “That rule clearly doesn’t apply to him since he wouldn’t notice anyway.”
And now I could understand why Gary’s new girlfriend kicked my mom’s ass. I was seriously thinking about opening my own can of whoop ass on her. “Don’t judge what you don’t know,” I snapped.
“You think I don’t know?” Her laugh was cruel as she crossed her arms and stepped even closer to me. “Your father was in a band.” She tilted her head in wicked satisfaction when she saw me flinch.
She was enjoying throwing my father in my face way too much. He might have left her, but he left me too. And she was only too happy to point that out.
“He was gorgeous and talented and covered in tattoos too,” she continued. “He promised to love me.” Her voice broke. “But he left me. He ran off with another woman and left me with nothing.”
“Nothing?” I lifted my chin. “You had me.”
Her head fell back as she choked out a laugh to the sky. “Close enough. He left me you and a bank account, but that’s not what I wanted. I wanted love. I wanted a family. I never wanted to be a single mom. And that’s all I had when he walked out that door. Even when I call him to let him know I need more money in the account, he never asks how I’m doing. He doesn’t care!”
I stared at her, stunned.
“You still...you still talk to him?” She’d always given me the impression that the money was deposited in her account as the law determined, but I never imagined she still talked to him. She’d never mentioned it before. And knowing she still spoke with him, even if it was only about money, made me feel suddenly very left out. Like I was missing a necessary organ that I’d never noticed was missing before.
Her eyebrows lowered in confusion. “Yeah. He’s rich and I work at a hair salon. How did you think I could afford rent, new clothes, and school? Do you even have any idea how much it costs for you to live in this house?” She flung her hand in the general direction of the Tri-Gam house. “Sometimes I have to remind him that he has to pay.”
I’d never thought about it at all, which made me feel stupid. “He supports me? Takes care of me?” Inside, little pieces of my heart were peeling away, flaking into heartbreak. “Does he...does he ever ask about me?”
“Ask about you?” She huffed. “He sends money. Don’t confuse money with caring. Why do you think I’ve never told you before? I didn’t want to get your hopes up. He doesn’t care about us, Julie. He didn’t want us.”
“No,” I said, wanting to say something that would hurt Nikki as much as she was hurting me. “He didn’t want you. He left because of you.” The last word was like a stab to her gut.
It only took her a moment to recover. She straightened her spine and lifted her chin. “If you’re stupid enough to fall for Brady—”
“Ben!” I snapped. “His name is Ben.”
“Fine. If you’re stupid enough to fall for Ben, you’ll find out the same thing I did. Musicians don’t stick around. They chase the music. They don’t stay for the girl. They always run. That one will, too.” She pointed in the direction Ben had gone. “The one thing that sets you apart from other girls,” she said, gesturing to my face, “is the one thing he can’t enjoy. Whatever he’s told you, it’s a lie.”
I didn’t remember throwing the box of cupcakes at my mom, but once I’d slammed the front door of the sorority house behind me, I noticed I was no longer holding it.
As the tears streamed down my face, I realized they were as much for her cruel words as they were for my own. I’d never worried before that I would turn out like my mom. Now, I was terrified.
Chapter Thirteen
Julie
The fabric of my thin, vintage t-shirt ripped as it came off.
Flinging my lace bra to the side, I jammed the sports bra over my head.
Athletic shorts yanked on, hair tugged back into a ponytail.
My feet slammed into my running shoes, fingertips burning as I ripped the shoelaces between them.
Standing, I shoved my earbuds in and swung my door open. Taren and Alexis stood, running attire donned, waiting.
My throat tightened, and I blinked back my tears. I would not cry because of her. “Don’t want to talk. Can’t. Need to run.”
Taren nodded, slipping her earbuds in before heading down the stairs. Lex tucked her hand into mine and squeezed it before letting go and following. I blew out a long breath before I could join them.
How the fuck did I get so lucky to make such good friends?
***
Thirty minutes later, the pain in my chest loosened and I slowed to a walk.
“Thank fuck. I thought I was about to meet my maker,” Taren wheezed, hands braced on her knees.
I laughed, despite my surly mood. “Gracias, chicas. I needed to run that bad mood into the ground.”
Lex gulped her water down, swallowing and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What did your mom do now?”
My stomach tightened again, wishing I could run from the memories of my mom. Every single one of them. “She acted like an insensitive bitch, which isn’t unusual, but she brought Ben into it.” I reached up and pulled my hair out of my face, blowing out a huge sigh. “She decided today was the day to finally tell me that she still talks to my adoptive father. Knowing he’d left both of us was hard, but learning that she still speaks to him occasionally and he still wants nothing to do with me? It fucking blows. And if that wasn’t enough, Nikki warned me off musicians while simultaneously insulting Ben and insinuating his blindness was a defect. She pretty much reinforced that I’m the biggest mistake she’s ever made.”
“Jesus,” Taren whispered.
Lex’s mouth formed a flat line. “I don’t buy it.”
My eyes bulged out. “You don’t believe me?”
Alexis chewed on her lip. “I believe you. I don’t buy what Nikki’s selling. She’s hiding something. Why else keep everything about him such a secret? You need to reach out to this dude yourself. Learn the truth.”
Taren straightened. “Absolutely. If anyone knows the issues miscommunication causes, it’s me.”
They had a point. Nikki could be lying. But she could also be telling the truth. Why even bother reaching out to someone who had never reached out to me? Chances were I’d put myself out there just to have my heart broken. Was it even worth the risk?
I looked at Taren, her arms crossed against her chest in a protective gesture and then I stared into Lex’s eyes, the eyes of someone who had suffered so much loss yet had remained so strong. If there was anyone I needed to listen to, it was these two girls.
“I knew I could count on you bitches to be on my side.” I placed my hand out, palm down.
“Hell, yes,” Lex cried, placing her hand over mine, palm down.
Taren snort laughed before adding her hand to the top. “That’s what friends are for.”
And I was left to wonder again. When so many things went wrong, how did I get it so right when it came to these two girls?
***
There was light but insistent rapping on my door.
“Yes?” I called.
My door creaked as it opened. The hall light shined on the most handsome figure I had ever seen.
My bass boy.
I leapt up and out of bed. “Ben? How did you find my room?”
He grinned, collapsing his cane. “Third floor, fourth door on the left.”
My arms wrapped around his waist and I buried my face in his shirt. He smelled freshly showered, so he had to have stopped at his place before coming here. “How did it go tonight?”
His fingers ran up my back and over my shoulders. “Fine. I missed having you there, though. Everything okay? You said you were coming to the show.”
I groaned into his shirt. “I know. I’m sorry. My mom bummed me out and I needed to go for a run and find my good mood again. After that, I was too wiped to get ready to go out.”
He missed me. He missed my presence. Not the sight of me. Not my lame jokes. He missed…me.
“Ben,” I whispered as his lips found mine. We started the kiss slowly, and as my blood pumped wildly in my veins, I felt my control slipping. My tongue tangled with his, my lips wanting more. I groaned, and Ben’s arms wrapped around my back, holding me close so he could kiss me soundly. My hands fisted in his shirt to keep him close.
Desperation clutched at my heart, but I wasn’t sure why. I trusted Ben. He had never hurt me or let me down, but I felt like he could easily slip through my fingers if I wasn’t careful. Nikki always knew the right words to bring my insecurity to life and after her visit earlier, I was feeling desperate for a connection with him. Anything to prove to myself that I was nothing like her and that Ben was nothing like my dad.
I craved intimacy with him in a way I’d never needed from anyone else. I wondered if he could feel the neediness in the frantic way I kissed him.
Ben broke our kiss, pulling back, chest heaving as he dragged in a breath. “I missed you.”
“Mmmmm,” I hummed, pressing the side of my face against his chest, listening to his pounding heartbeat.
“Can I stay tonight?”
My fingers clutched his shirt more tightly. “Don’t tease me, bass boy. Are we talking staying over to sleep or staying over for a little pants-off dance-off party?”
Ben smirked. “Who needs sleep?”
I pretended to consider his question. “What if I told you I was already at the pants-off part of this night?” I wiggled against him and he growled low in his throat.
His hands slowly eased down my back and over my ass until he finally reached the bottom edge of my boy shorts and all the bare skin that lay below.
“Starting the party without me? That’s not fair.”
”And when have I played fair, bass boy?” Lacing his fingers with mine, I guided him to the bed. I pulled him down next to me and our hands started to roam, each of us grinning like we didn’t know where to start. We laid like that for a while, our fingers lightly touching one another, almost unsure. When my hand finally found its way to his waistband, his fingers were there, stopping me. Again.