“I spent four years recruiting new Marines, and part of my job was determining a good fit before a person even opened their mouth. I guess I found a hidden talent in reading people a little. I’m not always right, but I pride myself on being close.”
“I’m impressed,” she says, looking down and kicking a small pebble. “You left out one part, though.”
“What’s that?” For some reason, I have a bad feeling about the part she says I left out. I gather it’s the reason for what physically brought her to where she is today.
“My parents died in a car accident ten years ago. I was eighteen and able to care for Lea, so I’ve spent my entire adult life so far caring for her and making sure she stayed on track as my parents would have wanted.”
I stop walking because her statement isn’t something I can digest while lightly swinging our arms as we stride toward the crater’s mouth. “Kai, that’s terrible. I can’t imagine picking up after that and carrying on the way you did. Lea is incredibly lucky you did that for her. Wow. That’s why you’re so strong. It makes sense.”
“My parents taught me that everything in life happens for a reason. Even if it’s hard to see why and what the reason is, it’s something we’ll learn before we leave this world behind, so I try to have faith in that thought. You know?”
“I know,” I tell her. “Hearing that makes sense to me, and I wish someone would have told me that a long time ago too.”
“I know … you lost your wife, right?” she asks.
I’m not sure where she got that idea from but that’s not our story. “I lost her, but she’s not dead.”
“Oh!” she gasps. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry for assuming that. It was something Aya said—and I just thought—”
“Seriously, it’s okay.” I can’t help but laugh a little. “She never wanted kids, but things happen. I got a letter from her while I was deployed, letting me know she was pregnant and not keeping the baby. It was a huge mess, and I fought her on the matter until she caved in and continued on with the pregnancy. She tried to be a mom for a while, but she had other plans in life, and we weren’t part of them. So, she filed for divorce, left me the papers to sign, and got up and left. It was the last time I saw or heard from her. Aya was five, so she remembers a lot of it, which is unfortunate.”
At some point during my story, we started walking again. I didn’t even realize we were coming close to the crater until foggy puffs of clouds began spilling over the side. I glance over at Kai, and she has her hands crossed over her heart. “How could a mother willingly leave her child?”
I shrug because I’ve been asking myself the same question for the last couple of years. “Enough with the sour for a minute,” I tell her. “Is there any lava in this thing?”
“No, you loon,” she laughs. “It’s dormant.” She pulls me closer to the ledge. “Give it a minute.”
“For what?”
“Just watch.” As I say that, the clouds I was watching a moment ago begin to form a waterfall effect as they dip into the crater. Between the angle of the sun and the clear spot between the clouds, the orange soil looks and feels like we’re on a different planet. We’re basically standing above the clouds, watching the sun melt into the world below us. I don’t think this sight is comparable to anything I’ve ever seen before.
“Wow,” I tell her.
“It’s incredible,” she says, shivering against the cold wind from the clouds and high altitude. Without thought, I wrap my arms around her, pulling her back against my chest, and it feels like she belongs here with me. Maybe it’s just how I feel, and she’s not at all on the same page, but hope fills me for the first time in a while, and I allow myself to embrace that emotion. It got me through some tough shit in my life, and sometimes it’s all I have to hold onto.
Somewhat surprisingly, Kai wraps her hands around my wrists, holding my arms a little more tightly against her chest, telling me she wants to be here in this moment.
“I thought you were different,” she says. “I thought you were not my type.”
“At second glance?” I ask.
“I was wrong,” she tells me.
I turn her around and comb my fingers through her silky hair, taking in the world she showcases within her eyes. With the sun wavering through the clouds behind her, Kai looks like she’s glowing. If there are signs in life subtly pointing toward what we’re supposed to be doing or when we’re supposed to be doing it, then this all makes sense. Kai makes sense. I sweep my knuckles along her cool cheek and consider how wasted this moment would be if I didn’t move in a little closer to her.
14
Kai
How do I tell a man I’ve never experienced a real kiss? I’m twenty-eight, and while he might not know my exact age, I’m past the point of anyone assuming I’ve been solo all along. I could easily fall into Denver’s gaze and lose myself entirely, but is this supposed to be the moment I let it all go? It seems so perfect and planned, like the way I try to live my life.
“Denver,” I whisper, stopping him from moving in any closer. I’m not sure how I’ve found the strength to even speak at the moment, but I did, and he stops moving toward me. Instead, he pulls away entirely.
“I shouldn’t have assumed—” he says.
“No,” I tell him. “You assumed correctly.” He looks as confused as I feel inside, but I’m not sure where to begin my clarification. We’ve been talking. He knows the outer layer of what my life has been like, and now I know his, but there are so many more layers that can hardly be expressed with simple words. “This is going to sound really stupid.” Except he’s looking at me as if it weren’t possible for me to say anything of the sort.
“I doubt that,” he says, matching my soft tone. He runs his fingers through my hair and sweeps it over my shoulder. “What is it?”
“Taking care of my sister over the last ten years has been my only focus and priority, so I kind of let my life take a back seat, which meant no dating, no social life, nothing at all, really. I was shy in high school, and I went from being a high school student to a parental figure over the course of a summer. In a blink, it seems like I missed out on a lot of important milestones in my life, and now I’m embarrassed by it.”
Instead of looking lost, Denver seems intrigued, possibly excited, but I’m not sure he knows why he feels that way since I haven’t spilled it all out yet.
“Have you been kissed, Kai? Because if you say no, I’m going to back away right now and hope not to fall off the edge of this mountain.”
“What?” Why would he say that?
“No, I mean, if I were lucky enough to be that experience for you, a measly sunset on what feels like the top of the world wouldn’t be good enough.”
I feel a little awestruck, but appreciative too. Though I’m not sure I can think of a more appropriate place to have a first kiss, somewhere in my unanswered dreams, I’ve had the thought that it would be unexpected, surreal, and life altering. I suppose that’s what happens when you wait so long to feel something so ordinary.
“I don’t want you to think this isn’t good enough,” I tell him. “I also don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured because I realize my situation isn’t the norm.”
His hands glide down the length of my arms, leaving a trail of warmth behind. “I’m jealous of you,” he says. “There are things I’d take back for a better experience. When we’re young, we don’t think like that, but when we get older, we appreciate more.” He gets me. Despite our vast differences in life situations, he seems to get it.
“I want to—” I tell him.
“It shouldn’t be predictable,” he says. “I was a little predictable, I suppose.”
Now I’m regretting not letting it happen. Denver smells like coconut and spice. I want to feel the stubble on his chin and the texture of his lips. I don’t want him to stop looking at me the way he is. “I’ve wanted to be wanted, Denver. I’ve been lonely, and I had to get used to feeling that way. Now, it
’s like opening my world up to new relationship possibilities is stepping away from a type of accustomed comfort, even though I can tell it would be way better on the other side.”
Denver doesn’t say anything in response but pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms tightly around me. I feel the heaviness of his cheek rest on the top of my head. “You’re a special woman, Kai. I knew it the moment I tried to bug you.” I snicker, recalling his ridiculous attempt at flirting. “I’m not good enough for you.”
I reluctantly pull away from his embrace, looking up to his eyes, the orange glow from the sun filling the white and light specks of blues and greens. “Don’t say that. That isn’t what I meant by any of this.”
“I’ve got baggage, Kai. It’s baggage you don’t deserve to have to put up with after what you have already been through.”
I wrap my hands around his biceps, only covering about half of the circumference with my small grip. “I’m sure you’re not referring to Aya as baggage, so what else could you mean?”
He smiles, a straight line across his chiseled jaw. “I’ve been through combat. I’ve seen shit I wish I could forget, and I packed it away in a box in the back of my head. I keep it there, but it has redesigned my personality and who I am. I’m not the man I once was.”
“I don’t know the man you once were, Denver, but so far, I like the person you are today. You seem like a good guy with a heart of gold, and that little girl of yours is beyond lucky. We all have memories and nightmares on varying levels, but it’s how we deal with them that matters. Life molds us into who we are—who we’re meant to be, you know?”
Denver throws his head back and stifles a laugh. “Wait, so you’re telling me I was meant to be a waiter at Man Buns? Because seriously … I had higher goals for myself.”
I roll my eyes and sigh. “I wasn’t specifically referring to the choice of your current job, but hey, I mean, if you got it, you might as well flaunt it, right?” That sounded as fake as it felt saying it.
“Right, I wholeheartedly believe those words coming from you.”
“I’m past the point of judging you for what you do to earn money. I’m a lifeguard. It’s nothing to brag about. I’m wearing a similar uniform, if you think about it.”
“Um, no offense, but if you were wearing a similar uniform, you’d probably be in jail for public indecency. Though, I wouldn’t necessarily complain.”
I slap his arm. “Shut up.”
“Look, my job is not a forever thing, okay? It’s not my big dream in life. I’m just hanging onto it until I can find some desk work. I was recruiting for the last four years, so I should be able to find something in an office somewhere. I just need to make enough to support Aya’s expensive taste.”
“Good luck with that,” I tell him.
“Thanks,” he huffs. “Come on, let’s head down the mountain before it’s completely dark. I don’t want to drive off a cliff or anything.” He takes my hand and leads us back to his truck, and I feel certain I really ruined what could have been the best moment of my life.
“Thanks for driving,” I tell him as I hop out of the truck. “Do you live far from here?” I realize I didn’t ask him how the new house was.
“Um,” he says. He removes his keys from the ignition and steps out of the truck. “Yeah, I’m still a resident of the hotel until I find a new place to live. I’ve seen a few options, but I’m trying to decide which is going to be a better place for Aya according to the nearby schools.”
“Wait, what happened to the place you were originally supposed to move into?”
“Didn’t work out.”
“I thought Noa had set that up for you. That’s too bad,” I tell him.
“Yeah, he did.” I will keep my thoughts to myself. Noa is trying his hardest to prove his worth to me, but he still doesn’t always make the brightest decisions. I’m hoping that will change over time as he gets older, but I’m not holding my breath there.
“You must be paying an arm and a leg to stay at the hotel. It’s been a week now.”
“It’s cool. They’re giving me a military discount, so it hasn’t been horrible.”
“Good,” I tell him.
We continue walking side by side toward the entrance of the hotel. “Are you going back to work tonight?” He asks me, probably wondering why I’m walking back into the hotel instead of to my car.
“No, I was going to go sit on the beach for a bit. Don’t think I’m weird … I just like to stargaze. I can’t really do that in my neighborhood because there are too many street lights.”
“Why would I think that’s weird?”
“I don’t know. The life of a loner. It’s not the most common habit to sit on the beach alone at night.”
“Stargazing isn’t just for loners,” he corrects me. “I grew up in Texas. We did that a lot.”
As we walk past the elevators, I stop to thank him. “I appreciate you asking me out tonight. I had fun.”
“Did you?” he asks.
“Of course, I did.”
He shakes his head. “You’re lying. That wasn’t fun. You grew up here, you’ve already seen the peak of the mountain, and we spent half the time talking about our baggage. I think it was a pretty lame date.”
Denver’s appraisal of our date sends discomfort reeling through me. Not knowing how to respond, I wrap my hair behind my ear and look away from him. “It wasn’t lame, Denver. Don’t be silly.”
“I need another chance,” he says.
He’s acting like I said I wouldn’t see him again. I didn’t mean to make it sound that way. “When were you thinking?”
“Now.” He takes my hand and jogs toward the back exit of the hotel.
“Where are we going?” I ask with laughter, surprised at his spontaneity.
“I don’t know,” he says. “Let’s just go.”
We end up outside in the botanical gardens that lead to the pool. “Two dates in one night?” I ask.
“Are we breaking records here?” he asks.
“I guess so.” I pull him ahead toward the other end of the pools, where I don’t usually spend much time. I guard the main pool, but we also have a lazy river that flows through waterfalls and between boulders covered in flowers.
“I spent some time in those floats this week. I don’t remember the last time I’ve spent so many consecutive hours relaxing. I think I’m lucky Aya enjoyed the floats as much as I did.”
“Did you see any action in the lover’s nook?” I ask him. It’s a joke, but the staff refers to it as lover’s nook because the flow of the river spits people out into this small area with a light waterfall. People think if they hide behind the streaming water, no one can see them. It can be entertaining.
“Lover’s nook?” he questions.
“Yeah, it’s right over here.” I step through the faux grass to lean over the edge, so I can show him. It’s nestled in between two of the boulders. “See it?”
“People don’t think they can be seen in there?” he asks, laughing.
“I guess not. We’ve all witnessed eye-burning sights at some point in time. I’ll just say that.”
“Hey, you better be careful leaning over the side like that. You’ve already had one mishap today,” he tells me.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I groan and run my finger over the butterfly bandage on my forehead. I almost forgot it was there.
I turn back around to move away from the edge, and my foot catches between two small rocks. When I pull my foot out, I slip backward, falling right into the water for a second time today. At least this time I didn’t hit my head. “Dammit. You jinxed me!” I shout as I get my head above water.
“Are you kidding me, Kai?” Denver asks with a look of shock. “Damn, girl. You’re going to make my hair turn gray before Aya has the chance to.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him. The words are just a repeat of what I was saying earlier when I had to be pulled out of the water.
I swim to the edge and wrap
my hands around the side to pull myself up, but as I’m pushing off the wall, a cannonball-sized splash blinds me. “What are you doing?” I ask, gasping from the shock.
“Who cares,” he says, pulling me away from the wall. My heart is pounding so hard I’m having trouble catching my breath, but it isn’t because I swallowed water this time. “Close your eyes and hold your breath.” I don’t have a moment to argue as he drags me beneath the waterfall. I open my eyes when the pounding water eases into a fine mist. “This is why people think they’re hidden.”
“I can’t see a thing,” I tell him quietly. “It makes sense.”
“Everything makes sense,” he says, wrapping his arms around me and pushing my back against the wall. “Say okay, first.”
“Okay,” I exhale.
He lowers his head, meeting my gaze, then quirks his lips to one side. “Are you sure?”
I nod in agreement because I can’t speak. I can’t do anything except imagine what’s to come. He cups his hands around my cheeks and presses his forehead gently against mine, then softly brushes the side of my nose to his. Denver’s breath tickles my lips, and I loop my arms around his neck, squeezing tightly, needing to hold on like I’m about to freefall off the side of a cliff. His lips touch mine lightly as if testing the water, but with the pressure of his hands on my cheeks, the same sensation occurs between our mouths too. His lips part, taking mine hostage. I know now, kissing is a natural human instinct. It isn’t something learned, it’s something that happens when there’s a magnetizing force of nature pushing two people together into an unbreakable bond. I lose all sense of life around us, the mist from the waterfall disappears, and the light breeze is mixed with the heat of his body against mine.
It’s like a frenzy of escalating feelings and wants. I don’t want to be lonely or miss out on this anymore. I want to feel this over and over until I break down every wall I’ve built around my life.
The kiss is innocent, yet full of heat, and everything I never even imagined a kiss could be. I’m losing my breath, and he must be too as our mouths part. “That was life-changing,” he says.
The Man Cave Collection: Manservant, Man Flu, Man Handler, and Man Buns Page 99