“What are you doing out here?” I said, a little too aggressively.
Caleb raised his eyebrows and his head shot back. He pointed behind me. I looked in that direction and saw a white ball of fluff running freely on the grass.
“Sparkle was restless, so I brought her out to run around. Hopefully she’ll be worn out enough to sleep.” He smiled as he watched Sparkle frolic near my hammock. “Are you sleeping out here?” he asked.
I watched him carefully and nodded.
He gave me an odd look. “Why?”
I stayed silent and turned away from him. He was getting to me and he hadn't even done anything; it wasn't fair that he affected me like this.
“Are you okay?” Caleb’s voice was soft and full of concern.
I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. Byron. Just get through two days. Byron, Byron. I took a deep breath. “Yes, I’m fine. It was a long day and I wanted to be away from everything.” I looked over my shoulder at him.
Caleb nodded. “Yeah, I get that. I'm not used to so many people being around all of the time.” He whistled at Sparkle and she came running to him. “You stay around here. I don’t want to have to save you from some hawk or something trying to carry you off.”
I snorted at the picture in my head of Caleb chasing after Sparkle as she flew away. “I’m sorry, but that would be quite a sight.” I covered my mouth to hide my giggle.
Caleb smiled at me while addressing the dog. “You hear that Sparkle? She thinks it would be funny to see you carried off.” He crouched down to pet her, but she backed up and ran around the grass again. “Fine.” He shook his head and came to stand next to me. “Did you have a good day today, sickness aside?” Caleb picked up a rock and tossed it into the water.
I took a tiny step away from him. “I did. I would've liked to zipline, though. How about you? I mean aside from all the people.”
Caleb threw another rock. “I like all the people; it’s crowded but in a good way.” He smiled, and I was glad that he was enjoying my family. “It’s crazy to see a big family. The interactions between everyone is really something.”
“We're not a big family,” I argued lightly.
“You are to me,” he said softly.
“Oh, that’s probably true. I’m sorry. I'm glad we're entertaining you. At least you shouldn’t find yourself bored.”
“Nope. Your brothers are funny. I remember liking Bryce when we met before.” Caleb smiled and put his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants.
I tsked. “I guess. They're more annoying than funny.”
We stayed in companionable silence and I found myself calm and relaxed. Thinking about it now, the only time I didn't feel calm and relaxed was when I was thinking about Caleb, and not physically with him. There was a whisper of tension between us, around others. But when it was just him and me, I felt peaceful. What did that even mean?
“Did Parker tell you that he's thinking of joining us at our shop?” Caleb pulled from my deep thoughts.
“He is? Do my parents know?”
Caleb and I faced each other now and he shook his head. “I don’t think so. He approached Simon and me earlier today about it, but I don’t think he has made his mind up yet.”
The thought of Parker in Helena was comforting to me. Katie was always with Simon, and I liked the idea of another family member being close.
“Are you okay with that?” His face was serious, as though my concern on the matter carried some weight. “Because if you have an issue, we can work something else out.”
“Why do you care what I think?” I asked, looking at the ground.
“I clearly make you uncomfortable enough that you refuse to come to the shop, and I don’t want it to be that way if your brother is there all the time. You should be able to come and go as you please with your family, without feeling out of place where I am concerned.” His voice held a hint of sadness and it pulled at me.
I thought about my little revelation and focused on him. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, Caleb.”
He eyed me doubtfully.
“You don’t. The opposite, actually. I was just thinking about how comfortable I am around you.” I looked down and took a breath. “Look, don’t make your decisions based on me; I'm not worth the trouble. You do what is best for your business and everyone involved.”
“But you are involved.”
I glanced at him again.
“With Byron, with Katie and Simon, and your brother.” His eyes were guarded, and he tilted his head to the side, waiting for an answer.
“When you put it that way, I guess I am involved a little.” My lips turned up.
He was right. I was involved with all of them. However, I didn't overlook that he left himself off the list. But what he didn't realize is, I was more involved with him than any of them, which is why I had nothing to do with him or his shop.
Caleb nodded.
“It’s odd to think that I'm involved in something that I’m not really a part of,” I said.
The words escaped my lips and my face fell. This wasn't only true about the shop but also with Caleb. I was involved in something that I wasn't a part of—there was nothing there to be a part of. This was no meaningful relationship; it was one sided. Flipping the thought, it was also true with Byron and me. I was a part of something with Byron, but was I really involved?
Maybe I was going crazy.
Caleb’s fingers touched my face. “What in the world is going on in that head of yours?” His eyes searched mine as though he would find his answer there. “Amy, talk to me.”
As much as I wanted to, I shook my head. I couldn't talk to him. I wasn't over him. I didn’t know if I ever would be. Besides, he wanted nothing from me. I kept thinking and acting like there was something going on between us but there wasn’t. He wasn't coming onto me or thinking of me. He was just here; I was the one with the problem. I thought about our moment in the jeep. He had been crying and vulnerable, and we were caught up in the moment—that didn't mean he wanted me.
I reached for his hand on my face and pulled it away. “Don’t worry over me. I’m tired.”
I could see Caleb didn't believe me. He folded his arms. “You are the most confusing woman on the face of the earth.”
“You should be in here.” I tapped my forehead.
“I would if I thought you would let me,” Caleb said with a teasing smile.
I laughed once without humor because he already was in there, more than he could possibly imagine. I smiled in return, but his dimple distracted me, and I bit my lip against the sudden urge to kiss it.
“You’d better stop that, or you’ll get yourself into trouble.” A warning was in his up-turned lips.
“I wish; you're too good for me,” I muttered, and then my mouth fell open in surprise at my own words.
Caleb’s head shot back. “What did you just say?”
I shook my head with wide eyes. “Nothing.”
Caleb gave me a disbelieving look. “You think I'm too good for you?”
I backed away a step. “Forget it. I’m tired. I was talking nonsense.” I shook my head again. “It’s a moot point anyway.”
Caleb took a step toward me. “What is moot? What are you mumbling about, tell me?”
“No, it’s late, and I’m tired. I don’t know what I’m talking about.” I turned from him before he could badger me again and climbed onto my hammock. I heard him muttering to himself before he whistled for Sparkle. She ran to him and he picked her up, looking out over the lake. I stared at his silhouette and wished he would stay there all night for me to look at.
Caleb walked over to me and set Sparkle down on my blanket. “Would you like to keep her with you tonight?” he asked softly.
Sparkle found an opening and burrowed herself near my stomach. I giggled and put a hand over her. “I don’t think I have a choice.” I looked at Caleb as he patted the dog, and he smiled at me.
“You don’t have to if you don’t wan
t to.”
“No, I really do,” I assured him and pushed his hand away from her. Caleb gripped my fingers and crouched down until his face was level with mine.
“Are you sure you'll be safe out here?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Is your concern for me or that your dog will be carried off in the night?”
Caleb smiled, dropping his gaze to the ground. “Alright, then. I'll see you in the morning.” He looked at me for a few seconds and leaned in, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead before he walked away. I pulled the blanket over my shoulder and wrapped an arm around Sparkle. I fell asleep with the comfort of having a piece of Caleb with me.
I woke with a start and it took me a minute to realize where I was. Sparkle was under my chin shivering, and I pulled her down into the blanket. The air was much cooler than I anticipated, and my face was cold. I wasn't sure of the time but it was still very dark out, with no signs of the sun in the east. If I had hours until morning, it would be worth heading back inside to a warm bed.
I climbed off the hammock with Sparkle and reached for my pile of blankets. I held Sparkle in one arm and the blankets in another, but I didn't make it far. The blankets kept falling and I was afraid to put Sparkle down in case she ran for it. I debated on leaving the blankets and coming back for them when she was safe, but I really didn't want to trek outside again. Instead, I set Sparkle on top of the pile and scooped them up in one bunch. Sparkle seemed unsettled and kept moving around.
“Just hold still. You'll be back in Caleb’s bed in no time.” I smiled at her. “Lucky little dog, you,” I muttered. “Get to spend every night in that man’s bed, and I can say that to you because you are a dog, and no one can hear me but you.” Sparkle barked once like she agreed with me and I laughed. She inched closer near the edge of the blankets and I stopped to readjust. My pillow fell and when I reached to get it, Sparkle fell to the ground with a yip.
“Oh shoot.” I reached for her but she backed away. “Now, we are friends, remember? Just come here,” I cooed, and reached for her again. Sparkle barked once and ran through the trees. No, no, no! I dropped my pile and chased after her, calling her name. She was still in sight, but out of nowhere, she disappeared. I ran forward to where I'd seen her, but she was gone. “Sparkle!” I yelled, breathing heavy. I whistled over and over, but she never came. Dread came over me. Was Caleb right? Could something have carried her off?
I spun around in the dark, squinting to see white fluff, but there was nothing. I would have to tell Caleb. What if he got angry with me?
I walked back toward the lodge and my anxiety worsened. I couldn't believe this was happening. Sparkle was gone and he seemed so attached to her. I sucked in a sharp breath; she’s the only thing he has! He has no family, and now I’ve lost his only companion. Even I already felt attached to the dog. Feeling sorry for myself was juvenile but it meant a lot to me that Caleb named her Sparkle. Tears of sadness and frustration dripped from my lashes as I dragged my feet up the lodge steps. I pulled the handle on the door and it didn’t budge.
No! Are you kidding me?
I reached for the other door, but it was locked as well. A raspy shriek escaped my lips and I kicked the door, wondering how in the world I was going to get to Caleb. I didn't bring my phone out with me. I marched back down the steps and around to the side of the building, trying the side door but it was locked, as were the other two doors I came across.
My throat burned as I held back a sob and wiped my face with the sleeve of my sweater. I looked up at the windows, wondering which one was Caleb’s. There were no lights on in any of the windows, but I was almost certain Caleb’s room was the third from the left. I reached down and scooped up a small handful of gravel. If I didn't get this right, I could be waking up Byron instead of Caleb. Their rooms were next door to each other.
Taking a deep breath, I threw one little pebble up at the window, but it hit the wood below. I tried another and it fell short, then another and it too, fell short. I groaned, and my tears started again, but I picked up more gravel and threw two stones at once. This time one of them hit his window. I threw two more and they both hit. I waited but Caleb didn't appear, and I dropped to the ground in defeat. My shoulders shook as I cried again. A part of me wondered how I would ever function the next day if I didn't get any rest.
“Amy?” Caleb’s voice whispered above me. I couldn't see Caleb’s face, but I could see his silhouette in the dark window.
I stood and wiped my eyes. “Caleb, I need you, now. The door is locked and I—"
Caleb disappeared from his window and I waited for him to return. Where did he go?
“Amy?” Caleb came around the side of the building and I looked back at his window in confusion. He was fast. I threw my arms around him, sobbing.
“Hey, shhh, what is it? What’s wrong?” He hugged me tightly and kissed my hair.
“I—I’m—” I couldn't speak.
Caleb pulled back, his eyes heavy with concern. “Amy, you’re scaring me. What happened? Did something happen to you? Did someone hurt you?” His voice was on the verge of panic.
I breathed slower until I could speak and looked at his chest to avoid seeing the pain I was about to inflict. “I’m sorry; she’s gone. I lost her. She just fell and I tried to get her, but she’s gone. Sparkle is gone.” I choked out the last of it and tears fell again. I clenched my teeth trying to keep my chin from trembling and felt Caleb’s soft hand underneath it.
“Look at me.”
I shook my head and sniffed. I didn't want to see the anger in his eyes.
“Amy, please?” He didn't sound angry, so I dared to peek up at him. He wore a sad smile and rubbed my chin. “Can you show me where you saw her last?” he asked patiently.
My eyes widened in surprise. I thought he’d be mad or upset, but he was calm and collected.
I nodded and sniffed. “Around front, come on.” I reached for his hand and led him to the spot where Sparkle had fallen to the ground. My heap of blankets were still there, forgotten.
“She was on top of the blankets and fell, and when I tried to get her, she ran from me.” My voice squeaked and Caleb squeezed my fingers.
“It’s okay. Go on,” he said calmly.
“Come this way.” I took him to where I had seen her last. “She was here and then she just disappeared.” I shook my head.
Caleb looked around and whistled a few times. He called for her but there was nothing.
“She was gone, just like that. Do you think something really could’ve taken her like you were afraid of?” My voice squeaked again and another tear fell. Caleb reached up and brushed it away with a knuckle.
“Yes, unfortunately.” He smiled sadly, and I broke down. His arms came around me and I cried into his neck. This was so wrong. He lost something and here he was comforting me. The man was too nice; he should be upset with me—furious, even.
“You should be yelling at me or something,” I blubbered, pulling away from him. I pressed my palms to my raw tired eyes.
“I’m not going to yell at you, Amy,” he said sweetly. His patience irritated me because it only made me want him even more.
“But she’s all you have and now she’s gone!” I cried.
Caleb stepped closer and wrapped me in his arms again. I submitted to his kindness and let him comfort me. He rubbed a soothing hand up and down my back and kissed my hair a few times. We stood in the quiet darkness for a few minutes.
“We should get you to bed,” he said in my ear.
I pulled away reluctantly and he took my hand as we walked the path back to the lodge. We came to the pile of blankets and Caleb scooped them up.
“Let me get the door,” I said, quickening my pace. I pulled on the door but it didn't move. I tried the other one, and it too stayed put. “Are you freaking kidding me? Didn’t you come out this way!” I screeched and twirled around. Caleb grinned, nodding. I shook my head at him. “What could you possibly be smiling about at a time like this?”
I hissed.
He shrugged and held up the blankets. “Looks like we’re camping, Miss Amy.”
My stomach filled with the most delicious butterflies when I thought about sharing a hammock with him. I didn't try to beat the warm feeling away, not tonight.
I marched down the stairs, waiting for him at the bottom. “Let me help carry them. It’s the least I can do after this whole mess.” I held my arms out but Caleb shook his head.
“I can carry a few blankets, I think. Besides you wouldn't want these muscles to go to waste now, would you?” He wagged his eyebrows at me and despite our crazy situation, I laughed.
“You’re right. Carry those blankets, muscle man.” As we walked down the path to the hammocks, I tried not to think about poor Sparkle. “You know, she didn't make a noise or bark or anything. I wonder if she’s only lost. Shouldn’t we go looking for her?”
Caleb shrugged. “I don’t know. She could be anywhere, and that’s if she is still around. Maybe she’ll turn up later.”
I nodded solemnly, dropping the subject for now.
When we reached the hammock I had used earlier, Caleb took the bigger of the two blankets and my pillow, and set them on the hammock. I waited for him to lay the other one on top, but he took it to another hammock. “What are you doing?” I asked in confusion.
Caleb set the blanket on the hammock and eyed me. “I wasn't sure if you would be comfortable sharing a hammock.”
“Oh.” I had planned on it, but now that he said it out loud, I wasn't sure. It's not like we planned on staying the night together; crappy circumstances had brought us to this point. If I knew Byron like I thought, he would rather me be warm and comfortable than freeze to death out of principal. “It’s pretty cold now. I don’t think we really have a choice,” I offered.
Caleb nodded carefully and brought the blanket back over. He put the smaller one on the bottom and waited for me to climb on first. My heart was pounding at the thought of him being so close to me. I scooted carefully away to make room as he lay down beside me. Caleb settled in and pulled the blanket over us, the hammock swaying lightly. I tucked the blanket over my shoulder and faced him. He was on his back, looking up through the trees and I watched him, wondering where his mind was. Who did he talk to at home? Who did he share his thoughts and stories and worries with?
It Was Always You Page 11