Rob stuck his head in the open lab door. "Anybody home?"
"Rob!" Cassie hadn't known he was in Woods Hole. "Come on in."
"Thanks. How are you?" Rob looked happy, more his old self than the last time she had seen him.
"Fine." Cassie was suddenly conscious of Calder's presence behind her. "You remember Chris, of course, and this is Calder. My husband."
Rob's smile slipped a fraction, but he still shook Calder's hand. "Cassie's told me about you."
Yes, the temperature in the room was clearly dropping. "Rob is one of Jim's post-docs." This wouldn't be a good time to start telling Calder about Rob's role in her life.
"Not anymore. I have a new job."
"Really? Where?" The kind of academic research position Rob wanted was hard to find.
Rob grinned. "MIT/WHOI. Tenure track."
"Rob! That's fabulous!" Cassie gave him a quick hug. "I'm going to have to call you the golden boy."
"Thanks." He was visibly proud of his accomplishment.
Chris looked at least as excited as Rob. "Congratulations. That's great news."
Cassie recognized her assistant's hungry look. "You'll be hearing from Chris next year. He has his heart set on MIT/WHOI for his PhD."
"Give me a call when you're ready to apply. I'll be happy to do what I can."
"Thanks. I will." Chris looked barely able to contain himself.
Cassie suddenly remembered Calder's presence. He had that look of being hidden behind his eyes again. "MIT/WHOI is a joint graduate school in oceanography. Very prestigious. It's the brass ring."
"Congratulations, then." Calder definitely had his pretty manners on. Not a good sign.
Rob rubbed his hands together. "So, Chris, how's that research of yours coming?"
Chris practically glowed. "Pretty good. I tried your method of collecting data this year and got a great spread. Want to see it?"
"Love to, but I have to be at WHOI in fifteen minutes. Want to walk with me and tell me about it? If Cassie can spare you, that is."
Cassie suspected the WHOI appointment was an excuse to get away, but she could understand that. "Sure, go ahead."
Chris began talking and gesturing to Rob before they were even out in the hallway. Cassie heard their voices fade away. That was the future. Chris would be in the Boston University program with her for a year, and after that he'd be going for his PhD, likely with Rob at MIT/WHOI. It wouldn't be surprising if he chose Rob as his advisor, given their interests. Rob would be there to see Chris do his best work, to mold him into a professional scientist as Jim had molded both of them. Cassie would be left behind with Chris's undergraduate years. Chris's first publication would have Rob's name on it, not hers. She'd given that up when she chose to work with undergrads instead of shooting for a research position like Rob had. She had been the star of the lab in grad school, and now he was surpassing her. What had Jim said about it being hard to give up the prestige of the tenure track?
But it was what she had wanted. Chris would succeed in grad school because Cassie had done her job well, teaching him to think like a researcher and passing along her love of the field. That was where the real scientists were made, at the beginning, not when they wrote their dissertations. But it also meant saying good-bye to them and sending them off into the world.
She shook off the moment of melancholy, realizing that Calder had been silent since Rob and Chris left. He appeared to be focused on the computer screen, but Cassie could feel the tension exuding from him. She stood behind him and massaged his shoulders gently. "What's the matter, love?"
"Nothing." He turned over the data sheet and started to enter the new data.
"If you don't want to tell me, that's okay, but don't pretend nothing is wrong."
He leaned his head back against her midriff, his eyes closed. "Who is he?"
"Rob? An old boyfriend. We were in grad school together."
"Chris seems to know him pretty well."
"Rob was around a lot last summer. We tried dating again for a while, but it didn't work out. Obviously." She watched his face carefully.
"You were seeing somebody last summer, and you never mentioned it to me." He didn't look at her.
"I didn't feel like talking about it. I treated Rob pretty badly."
Calder typed in a string of data and then let his hands rest on the keyboard. "What else don't I know about?"
"Plenty of things, I imagine. Do you really think I'm keeping things from you deliberately?"
"I don't know what to believe anymore. I thought my mother didn't give a damn about me, as long as I didn't embarrass her. I thought she was happy with my father. I knew my father would always try to control everything I did, but I didn't think he…"
"You didn't think he would what?"
He gave a tired sigh. "I didn't think he'd deliberately hurt her." He lapsed into silence again. "He isn't always awful, you know. He was really great sometimes when I was a kid. He'd take me places, show me things—maybe because it was good for people to see he was a family man, but I loved it. I even liked it when he'd take me to work with him. He'd make a big fuss when I brought home a good report card. It didn't get bad until I was old enough to think for myself."
At least he was finally talking. Cassie was relieved about that. "There aren't any easy answers, are there? For all the terrible things your father did, he was still better than his own father."
Calder shook his head. "You're too generous. My grandfather had his problems, but he was a saint compared my father."
"Your grandfather told his eldest son he'd rather have him dead than be an embarrassment. That's ruthless. I can't imagine what it would be like to grow up knowing that if you mess up, you're going to be locked away forever like your big brother. Your father just expected you to keep quiet."
He was silent for a minute. "I suppose so. I never thought about how that affected him, only how he could have condoned it. It still doesn't excuse what he did to my mother."
"No, of course not. I just like to put things in context. I always have to know the entire ecosystem, not just an isolated bit." She dug her fingers into the tight muscles of his shoulders, kneading until the knots began to loosen.
He dropped his chin to his chest. "I'm sorry. It seems like all I give you is trouble."
"Calder." Her hands stopped. "Don't you know what my life was like before you came along? I enjoyed my friends, and I'd do fun things from time to time, but I lived for my work and I didn't let anyone close enough to see my feelings. I was running away from myself, and you made me stop and look at what I was doing and ask myself if that was all I wanted in life. You gave me a reason to want to have more. Don't you know that?"
"No. It seemed like you already had everything you wanted."
"Except someone to share it with. I needed you to give me the courage to do that." No, she didn't regret giving up the glory of the tenure track. What she had now was more important.
Calder was starting to understand the peace Cassie found in the salt marsh. Often, during the daytime when Cassie was at the lab, he took long walks with Nobska along the beach and into the marsh. Cassie made an effort to come home in time for dinner instead of working late. Erin and Scott were on the Cape most weekends and often spent time with them, but business concerns kept Scott from staying in Woods Hole full-time as he had in the past.
Calder was happy to simply spend time with Cassie after all the stresses of the last semester. Nobska, grown large and gangly, sat at their feet whenever he could. By the end of the first month, Calder could name most of the flora and fauna of the salt marsh and the intertidal zone.
But despite the distraction of dealing with renovations and housebreaking the dog, the silence from his mother was a constant irritant. It made no sense, since he had gone for months without taking to her in the past. This was different. He didn't even know how to contact her. The brief emails his father sent made no mention of her or the divorce.
But enough was enough.
Calder sought out Cassie in the spare bedroom serving as her study. She was perched on a chair, organizing the books on the top shelf. She flashed him a smile.
The bronze sculpture of a fiddler crab he had given her for Christmas stood in a place of honor on her desk. He switched on the desk lamp standing over it, studying the sheen of the bronze. "I'm wondering if I should try to get in touch with my mother."
She paused and stepped down to the floor. "If you want to. Do you suppose Dave knows how to reach her?"
"I thought I'd ask him to pass along a message. That way she can be in control."
Dave proved very willing to give her the message, although he didn't offer Caro's telephone number. He seemed pleased Calder wanted to talk to her. But there was no point in sitting around waiting for something to happen. It might be days, or even weeks, before his mother called. He was surprised when only an hour later the phone rang and he heard his mother's voice greeting him on the other end.
"How are you?" He realized with discomfort he wasn't sure what to call her. She hadn't been Mom since he was a teenager, but Mother seemed too distancing. "Thanks for calling."
"I'm doing well, thank you," she said in her evenly modulated tones. "And you?"
"I'm fine." Acutely uncomfortable, he tapped Cassie on the arm, giving her an eloquent look and pointing to the extension. "Hang on, I think Cassie's getting on as well. She wants to say hello to you."
"Oh, good. I'm hoping to hear how you're settling into your new home."
He had forgotten; even if he had no idea what to say, his mother never missed a beat in any conversation. "Umm, it's going well. We like it a lot here."
"I absolutely love it," Cassie cut in. "It's in the perfect spot, right by the salt marsh. I still can't believe Calder found this house. We get the most beautiful sunsets over the water. I hope you'll come down and see it soon."
"That's very kind of you, dear," his mother said noncommittally. "It sounds lovely."
Cassie filled what could have become an uncomfortable silence by telling her about the renovations they had done on the house in the spring. Calder listened silently, wondering how long they were going to pretend nothing had changed.
Before the conversation ended, she tentatively told them her new telephone number and address. "But I'd rather Joe didn't know where I am."
As if Calder would ever tell his father anything he didn't have to. "I won't tell him. I hope you'll stay in touch. And think about what Cassie said. We'd love to have you visit when you feel up to traveling." He hoped he wasn't saying the wrong thing. His mother thanked him, though, sounding genuinely grateful for the invitation this time, and said she would talk to them again soon.
Calder exchanged a few cautious emails with Tom, with convoluted references to "the situation in Virginia." Tom was in close contact with their father. Calder supposed it would be difficult not to be when they might run into each other at the Capitol any time. Neither mentioned their mother, and when she eventually agreed a few weeks later to a brief visit to the Cape, Calder elected not to put Tom in a difficult position by telling him about it. He was anxious enough about it without any extra complications.
What if they had nothing to say to each other when they met? They hadn't had more than the most superficial of conversations for years. He wondered if she would disapprove of his lifestyle. If it weren't for its location, their house would be no different from many other nice houses on the Cape; certainly there was nothing in it to suggest the wealth he was born to. Apart from Scott and Erin, they socialized only with Cassie's friends from the lab. It was a far cry from the society his mother moved in.
He couldn't be certain, either, that she bore him no anger for having been so distant and for never having helped her. Certainly he blamed himself for it and saw no reason why she wouldn't, despite Cassie's reassurances.
The day of her arrival approached more quickly than he might have wished. They drove to Hyannis's small airport to meet her flight. Her plane was slightly delayed, and they waited outside security until a group of passengers came through. Calder ran his eyes over them but didn't see her, and was surprised when Cassie stood up and waved to someone. "Who is it?" he asked.
She shot him an odd look. "Your mother, of course."
He looked again and did a double take. Cassie was right. It was his mother coming toward them, but he wouldn't have recognized her if they'd passed on the street. Instead of the sleek chignon she always wore, her hair was cut into short, feathery layers close to her head. Even more surprisingly, she was dressed in an Oxford shirt and jeans—his mother wearing jeans! He couldn't recall her wearing anything but dresses. She still looked stylish, but now it was as if she had stepped out of an L.L. Bean catalog. No wonder the news media hadn't found her. They didn't know what to look for.
He greeted her more stiffly than he wanted to. He was grateful for Cassie's presence; she took much of the conversational burden off him, giving a running commentary on the Cape as they drove back to the house. His mother was as poised as ever. If it weren't for her changed appearance, he wouldn't have known anything was different.
When they reached the house, Nobska took an immediate shine to Caro. Although she didn't say anything, it was clear she was uncomfortable with fifty pounds of rambunctious dog enthusiastically greeting her.
"Just tell him to sit," Calder advised her.
"Sit, Nobska," she said tentatively. The dog wagged his tail.
Calder grabbed Nobska's collar before he could jump up on his new friend. "You have to sound like you mean it," he said. "Try it again."
"So speaks the man who nearly failed puppy obedience classes!" Cassie said with a laugh. "But he's right. Nobska likes people to be in charge, so you have to sound like you are."
His mother took a deep breath. "Nobska, sit!" she said firmly. Her look of well-bred surprise when he actually sat wasn't lost on Calder.
"Now you have to tell him he's a good dog," Cassie said.
"Good dog," her mother-in-law repeated obediently. With a look of playing dice with the devil, she reached out to pet him.
"He's really a very nice dog," said Calder. "But if he bothers you, we can put him in his crate."
"I bet Caro's going to be better at keeping Nobska in line than you are," Cassie said with an affectionate smile. "Calder spoils him whenever my back is turned."
"So this is the famous salt marsh," Caro said when Cassie took her out on the deck. "It's just as I pictured it from Calder's book."
"Did you read his book?" Cassie wondered with embarrassment how much his mother had understood about the story.
"Of course. I read all his books." Her mother-in-law looked out over the marsh. "I didn't know there was a real Elizabeth. But I recognized Will Darcy right away, not to mention his aunt and uncle."
Cassie winced, recalling the portrayal of his aunt as a cold, ambitious woman. "I hope you know none of the characters were true to life. It had to make a good story."
"There's a lot about my son I don't know, but I know when he's telling the truth. It's all right. It was something I needed to know."
No wonder his mother hadn't expected Calder's support or understanding! "For what it's worth, I don't think he had any idea what you were going through until quite recently," Cassie said. "It hit him hard."
His mother seemed to withdraw into herself. "I didn't mean to upset him."
"I wouldn't worry." Cassie was struck by how little it took to frighten the confident-looking woman before her. "I think I'd categorize it as something he needed to know. It's helped him understand a lot of things."
"I never wanted him to know about it. He had enough problems of his own."
"He has a lot of strengths, too, and I don't think they appeared by magic. But it's hard for people to think of their parents as real people with feelings and failings. I've just started to value what my parents gave me and to stop blaming them for not being what I wanted them to be."
"Yes, but you invited your parents to
your wedding. Calder wasn't even going to tell me he was getting married."
This was dangerous ground. "But it wasn't you he was trying to exclude; it was his father. Joe was doing everything he could to split us up. Calder couldn't very well invite you and not his father." She knew, even as she said it, that it wasn't completely true. Though Calder hadn't objected to his mother coming to their wedding, he had felt no desire for her presence either.
When there was no reply, Cassie looked over at the older woman and was dismayed to see tears running down her cheeks. That was the only outward sign of her distress; Cassie had never seen anyone be so quiet and still while crying. It was frightening to see, all the more so if she thought about why her mother-in-law would have learned such control. Awkwardly, she reached over and stroked her arm. Ann Crowley had been right about Caro's fragility.
Man Who Loved Pride and Prejudice Page 32