Layne was furious. How typical of Kyle to put the blame on her for their breakup. But this time he had lied to that child who had never been lied to before...
He had lied when he said she didn’t love him anymore. The realization was like a knife in her throat.
She did love him. God help me, she thought, I’ve always loved him.
CHAPTER TWELVE
But what on earth was she to do about it? It was all very well to have suddenly concluded that she was still in love with her husband. But what was she supposed to do now? She could walk back into the crowded drawing room, throw her arms around Kyle, and announce to the group that she had seen the light...
She could imagine the look of disgust that would appear on Kyle’s face.
“Robbie,” she said carefully, “sometimes even if two people love each other, it isn’t
enough.” Why upset him by telling him more? He would know the whole truth soon.
“But what about me?” he cried. “What will happen to me?”
He sounded as if his heart was breaking, and Layne put her arms around him, trying to hold away the hurt. “You’ll stay here at Wheatlands with your father. And I’ll be around whenever you want to see me. You aren’t losing me.”
He gulped a breath, and sobbed, “But I love you both. I don’t want to choose.”
“Honey, I had you all to myself for eight years. Your dad missed that. It’s only fair for him to have you now.” There was no point in upsetting the child by telling him that his father would, if necessary, kidnap him.
“I have to stay here?”
She pushed the dark hair back off his hot face. “I thought you liked Wheatlands.”
“I do, but not without you, Mom!” He was really sobbing now.
Layne’s throat was so dry she thought it would be a miracle if she could make a sound.
“Robbie,” she managed finally, “we didn’t have very much before we came to Wheatlands. I didn’t have a job, and The Tank was wearing out, and...”
“I don’t care about any of that! I...” He rubbed his eyes, and burst out, “I’ll even go to day care!”
She had to smile at that, but her voice was deadly serious as she added, “You’re right, honey. None of that is really important. But if I take you with me, you wouldn’t see your dad, Rob. We’d have to hide from him, because he doesn’t want to let you go.”
He was silent then. She rubbed his back for a few minutes. “I’ll come up and check on you later, Robbie. And always remember that I love you.”
He looked up at her with tear-reddened eyes. “Will you be here in the morning?”
I have never lied to him, she reminded herself. “I don’t know, Rob.”
Cam Howard was doing his Harry Truman impression, playing pop tunes on the baby
grand piano in the drawing room. He was good enough to make a living at it if he lost the next election, Layne thought absently, and realized that there, in a nutshell, was the reason she didn’t think Jessica Tate would ever marry him. Jessica would take no chances on a husband’s
occupation, and politics was too uncertain a field for her. She was, however, beside him on the piano bench, sitting so close that a sheet of paper wouldn’t have fitted between them, a glass of champagne in her hand.
Layne asked the bartender for ginger ale, and stood sipping it thoughtfully as she observed her guests. Most of them were gathered around the piano, but even those who weren’t didn’t seem to need her attention. Kyle was across the room with a small, white-haired old lady, and as Layne watched, he threw back his head and laughed, and then came straight towards her.
She stayed where she was. If he wanted to talk to her, Wheatlands wasn’t big enough to run away. And if he didn’t, he’d just move her out of his way and do as he liked.
She watched his progress across the room, studying the set of his shoulders in the well-cut dark blue dinner jacket, the sun-weathered complexion, the dark hair with its tendency to curl.
She clenched her hand around the cold glass; it would have felt so natural to reach out to him in one of those intimate wifely actions — to remove a speck from his lapel, to feel the strength of his arm under her hand, to brush her fingers down across his cheek.
Yes, that sudden revelation upstairs had been correct. It wasn’t just a physical reaction that she had felt all these weeks, though that was part of it. There was a magnetism about Kyle that drew her, but this was even more. She had been telling herself that it was only physical, that once she was away from him it would go away. But this would never go away. She loved him. All of him, even the sarcastic, cynical side.
He came up to the bar, handed the bartender his glass, and folded his arms on the edge of the walnut top. “You were upstairs a long time. Is Robbie all right?”
“I didn’t think you’d notice I was gone.”
“When the hostess disappears for a half hour, everyone notices.”
That puts me in my place, Layne thought. She sipped her ginger ale.
“You aren’t going to tell me, are you? That must mean something is wrong upstairs.
Perhaps I should go and check.”
“Perhaps you should,” Layne agreed quietly. “If you’ll excuse me?”
She moved through the crowd, watchful of the comfort of each guest, stopping to talk to one here and there. The white-haired old lady who had been amusing Kyle beckoned her over and indicated a chair.
Layne sank gratefully into it. “I hope you’re enjoying yourself, Mrs. Allen.”
“Of course. It brings back the old days when Kyle’s mother was alive. She made
Wheatlands the social center of Kansas City. Tell me, Layne — are you going to become a patron of the arts? We need some fresh ideas; it’s been left to the old ladies too long.”
A patron of the arts. It was the kind of invitation that the younger Layne would have
jumped at, a chance to belong. Now, even if she wasn’t leaving Wheatlands, it hardly seemed to matter. “I don’t think so, Mrs. Allen.”
“A pity. Too busy with your family, I suppose. Well, it’s obvious you’re doing a good job.
I talked to Stephen this afternoon, you see. He thinks you’re the single best thing that ever happened to the Emersons. You’re all he can talk about — you and that little boy of yours. And I haven’t heard Kyle laugh like that in years.” She patted Layne’s hand. “Whatever you’re doing, dear, keep it up. But I do wish you could find a little time for the arts. At least join the Friends organizations — that sort of thing.”
“I’ll think about it, Mrs. Allen.” Layne smiled and moved away.
So Kyle was laughing a lot, was he? Well, Mrs. Allen was hardly an impartial observer.
And if he was happy, it must be because the summer was drawing to a close. This charade must have been a drain on him, too.
She really should wait to leave until she could say goodbye to Stephen. She didn’t want to just run off again, without a word to him. It would delay her departure just a few more hours. She would leave in the morning after Kyle had gone to work; it would be much easier than to risk a scene tonight.
“You must be worn out, Layne.”
She turned quickly as Cameron Howard came up behind her. His shadow was nowhere to
be seen; that probably meant that Jessica was hanging on Kyle’s arm by now.
“Beautiful party; I can’t thank you enough. You and Kyle will have to come to Topeka
next autumn to celebrate when we get this legislation passed. I’ll put you up at the Mansion and return the hospitality.” He made his way through the drawing room one more time, with
apologies for cutting the evening short.
The party dispersed quickly once Cam Howard was gone. Layne was grateful. Much more
of that meaningless social chit-chat and she would just start screaming, she thought. Jessica, of course, was the last guest remaining. She and Kyle were standing by the long front windows, apparently absorbed in each other, wh
en Layne left the room. There was no sense in causing a scene; there were still hired waiters and bartenders around. But she wondered, as she climbed the stairs, just how long it would be before Jessica and Kyle even noticed that she was gone.
Robbie was asleep, one arm flung up over his head, the cast hanging out over the edge of the bed. She gently rearranged him, covered him up, brushed her lips across his cheek. He sighed and murmured something, and frowned in his sleep. Surely, she thought as she crossed the hall, surely there was a better way.
The couch in the sitting room felt even harder and more uncomfortable after a few nights in Kyle’s big bed, and Layne finally got up and sat in the window seat, curled into a ball, watching the moonlight that drenched the front lawn. She sat there and numbered her options.
The first option was stark and simple. She could take Robbie and run away from
Wheatlands before Kyle’s Labor Day deadline.
She sat there in the moonlight, her chin in her hands. She had no job, no cash, no car, no home to go to, no way to support herself and Robbie. She would be cutting herself off from the funds Kyle had promised her to get a new start. She would be separating her son from the father he had grown to love. And —“Let’s be honest, Layne,” she told herself — she would be
separating herself from any contact with Kyle, and that would hurt.
She had run once before with no more than the clothes she wore, and Kyle had not come
after her. But he would search for Robbie. The only place she could go was to Clare, and Kyle would have no trouble finding her there. And when he found her...
She shuddered as she thought about what Kyle would do to her.
So the first option was no choice at all. She turned to the second one.
She could leave Robbie behind when she left Wheatlands, either immediately, as she had planned out yesterday, or when Labor Day came and Kyle told her to go.
If she stayed and finished out her bargain, she’d be able to see her son. Kyle had promised that if she cooperated, part of the payoff would be that Robbie could see her anytime he wanted.
She would have some money, though that was the least of her concerns — she had started with nothing before, and she could do it again. And sometimes... surely sometimes she could see Kyle, too? After all, they both cared about Robbie. For his sake, there were things they would have to talk about, over the years.
If Robbie stayed at Wheatlands, he would have everything he needed, and probably a great deal that he didn’t. He would have an education at whatever college he wanted; the fund that Stephen had already set up would make him a doctor or a lawyer or an architect — or all three, if Robbie chose.
But Robbie didn’t want to stay at Wheatlands without her. He loved his father, but Layne was the only security he had ever known. He would not let go of her easily.
So she would stay till Labor Day. She would help him as much as she could over the next three weeks; by then, maybe Robbie would adjust.
She nibbled on a fingernail. Well, Robbie would simply have to adjust, for there was no other option.
Unless she stayed longer.
“That’s ridiculous, Layne,” she muttered, and stared out over the lawn. But slowly the idea was taking shape in her mind. Perhaps it wasn’t so very ridiculous after all?
It would let Robbie have both of his parents. It would let Kyle have a happy Robbie, rather than a rebellious one. And it would let Layne have...
“It will let me keep my son,” she told herself firmly. She shoved aside the other reasons that lurked in the back of her mind. The only thing that mattered now was Robbie, she told herself, and squashed the knowledge that it was a lie.
And before she could lose her nerve, she went in search of Kyle.
The big bedroom was empty, and the bed had not been disturbed. She peeked into Robbie’s room to see if Kyle might be there, and Beast raised his head with a warning “Woof!” Robbie whimpered a little as if he was having a bad dream, then subsided again into an exhausted sleep.
The house was quiet, and for a while Layne thought that Kyle must have gone out. Home
with Jessica, perhaps. It didn’t surprise her; if last night had been a revelation to her, it must have also been to him. Perhaps he had come to realize that Jessica was more important to him than anything else could be. If that was so, Layne thought, perhaps he would be willing to bargain. If she could just stay with Robbie, she thought, she didn’t care what Kyle did.
Then she saw the light coming from his study. The door opened at a touch, and she saw
him sitting at the desk.
“Can’t you sleep, either, Layne? It must be contagious.”
She perched on the edge of a chair. “I’ve been thinking, Kyle, and...”
“God help us.” With a steady hand, he refilled his brandy snifter from the cut-glass
decanter at his elbow. “Would you like to join me?”
Layne shook her head. “How much have you been drinking?” she asked quietly.
“I’ve only started. But I doubt you came down here to ask that.” He looked at her intently over the rim of his glass, his eyes almost black. “You told Robbie you wouldn’t be here in the morning.”
“I said I didn’t know. But I changed my mind.” She took a deep breath. “I came down to tell you that I want to stay at Wheatlands. I don’t want to leave when Labor Day comes.”
He set the glass down with careful precision. “Why?”
“Because Robbie needs me. He won’t be happy here without me. He loves you, but you’re
gone so much, and he needs stability in his life. He needs help to adjust to a new school and new friends. He depends on me, Kyle. I can’t just walk out on him.”
He was silent for a moment. “So you want to live here.”
“Just the way it’s been, Kyle. I know giving up Jessica was difficult for you. I want you to know that I won’t ask any questions about how you choose to live, if…if ...” It all sounded so incredibly naive, even to her own ears.
“How kind of you. My wife is giving me permission to keep a mistress.”
She kept her voice level with an effort. “I presume if you wanted to marry Jessica you’d have done so years ago. If I’m wrong, and you are going to marry her, then I want to take Robbie away. He hates her, and he’ll make her life miserable if you try to keep them under the same roof.”
“I can’t imagine you really care whether Jessica is comfortable.”
“You’re right, of course. I want Robbie to be happy.” She finished lamely, “I want Robbie to have everything.”
The silence was like a curtain in the room. Then Kyle sighed and said, “No.” He pushed his chair back from the desk and stared out the window. “You may not stay here, and you may not take Robbie away. He would be no happier with Gary than he would with Jessica.”
“I’m not going to marry him. Robbie and I will live on our own again.”
He turned back to stare at her. “You’ll give up Gary for Robbie’s sake.” It was not a
question.
“Yes. I will do anything for Robbie. Please, Kyle!” She was pleading with everything that was in her, her hands clenched on the edge of his desk.
“That’s where we’re different. I love him too, and there are very few things I wouldn’t do for Robbie, but staying married to you is one of them.”
She cringed under the lash of his words. Finally, her voice so small that it was barely audible, she asked, “Then why did you bring me back here? Why didn’t you just take Robbie a month ago and leave me alone?”
“Because I needed the answer to a question, Layne.” He pushed the swivel chair back from the desk and turned his back on her. “I’d like you to go right now. Which hotel do you prefer?
I’ll reserve a room for you — my expense, of course, or won’t you take that from me either?”
There was a trace of bitterness in his voice. “Or are you going to Gary after all, since Robbie’s not going with you?�
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“Stop playing games with me, Kyle!” She was almost screaming. “What question? And
what answer?”
He turned the chair back, just far enough to reach the telephone. “I’ll call the Westin. I prefer the service there,” he said thoughtfully. “I’m amazed that you don’t already know the question, Layne. It was — why did you leave me? And the answer—” He broke off and reached for the telephone directory.
“Why did I — but you know why I left!”
“I know you were seventeen years old — hardly out of high school — and you found
yourself married and orphaned and pregnant in less than three months. You didn’t know what had hit you.”
“It wasn’t the easiest time of my life,” she admitted.
“And I wasn’t much of a husband, was I? I was too busy building a future for us to worry about what was going on then. You had romantic notions of what marriage was all about, and when I couldn’t live up to them, you left. I understand all that, Layne, but it doesn’t take away the hurt.” His voice was gruff.
He really had been hurt, she realized.
She asked quietly, “If you wanted to know why I left, why didn’t you ask me?”
He didn’t answer. “You must have been very unhappy when you realized that Robbie was a miniature of me. It must have been salt in the wound every time you looked at him.”
“It was,” Layne agreed woodenly.
He didn’t look at her, but his whole body seemed to tense.
“I wouldn’t do it again, Kyle. If I could choose again, I’d stay.” She knew with sudden clarity that it was the truth. Given the choice Jessica had thrown at her that day so long ago, Layne would not run. She would rather have Kyle, no matter what his reasons were, than not to have him.
“Because of Robbie.” It was not a question.
“It does all seem to come back to Robbie, doesn’t it?” she said, and suddenly she was
blazingly angry. “If it wasn’t for Robbie, I wouldn’t be here. We wouldn’t be having this argument. And you would be trying to figure out a way to break that damn will!”
“You’re screaming again.” Then he stopped short and put the telephone down with a bang.
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