This wasn’t helping. I needed a plan. No way was I just going to sit back and embrace the suck. That wasn’t my style. But in order to come up with a realistic coping mechanism, I’d need to stop lying to myself and start getting real. Okay, so not a single day had gone by that I hadn’t thought about Allison. Not one. I’d thought about her yesterday, as a matter of fact. But first love is like that, from what I’d heard, though that old adage never made me feel any better about it.
It’d been getting better though. Slowly. In the beginning, thoughts of her had been nearly constant and had made it impossible to concentrate more often than not. But they’d slowly tapered off as time had passed, and the agony that’d seemed permanent had eventually faded into a dull ache. Yet I’d be a fool to deny that I did still think about her. And not all my reflections were appropriate.
Almost immediately, my mind shifted gears, and I smiled wistfully as I drifted to memories of Allison back when we’d been happy and in love. The playful way she used to cock her head to the side when she’d been teasing me. The light in her beautiful eyes when she smiled. The naked desire on her face when she’d looked at me. The smell of her skin. The feel of her silken hair sliding between my fingers. The taste of her lips. The sound of her breathlessly moaning my name in my ear while I—
“Ryan?” A voice broke into my reverie.
“Huh?” My head shot up, and I balled my hands into fists in my lap, trying to banish the almost palpable memory of what it felt like to slide my hands over Allison’s flesh. That was not a good coping mechanism.
Meaghan stood framed in our doorway looking at me with a curious expression. “You okay?” Her voice was soft, her expression tinged with concern, which caused a heavy pang of guilt to resound deep in my gut.
“Yeah.” I rubbed at my eyes without thinking about what I was doing and then swore softly. I’d probably just smeared my makeup everywhere. Great. “Just tired.”
“You sure?” Meaghan stepped closer to my desk to peer at me intently.
I nodded, but my thoughts kept drifting elsewhere. I was trying, I really was. But Allison’s sudden and completely unexpected reappearance had stirred up a whole host of emotions I’d spent a considerable amount of effort burying. Unsuccessfully, it seemed. With barely a thought, she’d thrown my entire world into chaos. Again.
“Here.” Meaghan handed me a manila envelope. She was obviously choosing to accept my explanation, though not looking as if she really believed it.
“What’s this?”
Meaghan’s eyes twinkled with something close to pride as she took the seat Allison had just vacated. “Photos. From last night.”
“Really?”
Meaghan nodded, and her smile widened as I shook the pictures loose from the envelope. “What do you think?”
Impatiently, I shoved some of the clutter on my desk to one side, so I could splay the photos out in front of me.
Meaghan was something of an amateur photographer, a hobby she studied tirelessly in what little free time she had. She’d even converted her spare bedroom into a darkroom. I found her work absolutely breathtaking and actually had a few of the pictures she’d taken while we’d once gone hiking hanging up in my living room. But she always shrugged and gave an absent wave of her hand when I complimented her considerable skill, stating she was merely okay.
Meaghan’s new obsession of late had been night photography. She’d been raving for weeks about this fancy, high-tech-sounding equipment she’d bought, and her entire body had practically vibrated every time the subject came up. It was all way over my head. She might not have wanted to go interview Akbari with me, but once she’d gotten over being mad at me for dragging her along in the first place, she’d decided it was the perfect opportunity to test her new toys.
“These are great, Meg.” I marveled at the work spread out in front of me. She hadn’t been after photos of anything in particular when she’d set out. But the details I could make out of people’s faces, even in the almost nonexistent light, amazed me.
“They’re okay.”
“They’re fantastic.” I pushed one across the desk at her, so she could admire it, too. “Look at this. You can see this guy’s face perfectly. And that right there.” I ran my fingertip over the area in question. “You can see the license plate on that car. Hell, you can even almost make out that sticker in the back window. It was nearly black out when you took these. Great job.”
Meaghan gathered up the pictures and slid them back into the envelope she held. “Thanks. I’m just glad I was able to test my new stuff. I’d been dying for an opportunity.”
Something clicked in the back of my mind as she said that, and I was suddenly apprehensive. “Uh, Meaghan? Did you see Mark today?”
“Yeah, why?”
I hesitated. “He lit into me about going to Utica Avenue last night.”
“I told you he’d find out. Wait, how did he do that?”
“I have no idea. Did he say anything to you?”
“No.”
The relief that surged then made me dizzy. I hadn’t dragged her down with me. “Good. He didn’t mention your presence to me, either. I’m hoping he didn’t see you.”
Meaghan shook her head, a small smile touching her lips.
“What?”
“Where’s all your bravado from yesterday? Not so much of an adventure now, is it?”
My thoughts wandered immediately to Allison. “My life’s a nonstop adventure. That’s the problem.”
CHAPTER FIVE
“So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” Lucia murmured into my ear, her voice a throaty whisper.
Splayed on the couch in her apartment, I nestled between her legs with my back propped up against her chest like she was the world’s most comfortable chair. Her arms were wrapped around my waist, and her chin rested on my shoulder. Her petite hands lightly stroked my thighs.
“Mmm?” I murmured, my mind still whirling. My eyes were closed, and much to my disgust, I’d been lost in memories of sitting like this on the couch with Allison many moons ago, remembering what it’d felt like to have her hands in a similar position. And then what it’d felt like when they’d moved with more purpose.
Lucia grew still. “You’re quiet. You were quiet all through dinner, and you’ve barely cracked a smile during the movie. It’s not like you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What’s wrong?” Lucia’s voice was low and soothing as she pulled me tighter against her and placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder. “You’re not still upset about yesterday, are you? I thought we were past that.”
Sighing, I turned in her lap so I could meet her eyes. She opened her legs a little wider to accommodate me, but one of my arms remained trapped between our bodies. I traced feather-light patterns on her arm with one finger of my free hand, enjoying the softness of her skin, which always amazed me.
Even now, despite seeing her as often as I did, her beauty left me speechless. Lucia’s thick black hair was pushed back off her forehead and fell just past her shoulders in luxurious waves. Her skin was the color of lightly sweetened coffee, and her eyes were an amazing shade of golden brown flecked with hazel, yellow, and green. No single word could describe them save for, possibly, magnificent. And even that fell a little short.
I smiled at her and gave her a small kiss. I’d only meant for it to be a quick reassurance, but somehow, I became totally lost in the soft feel of her lips against mine. I deepened the kiss, exploring her slowly. Time lost all meaning, and when I finally pulled back, I was breathless.
“Wow,” Lucia said after a long moment of gazing into my eyes. Her own were slightly hazy, and her lips quirked up in a dreamy smile. She kissed me again and ran her fingers up and down my sides. “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”
“It was an apology. For yesterday. For tonight. You’re right. I’ve been completely distracted lately. I’m sorry.” I sighed again as thoughts of my hectic day threatened to
intrude. I managed to push them back with a colossal effort, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a very brief memory of giving Allison a kiss just like it. God, I was being an ass! I closed my eyes and shook my head to break the spell.
Lucia waited silently, knowing me well enough to realize that if she was patient, I’d talk. She never pushed, which I appreciated. Her warm eyes were encouraging as she lovingly brushed an errant lock off my forehead. I captured her hand with my own and kissed her fingertips.
“Work was kind of rough. Mark hit me with a lot of assignments that have very specific and fast-approaching deadlines. I’m just a little stressed. I didn’t mean to let it ruin our evening.” I kissed her again—once, twice, a third time—each kiss lingering longer than the one before it.
“I’m so sorry,” Lucia murmured, when I finally allowed her to use her lips for speaking. “I know Mark has been coming down hard on you lately. I shouldn’t have given you a hard time yesterday.”
I shrugged as much as I was able, trapped in her embrace. “It’s my fault. And you’re right. We’re past it. As for Mark, I’ll manage. I just need to try to put it out of my mind.”
“Hmm. If only I could think of a way to distract you.” Her eyes glinted, and she grinned mischievously. She cradled my face in one hand and slipped the other up the back of my shirt to rake her fingernails over my skin. I shivered and closed my eyes.
“If only,” I whispered.
“What can I do?” Lucia tilted my head back and nuzzled my now-exposed neck with her lips.
“I don’t know.” My eyes were still closed, and I thoroughly enjoyed her grazing the sensitive spot just under my ear with her teeth. My nipples hardened instantly, and sparks of pleasure shot straight to my already aching sex. “I’m really concerned. It might take a lot.”
“Yeah?” Her tone was light as she nibbled on my earlobe. “Guess I’ll have to be resourceful.”
I threaded the fingers of my free hand through her hair and tugged gently to pull her away from her exploration. The passion in Lucia’s eyes made my breath catch in my throat.
As I looked at her, my conversation with Meaghan from the day before echoed in my head, and I deliberately reviewed the long list of things I liked about Lucia. She was smart. She was strong. She was an unbelievably hard worker, dedicated to her job. She had a wickedly sharp sense of humor. Her capacity for tenderness and caring was limitless as far as I’d been able to tell. She was compassionate and understanding. You couldn’t ask for anything more in one human being. I considered myself lucky.
I traced my thumb lightly over Lucia’s full lower lip. Perhaps I was overthinking the entire situation. In fact, maybe I was trying to talk myself into—or out of—something. Definitely not what I’d had in mind when I’d started my introspection.
I held Lucia’s scorching gaze as I slowly pushed myself to a standing position. One day soon, I’d have to stop fighting and really analyze what was happening between Lucia and me and where—if anywhere—our relationship was going. But not tonight. I’d done more than my share of thinking for one day. Tonight I just wanted to feel. More importantly, I wanted to make her feel.
Lucia watched me with a knowing smile. Returning it, I held out a hand and pulled her to her feet. We stood there, face-to-face, our lips scant inches apart, just staring into one another’s eyes. I allowed the fire between us to smolder for another moment or so before I turned and led her down the hall to her bedroom.
The light from the streetlamps filtered in through the window to paint the room in dimly lit shadows broken here and there by yellow swaths of illumination. My eyes raked hot trails down Lucia’s body, and when they made it back up to recapture hers, the desire there made my knees wobbly.
“Ryan.” Lucia’s voice was a whispering plea.
“Soon.” I cupped her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers, reveling in their softness, their taste.
A moan escaped her throat, and she parted her lips to allow me entry. I teased her with the tip of my tongue, first running it over her upper lip and then her lower, but I refused her blatant invitation and had even gone so far as to pull back with an admonishing “tsk” when I felt her tongue attempt to explore the depths of my own mouth. Lucia let out a groan, and an adorable frown wrinkled her brow.
“Ryan.” Her tone was complaining now, and she reached for me. I grabbed her by the wrists and stopped her before she could touch me.
“Not yet.”
Lucia whimpered, and her eyes fluttered as I placed a kiss in the palm of each of her hands. Her breathing was a touch ragged, and I smiled, intoxicated that I could have this effect on her. I hoped, as I always did, that I’d manage not to disappoint her somehow.
“Are you trying to kill me?” I think she wanted to sound sharp and irritated, but her tone spoke only of lust and longing.
I chuckled but didn’t justify her question with a verbal response. Instead, I took her hands and placed them around my neck, patting them decisively, my meaning clear. She was allowed to touch me, so long as she kept her hands there. Immediately she tangled her fingers through my hair, her grip rough and just this side of painful. I’ll admit that flipped some switches for me, but I was determined to remain focused on Lucia for the time being.
Satisfied that she intended to comply with my unspoken command, I shifted my attention to other areas of her body. If the look in her half-lidded eyes was any indication, I didn’t have much longer before her fragile control shattered. Idly I made a bet with myself about how much more she could stand and, after she finished enduring my torture, whether she just took what she wanted or begged. It was a fool’s wager. Either outcome would more than suffice.
Using the lightest touch, I ran the tips of my fingers back down her arms to her shoulders, delighting in her shiver. Her nipples stood out clearly through the fabric of her shirt, making my mouth water. I held my impulse to taste them in check and continued my teasing exploration, working my way slowly over her collarbones and down her chest to trace the contours of her breasts, deliberately avoiding those hardened peaks.
Lucia’s breathing came fast now, and she squirmed as if to force my touch where she wanted it. The desire on her face was one of the most captivating things I’d ever seen, and my heart swelled with the knowledge that I’d put it there. I wanted nothing more than to give her the pleasure she deserved.
For the briefest of instants, thoughts of Allison threatened to intrude and splinter the intimacy of the moment. I closed my eyes, took a deep, shaky breath, and willed them away. Lucia. This was all about Lucia. I opened my eyes again to see her looking at me. She smiled, and my heart fractured, leaving a pronounced ache in my chest.
“Are you going to do something with those?” Lucia’s teasing tone was slightly breathless, and I couldn’t help smiling back.
I cupped her breasts and ran my thumbs over the hardened tips of her nipples. Lucia moaned and arched her back, pressing herself into my hands. Her heart was pounding against the pads of my fingers, which kicked my own heart into overdrive.
“Tell me what you want,” I whispered roughly, nuzzling the inner curve of her breasts with my cheek. Even after all this time, I still couldn’t decide what turned me on more: her facial expressions, the little noises she made, or her spelling out for me how she wanted me to touch her.
“I want you inside me.” Her sure, immediate answer robbed me of the ability to think momentarily.
I lifted my head so I could look into her eyes. “Already?”
That small smile was still gracing her full lips. “Unless you want me to go off without you.”
I quickly took off her shirt and tossed it across the room. Her warm skin was smooth and inviting, and I wasted no more time on teasing. I bent to capture one pebbled nipple between my lips as I worked furiously on the button of her jeans. Impatient now, I moved to shove them down off her hips. I groaned in the back of my throat when I realized she wasn’t wearing any panties and nothing stood between m
e and the silky wet heat of her sex.
Lucia stepped out of her denims and allowed me to maneuver her onto the bed. The sight of her stretched out naked there stopped me. The need in her gaze held me captive. I couldn’t help myself. I stared.
“What?”
I blinked like someone waking from a dream and carefully lay down on the bed beside her. I reverently traced the contours of her cheek with my thumb and rested my other hand on the back of her neck. “You’re exquisite.”
Lucia looked shy for a beat before regaining her composure. “And you really are trying to kill me.”
I shook my head, allowing my hand to stray and sketch a light trail over her collarbone and down the center of her chest. “Never.”
I drew tiny circles on her abdomen before inching my way over to her hip. Lucia’s breath hitched as I caressed the crease at the top of her thigh, but I purposely avoided going any closer to her sex.
Lucia growled, her face a mask of tortured frustration. She grabbed my hand, and I relented, allowing her to force my touch to go where she needed it most. I smiled at her impatience and silently promised to pay up on the bet I’d just lost to myself.
I gasped at the silken heat that awaited me. My fingers easily slid through her folds, and I regained what little control I had over the situation by slowly exploring her length without entering her, which the insistent tilt of her hips told me she clearly wanted.
“You’re soaked,” I whispered. I closed my eyes, wanting to fully concentrate on the experience. I loved the feeling of her arousal coating my hand. Knowing she was this wet for me caused a new flood of moisture to collect between my own thighs.
When I looked up, Lucia had thrown her head back and closed her eyes. Her bottom lip was pinned between her teeth, and the tendons stood out on her neck. She nodded. “Been thinking about you all day.”
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