“Have you slept with anyone since me?”
“I haven’t even kissed anyone since you.”
He looks shell-shocked and happy. Then he’s lifting me over the center console, and I’m in his lap. I spot several curious gazes as people walk past the truck. “That makes me unbelievably happy.”
“Have you?” I whisper. I’m not sure I want to know. His answering scowl tells me everything. I look away.
“Baby.” He tilts my chin up with his finger. “I hadn’t kissed anyone in over a year until I got here. I didn’t even look at another girl. None of them were you.” That goes some way toward appeasing me. I urge him to continue with my eyes. “The first few weeks I was here, I scoured the campus looking for you. I had Kev search the student database for you, and when he told me you weren’t registered, I got depressed. Brett took me out that night, and when this girl came on to me, I let her comfort me, because I felt so empty inside, and I just needed to feel something, anything. I slept with her, but it was only that one time, and I regretted it straightaway. She was a bit clingy after that, and we kissed a couple times, but that was it. I swear. I wasn’t into it, and I would’ve ended it even if you hadn’t been at the frat that night.”
“You’re talking about that blonde girl?”
“Yeah. Shelby, but you don’t have to worry about her. I set her straight.”
“And she’s the only one you slept with all year?” I’m skeptical because that’s not Kal’s usual modus operandi.
“I swear it. After everything, after I lost you, I changed.” He pauses, and I sense he wants to say more. “Look, let’s talk more tonight.” He glances out the window. “You need to get to class.” He opens the door and slides out, holding me in his arms. Very gently, he places my feet on the ground and reaches in to retrieve my book bag. After depositing it on my shoulder, he hands me my takeout bag, and I smile. He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight, and I sigh, more content than I’ve felt in a long time. He kisses my cheek. “Have a good day, honeybun. I’ve got a late class today, so I can’t give you a ride home, but I’ll pick you up for our date. We’ll travel to the lake together.”
“Okay.”
He pulls my free hand to his mouth, kissing it. “I miss you already.”
His blue eyes twinkle with sincerity, and I practically melt into a puddle of goo by his feet. “I’ll miss you too.” I lean up, pecking his lips briefly, pulling back before he can latch on. “See you tonight.”
Bree and Maya are waiting at the top of the steps for me, and they grill me relentlessly the whole way to the auditorium, only letting up when the professor calls the class to order. At lunch, I try my best to answer their myriad of questions, but it’s difficult to define the status of my relationship with Kal. A horde of butterflies takes up residence in my chest, and I veer from heart-stopping excitement to stomach-churning anxiety as the day progresses. Tonight is all-important and never far from my mind.
I’m dismayed to find Chase waiting for me outside my last class of the day. I’d thought he would have read between the lines by now. I’ve consistently knocked him back, but he’s either too stupid or too stubborn to grasp my lack of interest. He seems like a nice guy, but there are obvious issues between him and Kal, and while I don’t want to string him along, I also don’t want to do anything to upset Kal. I know where my priorities lie, so it’s time to fix this.
“Hey, pretty lady,” he greets me. “Can I give you a ride home?”
“No thank you, Chase.” I peer earnestly into his face. “Can we talk for a minute?”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “You’re blowing me off?”
“I can’t hang out with you. It’s nothing personal, but I’d like it if you could stop texting me and stop turning up like this.”
His features harden. “This is because of Kennedy, isn’t it?”
“Yes, and no,” I truthfully reply.
He leans into my face, all serious like. “Do you know what he did? There’s a reason plenty of girls on this campus are wary of him.”
“What?” Crap like that makes me so mad.
“You don’t know?”
Okay, he doesn’t seem to know my true identity, and I’m not going to tell him, but I want to set the record straight. His animosity toward Kal makes sense now. “He didn’t do anything, Chase. He was wrongly accused and released without charge.”
“You can’t be that naïve,” he scoffs.
Now I’m getting irritated. “Don’t be an ass. Kal is innocent, and you shouldn’t be spreading malicious gossip about him—it’s not right.”
He barks out a laugh, and his face contorts unpleasantly. Tiny hairs lift on my arms, and, instinctively, I take a step back. “Or is it his money? Huh? He can do anything once he splashes the cash?” Anger ripples across his face.
“I don’t have to explain myself to you. Please, leave me alone, Chase. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
He schools his features into an impressive neutral line, stepping back. “Your loss, Lana. See you around.”
Yeah, not if I can help it.
He takes off and I release the breath I’d been holding.
Chapter Eighteen
Kalvin
I rap on Lana’s door, shuffling anxiously on my feet. Wiping my hands down the front of my jeans, I give myself a mental pep talk. Even with my limited dating experience, I’ve never been this nervous. All day, I’ve been on a countdown for tonight.
The door swings open, and Lana stands before me looking like a freaking angel. She’s wearing a pretty white sundress that stops just above the knees. A light blue cardigan covers her arms. Her hair is loose, tumbling down her back and her skin is radiant and glowing. Her welcoming smile is timid. “You look beautiful,” I tell her, stepping into the room, and she blushes.
“So do you.” A cocky retort hovers on my tongue, but I hold back. I’m determined to be a complete gent tonight.
“Hey, Kal.” Olivia pops her head around Lana. “Nice to see you again.”
“You too.” I can’t tear my eyes from Lana. I extend my hand. “Ready?”
“One sec.” She moves to the bed, hefting a wicker basket up.
“Give that here.” I take it from her before she can protest, lifting the lid and peeking in. My grin expands. “A picnic?”
“Yep. Just like old times.” She smiles and this time it meets her eyes. “Let’s get going before it turns dark.”
“Have a good time, kids,” Olivia drawls, her tone laden with sarcasm. “And don’t miss curfew!”
“Funny,” Lana says drolly, sticking her tongue out at her friend.
I keep a firm grip on her hand the whole way to my truck. Stowing the picnic basket in the back, I open her door, helping her into the passenger seat. She sits rather stiffly in her seat, with her hands knotted in her lap. “You nervous?” I ask, sliding into the driver side.
She nibbles on her lip. “A little.”
“Me too.” Her brows nudge up. “I haven’t been on many dates.”
“You haven’t?” I hear the skepticism in her tone, and I fully understand where it’s coming from.
The engine purrs to life, and I ease out onto the road. “Nope. I hooked up with girls at parties, but I rarely asked anyone out on a date. Most times it was only a one-time thing.”
She is quietly mulling that over, and I let her. “How come?” she asks a few minutes later.
“Let’s get to the lake and then I’ll tell you.” I have plenty of things I need to tell her tonight, and I won’t rush it.
We arrive about twenty minutes later, quickly securing a secluded spot away from the edge of the lake. Alligators have been known to inhabit these waters, and I’m not taking any chances. I spread a blanket out on the ground, under the shade of a large tree. Lana starts unpacking the picnic basket while I kick off my
sneakers and drop down beside her. Although the temps are definitely cooler at night, it’s still warm enough to sit outside without the need for a jacket.
“No way!” I exclaim when I spot the honeybuns. “Where did you get those?”
“I found a bakery in Gainesville that makes them from scratch. They aren’t quite as nice as Mom’s, but they’ll do.”
I watch in awe as she unloads all our favorite picnic foods, and I’m almost choking on the wedge of nostalgia in my throat. Memories surge to the forefront of my mind. “Remember that last summer in Nantucket, that time your mom packed a picnic for us for Surfside Beach?” The private strip of beach in front of my parent’s vacation property is decent, but my brothers and I enjoyed cycling to Surfside Beach to mingle with the crowds. That day, Lana and I had managed to sneak out by ourselves and Greta had surprised us with a basket packed full of yummy goodness.
“I do.” She smiles up at me. “That was the day my face got sunburned, and Mom threw a hissy fit when we got back.”
I remember that day for an entirely different reason. “You got a flat and I had to put you on my handlebars, and we rode home the rest of the way like that.”
“I remember. Fun times.” Her smile is whimsical.
“I think we almost crashed a few times because I was too busy staring at your ass to concentrate.”
Her eyes almost bug out of her head. “You were only thirteen!”
“Thirteen-year-olds still have eyes in their head, Lana. And I was horny as shit that summer,” I freely admit. I smirk as her mouth hangs open. She looks incredulous. Doesn’t she understand my feelings for her at all? “You were all I thought about that summer, Lana,” I add quietly. “All I dreamed about.”
She gulps, and there’s a bit of an awkward pause. “I loved those summers,” she admits a minute later, clearly avoiding acknowledging my declaration. Fine, we’ll do this her way. “I was devastated when I was no longer invited.”
“That was my fault.” I take a sip of the sweet pink lemonade.
Her head tips up. “I always wondered. I assumed it was because your mom saw us kissing and she didn’t like it.” She takes a small bite of her salad.
Twisting around on my side, I lean on one elbow, supporting my head with my hand. She mirrors my position, placing her salad aside. “I know I should’ve explained, but I didn’t know how to do that without hurting you.”
“I was so confused. I thought I must’ve been a terrible kisser for you to kiss me like that and then never mention it again.”
I gasp, genuinely horrified. “That’s what you thought?” She nods. Reaching out with my free hand, I rub my thumb across her lush mouth. “Lana, that kiss was the most memorable kiss of my life.” The look on her face tells me she doesn’t believe me. “You remember how weird I was that trip?” She nods again. “That’s because I was dying to kiss you the whole time, and I’d been trying to work up the courage to do it. To tell you I had all these feelings for you. I was a bit confused myself, but not about wanting to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you so much, but I was scared you didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“Really?”
I cup her face. “Yes, really. That last day, I kinda panicked, because we were going home and I still hadn’t done it, so, before I lost my nerve, I just pushed my way into your room and kissed you. Man, I can still remember how amazing it was.”
Her eyes turn dreamy, and she brings her fingers to her lips. “Me too,” she whispers.
“I thought I was going to explode in my pants.” Her face scrunches up in gentle laughter. “Oh, she laughs at my suffering,” I tease. “I had the worst case of blue balls that entire vacation.” She blushes again, and it’s unbelievably cute. “I love that you were my first kiss.”
Her jaw slackens. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, you were, and it was the best first kiss ever. That’s when I knew you were the girl for me.”
“What?” she splutters, her eyelashes fluttering incessantly.
I lean in, grazing her cheek with mine, needing to have her close. “Mom knew it too, and she wasn’t happy. She warned me to stay away from you. Told me she couldn’t invite you to come away with us anymore.”
“I figured as much,” Lana says in a breathy tone.
I move my face back, peering directly into her eyes. “I was furious with her, but there wasn’t anything I could say to change her mind. Besides, I was kinda freaked out by it. My feelings for you scared me. I was way too immature to deal with it, so I took the coward’s way out. I didn’t know how to tell you, and I didn’t want to hurt you, but I see now that my silence was worse.”
“I knew she didn’t want you to be with me. I understood that perfectly well.”
“Mom’s a snob, you know that, but it was never anything personal. She likes you.”
Lana’s smile is sad. “In her eyes, I’m just not good enough for you. I can’t say I disagree. All those years, I loved you, hoping you would love me back, but you were always out of my league. You were never going to love someone like me.”
I roll my eyes. “Lana, how have you stayed so clueless all this time?” Her smile falters a little, and I inwardly curse myself for my insensitivity. It doesn’t take a genius to work it out. “I’m sorry, I take that back. You see, I always thought you knew how I felt, that you understood my feelings for you.” I sit up, crossing my legs, pulling her up with me until we’re facing one another with our knees touching. My eyes eat her up. “Lana, it was always you. You were always the only one for me. All that other stuff I did was stuff I needed to get out of my system, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. None of those girls ever mattered. Why do you think I never had a girlfriend? Barely dated? I had no interest because I was saving all that for you. I didn’t want to declare myself until I knew I could commit to you exclusively. I thought you knew that, but I made a total mess of everything because I never leveled with you, and you deserved better. I toyed with your feelings, hurt you time and time again, and I’ll always hate myself for that.”
“I tried everything to get you to notice me, but you didn’t seem interested. And I thought you were ashamed of me. That’s why we always met in private. Why you never wanted me to come to any of the parties.”
“Fucking hell.” I want to punch and kick myself until I bleed. “Nothing could be further from the truth. Firstly, I loved spending that time with you alone. When it was just you and me, I could be myself. You know stuff about me no one else knows. You were always so easy to talk to. I didn’t want to share that with anyone else—I was selfish, and I wanted to keep you to myself, but I’ll admit I also wanted to hide it from Mom. She must have suspected where I went every day, but she never mentioned it.”
My fingers weave in and out of her hair as I talk, and her eyes open and close. “As for the parties, there were two reasons I didn’t want you there.” I hate to admit this, but there’s been enough lies and untruths between us. If we have any shot of a future, we need to be brutally honest with one another. “I didn’t want you to see me with other girls.” I wince, hating myself when I see the same familiar hurt and disappointment flaring in her eyes. “And I didn’t want other girls bullying you. I knew what they said about you behind your back. I knew how some of them used you to try and get to me, and I wanted to protect you from that.”
“You couldn’t protect me.” She shakes her head sadly. “It never went away.”
“What?” Every bone in my body locks up.
“Other girls took great enjoyment in telling me how they’d hooked up with you. Everyone knew I lived on the Kennedy estate, and it was obvious I cared about you. Some of the other girls were so cruel.”
“Shit, Lana. I’m so sorry. I was a total ass, but those days are behind me. I promise. I’m going to prove that you’re the one I love. That you’re the only one I want
. If you’ll just give me another chance.”
Her eyes are wet, and she’s staring at me as if I’ve just told her I have proof that Tupac is alive and well and living in some Godforsaken town in Wyoming. “You love me?” Her voice wavers.
“I’ve always loved you, even if I didn’t show it. I was an immature punk who couldn’t keep it in his pants, but my heart always belonged to you.”
“And now?” she whispers.
I pull her over into my lap. My arms lock tightly around her waist, and I get lost swimming in the depths of her intoxicating hazel eyes. That little amber fleck sparkles expectantly. Her entire body shakes against mine. “My heart still belongs to you. I belong to you. I love you, Lana, and I’m ready to give you the world if you still want that and me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Lana
I have dreamed of this moment for years, and I’m choked with emotion at his heartfelt words and fearful of what I need to say next. Before I tell him about Hewson, I need to ensure he knows the totality of what’s in my heart.
“Kal, I love you so much. There has never been anyone else for me. Whenever I imagined my future, it always revolved around you. I don’t want or need the world. All I’ve ever wanted, ever needed, is you.”
I palm his face, my heart brimming with love. “I can still remember the moment I knew I loved you. I was so young, but it didn’t matter. I still knew.” The images rebound in my mind, and I’m experiencing it as if it’s the first time. “It was that same day—the day we went to Surfside by ourselves. We were in the water, racing to shore.”
“I remember.” He grins. “I kicked your ass.”
He had won, not surprisingly. Even back then, his legs were twice the length of mine, and my determination was no match for his long, fluid strokes. I can still visualize him standing before me as I came out of the water, breathless and panting. It was a glorious day, the sun hot and heavy and the sand scorching underneath our feet. At the precise moment I looked up and locked eyes with Kal, the sun bathed him in a golden glow—illuminating his form like a full body halo, his skin glistening with beads of water, wet hair falling over his forehead, eyes shining and twinkling with amusement, and his grin wide.
Loving Kalvin (The Kennedy Boys Book 4) Page 15