I don’t want him to find out like this.
It’ll destroy him.
“I’ll drive you to the entrance.”
I vehemently shake my head. “You can’t. The road isn’t suitable for vehicles. I’ll make it on foot from here,” I lie.
He kills the engine and puts the truck in neutral. “I’ll walk with you.”
“No!” I yell, and he jumps a little.
“I’m not letting you walk out there on your own in the dark. It looks creepy as fucking hell,” he adds, his eyes narrowing as he surveys the woodland bordering the area.
I can scarcely breathe or think over the thrumming of blood in my ears. This can’t happen. “He has a shotgun!” I exclaim, facing him with panicked eyes. “My grandfather. He has a shotgun, and, he, ah, likes to hunt.”
“Okay?” Kal looks confused.
“He’ll shoot you!” I grip his arm. “I’m not allowed to date. Not even allowed to look at a boy,” I babble, desperately grasping at straws. “My grandmother is even stricter than Mom. If they see me approaching with you, they’ll freak. He’ll shoot you,” I repeat, curling my hand around the door handle. I lean over and kiss him quick. “Thanks for bringing me, but I need to go! I’ll text you later.”
I don’t give him time to raise other objections, jumping from the truck and sprinting away. Tears are cascading down my face. I reckon I’ve cried enough tears these last few weeks to fill my own damned lake. Pushing thoughts of Kal aside, I focus on my son, allowing my fear to propel my legs faster. When I reach the end of the road, rounding the bend toward our property, I skid to a halt. Mom’s car is emerging from the gate, the lights illuminating my form. She lowers the window. “We need to get to the hospital. Get in.” I open the back door, gasping at the sight of Hewson.
His hair is stuck to his forehead, and a heavy layer of sweat coats his entire face. His cheeks are flushed bright red, and he’s exercising his lungs like I’ve never heard before. Each high-pitched wail is like a dagger straight through the heart. I place my palm on his forehead, whimpering at how hot he is. “Shh, baby.” I caress his hot cheek. “It’s okay. I’m here. Mommy’s here now,” I say, climbing in the back seat alongside him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Kalvin
Something is seriously up with Lana. I’ve never seen such blatant panic on her face. Before I could protest, she hightailed it out of the truck. My concern for her safety overrode any wrath I might incur which is why I gave chase.
Why I’m standing now under the shadow of a large oak tree reeling at what I’ve just seen. What I just heard.
“Shh, baby. It’s okay. I’m here. Mommy’s here now.”
I stumble backward, lose my footing, and crash to the ground. My head spins, and I’m shivering all over. My legs feel like Jell-O.
Lana has a baby.
A freaking real-live baby.
I didn’t see it, but I heard its pitiful cries.
Lana has a baby.
Baby.
Baby.
Baby.
I think that baby could be mine.
My stomach churns, and I lean over, hurling up the remnants of our expensive dinner. I puke repeatedly, until there’s nothing left to expel. Wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt, I scramble to my feet. My legs are shaky as I stagger back along the uneven road in the dark. My mind is whirling at ninety miles an hour.
Is that my baby?
I keep asking myself different variations of the same question.
Is that baby mine?
A light bulb goes off in my head, and I slam to a halt, leaning against the nearest tree.
I know someone who knows.
Fissures of rage start building in my gut, tangling with the confusion and the shock as I pull myself up into the truck. Thrusting the truck in gear, I whirl around, wheels spinning, smoky dust clouds billowing, and head for the airport.
The plane touches down in Logan International Airport shortly after 9 a.m. Sunday morning. I didn’t sleep a wink on the flight. My mind is contemplating all kinds of thoughts. But it all comes down to one thing: Lana has a baby and she never told me.
Why?
Because it’s mine and she wants to hide it from me? Or she was too afraid to tell me because she knows keeping something like this a secret is unforgivable? There’s another alternative, but it’s too upsetting to even consider—that she lied about not sleeping with anyone else and the baby is some other dude’s.
Certain things click into place now—how she spends every weekend at home and the regular, nightly calls to her mother—it’s because of the baby.
If I’m right, and the baby is mine, it goes some way toward explaining her reticence this past week and her mini breakdown in my arms last night.
I think she was on the verge of telling me.
At least I hope she was.
I drag my weary ass off the plane and head outside to catch a cab. I bought new clothes in Orlando International Airport, ditching my rain-sodden puke-stained previous ones. I rinsed out my mouth and cleaned my teeth. Had a couple of stiff whiskeys in the VIP lounge, but even that hasn’t stopped the constant shaking of my hands. I think my body’s in as much shock as my mind.
Anger flows through my veins the nearer the cab gets to Harvard. Faye and Ky don’t share living space—he shares an apartment with his friend Brad, and she’s in one of the campus dorms—so I send a text to Kyler asking where he is. Most college students are still snoring in bed, but my brother is a creature of habit, and he’s fanatic about his early morning workouts, so, I’m not surprised to receive an immediate reply.
Ky: My place.
Me: Is Faye with u
Ky: Seriously, asshole?
Me: Don’t go anywhere
Ky: ??????
Ky: Kal?
My cell rings but I terminate Ky’s call. What I’ve come to say needs to be said face to face.
My fist pounds on his apartment door fifteen minutes later. It swings open and my brother stares at me for a second, silently stepping aside to let me in. He’s wearing jeans that are unbuttoned at the top, hanging slightly off his hips. His chest and feet are bare, his hair damp from a shower.
“You look like shit,” he says.
“Where’s Faye?” My eyes dart around the room.
“I’m here.” She yawns as she steps into the living room, rubbing sleepy eyes. Her hair is all messed up, and she’s still in her pajamas. Her nipples are poking out through the thin fabric of her top. “Kal!” My cousin’s face lights up at the sight of me.
“Babe,” Ky says, groaning unhappily. “Please put some clothes on.” She rolls her eyes, taking a step back.
“No!” I stalk toward her, gripping her elbow as I eyeball her. “Did you know? Have you known all this time and you’ve kept it from me? Is that really why you didn’t tell me about her?” My voice is getting louder and louder as anger ignites a flame inside me.
“I don’t understand, Kal. What do you mean? What’s going on?” Her expression is a mixture of confusion and anxiety.
My grip tightens involuntarily, and I narrow my eyes at her. “Don’t treat me like I’m a fucking idiot!” I roar as explosive emotion emits in a dangerous volley. “I didn’t come all this way so you could continue to fuck with me! I can’t believe you kept something like this from me! Just tell me, Goddammit. I have a right to know!”
I’m ripped off her with force, stumbling as I’m pushed aside. “Get your fucking hands off her, and stop shouting.” Ky glares at me as he steps in front of his girlfriend, shielding her with his body. “What the hell, bro? You need to calm the fuck down.”
I lean forward, placing my palms on my knees. My heart beats furiously in my chest. I’m panting as my breath hitches painfully in my throat. A mad fluttery sensation has invaded my chest, and a heavy
pressure weighs me down, like invisible hands are pushing and constricting my chest cavity. I suck air in and out in fast, exaggerated spurts, and it feels like I’m having a coronary. Or what I imagine one feels like. Black spots distort my vision, and I sway a little, reaching an arm out to balance myself. “Fuck.”
Faye darts out from behind her protector, planting herself in front of me. “This is something to do with Lana?” she guesses. Tentatively, she takes my hands in hers, helping me straighten up. “Breathe, Kal. In and out. Nice and slow.”
I do as she says, drawing in big gulps of air and willing my heart rate to slow the fuck down.
She rubs my back. “That’s it. Take your time.” Her head whips up, and she shares a concerned look with my older brother. “Can you fix him something to drink?” she asks, and he steps away.
She steers me over to the couch, gently pushing me down. Then she flops down beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist. It feels like her arms are the only things holding me together. I’m shaking all over.
Ky returns, resting his butt on the edge of the coffee table. He hands me a steaming hot mug. I wrap my hands around it as if on autopilot, but it does nothing to ward off the chills or the shaking that is racking my body from head to toe. I can’t stop trembling.
They exchange another worried expression.
Liquid spills out of the cup onto the hardwood floor as it rattles in my hand. Ky takes it from me, placing it on the table beside him. “Kal, you’re scaring the shit out of me. Please tell us what’s happened. Is Lana okay?”
“She … she …” My mouth tastes like sandpaper, and that nauseating feeling is back. I rest my head in my hands. Get a fucking grip, man!
Faye presses a kiss to my cheek. “We’ve got you. We’re here for you,” she says quietly. “Let us help.”
Drawing a deep breath, I lift my head and stare at my brother. “Lana has a baby.” His eyes startle, and Faye gasps.
“What?” The note of shock in her high-pitched tone tells me this is the first time she’s hearing this.
“You didn’t know.”
“No! She never mentioned a baby. She …” She clamps a hand over her mouth as she figures it out. Her eyes are out on stalks.
“It’s yours?” Ky asks, his shell-shocked expression meeting my hazy gaze. “Lana had your baby?”
“I don’t know. I think so but … I don’t know.”
Understanding dawns. “She doesn’t know you know,” he surmises.
I nod and then proceed to tell them everything that went down. Faye never leaves my side, rubbing my back in soothing gestures as I speak. Ky has a mask of indifference on his face as he listens intently to every word, but I know better than to believe it. My brother is an expert in disguising his true emotions, and he has always put others before himself.
We are all mute for a few minutes after I finish up, digesting everything.
“It’s got to be yours,” Faye says, cleaving a line through the invisible tension in the air. “I know it’s been almost a year since you’ve seen her but that stacks up,” she muses out loud.
I think back to that time we slept together, doing some calculations of my own. “Then she would’ve been pregnant during the trial, and she wasn’t.” I gulp. “It isn’t mine.” A strange emotion washes over me—one I can’t decipher.
“She must’ve gotten pregnant soon after the trial ended,” Ky deduces, his shoulders visibly relaxing.
“I hate to say this,” Faye interjects in a strong Irish accent. Her lyrical Irish brogue is most pronounced during times of high stress. “But it needs to be said. If Lana has a baby, I’m one hundred percent certain it’s yours,” she tells me. “Lana loves you, Kal, and she hated herself for what she did. There’s no way she went out after that trial, met some random bloke, and got herself knocked up. No fucking way.” She turns my face to hers. “When did you sleep with her?”
I reply automatically. I haven’t forgotten one detail about that night. “August sixteenth.”
We’re all quietly computing in our heads.
“You didn’t actually see the baby, you only heard it, right?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I croak, trying to speak over the block of raw emotion in my throat. I’m no expert, but the baby didn’t sound right, and Lana was frantic, and although I’m screwed up over this entire situation, I’m also worried that the baby is sick. If it’s mine and he or she is sick…
Faye nods her head repeatedly, and I try to refocus on the conversation. “Think back to the trial, Kal. Remember how she looked. She was pale, and she looked unwell. She was wearing an ill-fitting, loose skirt suit. She was pregnant. I’d bet money on it.”
We let that statement hover in the air. My eyes jump between my brother and my cousin.
“We can sit here speculating all day,” Ky says, “or you can get your ass back on that plane and go and talk to her.”
I stare off into space. My head is cluttered, and I can’t think straight. “What if it’s mine?”
Ky and Faye share some wordless communication. She subtly shakes her head at him. Leaning forward, he places his hands on my knees. “If it’s yours, Lana has a lot of explaining to do.”
I crash for a few hours, managing to get a bit of shut-eye. When I saunter into the kitchen, the most delicious smells infuse the air, and my stomach growls. I haven’t eaten a thing all day, and now I’m ravenous. At least this fucked-up situation isn’t messing with my appetite.
Faye turns around, approaching me with her arms out. I’m pulled into her hug whether I like it or not. “Did you manage to sleep?” She holds me at arm’s length, scrutinizing my face.
“Yeah. I conked the minute my head hit the pillow.”
She chuckles, releasing me to return to the stove. “Some things never change.” She removes a dish from the oven.
“I didn’t sleep at all last night,” I admit, leaning over to inhale the delicious smells of lasagna. My mouth waters in anticipation. “You made my favorite.”
“Yes. And I’ve garlic bread and tiramisu too.”
I rest my chin on her shoulder. “You’re spoiling me.”
She spins around, and there’s a heartfelt expression on her face. “I’m caring for you the best way I know how.”
“Thank you.” I’m embarrassed when my eyes grow moist. God, I’m a complete mess.
She takes my hand. “It’s going to be okay. No matter what, things will work out.”
“I’m not sure I share your optimism.”
“You need to give her a chance to explain.”
Further conversation is interrupted at the sound of voices in the hallway. Then Brad strolls into the kitchen, wearing a couple of days’ worth of stubble on his chin. His clothes are disheveled, his hair is sticking up in all directions, and he smells like a brewery. His cautious expression transforms into a smile when he sees me. He slaps me on the back. “Bro. I didn’t know you were visiting.”
“It was a spur of the moment thing.” I shove my hands in my jeans.
“Kal just discovered Lana has a baby,” Ky says from behind him. I’m not mad he’s admitted that. Brad has spent so much time in our house, I consider him my pseudo brother. “We think it’s his.”
“Da fuck?” Brad glances over his shoulder at Ky. “Are you fucking with me?”
Ky slides his arm around Faye’s waist from behind. “Nope.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “We’re trying to decide what to do.” Faye reaches an arm around, clasping the back of his neck as she angles her head to kiss him.
A pang of jealousy slaps me in the face, and Brad looks like someone just throat punched him. Guess I’m not the only envious one, except the emotion is coming from different places. “I don’t know what to say,” he tells me.
I shrug. “That makes two of us. I can’t wrap my head around this.”
> “What are you going to do?”
“Fucked if I know.”
I have a full belly when I say my goodbyes to my cousin and Brad a couple hours later. Brad has football practice, and Faye has to finish an assignment that’s due in the morning, so Ky is driving me to the airport on his own.
“How are the living arrangements working out?” I ask.
He sighs. “It’s up and down, man.” He glances quickly at me. “When it’s just him and me, things are okay, but when Faye is over, it’s another matter entirely. Brad either disappears or goes all moody.”
“He looked rough.”
Ky sighs again, switching lanes to take the next exit. “No one can accuse Brad of not throwing himself into the college lifestyle. It’s like he’s on a mission to win the title of ‘most laid’ on campus. He’s going through pussy like no one’s business. At least three times a week, I find some half-naked chick sneaking out of his room.”
“He’s trying to bang Faye out of his system,” I suggest.
Ky curses, and the SUV swerves. “Do you have to be so fucking insensitive?!”
I rub the back of my neck. “Sorry, just being honest. As someone who once screwed around in an effort to forget the only girl who mattered, I think I know where he’s coming from.”
“This is different,” Ky snaps, and I’m instantly guilty.
“I know it is. I’m sorry. I still think you and Faye should’ve moved in together. I can’t see how this is going to work out.”
He turns off for the airport. “I agree, but she wanted the full college experience. She wanted to live in the dorms and have a roommate, and I didn’t want her missing out on that. I also know how much guilt she’s harboring over coming between me and Brad, and I think she thought this’d be good for us.”
“But it’s not.”
Loving Kalvin (The Kennedy Boys Book 4) Page 20