An apple hurtles through the air and lands on Paul’s lap. ‘Great shot,’ he yells back.
Our bus stop is next. Samantha presses the bell. It jerks to a halt. ‘Bye,’ I say to the bus driver. He is usually a nice guy, except on the last day of term. I call out goodbye to the rest of the kids on the bus. I notice another apple fly through the air.
Anna, Samantha and I watch the bus struggle away down the road. We look at each other, then burst out laughing. I throw my bag in the air, do a flying jump and catch it. Samantha cheers. Anna cheers. Freedom for two weeks. YES.
Chapter 5
Bite Your Bum
Packing is two days of manic-panic. Samantha wants to take EVERYTHING in her room. Mum and Samantha have a big argument about it. Rob butts in, and they get mad at him. ‘It’s none of your business, Rob.’ Mum stamps her foot. Rob hardly ever gets upset, but he does this time. He exits into their bedroom and Mum ends up running after him. That means it is serious. My head throbs. I hate it when they argue. I stand outside their half-open door.
Rob is loud, for Rob anyway. ‘Am I part of this family?’
‘Yes, of course you are,’ Mum says.
‘Every time I say anything to the kids, you turn on me.’
‘I don’t mean it.’ I can hardly hear Mum. She mumbles something. ‘… sorry … sorry.’
‘You want me to be their father, or at least their step-father.’ He is quiet. ‘How can I be, if you don’t give me a chance? You want to control everything in the family.’
‘I don’t. Please, Rob. Give me, give us all a chance,’ Mum begs. ‘It’s hard making a new family. Give us time. This holiday,’ she stammers, ‘is important. The kids have got a lot to work out. All the kids, including Leo. I’m a bit scared.’ My head is pounding now. Leo? Why is Mum scared? ‘I just want everything to work.’ Mum is rubbing her eyes. Is she crying? What am I supposed to do? Should I go in? I hate it when Mum cries.
I take a deep breath and open the door a little more. What? Mum and Rob are hugging. The throbbing in my head sinks into a dull thud. I close the door.
After they come out, Mum and Rob are a bit quiet to each other for a while. Mum tries to smile as she walks past Rob. He nods at her, then turns to me. ‘Right, Jack. Let’s put on the roof racks.’
I walk with him to the garage. He takes out the racks and we work together, screwing them into place. ‘It’s going to be a great holiday, Jack.’ He tightens the bolts with a spanner. ‘It’ll be the whole family with Leo there.’
Leo? Family? I rub my hands down my shirt. They are sweaty. I have never asked Rob about Leo before, even when the photo of him just appeared on the coffee table. I want to ask him. I suck in air. ‘Hey, Rob.’
He keeps tightening the bolts. ‘What?’
I clear my brain, concentrate. Suddenly I feel nervous and stammer Rob’s name again. ‘Rob. Rob. Why did you never talk about Leo before?’ I take a breath. ‘Why did you leave Leo?’
Rob gives a final turn to the bolt. ‘That looks right now.’ He puts down the spanner, then puts his hand on my shoulder. ‘Let’s sit outside.’ I follow Rob to a grassy spot next to the back of the units. I slide onto the grass and lean against the wall. Rob slides next to me. ‘Okay, Jack.’ He is quiet. ‘You’ve got a right to know.’ He stops again. ‘Leo’s mother left me for someone else.’ He digs the heel of his shoe into the grass, making a hole. ‘That was tough. It was even tougher because of the Family Court. She took Leo.’ He rubs the stubble on his face. ‘Then she moved away up north, to Port Macquarie. It meant I couldn’t see Leo much.’ Rob looks at me. ‘Things are different now, though. I hope you are going to be friends.’ He pushes back the grass over the hole he made. ‘I miss him.’
This lump sticks in my throat. Leo is so lucky.
We walk back together. ‘Hey, where have you been?’ echoes down the stairwell. Samantha’s face peers over the railing.
‘Coming,’ Rob calls back.
‘Hurry up.’ Samantha’s face disappears.
There is last-minute packing still going on. Mum is a whirlwind. Luggage is stacked on the landing. Rob tells Samantha that there is no room in the car for her ballerina quilt, but she is allowed to take Floppy. Samantha begs to take her quilt. Mum disappears into the kitchen and says nothing and Samantha doesn’t pack it.
Eventually everyone is ready. Samantha is bringing her CD player and special ballerina pillow. Mum organises survival items like sunscreen, food, towels. Rob and Nanna don’t pack very much. Me neither, except for two secret things — my jar of fungus and a tin of orange paint.
I just couldn’t leave my fungus at home. It is getting to an interesting stage, turning a bright green with creamy blobs. The famous Australian scientist Howard Florey made penicillin from fungus. I could discover something important too.
The paint is a different thing. Christopher gave it to me. It was left over from the renovations of his parents’ Vietnamese bakery. I need it for Port Macquarie. More details later. By the way, Christopher is looking after Hector. I am going to miss my rat.
Roof is loaded. Samantha and Anna are already in the back of the car. Nanna is belted in. I sit in the middle row with an empty seat between Nanna and me. I hold Mum’s emergency food hamper on my lap. There are doughnuts from Christopher’s bakery (they always give us free doughnuts); ham and cheese wholemeal sandwiches (Mum is into her health kick again and white bread is never to cross our lips until the next time she forgets); apple juice and paper cups (Samantha is into recycling); peaches and strawberries (provided by the Napolis); and Nanna’s chocolate chip cookies (delicious).
Rob shouts, ‘Has everyone got their seat belts on?’ Samantha clicks in. The Napolis hover outside the car windows. They say they will call us on Rob’s mobile phone. (The spare parts warehouse gave it to him so they can phone him for emergencies. Rob is important.) Mrs Napoli is holding Puss. Her black fur shines in the sunlight. I wonder if Puss likes pizza. Anna blows a kiss. ‘Bye, Papa. Bye, Mamma.’ Mrs Napoli is wiping her eyes, and Mr Napoli has his arm around her.
We all wave and shout as we drive away. We look fantastic riding along in Rob’s silver four-wheel-drive off-the-road land cruiser. It is worth having Rob as our … dad? Step-father? No, I mean driver. He is Leo’s dad. I gulp this lump back down my throat.
I stare at the back of Rob’s head. His hair is shorter and pricklier than mine. He got it cut especially for the trip. When he arrived home with it, Mum said he looked like a golf ball that had landed in a pine needle forest. Everyone had a great time hassling Rob about golf balls. That reminds me. I haven’t hassled for a while. ‘How’s golf, Rob?’
Rob pretends to be angry and grumbles, ‘Right, Jack.’
Mum turns on the radio to the most boring station possible. ‘Music to relax to.’ Anna clenches her teeth. Samantha begs Mum to change the station. Luckily we eventually get out of the city and the radio doesn’t transmit properly. Mum has no choice. She has to turn it off. Relief.
Suddenly Mum starts talking about Leo. ‘It’ll be nice to have Leo with us.’ ‘More kids, more fun.’ ‘Leo plays basketball.’
Rob adds a few extra comments like, ‘Leo has an aquarium with tropical fish.’
I pretend to be interested. Well, I am interested in aquariums, but not in Leo’s. ‘Aquariums are great,’ I say. That should make Rob happy. Wish Rob would stop being such a try-hard.
Suddenly Nanna pipes up. ‘Jack likes fish.’ Oh no, not that fish story. I try to butt in but Nanna is determined. ‘When Jack was a baby he swallowed a tropical fish.’
‘Nanna, we don’t want to hear this.’ I turn to look at her. She doesn’t really see me. Her eyes are focused somewhere else. Nanna is on a search-and-destroy-Jack mission. She usually forgets everything, but not this.
‘We found the poor fish later. Jack pooped it out in his nappy.’ Everyone is laughing. ‘The fish was green. It was right next to his little pee-pee.’
I hate Nanna. There are splutters fr
om everywhere. I have begged and begged Nanna dozens of times not to tell that story, but she still does. I can’t take the laughing, especially Anna’s. I shove a tape over Mum’s shoulder. Any music is fine. I am not talking to anyone. I want to kill Nanna. The music is playing at last. There are more giggles. Of course, Nanna is already closing her eyes. She must be really exhausted after humiliating me in front of everyone. I hate Nanna.
We’re out of the city now. We speed between eucalyptus forests. There are lots of fish and pee-pee comments. I refuse to say a word. The laughing eventually stops. I stare out of the window. Everything is green at first, but it changes. There were fires last month. Huge tracts of bush are burnt orange. Mum points out the black matchstick trees. I ignore her and press my chin into my arm. There is no undergrowth any more, just dirt and tree stumps like skeletons. Wasted land spreads out as far as you can see. Mum and Rob are talking about the bush fires. I remember the news flashes on TV. Wildlife park officers were holding these small scared possums. Their paws and noses were burnt. I overhear Anna say that she hopes the kangaroos raced faster than the flames. I do too.
Australia burns sometimes. When it is too dry and hot and there is that wild wind, the eucalyptus trees suddenly erupt into flames. The fires this time were bad. Firefighters were burnt. Half the fires were deliberately lit. I don’t get why people do that.
Rob stops at a highway rest area surrounded by burnt trees. We stretch our legs, have a drink. I stand against a black stump for a while, still trying to calm down about Nanna and the fish story. Nanna is stuck in the car. It’s too hard for her to get in and out for just a short stop. She notices me and blows a kiss. She does it three times until I guess I have to forgive her. As I get back into the car, I whisper, ‘Nanna, PLEASE don’t tell the fish story again.’
She looks surprised. ‘Of course not, Jack. Not if you don’t want me to.’
I sigh. Nanna will forget that promise. The dumb fish story is stuck in her brain forever.
We are off again. Taped music is on. It’s not too bad, even though Samantha chose it. Anna and Samantha start to sing along with the music. Luckily Mum doesn’t know the song, and it is pretty good for a while. Then something awful happens. Mum starts la-la-ing in time with the guitars. Anna raises her eyebrows and looks at me for help. I have to do something. What will I do? What? It comes to me in a brilliant flash of genius.
‘Mum, let’s do limericks.’ Mum loves limericks. Her la-la-ing stops. She switches off the tape.
Anna and Samantha yell out together, ‘YES.’
I have been working on this limerick ever since I thought of the Anna–Nanna rhyme. It is a good moment to present my masterpiece.
There was once a grandma called Nanna
Who was eating cookies with Anna.
They sat on the floor
And ate twenty-four
But Nanna told Anna, ‘We need more.’
Anna hits my arm, but she is giggling, so I know it is a friendly hit. That’s good. Nanna chuckles, nearly tottering over. Luckily she has a seat belt on.
Mum’s hair is frizzling. She has an idea. ‘I’ve got a limerick. I’ve got one.’ Mum’s brain is hot now.
‘Limerick,’ she splutters, and shakes her hands in the air.
I have a crazy family called Trouble
They fall into one disaster or other
Until they meet Rob
With his hair cut like a log
Who drives them all safely on holidays.
‘That is pathetic, Mum.’ There are moans and groans from the back seats. Rob of course thinks it is an excellent limerick. He is kidding, but I’ve started something. Limerick fever. Even Rob makes up one about three blind mice without tails eating cheese.
‘That is dumb, dumb, dumb, Rob,’ I tell him. The limericks get stupider and stupider until everyone laughs for no reason. When I call out, ‘Limerick about fats-wobble’, we collapse into a heap, except for Rob of course. He is driving.
‘Got to do a wee,’ Samantha squeals. ‘Urgent.’
‘Hold on.’ Rob swerves into a dirt clearing, then grinds to a halt. ‘Good timing, Samantha. This is our lunch stop.’ Limerick fever ends. Lunch. ‘O’Sullivan’s Rest. Interesting spot here,’ Rob says. I look around as I get out of the car. There are huge eucalyptus trees, bush trails into the wilderness, wooden picnic tables and benches, and a track winding towards the toilets. The bush fires didn’t get to this spot. Rob is telling the girls a few things about O’Sullivan’s Rest. ‘I brought Leo here once.’
Leo? That is it. I’m not interested.
‘Got to get my camera. Left it in the car.’ I look back as I head for the car. Samantha is hugging Rob, even though she says she is desperate for a wee. She can’t be that desperate. Samantha lets go of Rob, then puts her arm through Anna’s and they set off for the bush track toilets.
‘I’m back,’ I announce, and snap a photo of Nanna and Mum.
Rob is leaning against the wooden picnic table stretching his legs. ‘I needed a break.’ He winks at me. ‘After all those limericks.’ He rubs his chin. ‘Especially the “great” limerick about Nanna and Anna.’ He is laughing at me.
‘What about your stupid limerick about the mouse? It was like old cheese. Stinky!’
Rob laughs again. I got him on that one. He always makes fun of me. I look at Mum. She is talking to Nanna and didn’t even hear him. Rob NEVER makes fun of me in front of Mum. He’s tricky like that. I’d argue some more, but I have to go to the toilet too.
The girls are already back. Anna races towards us with her licorice curls bouncing. Samantha follows with her caramel pigtails flapping. Joke, joke. ‘You both look like lollies.’
‘What are you talking about, Jack?’ Samantha snubs her nose at me. I hate it when she does that.
I was going to explain my joke but I am bursting. ‘Are the toilets okay?’
‘They’re clean.’ Anna smiles.
Samantha is giggling. ‘They’re cans, Jack. Better watch out for the spiders. Could bite your bum.’
‘Funny, funny.’ I race towards the toilets. I notice movement up the trunks of some of the trees, but I am in a hurry. Samantha is right. They are cans. Don’t feel like peeing in a toilet where there are lots of other pees and poos. No one is looking. I do a whizz behind the toilets on a tree. That’s when I see it. A huge reptile with a long thick tail and a head like a snake. It must be nearly two metres long. I stop dead still. Then I notice two others clawed on to a tree trunk. My breathing is pretty heavy now. Then I see a tongue-flicking scaly monster crawling towards me. That is my cue to run fast.
Anna sees me coming and waves. She has no idea. There is an invasion. They are everywhere. I am shouting, pointing back. ‘Look, look.’ Gasping, I clutch on to the picnic table. ‘Stop,’ pant, ‘look,’ pant. We are trapped in some dinosaur time warp. I’ve got to save everyone. ‘Do you see them? Do you? We’ve got to run. Run …’ My voice panics into screeching.
‘Don’t scream, Jack.’ Samantha is too stupid to see danger. ‘They panic easily. You’ll scare them.’
‘They’ve been known to climb people if you give them a fright.’ Mum winks at Samantha.
‘And they have sharp claws. To grab on to the trees.’ Samantha winks back at her.
What are they talking about? Claws? What’s wrong with everyone?
‘Rob told me that they have two penises as well.’ Samantha shakes her head. ‘That’s amazing, don’t you think? It’s like a spare in case one doesn’t work.’
Penises? Have they lost their brains? Danger. Reptiles. Dinosaurs. Nanna will be too slow to escape. I look at Mum, then Anna, then Samantha. They are smiling. A huge dinosaur is rocking towards our picnic table. No one is moving. I am starting to think this is a set-up.
‘They like small rodents. You’re too big for them, Jack,’ Rob says, looking serious.
What?
Everyone bursts out laughing, even Nanna. It IS a set-up.
They’re all do
ubled over. ‘GOANNAS.’
Big stupid lizards. Everyone knows goannas don’t hurt you.
Chapter 6
Orange Paint
Two hours in the car before we reach Port Macquarie. Two hours listening to Mum’s music (she has found a 1980s radio station). Two hours of goanna jokes (every fifteen minutes). One hour of Nanna snoring (she’s fallen asleep). Half an hour of Samantha whingeing, ‘How long until we get there?’ The only consolation is Anna. ‘Don’t worry about the goannas. You didn’t know. I thought you were brave coming to save us.’ A tingle whooshes down my back.
Finally Mum switches off the radio. She turns around to look at us in the back seat. ‘Nearly at Port. We’ll be collecting Leo soon.’ She rests her hand on Rob’s shoulder. ‘It’s going to feel strange at first. Leo doesn’t know you and you don’t know him. There are three of you, so it’s up to you kids to make Leo feel at home.’ Mum is blushing. My head feels funny. Everything will be different. I just know it.
‘I thought we were picking Leo up tomorrow, Mum.’
‘Didn’t I tell you? I thought I did.’ Mum rubs her hands through her blonde fuzz. ‘Sorry, darling. Sorry.’
‘Mum,’ I groan. She knows she isn’t allowed to call me Darling.
‘Sorry, darling. No, I don’t mean darling. Jack.’ Mum is acting weird. ‘We’ll be collecting Leo soon. It’ll be great.’ Mum is really blushing now. ‘Yes, great.’
Great? Mum is repeating herself. I don’t like it. My head hurts.
‘There are four of you kids now.’ Rob coughs. ‘Leo could feel like an outsider. It’d be great if you could make him welcome.’
Great, great, great. I press my hands down on my head to stop it bursting. I look out of the window. As we drive into Port Macquarie I squint, trying to make out the port. There it is. Deep-sea fishing boats are moored behind the seawall. I squint harder. Then I see them. Boulders, thousands of them wedged together to stop the sea from crashing into the inlet. I turn around and give Samantha and Anna a sly look. I am heading out there today.
Super Jack Page 4