by Peiri Ann
“No.” The man shook his head. “I’m a widower.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said.
“No, we lived seltsam, uh… extraordinary leben zusammen… life together.” He smiled, going on in a mixture of German and English. “Herrlich… aww, so beautiful, and sie parted in peace. Make well of your time together. It is… unbekannt, unknown when the other will… eh, depart.”
I grew uncomfortable. He was bringing those fears I had pushed away back to the forefront.
Kyle grabbed my hand. “That is exactly what I try to tell her.”
“No, you don’t. I tell you that.”
“Spirit, I’m trying to get that point across to you. That’s why I asked you to stay at home. I can’t protect you here.”
“I don’t need your protection, Kyle. I don’t. I can take care of myself.”
He rolled his deep green eyes. “Whatever. I have a job to do. You go right ahead and protect yourself.” He let go of my hand and sat back in his seat. “I’m out here for you, took this assignment for you because no matter where you are in the world you’re in the same situation. So I get you safe in one area just so you can come to another area and get yourself killed. What the fuck am I doing here if you aren’t even going to try and help me? I should say fuck it and go home.”
“I never asked—”
“You didn’t have to ask. I’m doing it because I care. The least you can do is be appreciative, help me out a little bit while I’m trying to take care of you, by taking on this assignment.”
“You didn’t have to take on this assignment and you aren’t only doing it for me. So stop guilt-tripping me. You’re doing it for your family and I just so happen to benefit from it too. You don’t have to look out for me. You took it upon yourself. So if you regret it so much, don’t worry about me while I’m here. Do your job.”
“Spirit, I may not only be doing it for you, but I’m still doing it for you. And here you go again, not caring about anyone but yourself. This isn’t just about you anymore. We are in this now. But you don’t care that if something were to happen to you, it would affect me; you don’t care how I’d hurt. Or no, it’s selfish of me to not want to live without you, right? Every time I do something for you or am trying to help, you do this. You make me regret it.”
He couldn’t have meant that. I stared at him and he looked away from me, out the window. Distressed, I said, “Whatever. I’ll see you back home.”
“If you make it back home,” he mumbled.
“That is a jerk’s remark, Kyle.”
“Whatever.” He stood and walked away from me, going to another train car.
I rolled my eyes, throwing my head back onto the seat. Just then I realized the helpful old man was staring at me. I turned to him and apologized. “Excuse us. Es tut mir leid.”
He opened his newspaper. “It is okay. I recall augenblicklich… hmm, excuse, I mix words… English, German.” I shook my head with a small smile, letting him know it was okay. “When Hellen and I first married”—he pointed to his ring finger, still wearing his wedding band—“we had our confrontation… arguments. She would say I was stubborn and I say to her sie was hinreißend… so lovely.” I chuckled. “You must recall what is most…” he thought about the word and slowly said, “…important. To love or to live,” he concluded, pulling the newspaper up so I could no longer see his face.
What’s most important… What was important for Kyle and me? Staying alive? Each other? His job? My job? I was here to look out for him. Why was I looking out for him? Kyle was an adult. He didn’t need me to look out for him. He had been taking on assignments for years before I entered his life. He didn’t need me. I was here because I wanted to be. Because I wanted to make sure he was okay. And because of me, I was making it so that he wasn’t. Worsening his situation, and maybe about to bust him. Maybe messing up his assignment.
Janet and I were supposed to be here in secret. If he hadn’t known I was here, it would have been fine.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Only a few selected people had my new number. It was an unmarked phone so that no one could find me. It had to be Kyle.
Kyle: I bought you and Janet a ticket so you can go home. I can’t get into this with you right now, Spirit. On the next stop, I’d appreciate it if you’d get off this train, catch a cab back to the hotel, grab Janet, and leave. Please.
Me: Okay, Kyle. I’ll also get my stuff from your apartment and exit your life.
Kyle: I’m not asking you to do that. I don’t want you to do that.
Me: I want to.
Kyle: Val, seriously. You don’t need to go that far. I’ll talk to you when I get home. Be there when I get home. You just can’t be here. Can I finish this up and we pick it up from where we were before I left?
Me: This will never be over for me. So no. I don’t want to make you feel like you need to help or protect me. Or put you in any danger for doing so.
Kyle: Val…
Me: Stop.
The train slowed as it came up to the next stop. I expected Kyle to come back, but he didn’t. I stood.
“It was nice talking to you, young lady,” the kind old man said.
“You as well.”
He extended his hand to shake mine. I met him. Something hard and rectangular shaped moved between our hands. I discreetly took it, and we dropped our hands. The newspaper went back in the man’s face and I exited the train when the doors opened.
“Janet, wake up,” I said, walking through our hotel room’s door.
“I’m awake. Just lying here.”
“Where’s the laptop?”
“In the bigger bag. What happened? Where’d you go? Where’s Kyle?”
“Kyle’s pissed because we’re here. We got followed and shot at while we were out. He bought us a plane ticket to go home today.” I pulled the laptop from our larger bag. “I don’t know where he is. He left me in a train car and never came back. This old man on the train passed me this.” I showed Janet the black flash drive the old man had passed to me. “I want to see what’s on it.”
Janet jumped off the bed and came over to me where I was sitting on the couch. “Did you know him?”
“Of course not. We were talking to him on the train before Kyle walked away all mad and what not. He passed it to me as I was leaving.”
“Then he might know you.”
I shrugged, pushing the flash drive into the laptop. The computer chirped, accepting the drive. A dialogue box popped up and I clicked to open all contained files. Box after box opened on the screen.
“Why was Kyle mad?”
“Because I’m here and he asked me not to come.” Everything was in code. Numbers and letters filled all the boxes, reminding me of The Matrix. “We need someone to crack this.”
“Let me see.” I pushed the laptop onto her lap. She looked it over, minimizing and maximizing different windows. She tried control, alt and coding to unscramble and crack the code. “Nothing is working.” She pulled her phone and found the number she was looking for. “Hey, Reagan.” Reagan spoke on the other end and Janet rolled her eyes. “Look, hack into this computer and try to crack this code.” Reagan said something. “Okay,” Janet said and pulled numbers and codes from the computer info. She read it to Reagan.
Within the next second another dialogue box opened and Reagan was controlling the computer from wherever she was in the world.
“What is it?” Janet asked. Reagan took a while to respond. “You can’t crack it?” Janet waited while a text box popped up on the computer. Dots appeared in the text box as Reagan typed.
DENIED ACCESS appeared across the box.
Janet asked, “Kyle would be able to crack it, you think?” Reagan responded. “I knew it. Thanks, talk to you later.”
“No luck?” I asked as Janet put the phone down.
“No. It’s too advanced. I wonder why the man gave it to you.”
“Who knows? Maybe he was just trying to get it off of him. Passed it on for
it to be passed on again, in hopes the right person will find it, crack it, and expose some crazy world secret.”
“Or maybe he knows you, and you don’t know he knows you, and he’s trying to tell you something that can help in something else because that’s what you agency assassins do.”
I shook my head, pulling out my phone. An e-mail came through from the airline with Janet’s and my tickets. I showed it to Janet.
“We aren’t leaving.”
“I know.”
I left Janet and went into the bathroom. I stared in the mirror, breaking the fabricated image I’d put up. I had made sure I looked like I wasn’t affected by Kyle, him walking off and telling me to leave, but I was. And I was incredibly pissed he didn’t come after me.
He texted me and I sat on the counter and stared at his repeated texts of my name, then a request to confirm I was alive, then his threat to send Nixon to check on me.
I was happy and sad with Kyle. I still couldn’t find myself, but with him… it was okay because whatever he saw in me made me feel better. And I made him happy. I don’t know how, but we balanced each other out. That made it all worth it. I texted him back, not able to ignore him any longer.
Me: I’m alive.
Kyle: Thank you.
Kyle: I’m sorry.
Kyle: Stay.
Kyle: Stay here. I’m sorry. Don’t leave. I don’t want you to leave with us mad at each other. I want you to stay. I didn’t mean what I said, I’m sorry I walked off. Forgive me. I watched you until you got in the cab. We’ll meet up later. Go for dinner. Say yes.
Me: Kyle.
Kyle: Why do you do that?
Me: You love me?
Time ticked past as I waited for him to text me back. I asked because I wanted him to. And if we did die out here, at least I’d know it wasn’t for nothing. I wanted to save him because I loved him and he wanted to save me because he loved me.
The phone buzzed and I hesitated before reading the text.
Kyle: Can we talk later tonight? When Nixon and I get back.
I didn’t respond. I jumped down from the counter and went back into the room with Janet.
“Hey, so a call just came through to Nixon’s phone telling him to be ready in three hours. They’re heading out for a new drop.”
“Okay.” I sat back on the couch and clicked on the television. I was feeling all types of wrong.
“Where are we headed?”
“We’re supposed to be scoping out a drop near a loading dock.”
“Trains or ships?” I asked Nixon.
“It’s near the water.”
“Humans or drugs?”
“Not all the way sure. We’re supposed to report what we see,” he responded, starting up the car.
I couldn’t stay focused. I was thinking about Spirit, Spirit, and Spirit. I should’ve been thinking about what we were supposed to be looking out for at the drop, how my mom was doing, what Purcell was really up to, whether they and Nixon were setting me up, where the hell Anna was. But I wasn’t. I was thinking about what I was going to tell Spirit later. Would I tell her I loved her, would I tell her I needed more time, would I tell her half the truth that I almost loved her…? But did I love her? Did I want to love her? Mom said I loved her and knowing me, I did, I was just in serious denial. I wasn’t ready to love her. I wasn’t ready to be hurt and I seriously thought that was coming.
“Shit,” I said, stomping my foot.
“Life’s got you down, lil bro.”
“Nixon, I’ve asked you not to refer to me as your brother. We’re not family, we aren’t friends. We’re partners, and that’s still too close. I’m comfortable sitting next to you without communicating.”
“Kyle, let’s not be children.”
“You’ve covered that for me.”
“We’re almost there. GPS says another two miles. You ready?”
There was nothing for us to be ready for. We were just watching. The only thing we needed to do was make sure we weren’t seen. “Yes.” I don’t want to be here.
We posted ourselves in an abandoned building near the dock. Nixon had the telescope facing the window and I sat down with my back against a post placed in the middle of the floor.
“There’s about four of them standing around talking,” he said. “You ever seen Melor? I don’t think he’s out here.”
“It’s rare the top dog comes to a drop unless it’s a big drop, and this doesn’t seem like a big drop.”
“How would you know? You haven’t stood up since you sat and that was when we walked in here. I’ve been doing everything by myself. You don’t know what’s going on.”
I leaned my head against the post, still waiting on Spirit to text me back… six hours later. “I know what’s going on, it’s always the same scene. One black car pulled up and waited for another black car to pull up. Both cars sat before two men from one car decided to get out, then the other from the other car got out. They approached each other without talking, stared each other down. The men from the first black car had a suitcase that they passed over to one of the other men, maybe the shorter one because the taller one is more there as protection. They took the suitcase and pointed off toward the water. In the water is a little rowboat with no one in it. Yet, no one saw the boat a second ago, and the two men who passed over the suitcase looked at each other for a split second before nodding to the other men. One of those men is now going to look behind him.” Nixon looked back out the window through the telescope. “Bet you didn’t see the guy standing off by the back door of the first black car that pulled up. He’s pulling a phone from his pocket, making a call. Everyone is going to stand around for a second trying to look cool, like they have it under control. But the guys from the second car have no idea what’s going on, just like you don’t. Watch the water.”
“Nothing is happening in the water, just the boat.”
“Watch carefully. If you take your eyes away, you’re going to miss it.”
He stayed hunched over, looking through the telescope. Fifteen minutes later he blurted, “Shit. How’d you know that?”
“Like I said, same scene. Someone in a scuba suit just popped out of the water. He looked on the boat, gave the people on the dock a thumbs up, and started pushing the boat. Stop watching him and go back to the men on the dock. Silencer—pop, pop, pop. The two men from the second car are dead, and there’s a bullet hole in the driver’s side of the front windshield. The man who originally passed the suitcase to the other men is bending over to pick it up. But the money in it is fake anyway. The third man that was waiting by the back door is going to roll the bodies in the water, get in their car and drive off. He is going to drive off before the other two move. If you do not want to get caught or shot, I suggest you move away from—”
Nixon dropped to the ground just as a bullet exploded through the glass.
“Too late.”
“Shit.” He crawled along the ground over to me. “You think they saw me?”
“You think if they didn’t see you, they would be shooting at a window of an abandoned building? Let’s go before they get a launcher and we’re really fucked. I’d hate to die next to you.”
We ran from the top floor of the building down flights of stairs. We needed to get out of here before they sent their people in after us. As we hit the door to head outside, it was opening. I pulled the door back and slammed it into the black-suited man. I heard his nose crack and I yanked the door back open and jabbed my fist in his face. He fell back and I drew my gun ready to shoot anyone who was approaching.
Nixon was on my heels as we ran from the building.
A car came flying around a corner. We had parked a couple miles away, but we didn’t want to lead them to the car, or get in the car and have them follow us. We ran down past another building in the opposite direction the car was parked.
The car stayed behind us, on our heels.
“Get them off us, Kyle.”
“You get them off us.
Aren’t you running like I am, don’t you have a gun like I do?” I asked with jagged breaths.
“My aim’s off.”
Son of a bitch. I shot a glance over my shoulder to see how far the car was away from us. “We need to pick up speed, they’re too close.”
“You’re talking about outrunning a car. On foot.”
“Duh.”
He shook his head. “I forgot how reckless you are.”
I ran faster, needing to get some distance so I could shoot at the car. I looked back over my shoulder and aimed at the windshield. Shit was bulletproof, bullets popping off like rubber balls. I shot again, off my aim, hitting the headlight, which broke. That meant only the windshield was bulletproof so I aimed at the tires, trying to watch in front of me, watch them to make sure if they started shooting at us I could dodge, and watch their tires so I could aim and shoot at them.
“What’s taking you so long, Kyle!”
I ignored Nixon, trying to focus. I fired four times, hit two tires. The car skidded to a stop.
Just as I was slowing down, the men got out of their car, guns aimed.
“Shit, Nixon, separate. Meet at the car in ten minutes.”
Nixon and I ran in separate directions as I heard bullets hitting metal and brick around us. I ran off to my right, in a goddamn open street. No building to block me, nothing to hide behind, only a wide-open street.
I took a chance and glanced over my shoulder at the man in the black suit. The hand he held his gun in fell to his side. I took a few more steps, slowing down. The man quickly looked behind him, then nodded to me once, turned, and ran off.
“What the hell…?”
I didn’t waste more time. I ran in the direction I knew we had parked the car.
I got in the driver’s seat and waited on Nixon. My phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me. I was on edge. I pulled it out, calming down.
Rick: Thank me later.
Me: GET THE SHIT OUT OF HERE!
Rick: You’re welcome.
I was surprised. Surprise wasn’t the right word to use. I was stumped. I don’t even think that word covered my feelings. I was awed, drown completely speechless.