“I told him about the Custer job you were talking to Mom about yesterday. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help overhearing. He’s set up for that type of work, so, I thought, maybe it’d be a great way to help someone else out.” She squeezed her mouth into a did-I-do-something-that-might-upset-you-please-don’t-be-mad pucker.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I never thought of him. His dad, sure, but I still see that boy as a young kid. Same way I see you.” He glanced at her then back at the empty yard.
They fell into silence. She didn’t know what to say after that. She couldn’t say, ‘hey, Dad, I’m still a kid and I want to work now.’ At the same time, she had to speak up, say something. She wanted to have value for the family. Otherwise she lived a parasitic life by eating and living off Mom and Dad when they could barely afford to feed themselves.
Dad cleared his throat. “I’m going to go out of town for about a month. Your mom has been cleaning houses in Colby, but her sister needs some help in Missoula for a week or more. We’ve been hounding you so much lately and with your latest visit to the hospital…” He looked at the ground, twisting a long blade of grass between his fingers.
After another moment, he met her gaze. “We didn’t send Drake away because of his behavior. We can’t afford two kids. Not right now. Uncle Will can handle boys and I didn’t want to burden him with your health issues.”
She’d always thought of herself as a burden, but to have her dad describe her with that exact word… well, her shoulders slumped. She worked at managing the cold pit forming in her stomach.
“I don’t want you to be alone that long and since we don’t have any animals to watch, we can turn off the power and the water and save some money there.” He tossed the grass into the dirt at his feet, heaving a sigh.
“I don’t want to leave, Dad.” She wasn’t comfortable away from home, as a tagalong to her parents. The last thing she wanted was to go to her Aunt May’s house and listen to all the healthy supplements she should be taking to get rid of the cancer. All the supplements she’d already had forced down her throat when she was younger.
“Well, I’m not letting you be alone that long.” Dad stood, his jaw set. “I think your mother wanted to leave before the weekend. She has one more house to do tomorrow and then you can go the next day.” He stooped and patted her shoulder awkwardly. He’d never been easy to be around, but when financial issues came up, he grew even more uncomfortable around his children.
“Why do you need to go? Can’t you stay here and find work?” Emma stood, too. She didn’t understand all the traveling or the running around. She needed stability, lacked it something fierce because of her constant stays in hospitals and clinics.
Dad half-turned. “I either go for this job or we file for bankruptcy. I’m not doing that again.” He pushed open the chipped door and closed the thin panel behind him.
She had one day to get ready to leave? Mom would be gone a week or more, knowing Aunt May.
Emma didn’t want to go inside. She didn’t want to face her parents right then. Was it too soon to go back and visit Nate? He said he was busy today. No, she couldn’t run to Nate until she’d told her parents she had a job with him.
Forcing herself to follow her dad inside, Emma stiffened her shoulders. She could do it. She had to.
Inside she searched out her parents. Her mother rocked back and forth in a squeaky chair she’d had as long as Emma could remember. Her father sat nearby moving his hands as he spoke in low tones.
Emma chewed on her inner cheek. “Um, Mom, Dad? Can I talk to you?”
“We already discussed it, Emma, it’s final.” Dad stared up at her, his eyes unyielding.
She lifted her chin. “No, it’s not final until you hear my side.” She swallowed at the hard glint in his narrowed eyes. “What I was trying to tell you outside was that Nate Rourke wants to get that blacksmithing job and he wants to pay me to nanny his younger sister. I’ll be feeding the chickens and the other small animals and helping around the house, but mostly be there as company for Hannah.” She tightened her hands at her sides but didn’t falter. “I already accepted the job, so I can’t just leave.”
Her dad leaned back and watched her, a finger resting alongside his cheek. “You mean, you went and found a job after I told you no?”
“I’m twenty-one. You can’t tell me no anymore. I can take a job to help this family.” The situation was escalating into a situation she hadn’t planned on, but she couldn’t back down. They sent Drake away because they couldn’t afford him.
Well, Emma was going to be able to afford herself so she wouldn’t burden anyone anymore.
He cocked his head, waving his hand at his wife when she moved to speak. “You think I can’t tell you no when you live in my house? You may be twenty-one, but you still live under my roof. I still provide for you.”
Barely. But she didn’t voice her thoughts. Where had her anger come from? She wasn’t normally an angry person, but right then she wanted to scream and rage all over the place. She held her control tight around her like a blanket. “What are you saying, Dad? If I want to be treated like an adult, I can’t live here?”
Her mom gasped, grabbing onto her dad’s arm. “Bob. Don’t you dare.”
Dad shook her off. “Where would you live, Emma? Maybe a week without us would make you appreciate what we do for you a little bit more. I don’t know where this attitude is coming from, but I don’t like it.”
“Stay here for a week? By myself?” Emma had never stayed alone before. A tremor of fear shivered over her. What if something happened and she had to go to the hospital again? She’d be all alone.
He shook his head. “No, I already told you, we’re shutting off the power and water for the next week.”
“Where am I supposed to stay, then?” Emma lifted her hands, despair replacing the modicum of security she’d had. She was too far into things now. If she backed down, she’d never be taken seriously again.
“Figure something out or you’re going with your mom to Missoula.” He tucked his jaw as if preparing for her to start a barrage against him.
Instead, Emma fought frustrated tears and turned her focus to her mom who sat there with her clenched fist pressed to her lips. Gaze volleying between her husband and her daughter, she didn’t say a word, but her anguish couldn’t be more evident than if she screamed out loud.
Emma wouldn’t get any help in that arena. She needed to escape. Her dad had never been so smothering before. Or at least she’d never felt so smothered before.
The size of the small living room pressed in on her. Claustrophobia welled within her and she shook herself. She had to get out of there. She had to escape.
Even as she whirled around and stomped from the house, she couldn’t blame him. They had no money and were trying to make it while caring for a daughter that caused them all the debt.
She’d seen the medical bills piled on the floor by her parents’ bed.
Emma had cancer, she wasn’t illiterate.
Dirt puffed around her feet as she strode emotionally down the road toward Nate’s. He was working, but she could sit and wait. Maybe Hannah was inside and Emma could visit with her for a little bit.
She needed a friend.
Clouds hung heavy in the sky, as if magnetically attracted to her dark mood. Even as the dust settled around her boots, a breeze blew in from the west to kick up the grainy particles again. Emma pushed at her braid struggling to break free from her hair tie.
She swung her arms defiantly, her pace faster than before. She had this. She didn’t care. Her dad had to give her a chance. She’d always been complacent in what happened to her – but that’s just it – things just happened to her.
She never did anything.
For once she wanted to do something. Working wasn’t frivolous. It’s not like she wanted to move in with Nate and sleep – wait a minute. Emma stopped, dropping her hands to her side.
Move in with Nate.
At least for the time that Mom was gone. She could stay with him, work with Hannah and do the things that he needed help with and not take any form of payment while she was there. It was perfect.
Her strides lengthened and she moved forward more with excitement than frustration. What if he said no? What if he wasn’t interested? That was most likely the case. He wouldn’t want to have to watch over an invalid on top of everything he was doing.
Who did? Emma’s steps slowed and she paused.
The Rourke mailbox dotted the roadside in the distance. What if he said no? Emma glanced down at the grass speckled shoulder. She wouldn’t hold his decision against him. He could say no for a lot of reasons. Hopefully, he didn’t think she was trying to manipulate him into dating her or something.
She sneered at the thought. Dishonesty wasn’t easy for her and she rarely pulled it off if she did try. Manipulation was along the same lines. Nate would be able to see right through her.
Turning back to her home, defeated without really trying, Emma crossed her arms, slumping her shoulders. The wind tugged harder but pushed her from the east, pushed her back toward Nate’s.
What if he didn’t say no? What if he said yes? She half-turned again, staring at the speck on the horizon. He could. Her logic wasn’t manipulation and then she could simply ask him after she explained her thought process.
She lifted her shoulders and turned back toward Bella Acres. If nothing else, all he could do was say no and she at least got out of the house for a little bit to cool off.
Hope riddled through her, making her skip a little as she tried getting to the mailbox without looking like a child in her excitement. She kept her fingers crossed for luck just in case.
The house appeared empty from the drive and Emma’s hope shriveled enough to let doubt in with questions and nagging sensations.
She mounted the steps and knocked on the door.
Mid-afternoon. Hannah should be home at least. Nate was probably outside somewhere, but Hannah —
The door opened and Hannah’s cherubic face, still slightly round, caught between childhood and adolescence, peered out the screen door. Her eyes widened and she smiled brightly at the sight of Emma. “Hi, Emma! Want to come in?”
Emma stepped through the suddenly open doorway and glanced around. Sparsity appeared to be the name of the game at Bella Acres. No pictures graced the walls, but nail holes attested to their presence at one time.
The muted afternoon light made its way through windows throughout the house, giving a colder feel to the interior than Emma would have thought possible.
Bella Acres used to be warm and inviting and safe. The type of place a kid ran to after school because they wanted to be secure again. Nate’s mom used to have cookies for all of them after school and any friends they brought home. Until she decided they all needed healthy food and she started giving them celery and peanut butter… with cookies on the side.
“What happened to all your stuff, Hannah?” Emma covered her mouth, her eyes wide in horror. “I’m sorry, that was very rude of me.” She bit her lip. Job or not, Emma desperately wanted Hannah to like her. The girl’s cheerful and friendly attitude ranked on Emma’s ‘need to have’ list – almost as high as air.
Hannah giggled. “You’re okay. Nate has a problem. He likes to sell things, so I took down as much as I could last year and hid them from him.” She held up her hand. “Don’t ask to see my closet, because I don’t think I can open the door.” She motioned for Emma to follow her. “Nate’s out in the barn for a little bit longer, but you can come keep me company. I’m making dinner.”
The mention of food slammed Emma into awareness. An aroma of sautéing onions and garlic hit her like a blanket wrapped around her face. “Wow, that smells amazing. What are you making?”
“I started out making stuffed peppers, but the dish turned into a casserole when the peppers weren’t as good as they looked in the store. Sometimes I don’t like the small town life, you know? The lack of good produce is kind of irritating.” Hannah turned into the kitchen and Emma followed, entranced by the neatly maintained space even while Hannah was in the middle of cooking.
“Whatever you’re making, it smells delicious.” Emma’s stomach chose that time to growl and she hurriedly shoved her palm over the offending sound.
“Did you already eat dinner? You can eat with us, if you want.” Hannah beamed at Emma.
“No, I haven’t, thank you. Let’s ask Nate if that’s alright first, but if he doesn’t mind, I would like that very much.” Emma omitted that the last dinner she had was a few days before. She had some applesauce that morning she’d found in the back of the fridge. Eight AM was a long way off.
Emma leaned against the counter and tapped her finger on the granite top. “Can I help you with anything? I’m not the best cook, but I can certainly follow directions.” She’d give anything to learn how to cook. But when a person wanted to learn how to do something, they needed access to materials. There was never enough food for her to cook, let alone experiment with.
“I don’t follow a recipe. I used to, but now I toss things together and hope they turn out.” Hannah smiled, a dimple appearing in her right cheek. “I can teach you some basic stuff my mom taught me before she died.” She spoke as if talking about the death of her parents didn’t bother her.
The topic made Emma uncomfortable and she shifted to the side as if avoiding a blazing arrow coming her direction. “Did Nate tell you he hired me to help out around here?” Hopefully Nate had already let Hannah know and Emma didn’t ruin anything. She didn’t need to spring things on Hannah or mar the communication between Nate and his sister.
Hannah crouched at a cupboard and pulled cans from the shelves inside, placing them on the counter above her. The back of her head moved like she nodded and her muffled voice reached Emma as if from inside a shallow cave. “Yeah, he said Stefanie left a lot of work around the place that made things harder for us than they should be. So he asked you to come help out and we’re paying with food and stuff.”
She bobbed her head back out and grinned again as she stood, pointing at the food on the counter. “I’m excited! This is going to be so fun.” Her countenance dimmed and she moved toward the sink, washing her hands. “It’ll be nice to have another girl around. I miss Stefanie lots, but… She’s doing what she can to help us, so I can, too.” Her brave words struck Emma with simplistic strength.
The backdoor banged closed. Nate kicked his boots off and strode into the kitchen, his hat in his hands. “Hannah, I’m starving and that smells amazing.” At the sight of Emma, he stopped and met her gaze. Every time she saw him, she couldn’t get over how blue his eyes were.
Emma faced him fully. “Hi. Sorry to show up again without any warning, but you said we’re friends and I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” She worked her throat, trying to fight off the tightening hold her nerves suddenly had on her. She cleared her throat and partially laughed. “I’m so nervous, I’m sorry. I had this big long speech planned out and I honestly cannot remember what I needed to say.”
The stress of the day catapulted her frustration back to the forefront and she blinked back more stupid tears. Would she ever not need to cry when she was upset? She didn’t even care that Hannah was there to witness her meltdown.
Emma sniffed, wiping at the lower lids of her eyes in case any tears tried to escape. “Ugh, I swear I’m not a crier. This is ridiculous. I think I’m still tired from my last treatment.” She shook her head, ignoring her shaking fingers.
Nate raised his hands to waist level and walked slowly toward her. “It’s alright. I’m glad you showed up. I was stressed out myself earlier and I didn’t mean to be rude. Since you’re here now, let’s talk about whatever you need to.” He slid onto a barstool hidden beneath the opposite side of the counter and leaned on his crossed arms. “I’m ready. Let’s hear it.” Anticipation furrowed his brow.
His collected calm in the face of her near-meltdown
settled her simmering nerves. She took a deep breath. “My mom’s going out of town to help my aunt for a while. My dad is going out of town for at least a month, I think to find work. They want me to go with Mom to my Aunt May’s—”
“No, that’s crazy. Stay with me – I mean, us.” Nate motioned between Hannah and himself. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I honestly don’t want you to go anywhere.” He rolled his eyes, exhaling on a whoosh. “Before you think I’m all crazy and a stalker, I mean, we just agreed on the job, I’d hate to have to push it off.” He puckered his lips to the side and then rushed on. “We have a dryer for laundry.”
“Way to sweeten the pot, Nate.” Hannah coughed as she turned to stir something in the saucepan on the stove.
Emma’s cheeks flushed. He asked her to stay with him. Or rather he told her. She didn’t even have to ask or tell him everything. She’d be lying if she didn’t admit that moisture gathered in her eyes once again and not because she was frustrated. She nodded. “Thank you, I was actually going to ask that.” Her independence was within grasp and the more she was around Nate, the more plausible her dreams became.
Nate and Emma had slipped so easily into friendship it was like they’d always been friends.
As if they didn’t have that time together where they held hands, kissed, and talked about their hopes and dreams for the future. When Emma had once believed she could plan on the future.
Hannah leaned over the counter, passing a grater and a block of cheese to Nate. “If you’re sitting, make yourself useful.” She steered Emma toward the stove, as if Emma belonged there as much as Nate did. “I need help with the rice, Emma.”
Her parents would have to agree to the arrangement. For some reason, Emma had the sinking sensation that her dad expected her to go with her mom – not because he’d said so, but because he didn’t think she could take care of herself.
Who was she up to disappointing more, her dad or herself?
Chapter 9
Broken Trails Page 7