Hell yeah, he needed the work, but did he need it from Al? Would there be strings attached? Nate didn’t have to consider it selling out when he wasn’t selling the land or anything else but a service to the neighbor. Money was money. He nodded. “I’m interested. I’ll have to fit it in behind this other job.”
“Of course, I’ll have one of my hands bring the pieces over this afternoon. If you change your mind about Bella Acres, you know where to find me.” He chortled, slamming his hat on his head. He turned, roostered out of the barn and out of sight.
Yeah, Nate knew where to find him. The old man was a widower and moodier than a thirteen-year-old girl. Some days he was crotchety as hell and other days, sweeter than a baby.
The horseshoe Nate had been working had cooled and Nate suddenly wasn’t in the mood for blacksmithing. True, he had to get the work done, but he also needed to ride the land and make sure everything was as it should be.
Restless, that was the word he was looking for. He was restless and hadn’t heard or seen Emma come in yet. He’d check and see if she was there before he went out for a ride.
Seeing her would probably calm him down some after Reddick’s visit. Hannah had left not long ago, so he wouldn’t get any help there. Yes, seeing Emma was exactly what Nate needed.
Hopefully, she’d figured out a way to tell him what was bugging her. Nate needed to know, and he was tempted to ask her to move in with them so he had better access to her. She had fast filled a hole in his and Hannah’s lives. A hole he wasn’t willing to have empty again.
If she didn’t love him, he he’d survive that. He wouldn’t survive having her disappear like she had before. One thing Emma had proven when she’d stayed for a while, was that she was more necessary than even Nate could’ve foretold.
How did he tell Emma that part of his sanity was wrapped up in her without sounding like a lovesick kid?
At what point, did he stop caring what he sounded like, ignored his pride and just begged her to be with him?
He better get on that horse before he crawled to Emma’s house and lost all her respect.
And his own.
Chapter 14
Emma
Angry at more than just her parents, Emma tossed a book into the box. The Bensons didn’t own much, but what they had her mom wanted packed by that evening.
Emma had lost count of the number of times she’d called Nate’s place. She wouldn’t be able to get over there today, or any other.
She fought back the tears working so hard to leak from her eyes.
Her mom walked in, seeing her struggle. “What is wrong with you? I thought you would be more excited than this.” She walked to the kitchen counter, wiping at it once more with a rag that she’d used all over the house that morning. With such a small space, things didn’t get dirty fast enough for her busy hands.
“I’m happy for you guys, but…” Emma bit her lip, throwing another book in.
“For us. You’re happy for us.” Her mom snapped.
Emma hung her head, hiding her tears. She owed her parents more than regret and bitterness. But she couldn’t be grateful for this. There was nothing in it for her.
Her independence was being smothered, again. She would never get out from under the wing of her parents, like a dang chick never allowed to leave the nest. The little taste of freedom at Bella Acres had sprung an addiction Emma didn’t know if she’d survive.
“But what, Emma? We need this move. If we hadn’t sold the place this fast, we would’ve eventually had to abandon it.” The fact that Mr. Ruger wanted their property without seeing the house or outbuildings made it very clear he was only after expanding his land. Which made sense, but Emma didn’t want to leave simply because land wars were very strong in northern Montana. It didn’t help that Mom and Dad would be working which would leave Emma alone during the day. Every day.
Her dad said she couldn’t? work She couldn’t go back to that aimless life, waiting for death. “I’m not waiting around for the next doctor’s visit, anymore, Mom. I can’t.”
Her mom slapped the counter, turning bright, angry eyes on Emma. “So, what? You’re going to stay with Nathan Rourke for food? We’re offering you a future in Seattle, Emma. We can start pulling this family back together. Since Mr. Ruger is buying at full price, we’ll even have money for a down payment for our own place.” Mom looked younger as excitement pushed out the stress of having no money and the constant worry of providing for her children. “We’ll have food, Emma.”
Food. Something Emma had grown used to at the Rourke’s place. Going from having for a week or so to not-having again had been hard. Not only did her stomach ache at night without dinner, but her body ached.
At Bella Acres, she’d also grown accustomed to being respected and treated like an adult. Something she hadn’t realized she desired more than food.
“Plus, we’ll have access to great doctors and hospitals and when you need to go back in, it won’t be such a burden.” Burden. There was that word again. Burden. Fine, her dad had used it. But when her mom used it… Emma’s heart cracked. Her mom continued like she hadn’t just claimed Emma was heavier to carry than she’d ever let on. “It’s not like you have anything holding you here. I’m not sure your health would permit you to go to college, but you could maybe take a few classes online once we’re over there.”
Plans. Emma wasn’t allowed to make plans for such a hazy future. Any hospital visit could be her last.
Her mom angled her tone from exuberant to slightly chastising. “I was so worried when I found out you had to go to the hospital alone. Emma, how long do you think you’re going to make it? Your heart is severely weakened from all the treatments you’ve had. I’m not going to stand by while you work yourself to death.” She shook her head, swiping the rag once again and setting her lips in a fine line. “No, you’ll come to Seattle and be safe.”
Safe. “I’m not safe sitting around doing nothing, Mom. My heart isn’t only weak from all the meds and radiation. I’m weak in general. I don’t do anything. At Na- at work, I’m doing things, I feel stronger, healthier. I’m needed. You and Dad don’t need me. Mom, I have to be needed.” She tried to hide the crack in her voice, the only sign of vulnerability that eked out.
“Of course we need you. You’re our daughter.” She rubbed at the counter edge without looking at Emma.
“You got rid of Drake. You didn’t need him and he worked around here. Why am I any different?” She knew why. It wasn’t because they needed her. It was because she needed them. For the first time in her life, Emma wasn’t so sure she did.
Her mom’s features tightened. “You know why we sent Drake to Will’s. That’s not fair, throwing that in my face. He’ll join us when he’s ready, but that will be in Seattle. Not here. We’re going to make a new home there.”
Emma shrugged, defiant for the first time in… ever. “I don’t want to go.”
“Well, you’re going and that’s final. Finish getting packed. Your father will be home this evening with the moving truck.” She glared at her daughter as she stormed from the room.
Standing, Emma bit back her angry remark. She’d grown into some kind of a bratty woman in the last few months. She didn’t like her ungrateful attitude, but her opportunities in life were slipping through her fingers. All she wanted was to be normal, even if she couldn’t plan for a future, at least she could pretend.
Fake it ‘til ya make it, right?
With Nate, nothing was pretend. At least for her.
Except for the act of being friends.
One last book fit into the box and Emma folded in the flaps. The sheer amount of packing that they needed to complete before that evening slammed her with overwhelming disbelief. She pushed herself from the ground and darted from the house, stopping on the front drive, bent over and bracing her hands on her thighs.
She couldn’t catch her breath.
The steady clip-clop of a horse approaching brought her from her misery and s
he stood, smoothing her shirt.
Nathan. Every time she saw him, excitement sparked in her chest. He rode the horse like he was a part of it, the brim of his hat low over his eyes.
“Whoa.” He stopped a few feet from her and dismounted. Holding the reins, he moved closer. “Hey, I didn’t see you today. Are you feeling alright?” He searched her face, worry in the squint of his eyes.
She nodded jerkily, unsure how to tell him what she could barely compute herself.
“What’s the matter, Emma? You can tell me.” He reached out and cradled her elbow in his hand, running his thumb up and down the skin above the curve. Zings of pleasure burst through her nerves.
His calm patience soothed her. She spoke around the choked tightness of her throat. “We’re moving.”
Nate dropped his hand, shock slackening his jaw. “What? When?”
“The day after tomorrow. Mom and I are trying to get everything packed so that when my dad gets here we can load up and then move out the next day.” She didn’t want to cry in front of him. He already tried so hard to fix things for her.
He couldn’t fix this.
Nate shook his head so hard his shoulders twisted side to side. “No, you can’t move. No, Emma.”
“I know, but what am I going to do? I can’t stay here. They sold the place to Old Man Ruger.” She lifted her hand and pointed toward his place which wasn’t even in sight. “I can’t stay with you. That’s taking advantage of our friendship and I don’t want to do that.” She couldn’t do that. She didn’t want to hurt him.
Nate stared at her. “Look, I don’t care about all that. You can stay with me. You have to stay with me. You can’t do this to Hannah. To me. We need you more than you know.” He wrapped her hands in his, his touch warm. “If you want to stay just friends, fine, I don’t care. I can handle it. I’m a big boy, Emma. But there’s no reason to leave, if you want to stay here. With me. We can plan some great things, you and me.” He squeezed her fingers.
“No, I can’t make plans. Remember? I’m sick, always sick. I go into the hospital constantly. I’m a bigger burden then you realize.” She would give anything to stay with him and Hannah, make a home at Bella Acres where she didn’t feel like she lived off other people, especially her parents.
“Then no plans except that you’re not moving.” He didn’t release her hands, held her tight. “I don’t want to hear you call yourself a burden again. You mean more to me than even my own sisters and you’re not a burden.” His voice faded and he reached up and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. He cupped her face in his hands and forced her to meet his gaze. “You’re not a burden, Emma.”
His words and touch heated inside her. If she stayed, they might not be able to limit themselves to a relationship based on friendship. If she stayed, she might get to enjoy adulthood a little bit longer before her imminent death. Imminent because everyone was so certain it was only a matter of time before her heart gave out or she needed more treatment or the cancer went deeper into metastases.
He was all but begging her to stay…
“Please stay, Emma. Please,” he begged. She’d never had anyone beg her to do anything except not die.
Yet there he was, the man of her dreams begging her to stay.
She couldn’t love him the way she wanted to because she couldn’t give him anything, but she could stay. She could at least do that.
How did she convince her parents that would be the best thing for her? Did she really care if they agreed or not?
She squeezed his fingers back. “I can’t promise anything, except I’ll try my best.” She was an adult. She could do more than her parents wanted her to do. She’d rock the boat that she tried so hard not to disturb. If she wanted independence, she needed to start doing things differently.
If waves weren’t being made, no one was moving forward.
“That’s better than nothing.” Nate pulled her into his arms.
Talking to her mom was out of the question.
Emma would have to reason with her dad.
~~~
Dad drove in after midnight and Emma was still awake. She didn’t want to talk to him around her mother and she didn’t want to get shuffled along in the move when she didn’t want to go.
So she waited by the front door, in the only unpacked or unstacked chair from the dining table set, arms crossed and her head down.
He opened the door and jumped back when he saw her. “You scared me, Emma. You should be in bed. We have a big day tomorrow.”
Emma stood. She could do it. She had to. “Dad, Mom said I have to move, but I don’t want to. I can stay with the Rourkes and work.” Disappointment flooded her. She’d blurted everything out. She hadn’t said anything that she’d practiced. She fidgeted her fingers at the waist of her shirt.
Dad rubbed his eyes and thought. After a long moment, he met Emma’s gaze. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. I’d like to meet the Rourke boy officially before I make any decisions. Are we clear?” At Emma’s nod he motioned toward her room. “Get to bed so you’re not weak tomorrow. We can stop by the Rourke place after we get everything loaded.”
Emma didn’t know what to say, surprise holding her mouth shut. He was considering it? Like actually going to think about her idea? Since when did he give credence to anything she said? If she didn’t frustrate him, maybe he really would consider it.
She wanted to get to Bella Acres as soon as possible. She couldn’t wait the entire day and there was no way Dad would let her lift heavy things to load. He considered her too frail for much use at anything. Emma might be able to go to Nate’s early in the morning and see Hannah before her last day of school.
Why not go for broke? She’d already pushed to be left behind, why not assume the decision was made and take her bag of things when she went in the morning?
She could taste the fringes of freedom like a well-cooked barbeque floating on the afternoon air.
~~~
“Do you think they’ll say yes?” Hannah hadn’t stopped asking since she got home from her last day of junior high. She rocked on her feet beside Emma in the kitchen, peeling potatoes while Emma stirred gravy. “I hope they get here soon. I can’t wait to hear what they decide.”
Emma smiled softly. She didn’t answer. She didn’t know what to say. She hoped her dad said yes, too. Ultimately it would be him saying she could stay. Her mom already declared it wasn’t happening. Her mom wouldn’t even speak to Emma that morning when Emma grabbed her two packed bags and walked down the drive. Her dad stopped her and said they’d be by Nate’s about five to meet him and decide.
Her stomach hadn’t stopped hurting all day.
And it was four-thirty.
And Hannah wouldn’t stop talking about it.
And if the time went any slower, Emma might lose her mind.
What if he said no? Could she tell them she was going to stay anyway? Did she have enough courage to do that? Was she being ungrateful to her parents by wanting to stay? Her gut twisted with anxiety.
Needless to say she hadn’t slept the night before.
“Hannah, can you check on the chickens and the cows before dinner? I need to talk to Emma.” Nate’s deep timber soothed Emma’s anxiety. She faced him, smiling, even as she continued stirring the gravy.
Hannah groaned. “Okay, I’ll hurry. Oh, I hope they say yes.”
He didn’t release Emma’s gaze. “Me, too.”
Emma blushed, glancing down and turning back to the pan. “I really want to stay, Nate, but I need you to understand that I won’t have insurance and I don’t have a job. You’re my income and I can’t work, you know? You don’t have the money to pay me. You need to be absolutely certain that you’re okay with that.” She refused to meet his eyes and stared instead at the bubbling, thickening gravy. “I’m not a healthy person and I’ve always been told that I don’t have a future – at least one that is very long.” She half-laughed, but still couldn’t look up.
His boots
thudded on the hardwood as he crossed to her. Hands on her shoulders, Nate turned her to face him, forcing her to leave the wooden spoon in the pan. He ducked his head to capture her gaze. “See why it wouldn’t be wise to move away? What if you only have a year left and we waste it? You over there and me here. Friends don’t miss out on time together.”
He had a point. A really important point. If she went to Seattle with her parents, she wouldn’t progress. She’d wait to die. Wouldn’t that guarantee her death? She shook her head. “You’re getting really philosophical.” But she smiled at him, unable to look away.
Rubbing her upper arms, Nate cocked a half-smile. “Sometimes that’s good. I don’t want to lose any time with you. I hope you stay.”
“I’m nervous.” She whispered, hopeful he wouldn’t hear the quavering in her voice.
“I’m nervous, too.” He whispered back. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. “It’ll be okay, though. Don’t worry.”
Emma leaned back and met his gaze. “Why are you worried?” She understood why she was worried. This was a huge decision that may or may not break her chances at independence. She didn’t want to ruin her relationship with her parents. She even understood why Hannah would be worried. Nate didn’t have any real reason to be nervous, though, did he?
“Because I don’t want them to know how much I care about you.” He met her gaze directly, as if he could see through to her heart.
Maybe he could see it breaking. She nibbled her lower lip while trying to gather control over her emotions. “I know… I feel the same way and it’s growing stronger. But, Nate, you can’t… feel like that about me. We can’t…”
“You keep saying that. You’re an adult. I’m an adult. This isn’t like we’re kids.” He pushed away from her, turning to brace his arms on the counter opposite her. After a moment, her spun back. “Come on, Emma. I’ve loved you since high school, even after you left. I’ve always loved you. You have to know that.”
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