“Oh yes!” Hannah rocked on the balls of her feet, hands clasped at chest level. Excitement poured off her. “Can I come with you to deliver them?”
Stefanie mumbled something from the living room which made Hannah roll her eyes. Emma ignored the girl. She was cranky and most likely because she couldn’t help with anything with her arm in a cast and still hurting like it was.
“Nate should be back again tonight. Should we wait and have him take them with us?” Hannah tilted her head to the side, watching Emma like she searched for a secret.
“No. We need to get this order in. Then we can get the rest of the money for Bella Acres Goods. I love saying the name.” Emma had named their small business after the ranch that had become her home. Some items didn’t require a food permit and fortunately for Emma, syrups, granolas, and produce were on that list which kept the cost of capital and start-up expenses extremely low.
A week had passed, feeling longer with Nate gone. They spoke on the phone every night and if Emma closed her eyes, it was like they were back in high school all over again – right before her cancer came back with a vengeance. They’d been carefree and kissed every chance they got.
There she was, waiting for him to get home so she could kiss him again. Dating someone she lived with was disorienting, but amazing at the same time. They still shared his room because of Stefanie and because Emma didn’t feel as safe without Nate by her side.
But they kept things controlled.
Contemporary times may say it’s okay to do things without attachment, but Emma and Nate were raised old school. Nate had laughed and claimed his mother would roll over in her grave, if he did something like that in the family home. Plus, his mom had loved Emma – or so he claimed – and she would come back to haunt him, if he disrespected Emma like that.
Emma wouldn’t lie – his willingness to wait comforted her more than he knew or could understand. She didn’t want to feel like she was earning her keep by warming his bed. Something she’d read about in a novel once.
The phone rang and Emma turned, grabbing the handset from the wall.
“Emma? It’s Mom. How are you feeling?” Never how are you doing, always started with how she felt. Emma’s health had always been more important than her state of mind.
“Hi, Mom. I feel fine. How is it going over there with the job search?” Emma twisted the phone cord between her fingers. As much as she loved her parents, she couldn’t help feeling older, more confident, more independent with them gone. She liked the sensation. She liked it a lot more than she missed them.
Dang, she was a business owner now and they’d only been gone a week or two.
Her mother sighed, the weight of the world heavy in her tone. “It’s going. I’m heading out to my shift, right now. I haven’t heard from Drake. Have you?”
“No. I was going to call him this evening.” Emma frowned. Drake had drifted further and further from his family. Who could blame him? They’d pretty much sent him out to pasture. Thinking of her brother made her chest ache.
Her mother paused and then tried to add nonchalantly, “Have him call me when you talk to him, please. Listen, Emma, I’m off to work, but be careful and keep us updated.”
Emma hung up the phone, shaking her left hand at the sudden twinge in her fingers. She rolled her shoulders. All morning her left arm had had little bursts of pain and spasms. She must be working too hard. She refused to think about a possible heart attack.
Doctor Roylance had come up with a solution. She was going to make it work. She could do it. Her heart would hold out until she could afford the pacemaker.
Her chest didn’t ache, so it wasn’t another heart attack. The doctor Emma had called in Missoula had told her to watch for signs of a heart attack or other chest pain. Until that time, she could hold off on the pacemaker to save up more money. More likely excitement was giving her muscle spasms or something.
She could do it. With the money from the syrup, they’d already been able to help with some of the bills. They hadn’t needed the entire check for half the order to fill it. Things were starting to look up and Emma couldn’t contain her excitement.
Or maybe she was excited to see Nate again.
Not a maybe – that was a certainty.
She squeezed and unclenched her fingers as she picked up the last box to load into the truck. If she was overworked, she’d relax more when she got home. No big deal. “Okay, Stefanie, we’ll be back in a few hours. Have fun.” Stefanie hadn’t wanted to come and Emma wasn’t going to make her.
Hannah and Emma didn’t need anyone raining on their day.
Bella Acres Goods was up and running and they didn’t deserve to have their high trampled on.
Chapter 21
Nate
Coming home to find Emma waiting for him was becoming Nate’s entire focus for the week. Then all while he worked on blacksmithing and spending time with his girls, Tuesday and Wednesday passed so quickly he dreaded the time he had to leave.
He sat beside Emma at dinner with his sisters across the table and every once in a while he caught her smiling at him. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and he tossed his napkin into the center of the table. “Okay, what’s going on? You’re all acting strange.”
Hannah giggled. “Well, it’s just that…” She glanced at Emma and smiled bigger than Nate had seen in a long while.
Emma reached over and smoothed the sleeve over his arm. “We’ve been waiting to tell you and I guess we can’t wait any more. We started a business – Bella Acres Goods – and we completed our first order today. Delivered it to the General Store in Colby.”
Shocked, Nate stared at Emma and then transferred his gaze to Hannah. “Are you serious? That’s amazing.” Pride swelled inside him. “How did you… I mean, what…” He didn’t know what to say. He cleared his throat. “What do you sell?” As embarrassing as it was, he didn’t care how he looked. Business owners. Wow.
“We sell syrup right now, but maybe we can do more stuff later. We wanted to try to contribute, too.” Hannah’s eyes shone with unshed tears that for once looked happy.
Nate glanced at Emma who nodded. Even Stefanie’s glower didn’t seem so dark.
“Well, then I think we need to celebrate. It’s not every day you start a business.” Business owners. Nate shook his head and lifted his glass of water. “To Bella Acres Goods.”
Everyone sipped and Nate reached down and claimed Emma’s hand with his.
With her there, everything seemed more complete, less like a gaping hole was in the family and more like they lived in a home again. He’d tell her that night how much he appreciated her. She had to know. He had to tell her.
She was his bright spot.
Slipping into the cool sheets beside Emma wasn’t easy when he knew they couldn’t touch or be intimate. He wouldn’t do that to her when he hadn’t solidified an engagement or anything. He’d like to think his parents raised him better than that, but he was also scared of how Emma would think of him. Would she doubt how much he loved her, if he didn’t do things in the proper order?
She lay on her side, facing him, her hands tucked beneath her cheek. “I’m glad you’re home.” Her soft voice warmed him.
He settled the blankets over them and tucked her tighter in. “Me, too.” He matched her position, but kept a hand out to drape over her arm. He had to touch her, even if it was safe and calm and comforting and not with a more intimate goal.
“The job at Peekaboo ends in October. Jareth and his brother are going to keep going, travel from ranch to ranch to keep the money coming in. I think we can store up enough money and foods from the garden this summer, I should be able to stay home and help here more. See if I can get the blacksmithing to take off with a more consistent demand. Although, usually business goes down in the winter, but maybe…” He let his words trail off. Disbelief warred with his contentment. He was in bed with Emma Benson, and they talked about the future.
Together.
&
nbsp; Emma took his hand in hers and tucked his fingers beside her cheek. The soft skin smooth to his touch, Nate watched her. She played with the fine hairs on his forearm. “I’m excited about the pacemaker. I can make plans with you, Nate. I can…” She swallowed. “I can tell you I love you and not be worried that I’m going to die tomorrow, you know?”
Nate froze, his smile fading from his mouth. After a moment, he got out, “You what?” She hadn’t said it before now. She’d never admitted her feelings. He thought he knew how she felt, but she’d never said it out loud.
She had to repeat it. Nate couldn’t miss out on that.
Not that phrase.
Her eyes large and focused, Emma spoke slowly. “I love you, Nathan Rourke.”
He wanted to leap into the air, jump from the nearest roof onto the back of a horse and ride around whooping like the old Wild West movies. At the same time, he didn’t want to move from that spot. “This isn’t traditional or even proper, but… I… Emma, if you love me, marry me. I’ll do a proper proposal. I’ll do it all perfect, but just say it. Just say you will. Even if you don’t mean it.” Oh, mean it. Please, mean it.
Tears filled Emma’s eyes and she pressed her lips together, shaking her head. “No. You don’t want that. Trust me. I can’t have kids. I can be here with you. I can love you. We can love each other. But… you’ll want so much more from a marriage than I can give you. Just… Let me love you like this, alright?”
What an odd sensation to float from love then sink with despair. What was the point in loving someone, if you couldn’t do everything to keep them by your side?
Nate didn’t fight it. Hearing I love you from Emma was something he’d feared would never happen.
He’d hold on. She’d marry him. She had to. Kids or no kids, he wanted Emma. That’s all that mattered.
~~~
Something wasn’t right. Nate blinked into the dark room. He sat up. Still too early for even the sun to come up, Nate peered into the darkness. What was off?
He listened, but nothing. Not even Emma softly breathing beside him.
Had she left or gone out of the room? Maybe she went to the bathroom. Nate flopped back, stretching his hands and bumping something beside him.
He rolled, coming up to all fours.
Emma. She was lying beside him, but she’d grown cold and her breathing had shallowed so much she barely moved.
Nate shook her shoulder. “Emma? Emma, wake up.” But she didn’t move and her skin was cool to the touch.
He didn’t have a phone in the room. Could he leave her for a second to call nine-one-one? He had to.
Tumbling from the bed, Nate sprinted to the kitchen, made the call and sprinted to the front door to unlock it. They’d be there in no time. Finally, for the first time, they were in the vicinity.
“Emma? Emma!” Nate ran into the bedroom, pulled on his jeans and a t-shirt and then wrapped Emma into the large quilt rumpled at her feet. He carried her to the front porch, sitting on the porch swing and staring at the road leading to his place. “Come on, hurry. Come on, hurry.” Pain coursed through him.
Not Emma. Not yet. Please. Not yet.
As if conjured by his words, headlights shone down the dirt road, bumping with speed.
“Hold on, Emma. Hold on.” Nate stood, carrying her down the steps to wait on the drive. The ambulance drove up and two men poured from the cab.
In seconds, they’d loaded her onto a stretcher in a blur of questions and machines and suddenly they were gone.
Somewhere in the chaos one of them had mentioned the hospital in Missoula.
Nate stormed inside. “Hannah! Stefanie!” He’d meet Emma at the hospital. He couldn’t leave her alone. He needed her.
She couldn’t die. Dammit, she’d only just said she loved him.
~~~
The beeps and the dim lighting and the beeps and the beeps. At least the noise said she was still alive. Nate clung to Emma’s hand and rested his head on the hospital mattress inches from her hip. His lips moved but the words he continued chanting didn’t have sound anymore. “Don’t die. Don’t die. Don’t die.”
The three hour ride to Missoula had been harrowing. He couldn’t think. Might have clipped a deer with the truck, but he couldn’t be sure. The miles passed in a blur.
Her chest rose and fell. She’d had another heart attack and they’d stabilized her, but the doctor’s recommendations in Colby had been given serious thought and all Nate waited on was giving someone the go ahead.
He couldn’t get ahold of her parents and Jareth went up to Bella Acres to watch out for the girls until their next day on the job.
Emma’s eyelids fluttered and she moaned.
Nate shot up, leaning forward, trying to get into her field of view so she didn’t have to turn her head. “Haw.” His voice cracked and he choked on the word. He tried again. “Hey.”
She licked her lips, closing her eyes again. Her words came breathy and slow. “We gotta. Stop. Meeting. Like this.” She lifted her lips enough to be a smile but not enough to be a grin.
“Oh, ho. You have no idea.” Nate’s sad laugh carried through the room, bringing her focus to his face. He rubbed her hand, trying to ignore the pins-and-needles sensation running up and down his legs from sitting so long. He stood to tamp the numbness from his limbs. Leaning over Emma, he refused to let her see how upset he was. No point in adding to her worry.
“What happened?” She blinked, but held his gaze.
“You had another heart attack in your sleep. They want to put the pacemaker in, but they needed your approval first.” He shrugged. “They wouldn’t let me make any decisions and we can’t get a hold of your parents.” He didn’t mention that her lack of insurance had almost gotten them stabilized in the emergency room and then sent on their way.
“I can’t afford it, yet.” She moved her head to the side and closed her eyes, but a tear slipped free from both eyes.
“I know. But we can figure something out.” He couldn’t lose her. She meant too much. Just because she didn’t have insurance. They could find a way. “I’ll find a way to do it.”
“No. You’re working too much. As it is.” She looked back at him, her fingers reaching for his. “I won’t… burden you.”
Burden. There was that damn word again. But he wasn’t angry. He was relieved. “But you’re not a burden. Not to me. You make me happy and I need you.” He’d said it. He claimed it. She was more to him than even her health could take away. “Please. I don’t want to lose you. Not yet. Not ever.”
“I don’t want to… lose you. Either.” She sobbed, lifting her other hand to cover her mouth, nudging aside the oxygen tube affixed to her nose.
Nate lifted her hand and rubbed it on the coarseness of his stubble. He couldn’t stand being away from her anymore and slid onto the bed beside her. He pulled her into his arms, mindful of the wires and cords connected to her.
He had to hold her.
“They almost wouldn’t let me in here, but I told them you were my fiancée. Sorry.” He offered a chuckle, but his nerves at what she thought of the lie were more consuming than he’d considered.
Would she be mad at him? He didn’t mean to take liberties, but…
It didn’t matter. She smiled shyly at him. “Don’t say sorry. I like the sounds of that.” She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. Her hair smelled of blueberries or huckleberries, he couldn’t be sure, but the scent was comforting, refreshing. He could breathe her in all day. “I wish we could get married. Right now. You could be anywhere I am, no problems.” She sighed again, her eyes heavy. “I’m so tired.”
“Go to sleep. I’m here.” He shifted on the bed. “Don’t worry, if I disappear for a minute. I haven’t gone to the bathroom in a while. Things are getting uncomfortable.”
She chuckled but it faded into heavier breathing than he’d heard in a while.
Another moment enjoying her presence didn’t last as long as he would’ve liked. He stood,
carefully edging out of the room and then speed walked to the restroom by the nurses’ station.
After he finished, he found her nurse. “Emma Benson in room one-oh-eight was awake for a little bit. She wants the procedure.”
She shook her head, her hair back in a tight bun and cat eyeliner dark behind her blonde eyelashes. “I told you already, Mr. Benson, we have to hear her say it. You’re not her husband. I’m sorry. Her consent has to be witnessed.”
Would he always have problems at the hospitals and clinics getting information and trying to help her? He’d always be a step on the outside, shut out and fighting to be heard, fighting for her.
She’d said she wanted to get married. “Oh, well, I understand. But we’re getting married, so.” He shrugged, pasting a charming smile on his tired lips.
She softened her look, lowering the clipboard clutched tight to her chest. “You’re getting married, but you’re not married yet. If that changes, let me know.” She smiled professionally and ducked around him, heading toward another charge’s room.
If what changes? They were in a hospital. What was supposed to happen? A huge marriage? The Catholic cross hanging on the wall behind the desk taunted him. Of course, he’d be in a Catholic hospital and want to get married.
Wait. They usually had clergy at hospitals. Maybe they could get married. It was crazy, but maybe, just maybe, Emma would go for it. Getting married wasn’t rushing things for him, he loved her. Maybe she’d feel less like a burden and more like a necessity, if he made her a permanent fixture in his life?
Maybe she hadn’t been joking when she’d said she wanted to get married right then.
Maybe… dang, his life had way too many maybes at that exact moment.
~~~
Later that afternoon, Nate connected with Jareth on the phone. “Have her parents called back yet?”
“No. But we did get a call from Withers up north. There’s a job starting outside of White Falls mid-November. Mr. Jacobsen referred us. The job is ours, if we can get up two more men. I’m pretty sure I can get the Johnson brothers to join us. Kyle is ready to settle into this ranch handing thing with me. Just say the word.” Jareth’s excitement hummed on the line.
Broken Trails Page 15