by Brenda Drake
Arik gave me a puzzled look.
“Can we talk, Arik?” I held Emily’s gaze. “Alone.”
He turned his puzzled look to Emily.
“It’s fine,” she said.
“You need permission to talk to me?” This had to be a nightmare. I just had to wake up. There’s no way Arik would be someone’s lost puppy, only moving on her command.
He reluctantly followed me out into the hall.
I spun and faced him. “What’s going on?”
I watched his beautiful face, waiting for him to drop the bomb on me, my heart breaking into pieces and cutting painfully against my chest. I couldn’t breathe, my throat clogged with a scream threatening to blast out.
He lowered his head, unable to hold my glare. “I’m not sure how it happened. I…”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“We never really made it official.” He raised his head. “Did we? I’ve been trying to talk to you for days. But the moment never presented itself. You had to feel the distance growing between us as I had.”
“I thought we were official.” Emotion cracked over my words, and I couldn’t stop the tears no matter how hard I tried. I took deep breaths. “Are you with her?”
“Yes,” he said barely audible.
I stared at him through blurry eyes, waiting for him to take it back. Waiting for him to tell me that he was just playing a horrible joke on me.
Waiting.
Waiting to breathe again.
He just stood there. Head down, unable to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, digging the dagger of truth deeper into my heart.
“I don’t even know how not to smash in your face right now—” My breaths rushed out and I tried to calm them, almost hyperventilating. My nails dug into my palms as I tightened my fist.
Arik took a few steps toward me until he was right in front me and whispered, “Listen, I’m sorry. I care deeply for you, Gia, but—”
Another sob escaped me and I shoved him away. I ripped the safety pin holding his button from my shirt and threw it at him. “Stay away from me!”
Unable to look at him anymore, I sprinted down the hall and bounded for the doors.
“Gia!” Jaran called from behind me.
I slammed into the doors and struggled to open them. Finally, they flew open and I slipped on the ice, landing on my butt and sliding down the steps.
Jaran dropped down beside me and pulled me into his arms. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here. You’ll get through this.”
I sobbed into his chest. “How could he?”
“I don’t know. This doesn’t seem like Arik.”
“But he did it. He lied to me. He led me on. He—He—He…” I gasped for air. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. It hurt so bad I thought I might pass out. It felt like shards of glass pumping through my veins, ripping me apart from the inside out.
“Shh… Just take small breaths.” He didn’t let me go. I sank into his warm arms, broken. For several minutes, he let me cry against him until my breaths matched his calm ones.
I shivered.
“How about we go inside and find a warmer place to talk?”
I nodded against his chest. I wanted to be anywhere but in the lunchroom. I never wanted to see Arik again. Not with her. And yet, I longed to see him at the same time.
Jaran helped me to stand. My legs shaky, I grasped his arm as we stepped carefully up the slick steps.
“In time, this wound will heal. You just have to keep going.”
“How do you know it’ll get better?” I snapped. “I just want to die right now.”
“I know because I’m in love, but he decided to be with another.” Jaran yanked the door open. “Someone who isn’t afraid to come out. Someone braver than me.”
“Oh, Jaran, I’m so sorry.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “We’re a mess, aren’t we?”
“Well, you definitely are, but my pain is calloused now.”
“Why can’t you come out?”
He smirked, but it wasn’t a happy smirk; it was one full of regrets. “I come from an ancient world, one that doesn’t accept my preferences. One that had betrothed me to a girl I could never love.”
“Was the guy Chane?” I asked. Talking about his pain was relieving mine somewhat, which was totally messed up.
“No, that infatuation ended when we moved here. Besides he’s more afraid of being discovered than I am.” He led me down the hall. “The guy is Cole Jenson.”
“Really?” I sniffled. “The student body president? I can see it. He’s got style.”
“And a new boyfriend.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. What do you say we just grab our coats and cut class?”
“Ditch? You?” I was surprised. He never broke rules.
“I’m not so rigid that I can’t step outside the lines once in a while.”
“Where will we go?”
“There’s a movie I’d love to see.”
“Anywhere dark sounds good to me.” I wiped my wet eyes with my sleeve and let him lead me to my locker. If someone’s soul could die, mine was withering with each painful step.
Chapter Eleven
The fluorescent lights hummed across the ceiling of the gym. I finished my stretches, my eyes locked onto Arik. He acted as if nothing had happened. That he hadn’t crushed my heart into a pulpy mess. He stretched his arms above his head, cracking both sides of his neck. I wanted to break it.
A group of Sentinels from other havens walked by me, whispering.
Pia and Reya stopped at my mat. “How are you doing?” Pia asked.
“We heard what happened,” Reya said. “I can’t believe how cruel he was. Just showing up with that girl without ending things with you beforehand.”
Great. The whole world, no, both worlds know Arik dumped me.
“I’m good,” I said, punching the air.
The looks on their faces before walking off said I wasn’t very convincing. I was dying inside.
I made a move to go pair up with Arik, and Jaran stepped in my way.
“Want to match up?” he asked.
“No, I already have a partner,” I said.
He must’ve noticed the fury in my eyes because he shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a wise decision.”
“Why? You think I’ll kill him?”
“Actually, that’s exactly what I’m thinking.”
I released an exasperated breath. “He’s more of a match for me.”
Jaran acted wounded, placing his open palms across his heart. “Now, that just hurt my feelings.”
“You know I didn’t mean it as an insult.”
He grinned. “I do know it, but still, I won’t let you fight him. Your feelings are too raw. Someone will get hurt.”
“Listen to him, ducky.” Lei swung her wooden sword around, loosening up her swing. “How about we have a go at it?”
“Now you’re both insulting me,” Jaran said.
“I didn’t mean I wanted to fight her”—she pointed her sword at Arik—“I meant him. I’ll roughen him up for you.” She waggled her eyebrows at me and then took off toward Arik.
Kale looked dumbfounded. “Now who’s sparring with me?”
“Apparently, I am,” Demos said.
Across the mats, Arik argued with Lei about something. Her braid bounced against her back with her exaggerated hand movements. My hand tightened around my practice sword. I wanted to fight him. I wanted to knock some sense into his thick head.
“Carrig!” Arik called to him as he crossed the gym. “Did you give the order to trade partners? I thought you matched us up by skill level.”
“No, I not be giving any such order.” Carrig looked around at the pairings. “What is this, some kind of revolt?”
“Obviously, Gia cannot fight Arik,” Lei said. “Not with their situation.”
Arik raised a brow at her. “What situation?”
I’d
had it. I marched across the mats and looked up at him. “Are you for real? You broke up with me. Remember?”
He actually looked confused. “We weren’t obligated to each other. I apologize if you misunderstood my intentions.”
I crossed my arms. “Misunderstood your intentions? Ha! Seriously? Kissing, fondling, and saying that you love me. Oh, right, I’m sorry, I totally misunderstood you there.”
“I never…” He took a few steps back.
“You never what? Never loved me?” Tears pooled in my eyes, and I took a deep breath, trying to stop them. I swung my padded sword hard at him, hitting his shoulder with a thwack.
Arik winced and dropped to his knees on the mat. “Bloody hell, what was that for?” He grabbed his shoulder.
“For being an ass.”
“Gia, back down!” Carrig stormed over to us. “No matter what has gone on between the two of you, we respect each other in the fight. We are Sentinels, and we live up to a higher code.”
“I’m not a Sentinel. I didn’t grow up in the code. I grew up without you, remember?” I wanted to take the words back as soon as they left my mouth. I was a Sentinel. It ran in my veins. I would die for all of them. But this pain was clouding my senses.
“Now you’re just being mean.” The disappointment in Carrig’s eyes made me feel as tiny as a tick.
“I…I didn’t mean it.”
He came closer to me so that only I could hear him. “I know in me heart you didn’t mean it. I felt such pain before. You need to heal.” He turned from me. “Jaran, could you please see Gia home?”
I dropped the sword and met Arik’s eyes. “I would give my life for anyone in this room, including you. But I will never forgive you, Arik.” I didn’t wait for his response. I spun around and lumbered to the door, the shame of my actions weighing me down.
“Brilliant show,” Jaran said, catching up to me.
“You think?”
He chuckled as we stepped outside into a winter wonderland of brand new snow. The brisk wind bit at my nose and cheeks, but the cold didn’t bother me. I had been numb since the breakup.
...
Reading had become my new escape. After avoiding Arik and Emily during school hours, I’d come home, grabbed a bag of chips, thrown on my yoga pants, and hibernated in my room with a book. My greasy fingerprints marked the pages I’d already read.
Tears flowed again, dropping onto the page and spreading as the paper soaked them up. I wanted to call Arik. Hear his voice. Have him tell me it was all a mistake. Had he broken up with me because we really didn’t have anything in common? Did he and Emily have more of the same interests? I should have seen this coming. But I hadn’t. Or I’d ignored it, because I wanted to give us a chance to find similar likes.
After my outburst the other day, Carrig made me take a break from practices. I glanced at the clock. Jaran would be here in an hour to help me cope, so I only had to survive until then. The week was going excruciatingly slow. I had no idea how I would make it through the weekend.
Something mewed at my bedroom door and I paused mid-crunch to listen. The next mew drew out longer. I knew that sound.
Cleo? I saved my place with my bookmark before padding to the door. Cleo darted in as I swung it open and she jumped onto my bed. I hadn’t seen her since Conemar’s men demolished our apartment in Boston. Before moving to Branford, Pop and I had searched the streets around our neighborhood, but we couldn’t find her.
“Oh my God,” I squealed. “What are you doing here?” I picked her up and sat with her in my arms, nuzzling my nose into her fur. “Hey, squeaker, I missed you. How’d you get here?” Baron? Nana’s cat pranced in and sat on the area carpet. Cleo leaped out of my arms and joined him. She lightly batted her multi-colored paw at him, and then bathed his black coat with quick licks.
“I don’t think we could possibly separate them now,” Nana said as she glided into the room.
I leaped to my feet.
“Nana.” I practically tripped over the love bath happening on the carpet as I rushed over and wrapped my arms around her. “You’re here. You’re actually here. How did you find Cleo?”
“Your neighbor, Mr. Navarro, was taking care of her.”
Deidre charged into the room. “Is everything okay?” She stopped. “Oh, Mrs. Kearns you made it.”
“I would’ve been here sooner, if not for the snow.” She pulled back and studied me. “You’re a snotty mess. What’s this I hear about you and Arik?”
I stared at my hands; my nails were broken and the cuticles torn. “He’s just not into me anymore.”
“Well, isn’t he a silly boy.” She lifted my chin. “A Kearns woman never sulks, dear. We never show a man he’s gotten the better of us. Deidre, I think a mani-pedi is in order.”
“I’ll get my things,” Deidre said, and dashed out of the room, probably to the bathroom to grab her arsenal of nail products.
“What’s wrong with my nails?”
“They’re atrocious,” Nana said. “You could kill small animals with your toenails.”
Baron hissed.
“I didn’t mean you.” She frowned at him. “The problem with familiars is…they understand everything you say. After we’re done, we’ll have dinner at this cute new Italian restaurant in town. It’s opening night.”
“The D’Marco’s place?”
“You’ve heard of it?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard it mentioned around.” I laughed and squeezed her again. “I’m so glad you’re here, and that you could make it for the restaurant’s opening.”
“Well, I’m like the cavalry, dear. When all seems lost, I charge in.” She patted my back. “We just have to get you through to Christmas vacation. Afton’s coming to spend the holiday with us.”
I could hardly believe it. Afton was coming, too. The excitement swelled in my chest. A thought hit me, deflating my excitement.
“Her parents are okay with that?” I asked. “Where are they going? Christmas is a big deal at the Wilson’s house.”
Nana frowned. “Sorry to say, her father moved out. Not a happy situation for Afton at the moment.”
“Why didn’t she tell me? We’ve video chatted all week and she didn’t mention it.”
“She probably didn’t want to upset you, dear.” Nana patted my cheek. “You’ve had such a hard time since the breakup.”
“Yeah, I was basically crying the entire time.” My shoulders slumped. “I’m such a horrible friend.”
Deidre came back carrying plastic bins. “I’m thinking purple with confetti tips.”
An hour later, with my nails done, soft waves in my hair, and dressed in Deidre’s black dress, I felt like a new person. I caught my image in the mirror hanging in the host area of the D’Marco’s new restaurant. I didn’t look like a girl who’d just had her heart ripped out.
The place was crowded. Mrs. D’Marco spotted us and rushed over.“Katy, I’m so happy to see you.” She gave Nana a polite hug. “I have a wonderful table nestled in the corner for you. The others are already here.”
Others?
I backed up toward the door. Nana quickly wrapped her arm through mine. “He’s not here,” she whispered.
For some reason that wasn’t as comforting as it should have been.
As we approached, Lei patted the seat beside her. The overly big smile stretching her lips said it all. Arik wasn’t here because he was with Emily.
I sat and said hello to the others. Nana took the empty seat at the head of the table, next to me.
“You look beautiful,” Nick said.
“Why aren’t you working?” I snatched the white linen, tented napkin perched on the plate in front of me, unfolded it, and spread it across my lap.
Deidre placed her hand on his shoulder and leaned forward to see around him. “’Cause he’s too moody with the customers.”
“I am not.” He shrugged her hand off.
“Okay, whatever.” Deidre rolled her eyes, and then leaned back int
o her chair.
“How do you feel?” Jaran asked from across the table. There was an empty chair beside him. and I instantly felt sad thinking Arik should be there.
“Wonderful, now that Nana is here.”
“Well, you look amazing,” he said.
“Thank you,” I said, trying not to look at the vacant spot beside him.
Kale tore a piece from the loaf of bread in front of him.
“Stop eating all the bread,” Lei said. “You won’t have any room for your meal.”
Carrig poured some wine into Sinead’s glass. “I’ve been told the meatballs be grand here.”
“They’re the best,” Pop said.
Miss Bagley rested her hand on Pop’s hand. “I was thinking, um—”
“Lasagna,” Pop finished for her.
“Yes,” she said, grinning.
Pop beamed at her, taking her hand in his and gently squeezing it. “Good choice.”
Miss Bagley and Pop had started finishing each other’s sentences.
Nana caught my gaze and nodded toward Pop and Miss Bagley.
I shrugged my shoulders.
She gave me an understanding smile and took a sip from her water glass.
Mrs. D’Marco gave me a curious look as she poured water into my glass. She wiped a skeletal hand on the black apron tied around her tiny waist. “You doing okay, sweetie?”
“Yes, I can’t wait to have your rosettes.”
“I’ll have Tony make them extra special for you tonight.”
“Right behind you.” Mr. D’Marco, Nick’s dad and head chef, approached the table, balancing two large plates of antipasti salad in each hand. At their restaurant in Boston, he’d always smelled like meatballs and the familiar scent clung to him tonight.
Mrs. D’Marco grabbed one of the full plates of antipasti from her husband and placed it on the table between Jaran and me. “Now, don’t fill up on this, or you won’t be able to eat the main course.”
Mr. D’Marco placed the other plate in front of Pop and Carrig. “And save room for dessert. We have something special tonight. But it’s not as sweet as my sweetie.”
“Why would you say something like that in front of the customers?” Mrs. D’Marco snapped, and stormed off.
“Mia bella, they don’t mind. They’re our friends,” said Mr. D’Marco, chasing after her.