I cross over to where she is standing and take in the sight. One I dreamed about for years, but never like this. He is staring back up at me, just as mesmerized as I am. “Angelo, this is your daddy.”
“Da-da-da-da-da,” and my heart seizes. I don’t have air in my lungs; I stare in wonder.
I reach out a finger to stroke his chubby cheek and he grips onto it, moving it into his mouth. Callie lets out a nervous chuckle, “Sorry, he’s teething,” she tries to dislodge my finger from his mouth.
“Stop,” I want this. I want this moment unscripted and not tainted by her voice. I watch as he gnaws on my finger, his eyes as round as saucers staring back to me. I smile at him, and he returns it with his toothless grin. My heart starts beating again in this moment. A few minutes pass, and we are studying each other when he abruptly lets go of my finger and turns into her neck whimpering.
She consoles him, “He’s ready for his bottle and nap.” I step back, reminded I have no clue his likes or dislikes, or what his schedule is. “Be at the house in an hour.” I quietly close the door behind me so I don’t startle Angelo and I let the emotion overtake me. I get behind the wheel of my car, head to my mom’s to tell her the news, the entire time fighting back tears and wiping away the few stray ones that leak out.
How did this happen? For the first time I don’t answer myself with Frank Locati. Today the answer is Callie Locati. I’m met at the door by Bianca, “Where did you take her? Where is she?” Then she notices my face and without question embraces me. I can’t fight the feelings then and let the tears come. My mom walks in on this scene and leads us both to the couch.
“Where were you?” My mother probes.
“Meeting my son,” I take in a shaky breath. “She was pregnant when she left. I have a son.”
“Fuck,” Dakota whispers behind me. I look at him and realize there are a lot of gaps to fill in.
Chapter 26
Callie
I stare down at my son sleeping and take a quick breath, unclasp his seat belt and lift the carrier to head towards the door. I don’t get a chance to knock before the door is flung inward and Bianca is staring at me. I see excitement, happiness, and underneath it all is the hurt I never wanted to be responsible for. She ushers me in and immediately is taken by her nephew. She stares at his sleeping form, “He’s beautiful.”
“Yeah,” is all I can choke out.
“You’re a mom.” Her voice holds a tinge of astonishment. I’m sure this hasn’t all sunk in for them and again the fear threatens to overtake me. Bronson steps into the hallway and takes the carrier from me. I want to argue, tell him not to swing it too much or he’ll wake him up, but I refrain. He’s his dad; he’ll have to learn just like I did.
“I’m going to get the portable crib from the back of the car and his diaper bag,” I move towards the door when Dakota shows up and follows behind me.
“Is this what you wouldn’t tell me? Your ace in the hole?”
I nod. “Damn it, why? A kid? That’s monumental, Callie. A game changer.”
“I know.” I won’t give anyone an explanation until I give it to Bronson. We get the gear and head back to the house.
“Keep it together, it’s going to get brutal. He is blinded by so many things right now he’s lost sight of the love he has for you. It’s there, but you’ll have to shovel a lot of shit to get to it.”
“That’s not why I came back, Dakota.”
“Bullshit, Callie. You may not have come back expecting a reconciliation but you did come back because you love him and didn’t want to rob him of anymore time. You loved him enough to have his kid, fight for his safety and take care of both of you while you bid your time. I see it; I understand it. I hate it but you did the right thing. None of us knows what would have happened. I just know it’s going to get rough and if you need anything let me know. I’ve been waiting for the day to lay his surly ass out for a while.” I smile at him. It’s nice to see some things never change.
“Thanks, Dakota.” I press my hand into my sternum; the stubborn pain is persistent today.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lie.
Gianna is holding Angelo when I walk in. She smiles at me and motions me over to her. She stands with my son in her arms, a serene smile on her face, and kisses my cheek. “Perfect. You did well, Callie. Thank you.” And for the first and only time in my life I get to watch a grandparent fall in love with my child. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. This isn’t my moment; it’s theirs. I look towards Bronson and see the love shining from him, until he looks at me and shuts down. He is impenetrable . . . like fucking Alcatraz right now. His gaze doesn’t stay on mine for longer than five seconds, like the sight of me is more than he can bear. I’m not ready to offer to leave my child there for a few hours to give them some time; it’s still all too new.
“Sit down,” Bianca pats the seat next to her. “Catch me up.” I cringe. She is ignoring the tension in the room. Bronson is making it very clear that he isn’t happy about my return.
I try to communicate to Bianca to be a bit more sensitive and she shakes her head at me. She’s always gone head first into every situation. “Well, without going in to the details right now, I was in a small town in Mississippi.”
“Really? How was that?”
“How do you think? It sucked, I wasn’t myself and all alone.” I hear Bronson scoff under his breath and jerk my head up to him. He may be pissed and hurt but he doesn’t get to act like he was the only one affected by that. “I have a meeting with the agency tomorrow to give them details, and until I explain to Bronson nobody else will get full details.”
“Don’t take my feelings into account this time. Please share your experiences with us.” His condescending tone cuts right through me.
“Bronson!” Gianna exclaims, shocked at his behavior.
“It’s fine. He’s entitled to his opinion.” I face him, “What you aren’t entitled to is to act like this in front of Angelo. Or to act like I wasn’t hurt in all this, either. You don’t have to accept or believe my feelings but you won’t dismiss them. You won’t treat me like this in front of him.” I nod towards our son. I’m seething, he can either bring out the best or worst in me depending on what mood he puts me in. I know if my feelings weren’t so strong for him it wouldn’t matter but that’s what he can’t see; I didn’t do any of this to hurt him . . . any of them for that matter . . . it was all for their benefit and until his stubborn ass wants to hear it he will continue to believe that he is the only victim. I guess it’s true what they say about good intentions. I guess I am now walking on that road to hell.
“Take a walk,” Dakota tells him. Bronson stares between me and his son, a war waging behind his eyes. He doesn’t want to leave his son, probably afraid I’ll take him and run, but he definitely doesn’t want to be in my vicinity. I sigh. I can do this.
“I’ll walk outside. If you need me, I’ll be out back.” I tell Gianna. I know she is a great mom, but this is my son and I’ve been the only one with him so I know his cries, his quirks.
“We’ll be fine, but you don’t have to.” I nod at her. I do have to. “Okay, I’ll get you if I need you.” I walk outside and look at the dock, the boat slip still sitting empty and I relive some moments. My birthday, the boat rides, the stolen kisses; all happy times and in just a few hours they are being shrouded by the animosity that surrounds our new situation.
Footsteps approaching behind me interrupt my moment of solace, and I’m grateful because it was about to turn into a full-blown pity party. “Sorry my brother’s a dick.”
“He’s not. He’s just hurt.” I can’t believe I’m defending him.
“Spoken like a damn loyal girl still in love with said asshole.” I laugh.
“You know he’s your hero, your best friend.”
“Still an asshole. He still loves you. I can obviously tell you still care, you still put him above yourself.”
I d
on’t deny my feelings. “Love is the last thing he feels right now.”
“No, love is the last thing he wants to feel, and it pisses him off he can’t control it like he does everything else in life. Like I said, dick.” She sticks her tongue out at me. Somehow we have reverted back to ten-year olds. “So, tell me something. What did you do there?”
“Pretty much school and took care of Angelo when he arrived.” Her nose scrunches up as she thinks about that scenario. “The last month or so I did work at the elementary school as an aide, they didn’t have any teaching positions open.”
“Wait! You finished your degree?” I nod my head. “Bitch, I still have another semester.”
“Uh, thanks. That’s the joy of having no outside life, being pregnant and spurred on by hatred, depression, and fear. You can really pull of a shit ton of classes and graduate early.” This is the most I opened up to her and I can see her eyes soften as she takes in everything I just said.
“Are you okay?”
“Define okay.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“Not physically. He broke my fucking heart,” I tell her honestly. “My own dad did this to me with no regard for how it would turn out. As long as he was going to end up on top it didn’t matter who he stepped on. In one moment, one act of greed, he ruined my life. He changed everything as I knew it, and I have no clue how to begin to pick up the pieces. I have a beautiful son, one created out of love, but he will be robbed of a loving two-parent home. I’m not naïve. I knew when I left I was sealing my own fate, but I guess I didn’t really know how it would feel. Now, I’m back here and it’s all so real, so in my face, and I’m clueless how to get past the feelings I have, deal with the hatred directed at me and all the blame placed on me. I struggled when Angelo was born and I don’t want to go back to that place.”
I hear clapping in the background and turn to see Bronson walking forward clapping. “Bravo. And the award goes to Callie Locati. Poor girl was forced away, leaving destruction in her wake, and now she returns home wanting the pity train rolled out and be welcomed back with open arms.”
“Oh my God,” Bianca says next to me. I am speechless and feel like I am going to vomit. This is a whole new level of douchery; one I never thought he would sink to.
“When you decide to stop being a self-centered asshole and decide to listen to me, you know how to reach me. Until then, we can work out a visitation schedule for you and Angelo. I’ll give your mom his schedule and go over things with her because it’s obvious you aren’t mature enough to hold a conversation with me. Remember, you’re a parent now, and this bullshit needs to stop. I get it, you’re hurt, but you aren’t the only one in this situation.” I give Bianca a hug, “You’re right,” I look him in the eye. “Dick.”
I can hear the raised voices behind me and I grip my stomach, willing myself not to get sick. I give Gianna some instructions, leave her with the diaper bag and my phone number, and leave the house. I stand on the front porch for a few moments, not able to walk away. Logically, I know Angelo will be fine, Gianna and Bianca will keep him safe, and I know Bronson won’t let anything happen to him but I’ve been his primary caretaker for so long what if he wants me and I’m not there. When I got my head out of my ass when he was about three months old I swore he would never miss me, never doubt that I was there for him. I’m being an irrational first time mother, I know that, but I struggle to take that first step away from him.
“He’ll be fine, you know that.” Why is Dakota always around when I need a pep talk?
“I do, just being a blubbering mom.”
“That’s allowed. I don’t know how to fix it, Callie. I would say let him work through it but this curve ball changed that direction. He’s angrier than I’ve seen him. He is irrational and lashing out on you.”“Yeah, well I refuse to be a punching bag again. I did that growing up and I won’t let Angelo witness it. He should know that better than anyone, so talk to your friend. Make him see the light because I won’t hesitate to do whatever is needed for that little boy.”
His face pales, “You wouldn’t take him?”
“I don’t know what I’d do until pushed in that direction. I just know he will always come first, and Bronson’s feelings can’t matter to me if there is a chance I could be hurting my son. I came back, never intending to hide him, it’s been less than twelve hours, and I am fucking drained from dealing with his shenanigans. I’ll give him some time to get over himself, but I won’t let his insults and outrage towards me go on forever.” I feel stronger after voicing that. “I’m coming back here in two hours to pick him up, if he’s still in the mood to be an ass make sure he stays away from me.”
“Wow, Callie. I think I just saw a new side of you and I can say, I dig it.”
“You’re such a dork. It’s called being a mom. Just know I never wanted to be Bronson’s enemy in all this.” He nods and gives me a pat on the shoulder. “Hey, what’s up with you and Binks?”
“Another story, girl. A whole lot of shit that we keep getting stuck in.”
“If you’re serious, get a shovel and start hauling manure, lover boy.”
“I hear ya,” he chuckles at me.
“Less talking, more action.”
“I can’t believe it, I actually missed you. You and Binks together are a pair of trouble, but I fucking missed the dynamic and I know she hasn’t been the same since you left.”
“Yeah, I missed you too.” I get in my car and drive to the house I never wanted to lay eyes on again. I don’t go inside, just look at it from the street. If it wasn’t seized in the raid, I’m selling this bitch. Since my mom is ‘incapacitated’ AKA drunk and boozed up, the affairs all fall on my shoulders. How ironic because every decision I am going to make for his remaining empire is going to be done in order to ruin whatever was left, and I’ll do it with a pep in my step and smile on my face.
I drive to the other side of town, the beach side, and walk into the beach rentals office. I worry about finances and a job but I need somewhere to live. It’s not going to be easy to find a job with my last name due to recent events. Before I would have gotten a position out of fear but now I don’t even have that on my side. I want to see Angelo play in the sand, let him bask in the sun; we have had so much darkness in his short life. After a short perusal of what they have available I choose the most inexpensive one bedroom bungalow. We don’t need that much space so I can save some money until we need more room.
Feeling better about my living conditions, the fact it’s furnished and I can have it in two days leaves me with just one major hurdle. It’s still too early to head back to the house so I drive aimlessly around and lose myself in the salt air and music. When ‘Masterpiece’ by Jessie J comes on, I turn it up and let the lyrics wash over me and seep in my soul. I’m not perfect, none of us are, but I am a good person. If he can’t see what’s right in front of his face and overlook his own pain for the greater good of his son then he will miss out. Children are smart and pick up on the smallest nuance and I won’t be the one falling down on parenthood. I’ll have patience, but not a lifetime of it. Bronson Agosto was forced out of my life when the only thing I was sure of was that I loved him.
Now I’m sure of myself, I’ve survived the worst life has thrown at me, fucking flourished when it came to taking care and protecting my son and I’ll be damned if he tries to rip all my work apart. Amazing what some kick ass girl power lyrics can do to your outlook on what was staring at me all along. Everything my father and this life tried to rip from me I’m taking it all back and cementing my future. Love may be worth it, but you can’t allow it to compromise your well-being. Love may conquer all, but if the person you love doesn’t want to climb those uphill battles with you, then it’s not worth it. You can open your heart, bleed out and offer them your life, but until they are willing to sew up the gash you are bleeding out of and mend the past scars, it’s just another step in life, not the merging of two paths.
Chapter 27
Bronson
She’s been home for two weeks now and this is the first time I’m taking Angelo to her. She has been doing all the work of dropping him off at my mom’s house, and I spend as much time over there in between work. He is truly amazing, and my mom is constantly commenting on how much like me he is. Today she shooed me out with an address and told me to work a schedule out with the mother of my child and leave her out of it. She did mention she might be keeping him during the day if Callie gets a teaching position. So she did finish school. Did I mention in the two weeks I haven’t spoken three words to her since that first day?
As Bianca says, I’m a dick. Dakota has used more colorful descriptions to describe my actions but they don’t get it. Her dad may have set in motion for the events to happen but she went along with his plans. No matter what she says, it will never change that in my mind. Maybe I’m worried she could change that if I listen to her and it will open up all the painful memories I pushed down. I’ve transposed pain for anger and right now it’s working out. Until I hear Angelo in the back babbling, and this time it’s “Ma-ma-ma-ma.” Yep, we have a lifetime of decisions and a bond to keep us in communication with this little guy, so maybe I can try a little harder.
I pull up to a tiny bungalow and immediately wonder how she is living here. I’m no snob but this is more like a shack and how is Angelo going to have the room for all his toys? Of course my mom’s living room now resembles the showroom floor of a baby superstore so I imagine Callie’s looks the same. I’m going to have to order some things for my condo because as soon as I can have him for weekends I’ll need the items. The commute is killing me every few days so we need to work something else out. As I’m unbuckling him from the car seat, I hear her laughter and the screen door open. When I hear a male voice, I tense. I look over my shoulder and see that smile on her face and some guy staring at her like he wants to eat her up. “Tomorrow at two?” he asks her.
Bellissimo Fortuna (Beautiful Fortune) Page 16