by Lara Norman
“Why do we have the same fight over and over now? It didn’t use to be this way.” She sat back in her chair and pushed her plate away.
He regretted that they were fighting in the middle of dinner. He even regretted that he’d started it after promising himself he wouldn’t push her. But he couldn’t regret making sure she knew where he stood. “Because I’ve spent four years obeying everything you’ve ever said, hiding my love for you like it’s a disease. I’ve pretended we’re nothing but friends just so I could be near you, but it’s never been what I wanted. I just want you, Luna. I thought you knew that.”
“I do know, Davis, but it can never be what you want between us. I won’t ruin your life for selfish gain. I wish you could see that it’s not because I don’t love you, but because my hands are tied.” She pushed her chair back, and he panicked.
“Don’t walk out on me, Luna.” He didn’t care that he was begging. Anything to make her listen.
“I can’t help it. We can’t do this anymore, and it’s just exactly as I feared. I don’t even have the heart to say I told you so.”
He followed her to the front of the restaurant, matching her fast pace. When she stepped out onto the busy sidewalk, he took her elbow and led her to his car. “Sorensen will take you back to the school so you can fetch your car.”
He expected her to ignore him; to shake off his hand and keep walking, so he made sure she couldn’t. He pushed her against the car and held his body tightly to hers, not speaking, not seeking anything from her but to feel her. He kept his hands on either side of her shoulders to cage her in.
“I apologize for bringing it up again. I only want you to be in my life.” The words were whispered into her skin, and then he walked away.
Chapter 8
Luna knew she’d fucked it all up again. She somehow managed to disappoint Davis no matter what she did. She hadn’t fixed his obsession with her; she’d only successfully hurt his feelings.
She threw her purse on the couch and yanked her coat off. She paced her living room, appalled at herself. Maybe distance was the answer, but if she was trying to make Davis happy, she didn’t think that would work. Not for the first time, she contemplated giving in. He would be so good to her, and they could be so happy. But if her instincts were right and his parents disowned him—they could barely even acknowledge he was good enough to work a real position in their company—he would be ruined. That, she couldn’t stand.
Luna peeled off her work clothes and climbed into her pajamas. The bed tempted her, but she knew her brain was too wound up for sleep. Instead, she went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. She stared out her tiny slit of a window and watched the city lights blur as her eyes dried out. She blinked, trying desperately to come up with the answers that would make Davis happy. She seriously considered his friends with benefits proposal. If they were having sex on a regular basis, they would be happy. That was a given. But she couldn’t be happy with casual sex, even with someone as close to her as Davis. He wouldn’t be happy with casual sex with her, because he would want to turn it into everything she couldn’t give him. He would say he didn’t, and he might even try, but he was absolutely devoted to her. That much she knew; after all, it was the reason she was having such a crisis of conscience. She wanted him, wanted all of it with him. The white dress, the cake, the guests, the sex and babies, the white picket fence. Or whatever the equivalent to that was in the city. But, there was that one little obstacle.
Sophia Healy had taken Luna aside all those years ago and told her in plain words that she would never be good enough for Davis. She’d made it clear that Davis would be ‘cut off financially if he married a gold digger like her.’ it was Luna’s worst secret, the one she hadn’t even told Reagan. She didn’t want to taint others’ opinions of the woman, least of all Davis. He’d tried so hard to make them proud of him, even while he thumbed his nose at them over his major. At least he’d made the effort to graduate with a decent GPA. He’d shown up to class when he could have slept through them all. He could have done whatever he wanted and no one would have batted an eyelash. He only had to go to college, not pass with flying colors, in order to get the job with Healy International. But he strived to do well and make them proud, like a kid still needing his parents’ approval. They weren’t quick to praise him, never had been, and she knew that’s what he needed from them. He’d told her as much.
Now he’d been promoted, so to speak, and it was exactly what he’d worked toward. All summer he’d tried to convince his dad he could do the job if given a chance, and every time, Ian had said no. He didn’t believe in his own son, which was sad to Luna. Her parents had been upset when she wanted to go to college and teach at a typical middle school, but they were quick to reassure her they were still proud and loved her no matter what. They wanted her to do what they did, which was live off the land. Plenty of their hippie ways were ingrained in her, but making her own butter was not one of them. Solar panels and wind turbines and milking cows was fine growing up, if not a little stressful. She often worried if they wouldn’t have electricity, something that didn’t bother her parents but definitely worried her. They didn’t watch television, didn’t go out to eat, Luna was homeschooled, and her parents traded items or grew them more often than purchasing anything. Luna learned the value of hard work, of relying on community, and a few other things that rarely came in handy now that she lived in urban Maryland.
She considered calling her parents, but she didn’t think Iris and Chester would want to discuss their daughter’s sex life. She’d already tried to talk with Reagan about things, but she realized that Reagan thought Luna should do what she did and choose to be with Davis. Luna couldn’t see doing that to him. Davis had not charted a course that allowed him to earn money outside of his mother and father’s influence. Hudson had a job he’d earned and enjoyed. Davis was just starting out in the family business. She couldn’t rock the boat and cause him to lose his job and his parents.
Luna sighed, draining the wine and placing the glass in the sink. She wanted to call Davis and bare her soul to him, to beg him to make love to her the way she knew he would, and say fuck it to everyone else. It was wrong, but she pictured him between her thighs, thrusting into her as he kissed her as if she was the only person in the world. That was what she loved about him, among other things; he cherished her and never made her feel less than. She was perfect to him.
That thought brought tears to her eyes. She’d given being with him serious consideration when they first met. If it weren’t for the Healys coming over to get a look at his place and Davis being so eager to introduce them, they would have had a chance at happiness. She could have had four years of bliss with him under her belt, instead of holding him at arm’s length and trying to convince him they weren’t right for each other. She was so afraid he’d choose her over his parents and end up with absolutely nothing. He wouldn’t know what to do without his platinum credit cards. He expected people to fall at his feet wherever he went; they tripped all over themselves to serve him and had done so his entire life.
Luna wandered through the apartment, a ghost in her own home. She felt wispy, insubstantial, vulnerable. She wished she had the strength to either cut Davis loose and move on with her life, or tell Sophia she didn’t care what they thought of her. She didn’t think she could do either one, and instead she was miserable. Then again, so was Davis. She groaned, picked up her cell phone, and then dropped it on the sofa again. She had to be strong. He was on the cusp of having the life he wanted, and she wouldn’t ruin it for him. She headed to bed, no closer to a true solution than when she walked in the door.
She fell asleep dreaming of Davis.
He would take her nice and slow, looking into her eyes as they made love. Or he would move fast and hard, fucking her as she screamed his name. He would bend her over, slapping her ass as he screamed her name. She’d never been adventurous in the bedroom, hadn’t had much experience at all, really, but Davis made her
want to try everything. As long as it was with him.
Luna woke horny and unsatisfied, a bad combination for a schoolteacher. She rushed through her morning routine, eager to have something to do to keep her mind off a certain black-haired, blue-eyed man. She made it to school with time to spare and got to work finishing the tests she’d been grading the day before. She found it hard to believe it was only yesterday that she’d had coffee with Luther and agreed to go on a date with him, only to end up having dinner and a fight with Davis. She shook her head, uncapped her red pen, and got to work.
The kids began to trickle in around half past seven, and it gave her one more thing to do. She chatted with them and checked if they had finished their homework. A few of them asked about the field trip the following week, whether they could bring money from home to spend in the gift shop, and Luna was happy to discuss it with them. She didn’t see any of the other teachers, and that was fine by her. She was in her happy place, and it worked throughout the day.
Leaving work was another story. She knew Luther had car rider duty, so she ducked out as soon as the last of her students walked out the door. Typically, she stuck around and chatted or spent hours working. This time, she almost ran for her car.
Davis was like a drug, drawing her to him without even trying. She needed to see him, to smell him and feel him. She was connected to him, and nothing they did would change that. Despite her own best instincts, she was failing at resisting him.
She rode the elevator to the seventh floor since that was where he said he was working now. She found a receptionist at the main desk and asked for Davis Healy.
The rail-thin woman looked down her sharp nose. “Is he expecting you?”
“No, I don’t suppose he is, but I come in here all the time. The only reason you don’t recognize me is because he only started on this floor yesterday.” Luna clasped her hands in front of her to avoid fidgeting.
“I’ll have to buzz him and make sure it’s okay to send you back.” Her voice became more and more haughty with each word, and Luna had to resist rolling her eyes.
“You’ll ruin my surprise.”
She watched the other woman’s eyebrows shoot to her hairline. “Are you his girlfriend?”
“No.” More’s the pity. “Just his friend from college.”
“Oh, I see.” She studied Luna for several more moments before finally sighing. “I don’t want to take any heat if he’s angry at the intrusion.”
“He won’t be.” Luna tried a smile, felt it only lift partway. “I promise he won’t be angry with you.”
Luna received nothing more than a stern nod, so she hurried to the office he’d told her was his. All the way in the back left corner. The door was closed, blinds covering the numerous windows. She knocked tentatively, then more boldly. The least she could do was wait until he let her in.
The door opened, and Luna had to swallow as saliva pooled in her mouth. Davis was handsome, there was no doubt about that, and the way he filled out his well-tailored suits never ceased to make her drool. He’d trimmed his beard since taking the job, and his hair was a bit shorter, but he basically looked the same as he had since the day she met him. The wide eyes and raised eyebrows told her he was surprised to see her.
“May I?”
He nodded and stepped back, allowing her to enter before closing the door behind them.
She faced him when he didn’t speak. “I hate the way we left things last night. The way I left things,” she amended when his eyes flashed.
“Okay.” He folded his arms across his chest, his dress shirt straining over his biceps.
Not going to give me an inch, huh? “I hate the way we’ve been since last Friday night. I realize that it’s basically my fault—”
“Do you?” He threw his hands in the air with a snort. “With the way you’ve been acting, I was beginning to think you blamed me for everything, including world hunger.”
“No, never that.” She had to look down. “It’s just my insecurities rearing their ugly heads, I suppose. You’re too good for me, and I want you to be happy above all. I know you think I would make you happy, but I wouldn’t. Not long-term, Davis.”
She didn’t realize she was crying until he wiped at her cheek. “Luna, all I know is that we’ve been scared to try for years. I love the way my name sounds coming out of your mouth. I love the way I feel when we’re together. I’m getting the chance to make my mark in the world, and I want you by my side while I do it.”
He won’t be marrying a gold digger like you, mark my words. Luna bit her lip as Sophia’s words came to the forefront of her mind. “Davis.” She shook her head, realizing there was nothing to say. “Show me what you’re working on in this great big office.”
Davis studied her for a good long time, until she squirmed and wondered what he thought about. Finally, he gestured to the guest chair across from his desk. “You might as well sit, and we can talk about it.”
The tightness in her chest didn’t dissipate in his presence. It intensified, and she knew it was because he’d essentially declared himself once more, and she’d ignored it yet again.
Chapter 9
The day of the field trip arrived faster than Luna would have liked. She and Davis had spent an hour together in his office while he showed her his new responsibilities, and she could tell how much happier he was after he’d been given the chance to try. They’d texted each other a bit in the days after that, leaving her relieved that they were close again. She felt uneasy about her commitment to go out to dinner with Luther, but not enough to back out on him. She hated being so on the fence about everything going on in her life when she used to be so decisive. It was so unlike her.
After shuffling behind a bunch of eleven- and twelve-year-olds all day, Luna’s feet weren’t thrilled with her. She couldn’t wait to sit down and relax, but she still had to have dinner before she could go home. She didn’t bother to tell Davis what she was doing, preferring not to remind him about her date. She suspected he hadn’t forgotten, anyway.
After the last of the kids were on the bus, Luna turned to Luther. “Ready?”
“It’ll be an early dinner. Are you sure?” he asked with a frown.
She didn’t want to say what was on her mind, so she simply nodded.
“Are we riding together or going separately?” He began to walk in the direction of the parking lot, and Luna followed.
“I’d rather drive separately, if you don’t mind,” she replied.
“That’s fine. I’m parked right here.” He pointed to his car.
“I’m on the other end of the lot. Where are we going?” she asked.
“You want seafood, or something else?” He leaned against his car, his blond hair almost shining in the sunlight. He was too bland for her, she realized as she looked up at him, trying not to sigh.
“Seafood is great.”
“Okay, you can follow me, then.”
Luna walked across the lot, feeling the presence of his car following her. She didn’t turn around to check how close he was, or if he was staring at her. She got in her car and followed him to the restaurant, noting that it was barely after four when they pulled in.
“Maybe we should do something else for a while first,” he suggested as she stepped out of her car.
“It is early,” she replied.
“So what do you say?” He watched her intently enough to feel like a bug under a microscope.
“I can’t do any more walking, Luther, so nothing touristy. What else do you have in mind?”
“There’s a movie theater two doors down.”
“Okay.”
They walked to the theater, and Luther let Luna pick the movie. She paid for herself while Luther protested, but she didn’t want to be beholden to him. They walked side by side into the theater, but Luna was sure to keep her hands in her pockets. She didn’t know how forward Luther might be, but she found herself feeling uncomfortable being alone with him.
She didn’t
pay nearly as much attention to the movie as she should, but at least Luther didn’t make any move to hold her hand or anything. They stood and stretched as the lights came up, and Luna followed him out to the lobby.
“That was pretty good,” he said in a cheerful voice.
Luna nodded. “It was all right.”
He frowned down at her, and she looked away. “You ready for dinner?”
“Absolutely.”
They walked back to the restaurant, and Luther held the door for her. When they reached the hostess stand, Luther asked for a table by the windows. Making it romantic, Luna supposed, but it didn’t feel right. She sat and picked up her menu, trying to think of what to say to get the conversation rolling.
“How do you think the field trip went?” she finally asked.
She couldn’t help but notice how his grin split his face. “It was a success. Thanks for helping out.”
Like she had a choice in the matter. “You’re welcome.”