"I don't really, but these are extenuating circumstances," Jesmind admitted. "Alright, it's been a long day, cub. Into your room and get ready for bed. We'll be along in a bit to tuck you in."
"Alright, Mama," she acquiesced, getting up and padding to her room.
"And you," she said, looking at Tarrin. "I don't care how tired you are, beloved. I have only one more night with you before you leave. Don't plan on wasting it by sleeping."
"I didn't think you'd let me," he said with a teasing smile, taking her paws and looking down into her eyes. "I'm glad you're not going to really fight about this, love," he told her. "This is important."
"I know it is. It's the only reason I'm letting you do it," she replied seriously. "I don't like letting you leave me, but even I can understand that this is more important than what I want."
"Triana got to you, didn't she?" Tarrin asked after a pause.
Jesmind gave him a rueful grin. "Yah," she mused. "She told me to be graceful about it, or she'd kill me."
"I don't call all that screaming very graceful, Jesmind."
"I can't just let you go and do whatever without letting you know how I feel. Besides, if I just knuckled under here, you'd think I was getting weak, and you'd just start doing whatever you want all the time." She tapped him on the cheek. "I may lose, but you still have to fight for it, beloved."
Tarrin stared down at her, then smiled. "That's the Jesmind I know and love."
"Of course it is. Who else would it be?"
The next day dawned, for the city of Suld, with one massive hangover. Almost everyone in the city had been celebrating, and they were feeling the effects of it the morning after, as many picked themselves up out of the streets in which they'd passed out. But not everyone had been partaking in the joy. The Wikuni fleet, after gathering up their sailors from the taverns and festhalls, quickly and quietly prepared their ships to leave. By morning, a squadron of twenty clippers was prepared for departure, including the Royal ship, a clear indication to anyone coherent enough to see that the Queen of Wikuna was preparing to leave Suld. Ungardt ship captains dragged their crews out of tavern floors, streets, and the beds of victory-flushed young women, and they too began to get ready to pull out. A large portion of the Arakite Legions too looked to be preparing to return home, but a portion of the Arakite forces had settled into barracks on the Tower grounds, making it apparent that they were going to remain in Suld to either train with the Knights or supplement the defense forces of the city and give Suld time to call in more Sulasian troops for her defense.
Tarrin threw the drapes back to let the morning light into the common room, and paused to look down over the city, stepping out onto the balcony. All the fires had been put out, and from the parts of the city he could see, it didn't look like the city had just come through a major battle. He looked up, seeing from the sun that it was nearly noon, as the sun just began to creep over the top of the Tower and start on the waning portion of its daily cycle. He could see the Wikuni ships out in the harbor, and though it was too far away to tell, he could only guess that they were either being prepared or were prepared to sail.
He'd be getting on one of those ships today. He'd get on that ship, and it was going to sail away, to the southwest, to seek the Firestaff. He'd be leaving behind his mate and both of his daughters, his parents and bond-mother, his little mother and a close friend. They all had to remain behind, because they were too young, or they were needed, or they had to return home for their own health and well being. Or they simply had no interest in going. He would leave again, leave a place in which he had come to feel comfortable, would abandon it all again to obey his Goddess and continue the mission.
But for every one that was staying, another was coming along. His blood sisters would be with him, as would Dolanna. Kimmie would be there to talk to, talk to someone that understood him in ways nobody else really could, and he'd have Camara Tal to teach him and Phandebrass to amaze him or surprise him or shock him every day. It would be a long journey, but he wouldn't get bored.
But it still didn't change the fact that Jesmind wouldn't be there. Jasana wouldn't be there, and Jula wouldn't be there. They were his family, just as much as Jenna and his parents and his sisters and his bond-mother. He'd have some of his family with him, but others would not be there, and Jesmind was the most important of them all. He loved his fiery mate, and the idea of leaving her was like a rock stuck in his belly. But he had no choice. He knew it, she knew it, and they both had to live with it.
Jasana had taken it surprisingly well. His little girl seemed a little, different. She showed signs of her usual self, but there was something else in her eyes now, a maturity, a knowledge that shouldn't be there. Tarrin got the feeling that the joining with the Goddess had caused that to be, and it had changed his daughter. But she was still Jasana, and she showed signs that whatever had changed her would not change her too much. It was just something extra in her gaze now, and there were times when she showed unusual maturity. The fact that her father was leaving her was one of those areas. He had told her when he'd gotten up, told both her and Jula, and where he expected her to plead and wheedle and cajole him into staying, she had simply nodded gravely and asked when he was going to come home. That had surprised him, nearly so much so that he almost forgot to tell Jula that Jenna wanted her to stay in Suld, and he wanted her to stay as well and help watch over Jasana. Jula hadn't been too pleased, since she would be much happier away from the Tower and the people in it, but she only sighed and agreed when he told her that it wasn't a request, it was an order. It was even worse for her because Kimmie was going with Tarrin, who was her only real friend. Without Kimmie, Jula would only have Jenna, Jesmind, and Jasana. And Tarrin knew that Jesmind wasn't going to warm to Jula very quickly, so that was going to be an unpleasant period of adjustment for both of them.
They would manage. He hoped that they would be alright while he was gone. Jasana would get bored alot, and Jula would be very quiet for a while, and Jesmind would be a royal, total, complete and utter bitch to everyone she saw for the first few rides, as the separation from him reached it peak before she started to calm down. Tarrin was very glad he wouldn't be around to see that. Jesmind was a woman of passion, and she was also a woman of frank directness. When she was unhappy, she made sure everyone around her knew it.
Putting his paws on the rail, he looked over the sea, out into the vast blue emptiness, his eyes making out the horizon. Somewhere over that horizon, the Firestaff was waiting for him. Waiting for someone, waiting for whoever reached it first, no matter who it was. He wasn't the only one going to sail out over that horizon in search of it, and he just hoped that they wouldn't get in the way too much along the way. For the first time since he started this, for the first time, he didn't feel like he was chasing some intangible fable. He had felt its power, and now they were going after the Firestaff itself. It felt more real to him than ever before, and that made him feel much more sober about what he was doing. That power had touched him, and it had seemed almost limitless. That was the enticement luring them to it, the promise of the power, power enough to make someone a god. Even Tarrin felt that allure tugging at him, but it could find no real purchase within him. Everything the Firestaff offered, he already possessed. He already had great power, and he already had immortality. The only thing that the Firestaff could offer that he lacked was peace. Peace...well, he doubted such a thing could give him peace. Its very nature made people fight over it, and the world had exploded into war over it over the last couple of years. Absolute power...it did indeed corrupt absolutely.
Noontime. It was almost time for them to meet and make sure they had everything ready. They'd be leaving soon, and though it may take Keritanima a few hours to prepare, Tarrin would be ready as soon as he picked up his simple pack, a pack that had never really been emptied. Maybe some part of him knew that he wouldn't be at Suld very long. Even so, all it really held in it were his clothes and some small personal effects, like
the little doll that had once been his and Janette's favorite toy. He was more or less ready to leave now, but he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave Jesmind.
I can help with that, kitten, the voice of the Goddess touched him. He felt an odd surge of magical energy, and then felt something suddenly in his paw. He looked down and saw a trio of black steel shaerams, one with a longer chain than the other. Give those to your mate and daughters. With them, you will never be out of touch.
"Thank you, Mother," he said gratefully.
They are just like yours, able to do anything yours can do. They are also linked to your amulet in a way that makes it impossible for others to hear what you say. And I created them so it doesn't require Sorcery to use them. All Jesmind need do is hold the amulet and call your name, and you will hear it.
"Jesmind finally gets to shapeshift without losing her clothes," Tarrin mused with a smile. "This is a wonderful gift, Mother. Thank you very much. It'll make me feel much better."
I dare say it'll make Jesmind less bitchy, she said winsomely. You won't be here, but at least she'll be able to talk to you, and that should ease her loneliness.
"I hope so," he said.
He found all three of them in Jasana's room. Jula was still very weak and wobbly, trying to get one of Jesmind's shirts on without much success. The ordeal that had barely slowed Tarrin down for more than a couple of hours had destroyed Jula, and he worried if she would ever recover or be alright again. Jesmind was handing Jasana a pair of breeches as the little Were-cat girl picked at the fur at the end of her tail, combing out a burr. Tarrin shook his head and stepped over to Jula, grabbing the tail of the shirt and pulling it over her head.
"Thanks," she said with a weak smile, sitting back down on the bed and breathing a little hard to recover. "I was going to try the pants first, but I thought the shirt would be easier. Proves how smart I am," she said with a weak, rueful laugh.
"Well, this may be soemthing a little easier to put on," he told her. "Jesmind, Jasana, here," he called, making them come over. He handed Jasana her amulet first, then Jesmind, then reached the last back to Jula.
"What is this, Tarrin?" Jula asked, looking at the amulet. "I feel...something about it."
"It's a gift," he told them. "A gift from the Goddess."
"A gift for me? The Goddess gives a gift to me?" Jula asked in wide-eyed reverence. "After everything I did to her, she gives me a gift?"
"The only one punishing you over what you did is you, Jula," Tarrin told her. "The Goddess forigives you. Can't you see that?"
"I, I guess so, but--" she said, but then she broke off and wiped a tear from her eye.
"These are like mine," he told them, looking at Jesmind. "They'll let you shapeshift without losing your clothes, and as long as you wear them, nobody can find you using magic. They're also linked to my amulet," he explained, touching his own. "All you have to do is hold it in your paw and speak my name, and you can talk to me no matter where I am."
Jesmind stared at the amulet a long moment, then squealed in delight and gave her mate a deep kiss. "Tarrin, this is perfect!" she beamed. "Now I can keep in touch with you. And I can shapeshift any time I want!"
"Oh, wait," he said, realizing something. "The Goddess said that they were exactly like mine. I'll bet that means that if you put them on, you won't be able to take them off. So it's your decision if you want to wear it."
"So?" Jesmind countered. "This Goddess of yours seems to own you and my daughter. If I can't trust her with you two, I have no reason to trust anyone. I'll wear her symbol proudly." And with that, she quite deliberately put it over her head and settled it into place.
"I never dreamed--" Jula said, then she sniffled. "I haven't worn a shaeram since the night I abducted you. I've been too ashamed. But if the Goddess does forgive me, I'll wear this and never take it off," she said adamantly. She put it on slowly, and when it was settled around her neck, Tarrin clearly saw the concave star design at the center of it transform itself, growing the leg-like extensions that made it appear to be a spider, and marked the amulet as belonging to a Weavespinner. She looked at it in wonder for a moment. "It didn't look like this before. It looks like--" she cut herself short, looking up at the amulet around Tarrin's neck.
"That's right," he said with a gentle smile. "It's like mine. You're a Weavespinner, daughter. Jenna is going to teach you what that means. Listen to her and learn from her. She'll teach you well."
She ran her finger along the outside circle adoringly, admiring her new amulet. "I'll never take it off."
"You won't be able to," Tarrin reminded her, then turned to Jasana. "Well, cub? Do you trust the shining lady enough to wear her gift if you know it can never come off?"
"Umm," she nodded. "The shining lady loves me. She said so herself. She's like Mama." She fearlessly put the amulet on, and then looked down at it. "She wouldn't give me something bad."
"Alright then," he said with a gentle smile. "Just as I promised, Jesmind. An amulet to let you shapeshift without losing your clothes."
"You didn't make it," she teased.
"No, but I delivered on my promise, didn't I?"
She looked at him, then laughed helplessly. "You did," she admitted. "You know, if I really can talk to you no matter where you are, it makes you leaving seem not as bad."
"I'll always be as close as a touch and a word, love," he promised. "And if we're not moving, I can come and see you personally with a projection."
"It will seem weird. Maybe you should just learn the spells of travel that mother knows," she said with a hopeful look. "You could get back here in a matter of hours."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Jesmind. I'll be a on a ship. If I travel here and the ship moves while I'm gone, how am I going to find my way back to it?"
She gave him a look, then snorted. "You just had to go and ruin a good idea, didn't you?" she accused.
"Look at reality, love. If Triana is the only Druid I've seen that can travel like that, the odds are that the spell is beyond my ability."
"Well, maybe," she grunted.
Jula was still staring at her amulet in wonder, still running her finger along its border. Jasana put her paw on Jula's leg and smiled up at her, and Jula smiled back and ruffled her hair. "I'm glad you don't seem so sad anymore, sister," Jasana said with a loving smile. "If all it took to make you happy was give you one of these, I'd have got you one last ride."
"It's more than that, little cub," Jula told her with a strangely devoted look. "This means that the shining lady isn't mad at me. I was so afraid that she would be, and that she didn't love me anymore. I'm glad I was wrong."
"All you had to do was ask her. You didn't have to be afraid. Mother always says tackle your fears, or they'll tackle you."
"Well, I guess I should have," she admitted. "But sometimes fear seems much bigger than you are."
"Then you get a running start," Jasana told her seriously.
"I'll remember that, little cub," she said with a rueful smile, tapping Jasana on the nose in the way she'd seen Tarrin and Jesmind do so, which made the little girl giggle.
Tarrin happened to be looking at Jesmind, and he saw her eyes visibly soften as she watched Jula and Jasana. "Why don't you help Jula finish getting dressed, cub?" Jesmind told her. "If she had that much trouble putting on a shirt, she'll fall over if she takes a foot off the floor."
"Alright, Mama. Where are your pants, sister?"
"Jesmind brought me those there," she said, pointing to the floor near the writing desk. "I hope they fit. The shirt seems to fit well enough, but your mother is taller than I am."
"Then go without them," Jasana said. "I go without clothes all the time at home."
"Well, I could, but all the boys would stare at me if I left the apartment," she said with a wink.
"Why?"
"Because of something you'll understand when you're older," she replied.
"Papa doesn't stare at you."
"That's because y
our father is my father too," she replied. "Among humans, you just don't look at a child that way, and children don't look at their parents that way. And remember, little cub, we were both born human, so it's still very strong in us. If he looked at me that way, I'd be very worried."
"Oh. Alright. Let me get your pants."
That one statement seemed to bleed all the remaining hostility right out of Jesmind. Tarrin realized that Jesmind had probably seen Jula as a rival, since she herself had taken her own bond-son for mate. Hearing that Jula had no interest in Tarrin in that manner made her visibly relax. Tarrin looked at his bond-daughter and couldn't deny that she was very pretty, and since she had no sense of modesty around him, it left little to his imagination. But his animosity towards her before taking her for a child would poison any intimacy they may share. Tarrin could love her and forgive her as a daughter, but never as a mate. Besides, his strong human side saw her as a daughter, and that made any thoughts of her as a mate repugnant.
"Get moving, you two," Tarrin told them. "We have to go see the others."
"We'll be along in a bit," Jula promised, and then Tarrin led Jesmind out of the room. When he got her out in the common room, he spun her around and gave her a sound kiss on the lips. "That's for what I just saw," he told her as she breathed a bit heavily and fanned the neck of her shirt.
"Kiss me like that again, and we're not going to make it out of this apartment," she said huskily.
"Just be good to her, love. Jula is very fragile. Treat her well while I'm gone, please."
"For you, beloved, anything," she promised. "She'll be welcome in my den. She can stay with me while we're waiting for you to come back to us."
"That makes me very happy," he said, looking down into her beautiful eyes. "Now let's get ready to go, before they come looking for us."
The lunch was as much a chance to be together one more time as it was a session to prepare to leave. Everyone was there that mattered to Tarrin; his family, friends, Janette and Tomas and Janine, Sevren, Lula, the Sorceress that had taught Keritanima, all the Were-cats, the Keeper and the Council, Shiika and two of her Cambisi, Anayi and Thalia, General Kang, Lord General Darvon and Ulger, a ferret Wikuni introduced as Admiral Torm, and most appropriately of all, an empty seat was left at the table for Faalken. It was a large group, and they took over one of the largest dining rooms, reserved for the highest-ranking officials and functions, with astoundingly expensive furniture and a meal set by servants and served on expensive china. Tarrin listened as Keritanima and the Keeper fenced over how many troops she was going to leave in Suld until more Sulasian forces arrived, then watched as Chopstick and Turnkey, attracted to the youngest at the table, begged shamelessly for scraps from Janette and Jasana. And were eating more than the children because of it. He saw Kang and Darvon talking warmly with one another, seeing a friendship form there, and saw Miranda chatting with Tomas. He had no doubt there were some business dealings in the making there. Miranda did things that Keritanima didn't know about, and he was sure the mink Wikuni did some brisk business on her own, outside of Keritanima's influence.
Tarrin Kael Firestaff Collection Book 3 - Honor and Blood by Fel © Page 158