Quyloc pulled him aside where the nearby soldiers couldn’t hear. In a low voice he said, “There’s no way we can hold out against the Devourers. You saw how powerful they are. If he brought her here, it would only be a matter of time—a short time—before Qarath fell and then they’d have the last piece of the key. I think Treylen realized that and told Randel to run with her.”
Rome ran his fingers through his hair, thinking. “You’re right as usual. But I’m not leaving her out there without protection. I’m sending some soldiers after her.”
“You saw the same thing I did. There’s nothing steel can do against their power. You’d only be sending soldiers to their deaths pointlessly.”
He saw that the last point had struck home. Rome was a fearless and daring leader, but he loathed wasting men’s lives.
Rome glared at him. “You’re right again, damn you. But we can’t just let her run off alone. Everything depends on her, and she’s only a little girl.”
“A little girl with a great deal of power,” Quyloc reminded him. “She can take care of herself. She doesn’t need us. She needs to find the Sertithian boy. I’m sure Treylen told Randel to seek him out. Those two together can do more than the combined might of every army in Atria.”
“Okay. Enough already. I said you’re right,” Rome growled. “You don’t have to rub it in. You know how I hate sitting here on my hands.”
“I know. But sometimes that’s all you can do. This war isn’t ours to win.”
“Begging your pardon, sirs,” a soldier said, approaching quickly. “There’s something happening I think you’ll want to see.”
“I bet it’s nothing good,” Rome said as they followed the man back over to the battlements.
Horses had been brought to the Devourers, and they were mounting up, along with a handful of soldiers and a familiar-looking figure.
“Isn’t that Lowellin?” Rome asked, squinting.
“It is,” Quyloc confirmed.
As the two men watched, the little group rode out onto the road and began following Aislin and Randel.
╬ ╬ ╬
There was a commotion down by the gates, a woman’s voice raised in anger. Rome and Quyloc moved over to where they could see what was happening.
“I knew this was coming,” Rome said.
The commotion was Netra. She was standing in front of the gateway passage, clearly intent on going through. Soldiers were blocking her way, and she was haranguing them.
“I better get down there,” Rome said, heading for the stairs.
When he got there, Netra was saying, “I’m not going to ask you again. Open the gates and let me out. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.”
Rome had to give the captain credit. He looked pale—everyone knew what Netra was capable of—but he wasn’t backing down. He had his orders, and he was going to follow them.
“My apologies, ma’am, but I can’t do it. There’s an enemy out there. I can’t open the gates without the macht’s direct say so.”
Rome felt it as soon as he got close, that sinking feeling in the gut that happened whenever Netra started to do her thing. He could tell by the sick looks on the soldiers’ faces that they were feeling it too. One man was holding his stomach like he was about to be sick.
“Netra,” he said gently. “What’s going on?”
She whirled on him, her eyes flashing. “Your idiot soldier won’t open the gates. My daughter is out there, possibly injured. I have to go to her.” Her fists were clenched, and she bit off each word. “Order him to open the gates.”
“First off, he’s not an idiot. He’s following my orders. As well as using common sense. You might not care about this, but there is an enemy out there, even now taking up positions. It’s not safe.”
“I don’t care if it’s safe!” she snapped at him. “Aislin is out there. I have to go to her. That’s all that matters.”
“You won’t get to her. They’ll stop you.”
Her face darkened. “They can try.”
“And when they do, what then? Will you kill them all?”
“If I have to,” she grated.
“No. I won’t let you do that.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“Probably not. But I’ll sure enough try.”
“Why do you care? You said it yourself. They are the enemy. They belong to the Devourers.”
“I doubt that. They look like men to me, ordinary men. I’ve served under a tyrant. I know what it’s like to be given orders and to have no choice but to follow them.”
“What are you saying? Would you side with them against me?”
“Of course not. Listen, I know about the hunger you carry inside you. If you go out there and slaughter those men with your power, you’ll never be you again. You’ll be lost forever, and you know it. Are you really going to do that, take Aislin’s mother away from her? Because if you do that, that’s what you’ll be doing. Even if we manage to survive this, you’ll never be yourself again. You might even turn on us.”
Her face contorted. Rage and despair flickered back and forth there. Her hands came up, fingers curled into claws. She grabbed his tabard, fingernails digging in. He truly had no idea whether she would cry or attack him.
Abruptly Netra’s rage left her, and she crumpled against him. “She’s my little girl. I have to go to her,” she said brokenly. “I have to protect her.”
“I know how you feel, believe me I do. If that was Liv out there, I’d be going crazy. But I don’t think you can protect her, no matter how hard you try. You didn’t see what I did. Those things out there are powerful, far more powerful than we’d imagined. And they’re not human, which means you can’t use your power on them.”
“I can’t just leave her out there.” She was trembling now, eyes searching his, looking for answers.
“You have to. For now, anyway. Maybe later we can find a way to help her. But right now, there’s nothing you can do but either get yourself killed, or become a monster trying to save her. And I don’t know which is worse.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “She’s strong, stronger than any of us realize. The Devourers won this battle, but they haven’t won the war. Have some faith.”
Cara came running up then. “Netra!” she cried. “I heard what happened. I came as fast as I could.”
Netra turned to her. “She’s gone, Cara. My little girl is…” She trailed off, unable to say more.
Cara wrapped her in her arms and squeezed her tightly. From her came murmured words of shared pain. Netra hugged her back. Rome signaled and a nearby wagon was brought around. The two women climbed into it, and the wagon rolled away.
“That was close, sir,” the captain said. “For a moment I thought we were all done for.”
“You followed your orders. Good job.” Rome looked at Quyloc. “Let’s go see about this siege.”
╬ ╬ ╬
“I failed her,” Netra said, holding her hands to her face.
“That’s not true,” Cara said. “It seems that way now, but in time—”
“Don’t say it! Don’t try to make me feel better. My little girl is out there somewhere, being chased by monsters who want to kill her. And I’m not there to help her. What else would you call that but failure?”
“I call it you being unreasonable,” Cara said, her voice turning sharp for the first time. “I’m tired of it. I won’t sit here anymore and listen to you hammer yourself over things that are outside your control.”
“You don’t understand. You’re not a mother.”
“I may not be a mother, but I understand love and commitment and sacrifice. I’ve watched you. You love that child with all your heart. You’ve done everything in your power for her. Well guess what? Maybe you can’t save her. You’re not a god. You can’t save everyone. But you did everything you could. That’s all anyone can do. However much you love someone else, there comes a time when you have to say, I’ve done all I can. You can’t live Aislin’s life for her. Y
ou can’t fight her battles for her.”
“You don’t understand,” Netra repeated.
“You think I don’t? When we were growing up, I practically worshipped you. Do you know how much it hurt watching you go through what you did, when you were learning about your mother and questioning your faith? And then to have you leave? Just run off like that? I would have done anything for you. I would have given my life to save yours. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t help at all. All I could do was love you and wait. It’s the same thing here. All you can do is watch from a distance. I know it hurts. It won’t stop hurting. But you can stop beating yourself up over it. You can stop adding to your own pain.”
Netra stared at her, struck by the intensity of her old friend’s words. “I guess you might be right,” she said reluctantly.
“I know I’m right. And you know it too, at least if you’d stop being stubborn long enough and use your head.”
“I’m not really that stubborn, am I?”
“You make a donkey look easy-going.”
Netra wiped her eyes. “It’s hard.”
“I know it’s hard. But I’m here for you. There are lots of people who are here for you. You can lean on us. It’s okay to lean, Netra. You don’t have to carry everything by yourself, you know.”
“I’m not sure I know how to do that.”
“Then learn. I’ll be happy to teach you.”
“What if something happens to her? How do I live with that?”
“I don’t know. But if you don’t try to do everything alone like you always do, you’ll figure out a way.”
“I don’t do that.”
“Yes, you do. Have you forgotten how it went last time, during the war, when you tried to do everything alone?”
Netra lowered her head. “No.”
“It didn’t work out so well, did it?”
“In the end it did,” Netra protested.
“After you accepted help and started working with the rest of us.”
“There’s that.”
Cara held out her hand. “Come on. Come with me.”
Netra took her hand. “What? Where are we going?”
“You might not be able to help your child, but there are other people’s children you can help. There’s still fever in the Warrens. A lot of people need healing, and no one is better at it than you.”
Netra hesitated.
“It will help you take your mind off it.”
Netra gave in and followed her friend.
Chapter 36
“They’re tired,” Cowley said. He and Fen were riding side by side, the rest of the squad strung out behind them. A stone’s throw ahead rode the three Ichthalids, followed by Lowellin. They’d been riding for several bells now, and they hadn’t gone all that far. Now and then S’nash kicked his horse in the ribs and snapped at his comrades in their harsh tongue, leading to a faster pace for a little while, but for the most part he and the others rode slumped over in their saddles, making no real attempt to urge their mounts to go faster. “At this rate the girl will die of old age before we catch her.”
“I noticed,” Fen said. “It’s good to see there are limits to their power.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I feel…complete. I’m glad to have Stone underfoot again. I never realized how much a part of me it was until it wasn’t there. I felt like I was drifting, if that makes any sense. Like there was nothing for me to hold onto.”
“So?”
Fen looked at his friend. “So, what?”
Cowley jerked his chin at them. In a low voice he said, “Maybe now’s the time.”
“What? Attack them now?”
“Sure. You’re back on land. You’re strong. They’re worn out from the battle. They won’t be expecting it.”
Fen had already considered the idea. Considered, and rejected. He shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“The truth? I still don’t think I can defeat them.”
“But look at them. I swear the one-eyed one almost fell off his horse a little while ago.”
“And what if I fail?”
“You won’t. You can do this. I’m sure of it.”
“You’re sure?” Fen asked. Cowley nodded. “Based on what? How close I came to getting killed when I attacked just one of them before?”
“He was waiting for you. And he hadn’t just fought a major battle,” Cowley said.
“Look at it this way. If I attack them now, and I fail, they’ll kill me. After that, they’ll catch the girl and kill her. It’ll be over, and they’ll have won. That’s too great of a risk.”
“War is about taking risks,” Cowley said.
“Not stupid ones. Not unless there are no other options.”
“You’re being too cautious. There’s a time for boldness.”
Fen sighed. The thing was, he’d been having this same argument with himself since they rode out. “I don’t think this is the time.”
“I hope you’re sure about that.”
“Of course, I’m not sure,” Fen snapped. “I’m not sure of anything.” His voice rose a little, causing his horse’s ears to twitch. “I can’t remember the last time I was sure. I’m in the dark here. I don’t know what the best thing is to do. I wish I did, but I don’t.”
“Okay,” Cowley shot back. “Don’t jump on me. If that’s your final decision, I accept it.”
“You don’t sound like you accept it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Cowley started rummaging through the saddlebags on the back of his saddle. They’d grabbed the saddles without paying much attention to what was tied to them. “What’s this?” He pulled out a small silver flask, and his expression lit up. “This looks promising.”
But when he uncorked it and upended it over his mouth, nothing came out. With a disgusted sound he tossed the flask off into the grass beside the road.
“What was that?” Noah called from behind them, spurring his horse to catch up. “Did you drink that without sharing?”
“Relax. It was empty when I found it.”
Noah gave him a suspicious look, then turned to Fen for confirmation, who shook his head. Noah swore. “Nothing worth a fig in my saddlebags either. This day is going nowhere fast.” He looked at the Ichthalids. “Say, Fen. You given any thought to, you know, jumping them while they’re down? Say the word and we’re with you.”
“Not you too,” Fen said.
“What?”
“Cowley has already been on me about it.”
“Don’t waste your time,” Cowley said. “He’s made up his mind, and he’s too stubborn to change it. You know how he gets.”
“Flint always said—” Noah started, but Fen cut him off.
“Stop! I’m not going to discuss it anymore. I’ve made my decision.”
“What’s got you so sore?” Noah asked.
“I’m mad because I don’t know what to do,” Fen said, his voice rising once again. “You think it’s easy making decisions when so much is at stake? Knowing that if you choose wrong thousands and thousands of people will die? Do you have any idea what that’s like?”
He stopped, his glare going from one of them to the other, daring them.
“Sorry,” Noah said finally. “I didn’t think of it that way.”
“I’m sorry too,” Cowley said. “Whatever you decide, I’ll back you. You know that, right?”
“I hope so,” Fen replied. “Sorry I got so mad. I’ve been through a lot lately.”
“No kidding,” Noah said. “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.”
“I have been thinking about it,” Fen said. “Attacking them, I mean. I think my mistake before was attacking them with stone.”
Noah looked confused. “Isn’t that what you do?”
“It is, but I can do more.”
“Really?” Cowley said, his usual gleam in his eye. “Is there anything you can’t do?”
Fen ignored him and continued. �
��At the end, the girl was attacking them with raw power.”
Noah still looked confused. “I don’t get it.”
“Don’t you see? She switched from using water to attack them and started using the raw power in the sea. I think that’s the answer. Instead of hitting them with rocks, I need to use raw Stone power.”
“Like when you made the flaming blade to fight the sorcerers,” Cowley said.
“Exactly. It’s a lot less limited, I think. More than that. I don’t think there’s any limit to it.”
“What are you saying?” Noah asked.
“The ground under our feet is filled with Stone power. All of it. A bottomless well, just waiting to be tapped. I get this feeling…” He trailed off.
“What?” Cowley asked. “Don’t leave me hanging like this. Tell me.”
“I get this feeling that there’s enough there I could crack the world if I wanted to.”
They both stared at him in stunned silence. Noah spoke first. “Did you hit your head? Because that sounds crazy.”
“I know. But I think it’s true. I think…I think maybe the masters meant the Stone Shapers to be the last line of defense.”
“The last line of defense?”
“If all else was lost, the Stone Shapers could trigger all that Stone power, every bit of it, and destroy the whole world, destroying the Queen of Chaos at the same time.”
“Wow,” Noah said. “But you’re not going to do that, right? Because…where would we live then?”
“No, I’m not going to do that.”
“Just wanted to make sure.”
“I still think it sounds crazy,” Cowley said. “Where’d you even come up with something like that?”
“I don’t know. It’s a feeling I have.” Cowley’s expression said what he thought of Fen’s feeling. “It might not be as crazy as you think,” Fen continued. “There is Stone Shaper in me. Lowellin said the Shapers were created to defend the key against the Queen. Certain things are built-in, like orders that go clear down to the bone. I think this is one of those things.”
“But you’re not going to follow those orders, right?” Noah asked.
“You already asked me that.”
“I want to make sure.”
“You don’t need to worry. I don’t think I could do it by myself anyway. I’m not powerful enough.”
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