by Amy Sumida
“My apologies, Tima,” he studied his hands until I was covered.
“Kirill,” I eyed the rack of clothes across the room, wondering if it’d be possible to squeeze into one of Nyavirezi’s dresses and whether or not I wanted to attempt such a feat in front of a witness. I decided to stay in the towel for the moment. “I thought you’d be catching up with your brothers.”
“I’ve caught up,” he was eying me kind of strangely and I had a second of doubt over whether I’d successfully healed him, before he spoke again. “I’d like to speak vith you before you leave.”
“Alright,” I carefully sat next to him on the loveseat, only because I didn’t want to have to worry about the towel exposing too much if I sat across from him.
“Take me vith you.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I rubbed surreptitiously at my ears, maybe they were waterlogged.
“Don’t leave me here,” he swallowed hard and I realized how difficult it was for him to ask me, like a child, to not leave him behind. “I don’t know if I can handle being apart from you yet.”
“Oh shit,” I closed my eyes, willing the situation to change, but when I opened them he was still there. Still looking at me with sad kitty eyes. “Did I bind you or something? Because I can assure you that all I set out to do was heal you.”
“Not bound,” he looked down at his hands again and then back at me with firmer resolve. “You pulled me avay from insanity, zat is our bond. You are first female to touch me vith kindness in over two-hundred years and part of me needs you now. I need to see you, know you’re real and not just some drug hallucination.”
“She drugged you?” Boy this bitch just kept getting worse and worse.
“Ven I couldn’t perform, vich vas pretty much all time at end,” he waved a hand and chased away the evil memories. “It doesn’t matter, vat’s important is you, me, Intare, now. I need to know you’re safe and I vant to provide zat safety.”
“Trevor’s not going to like it,” I wondered if he even remembered meeting Trevor.
“I know of your mate and he has nozing to fear from me,” he met my eyes with clear honesty. “I vould never touch you in inappropriate vay. I just vant you to make me your Ganza, hand zat holds dagger, dagger zat protects heart. I vant to be able to protect you, heart of Intare.”
“You can protect me when we’re together but at home I have Trevor,” I touched his shoulder gently and he twitched.
“Just for now, Tima,” his eyes were full of fear again and I hated that. “Just for little vile, let me stay vith you. I’ll sleep outside your door. Surely your mate vill not begrudge you extra protection.”
“I’ll tell you what,” Trevor was so going to kill me, “you can come with me and if Trevor is okay with it, you can stay until you’re more comfortable.”
“Zank you.” He squared his shoulders and I noticed how much bigger he looked now, without the weight of anger and insanity. He had pulled all his hair back in a tight ponytail and the severity of it highlighted the sharp lines of his face. He looked more like a bodyguard than a romeo. Maybe that would help.
“Don’t zank me yet,” I sighed.
Chapter Fifty-One
“Hey baby, I know you really like cats so I thought, why not bring home one more? No, no,” I turned to pace in the other direction. “So how about a new alarm system? No, that’s stupid. Trevor, you remember Kirill, he wants to crash outside our bedroom for a few days. Oh fuck, that won’t work.”
“Tima?” Kirill entered the bedroom carrying a small backpack. “Are you ready to leave yet?”
“Ah,” I looked down at the obscenely tight dress I’d taken from Nyavirezi’s wardrobe and hoped it would help Trevor be a little more sympathetic, or at least distracted enough to agree. “I guess so.”
We walked to the tracing point(which by the way, was a wall at the end of a corridor) together in silence. We’d already said our goodbyes to the others and although Darius had pouted awhile, everything had gone smoothly so far. Which was mainly because we hadn’t left yet. I had a feeling the smoothness would end as soon as I stepped through the Aether.
Once in the tracing room, we traced out easily and arrived on my front step. I said the ritual words to allow Kirill entrance, then unlocked the front door and peeked my head in. The house was quiet for about ten seconds before I heard a loud thump and then two pairs of feet running down the hallway. One werewolf sized and one kitty sized.
“Minn Elska,” Trevor pulled me through the door and into a wild embrace involving much kissing and heavy petting.
“Baby,” I gasped between rounds, “honey-eyes, hold on.”
“I’m trying but you keep wriggling,” he leered as he headed toward the bedroom with me in tow. “I could try tying you up though, that might work.”
“Sweetness, we have a guest,” that stopped him cold.
“What?” He looked back over his shoulder and finally noticed Kirill standing patiently just inside the doorway, determinedly studying a framed Kuchi headdress. “Who's this?”
“This is Kirill,” I watched Trevor carefully but he seemed to remain calm.
“Hello, Kirill.”
“Prince,” Kirill nodded his head curtly. “Please don’t stop on my account. I vill make my bed here if zat’s acceptable.”
“What he means to say,” I turned Trevor’s face back to mine, “is that he feels an urgent need to guard my safety since recovering from insanity and hopes you will allow him to stay with us for awhile until he is completely recovered and feels more secure in allowing me out of his vicinity. Just a little while, baby, what do ya say?”
“You’re home a lot sooner than I expected you,” he sighed. “I guess this means you worked some lion juju on him and now he’s a little antsy?”
“Something like that,” I smiled in relief. “So it’s okay?”
“Coupled with the fact that you’re asking, not telling,” he picked me up again. “I guess so.”
“Thanks, honey-eyes,” I rubbed my nose to his. “Kirill, there’s blankets and pillows in the hall closet, make yourself at home and feel free to raid the fridge.”
“Yes, Tima.”
A demanding yowl brought my attention to Nick. I bent down and picked up the tabby, giving him a good rub.
“This is Nick,” I brought him over to Kirill. Kirill smiled gently and held out a hand for Nick to sniff. Nick sniffed and then nudged the proffered hand in silent demand. After a few head rubs, I handed Nick off to Kirill. “Here, get to know each other while I get reacquainted with my wolf.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
It was Three AM and I was up. Why was I up? There it was, the sound that must have woke me. It was a soft shushing, like hair along fabric. My body tensed and I slowly opened my eyes a slit. There seemed to be a large shadow at the opening of my bed. My heart lurched and started to race before I realized who it must be.
“Kirill?” I whispered. The only other sounds were the low hum of the AC and Trevor’s steady breathing.
“Tima,” he sounded frightened.
I carefully edged down the bed and off the mattress without waking the sleeping wolf. It's always best to let sleeping wolves lie. Just as carefully, I raised a hand and touched Kirill’s forearm. He was strung so tense, it felt like any sudden movement would snap him. His hair was as wild as his eyes, tangled around his hips, and the top button of his jeans was undone. I slid my hand down into his and gently tugged until he followed me out of the room.
Three AM. Why did the worst things seem to happen around three AM? I remember hearing someplace that it's the time when the human will to live is at its weakest, the time when most people commit suicide or gave up the fight in their hospital beds. I've also heard urban myths saying it's when paranormal activity reaches it's height. I don't know if any of that is true but it does seem to be a magnet for general badness. Whenever I was having a bad run and found myself up and thinking terrible things at three AM, I always told myself that all I had to do
was make it a few hours and when the sun rose, things would seem better.
I led Kirill to the sofa he’d been sleeping on and left him there while I heated up some water for tea. I got the whole service together on a tray, knowing that comfort was sometimes found in the mindless action of things. I took it all over to the sofa, placing it on the low table in front of us.
Kirill watched me anxiously as I calmly poured two cups of tea, stirring in sugar and cream till the chai turned soft beige. I handed him the delicate teacup, it was Royal Copenhagen and my favorite. It looked odd in his big hands but those strong fingers closed gently over the thin porcelain and his body started to relax.
“I’m sorry, Tima,” his voice was thick and sweet. “I needed to see zat you okay. I didn’t mean to vake you.”
“Better me than Trevor,” I smiled to let him know I was teasing but he still wrinkled his face with worry. “It’s alright, Kirill, drink your tea.”
He nodded and took a sip, then another, his face and body relaxing little by little. I put my own cup down and went to retrieve a hairbrush and elastic band from the bathroom. He continued to sip, watching me as I came over and slipped up onto the back of the couch behind him, giving me some height for my task. He gave me a curious look but remained quiet. I pulled over a thick blanket, laid it on his shoulders, pulled his hair out, and began the long process of brushing it.
I heard him sigh before he spoke. “Tima, zis unnecessary, I can brush own hair.”
“Shush,” I kept up the gentle tugging. “It’s not about the can, it’s about the caring. Relax and let me do this for you. Sip your tea, close your eyes, and know that you’re somewhere safe now. Somewhere where you’re loved.”
“Loved,” he shook a little and took an even shakier breath. “Your love is so much different zan hers vas.”
“That wasn’t love,” the sound of the brush slipping through his amazing hair was a sweet calming sound, like waves on the shore. “That was the opposite of love. Love doesn’t seek to harm, it does hurt sometimes but not in the way she hurt you. I don’t profess to know all the forms it can take but I’m certain that what she did to you was not one of them.”
“She made me…” he frowned and hesitated.
“You can tell me,” I began to braid the shiny waves. “I’ll never judge you by what she made you do. Whatever happened, whatever she forced upon you, it’s not you. You are the sum total of your choices not the choices of others.”
His head hung down a moment before his shoulders straightened, his chin coming up defiantly. I had a flash of the man he must've been before she changed him and it was impressive. Maybe someday that man would return.
I smiled and finished fastening the band around the end of his braid, then pulled him back, my legs spreading around his waist to bring him in close to me. He relaxed back against me and I held him as he spoke, confessing Nyavirezi’s sins as if they were his own.
“She vas so nice to me first,” he swallowed and looked back at me. “Not like you but still affectionate woman. She made me love her zen tormented me for it. Ven I first confess my love, she laugh. Zen next time she sent for me, anozer voman vas vaiting in bed. She told me if I love her, I vould do anything for her… or anyone. She stood at foot of bed and vatched vile zat voman use me like I vas noting but tool.”
I held him tighter, rubbing my cheek against his as the cat within me rose up in shared misery. He turned his face into the comfort and I kissed his cheek gently, letting him gather his strength before he continued. I knew he would, he had to get it all out, purge the poison, before he could be whole again.
“I cried ven it vas over and she laugh at zat too. I never felt so unvanted or unmanned.” His eyes were staring far away and he was beginning to speak as if the story had happened to someone else. “Ven I accepted our new relationship and knew my love for her had been lie, she changed game. She started to chain me, beat me, force me to do humiliating acts or service her vile she tortured me. Ven I vas unable to perform, she’d use magic or drugs.”
“She could do that?” I was horrified and morbidly fascinated.
“She controlled our bodies,” he leaned his forehead to my cheek, “and now you do, Tima, zough I don’t zink you’d have to resort to such means.”
I felt a delicious shudder course through me before I concentrated on Trevor, sleeping trustingly in the next room.
“We’re going to have to find you boys some girlfriends fast,” I gave a shaky laugh. “You’re far too tempting for a mere mortal.”
“You are not mere anyzing,” he turned to face me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me down into his lap. I stiffened a little but he stroked my cheek gently, “You are as safe vith me as I am vith you. I vould never do anyzing you didn’t vant, Tima. I just vanted to hold you.”
“I know, Kirill,” it’s not you I distrust, I added in my head. “Tell me the rest.”
His eyes looked away and then back into mine, resolved. “I tried to kill her once vile she slept but she cast me off easily, deflecting my claws as if zey noting but irritation. Zat vas ven she began making me kill for her entertainment. She said I obviously had it in me to be amusing as both sex partner and murderer so I vould be both for her from zen on. If anyone displeased her, zey vere brought to empty room vere only she and I vaited. I vould tear at zem until she vas satisfied or zey dead.”
“The blade is not to blame for the kill, it’s the hand which holds it that murders,” I stroked his face.
“I suppose you’re right,” he opened the blanket and wrapped me inside with him. I ended up resting my head against his shoulder. “It’s still difficult to exonerate myself of all I’ve done to my brozhers. I can’t believe zey still care for me after everyzing she made me do.”
“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” I kept my voice neutral. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel accused. “You’re hesitant to live among them.”
“Partially,” he nodded, “but not because I fear zem. I just don’t know how to be one of zem anymore. I also have need to protect you, to be Ganza.”
“You didn’t really explain that to me,” might as well get some knowledge while I was at it. “What exactly is a Ganza?”
“I guess closest definition vould be head of security,” he smiled an endearing half grin, a little like Trevor's, and I was totally lost to it. “Ganza is your hand, to defend you, to mete out your justice… or vengeance.”
“My right-hand man, huh?” I snuck another peek up and found him still smiling.
“Somezing like zat.”
“Are you sure you want me to use you like that after she did the same thing?”
“It’s not same,” he pushed me back from his chest to look at me. “You vill never be same.”
“Okay, okay,” I patted his arm. “No need to get all moody about it. You’re hired.”
“Zank you,” he looked down. “I vasn't sure you vant me after vhat she did.”
“She raped you, Kirill,” I pulled his chin back up. “Body and mind.”
“It vasn’t rape exactly,” his eyes went still before he looked away from me.
“Yes, it was,” I turned him back to me once more. “It was rape, believe me, I’ve been there.”
I was completely unprepared for his anger… and so was the rest of the neighborhood I think. He roared furiously, lifting me up as he stood. I shushed him as I heard the telltale sounds of unsettled humans.
“Who?” He snarled, holding me by both arms. “Who violated you? Tell me and I vill tear him apart slowly.”
“Someone want to tell me why our guest is vowing murder before the sun is up?” Trevor stood leaning in the doorway, arms crossed and trying hard to look nonchalant but I could see the pulse pounding in his throat. He’d probably been terrified when he woke to a roar and an empty bed.
“Calm down, Kirill,” first things first, I had to talk the werelion down before I dealt with werewolf questions. “He was a different man then. I forg
ave him.” I just wouldn't mention Blue's latest role in the potential Intare rape scenario.
“Him?” Kirill let me go to start over to Trevor. “Your mate did zis to you?”
“No, no, no, no,” I shot between them. “Trevor would cut a limb off before hurting me. Don’t ever question his loyalty to me again.” I felt the tension ease out of both of them and knew we’d just been on the verge of the biggest dog and cat fight ever.
“Zen who, Tima?” The fight had mellowed but hadn’t completely left him.
“Someone you don’t know,” I pushed him back towards the sofa. “And I’ll be damned if I tell you now.”
“Tima, as your Ganza I must know of any possible threats,” Kirill sat obediently but continued to stare at me with steady determination.
“Someone better tell me right now what’s going on,” Trevor had lost his casual pose and had taken up a new post attached to my arm.
I swiftly and briefly explained the situation but even then it took another two hours of talking to first one and then the other of them before I could get back to bed. By the time I was curled up snug and safe in werewolf arms, I was exhausted but my mind wouldn’t relax. I kept thinking about Kirill and the Intare. Trevor and the Froekn. What was I going to do about my men?
All seventy-eight of them... I mean seventy-nine.
Chapter Fifty-Three
The smell of vanilla mixed with a light undercurrent of citrus. I breathed it in deeply, loving the feel of the grass beneath my feet and Nick snaking happily around my legs while emitting heavy purrs. I smiled and reached down to give him a quick scratch before moving back to finish watering my vanilla orchids. They grew off chunks of tree fern which I’d hung in the orange tree in my front yard and their smell alone made them valuable to me but when you added to that their fragile beauty, it was clear they were nothing short of works of art.