by K R Bicknell
I turned around and went to sit next to my mom.
“So, Hannah, settling in alright?” Harry asked.
“Yes, thank you,” I said.
“Oh no need, I just hope you’re happy. The boys treating you okay? I know they can be rude at times.”
“No, they’re alright.”
“Good, you girls have a good day now, I’m off to work.” and with a quick kiss for my mom, he was gone.
Adele served me a full plate of sausage, eggs, and toast which I protested in vain.
“I know you have a day off.” My mom started, she was picking at a bowl of cut fruit, I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t feel like she had to diet for Harry but refrained from speaking, “Would you like to come Christmas shopping with me?”
“Sure Mom,” I said, I had already bought gifts for my mother and Percy but still hadn’t found anything for Mandy or Wanda.
Later that morning, my mom and I were unproductively braving the crowds at our local mall.
The opulent mall glittered with excess. Bursting at the brim with glowing lights and gold and white Christmas trees and overdressed shoppers.
“Why are we here?” I ask my mother who seems dazed or maybe just confused.
“I want to buy something for the boys, and I don’t think Target is the place for them.” She said as her head twirled faster than the carousel in the middle of the spacious foyer.
‘The boys’ she had said, not Harry, but his sons.
“Don’t understand why you have to spend your money on them, did Harry ask you to?” I asked, feeling unusually uncomfortable. Crowds had always made me nervous, of any sort, and especially these types of people. They reminded me of the snotty kids at my school. The ones that wore dirty, torn clothes on purpose. Ones they had spent hundreds of dollars on, just to look trendy. I could spot swarms of them buzzing around and itched to leave.
“Harry doesn’t know. I don’t think he would ever ask me to spend any of my money. I just...” she sighed and looked at me with pleading eyes, “I want to make them happy; I know they don’t like my role in their father’s life and I just...”
“Mom, trying to please them with gifts is not going to work for these guys, they own everything anyone could ever want or dream of,” I said.
“I know, but it’s Christmas, what do you think, electronics?” We were in front of the Apple store.
“No. No, not at all, pretty sure they have the latest of everything.” I pull her arm and drag her away. I have no clue what these assholes would get happy about but I’m sure anything we could afford in the electronic stores would be outdated.
Eventually, I drag her into Nordstrom’s. This place smells like money, I think as we wander through the perfume and jewelry department. But there is one scent, the one that smells like ice with a hint of spice that I’m drawn to. It’s not long before I spot the cool blue bottles and before my mother notices, I spray a white card and tuck it into my purse. There was more than one way to soothe my new craving and I preferred the safer one.
Eventually, we end up in the menswear and I push her towards some thin cashmere sweaters that are on sale.
“You sure, Baby?” she asks, fingering a forest green one.
“No one, not even those spoiled kids can have too many sweaters,” I say, trying not to think of how the winter air always makes me shiver.
There is a dark blue one, hanging on a hanger and my hands can’t be stopped from feathering over it. It feels softer than I imagine, and my imagination can’t help but picture it on a set of tall, wide shoulders.
“Ooh, that’s a pretty color.” Mom says from behind me, “For Jacob?”
“No, Caleb,” I say and step away. She ends up buying the green one for Jacob and the dark blue for Caleb. I buy a colorful silk scarf for Wanda that I luckily find in my price range though I can’t find anything I like for Mandy.
We decide to have sushi at the overcrowded food court.
“This is a whole other world, isn’t it?” Mom says before she pops a tuna roll into her mouth.
“Not sure it’s ours though,” I say as I look at the sashimi in my plate with distrust. Should’ve gotten the spicy shrimp.
“Give it a chance, Baby, I think, I really think our luck is changing now, for the better.” Mom said.
I put down the chopsticks in disappointment, “I’m sorry, Mom, I’m just having a hard time trusting this.” I said to her.
“No Baby, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a secure life, or show you that men can be trustworthy.” She puts down her chopsticks and grabs my hand.
“Mom, you have nothing to be sorry about!” I protested, “You did the best you could, and anyways I do trust men, I trust Percy, and Enrico at work.”
She sighed and nodded, and I promised myself to try harder. For her sake.
Jacob
Fucking Brother!
Beat me up bad for meeting Donny at Little Sis’s work.
I mean okay, I get it, but she was just so cute at the way she worked on my friends. Yeah, both Molsky and Cole were flirting, but that’s just them, they didn’t mean anything. She got red, this adorable shade of pink.
Shit, if Brother hadn’t made her off limits I’d take my shot.
But what was with him and popcorn though?
He wants her. I see it. He’s gonna go nuts denying himself though. I know him. Thinks he’s better than us.
But if she wants him back, which, for her sake, I hope doesn’t happen. But if she does, then he’s a goner.
Caleb
Brother is playing with her.
I see it. He likes her, and she’s getting comfortable being here.
It’s okay, I suppose, still don’t see us being this big, happy family, but Adele likes her.
That’s something.
She did that deer in the headlights thing again, in the pantry closet. I don’t know what’s up with that. I fucked with her. Because I wanted to do the opposite.
I wanted to protect her. Keep her safe from the bogeyman, from me.
But I can’t. yeah, I can beat up Brother. Hated doing it though. I mean he’s a dumb shit for buying his dope in a public place anyways but that wasn’t why I beat him up.
I laid into him because of her. Because I didn’t want his friends, his drug dealers around her where I couldn’t protect her.
What the fuck?
Chapter 3
Hannah
After we got home, Mom went into her room to pack the gifts and I lay on my bed uselessly. I had no idea what to do with free time and it always pinched me like bedbugs. Finally, I got off my back and went down to the kitchen. Luckily Adele was working in the kitchen and let me help her prepare dinner, after which I asked for the laundry room. Might as well wash my work clothes before the grind tomorrow.
The laundry room was on the second floor past the boys’ rooms and over the bridge that looked down into the family room, into the south corner of the house. There was a closed-door across the hall that Adele ignored and turned to the right. The machines were black, shiny, and tall, unlike the ones I was used to in the local laundromat. After Adele showed me the buttons and the cabinet with the detergent, I figured I knew what I was doing and told her to return to her work.
I was walking down the hall with a bag full of my dirty clothes when Jacob jumped out of a door across the hall from Caleb’s.
“Little Sis!” He called out with a big grin, “Whatcha doin’?”
“Laundry,” I said, walking past him.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t like wearing dirty clothes,” I said.
“No, I mean, why are you doing it, Adele could do it.” He said following me into the laundry.
“Adele has enough to do, and anyways she’s not my employee, I don’t pay her.”
“You don’t have to, my dad pays her enough.” He said, leaning over the doorway with his hands gripping the frame.
I start the machine and when it’s humming turn around
to face him.
“He pays her, I don't,” I said, crossing my arms and leaning back on the vibrating appliance.
“But you’re our guest.”
“Am I?” I ask.
He looks at me quizzically, “Aren’t you? Or are you family?” He asks as he hops on to sit on the counter across from me.
“Pretty sure I’m not your family,” I said.
He smirked.
“Good,” he said jumping off the counter so he was directly in front of me, I leaned back but couldn’t move because of the large machine digging in my back, “That means I can kiss you.” He said leaning in with a leer.
“Please don’t!” I whisper.
“Hey!” He said, sliding smooth fingers under my chin and pulling my face up, “I’m not going to force a kiss, kay?”
“I know.” I said, trying to stay calm, “You get enough pussy.”
“Hell yeah!” He laughs, “Don’t be scared, okay? but if you”re thirsting, you know where I sleep.”
I scoff as he backs away.
“Hey what are you doing now?” He turned around at the doorway.
“Um..laundry,” I said.
He looked at me funny, “Funny, no, wanna watch a movie? Die Hards are playing.”
“All of them?”
“Yes, classic holiday mood.” He walked down the hall and I found myself following.
“I don’t see how it’s a holiday movie,” I say half-heartedly.
“It is so a Christmas movie!” He says and I smile, of course, it is.
He leads me not into the upstairs lounge but the basement, in a dark, wood-paneled room full of leather recliners laid in a semi-circle, facing a wall covered with a giant screen. This is an overindulgence but also the room I’m sure I’ll enjoy the most.
It doesn’t take me long to become comfortable, laying back on a recliner, calling out my favorite lines from the movie along with him. As soon as the first movie ends, I rush upstairs to put my clothes in the dryer and run back down the two flights of stairs and the long hallway. Who needs a gym in a house like this? Though I wouldn’t be surprised if they had one, hiding somewhere.
“Do you have a home gym?” I ask as I collapse into my seat.
“Yeah, why you want to work out?” He asked giving me a once over.
“Why do you look at me like that?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest, I’m not that uncomfortable, not really.
“Like what?” He asked, looking back at the screen.
“Like you’re picturing me naked.”
“Well I am,” he said nonchalantly.
“Don’t. It’s rude.”
“Why?” He asked, glancing at me shortly.
“Because I’m not showing you anything.”
“You don’t have to, I have a great imagination.” He said and I caught a small smile on his lips.
“You should be proud that guys find you attractive.” He said eventually.
“I’m not. And guys don’t find me attractive, not in that way.”
He looked at me and then turning his body away from the screen gave me his full attention.
“What do you mean?” He traced a finger down the side of my arm, and I hold still trying my hardest not to squirm, “You’re hot, Baby Sis! Don’t tell me no one’s told you that before.”
“I’m not, and I’m not your sister.” I manage to say, my throat dry, no man has ever looked at me so closely and though I should be nervous, I’m not.
“Again, I say, thank god, you’re not my sister.” He laughed and moved back, “All my friends think you’re hot. Molsky. Cole. They’re all jonesing to get into your pants.”
“Jeesh!” I exclaimed.
He laughed, “Just saying it how it is.”
I stared at the screen feeling my heart speed up, the idea of these guys desiring me, even though unnerving, was also a little bit exciting.
“Do you want popcorn?” I ask.
“Since big bro isn’t here, sure!” He said.
“What’s with him and the popcorn?” I asked standing up.
“It wasn’t the popcorn he wanted,” he said.
I freeze and stare at him. He looked back, steadily, coolly. He had to be kidding but he wasn’t flinching, in fact, he looked way too serious. It was one thing to have him and his friends flirt with me, but his brother...I rushed out of there before I made a fool of myself.
Adele handed me a big black bag of flavored popcorn and as I turned to leave the kitchen, he walked in. Big brother.
“What’s with the popcorn?” He spoke directly to me raising his dark brows up in question.
“We’re watching a movie downstairs, Die Hards,” I said nervously.
“We?” He asked stepping closer with small, slow steps.
“Jacob and me.” I manage to say.
He nodded and walked away. My feet suddenly unglued from the floor, I hurried away in the opposite direction.
He joined us soon, changed into loose tee and dark sweatpants, his long limbs splayed languidly on the recliner next to me and his large hand coming too close as he repeatedly reached into the popcorn bag on my lap. It was no use. Even though I was quickly becoming used to Jacob’s flirtatious touches, just the proximity of his older brother sent my body into a strange frenzy. My heartbeat slowed and yet got louder, my breaths faster and the temperature in his vicinity, I was sure, was at least five degrees warmer than the rest of the room. I would have to become a lot stronger. Not that he was making any moves on me, but if he did, I was a goner.
I left after the third movie; my body strangely invigorated. Jacob had fallen asleep on his recliner and Caleb’s shining eyes watched me carefully as I walked out of the media room.
I was just in time to join my mother and Harry at the dinner table.
“Don’t tell me those boys are just planning on having popcorn for dinner?” Adele asked as she laid out our dinner.
Harry scowled as he punched out a text on his cell phone, “They’re becoming way too disrespectful. “ he said.
“Let them be.” My mom said, laying a hand on his, “It’s vacation time.” He sighed but relented.
We had a quiet and peaceful dinner. It always felt too decadent, the number of dishes Adele laid out and I realized I would have to watch my weight before long. We didn’t see the boys at all during dinner and Harry was starting to grow on me. He was curious without being nosy or pushy and smiled beautifully every time he looked at my mom. Maybe Adele was right, maybe he was in love. Maybe I should start avoiding him unless I wanted to fall under his spell like mom had.
After dinner, I went upstairs though my feet felt pulled towards the basement door, and after taking my clothes from the dryer, I started folding them on my bed.
I felt him before I saw the dark form leaning on my door frame.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, looking down at the shirt I was folding.
“You didn’t come back to finish the movies.” His voice rumbled through the room.
“I had dinner, with our parents.” I looked up at him pointedly, “and then had work.”
“You like it?” He asked nodding at my uniform, “Waitressing.”
“Yeah, sort of, it pays the bills,” I answer.
He nodded and pushing his hands into his pockets, walked into my room, towards the french doors.
“What about you, you like your work?” I asked with my back to his.
“Yeah! A lot.”
I turn surprised at his voice.
He opened the door and stepped outside, I followed. Resting his hands on the railing he leaned over, in the chill darkness I see another balcony in the corner and wonder if it’s his.
“Adele told me you build houses.” I step out on the balcony ignoring the cold. It should be warmer in his proximity anyways, right?
“It’s more like contractor work.” He says, turning around to lean back on the railing and staring at me. His eyes glimmer in the darkness and the floodlights from the yard s
hine a silver lining on his cheek.
“Houses for humanity?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says, sliding his hands into his pockets and looking down, “It’s more organizing and managing.”
“Is that what you’re planning to study in college?” I ask.
He scoffs and looks up at me, “Not if my dad has his way.”
“What does he want?” I ask.
He studies me for a long moment as if he’s searching for something.
“Business, he wants me to get an MBA and take over from him eventually.”
I lean back on the cold glass door; my thin tee is not enough to keep the cold away but at this moment I don’t care.
“And you want?” I coax.
“I want to do architecture, I actually want to build houses that...” he looks away for a moment, “low-income housing, something that’s affordable for everyone.” He finally says.
“It’s not that easy, but really needed.” Spending half my life looking for
a place that was at the most half of my mom’s salary, I knew how futile it was.
He turned around and faced the dark garden again. I couldn’t help but step up to stand next to him, my hands on the railing like his.
“It’s not hard if you’re not looking for a profit.” He says.
“I guess a guy like you doesn’t need one,” I say.
“Why? I’m not planning to live my whole life on his dime. I’m running as far as possible.” He says softly and yet his voice reverberates inside of me.
“You can’t run from yourself,” I say, and I know he’s staring at me but I don’t turn my head. “Anyways, why would you want to you’re...” I pause.
“What, a Westlake?” He scoffs.
“Not just that,” I whisper. He is silent.
I look down and our hands are too close to each other on the railing. As I stare his pinky slides over and very slowly captures mine. I don’t move. I don’t breathe. The atmosphere is suddenly June instead of December.
I hear him inhaling close to my ear.
“Tell me you don’t want my brother.” He whispers.
“I don’t,” I whisper back, and we just stand there, still. The night dark and heavy around us. I look up at the stars shining brightly and starkly in the winter night, unspoken thrills brush over my skin, more potent than the cool breeze. He finally removes his hand and I feel the loss of his heat before I feel the same fingers pull my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. His breath is closer, and I feel my neck burn.