by K R Bicknell
“Maybe it’s because we weren’t there.” Mandy says, she’s splayed out on my bed chewing on a Twizzler.
“What, you think you are their good luck charm?” I smile from my chair.
“Nope. You. Avery said Caleb was very distracted, he’s never played this bad before.” She says.
“Well, he’s gonna have to learn to play without if he keeps me away.” I say gloating in my mind.
“He’s behaving like a jealous possessive boyfriend, which really isn’t fair since he won’t ask you out. Unless there’s something going on in this house you’re not telling me.”
“Nothing.” I say, “He’s just a neanderthal.” I haven’t told her about the kiss, kisses and what happened after.
She starts asking about Jacob and the subject shifts, thankfully. I lie awake long after she is asleep. I wonder what they are doing. If they’re trying to forget their loss. I wonder if Caleb is buried inside some buxom blonde. Does she feel like me in his arms? Is she enough to make him forget? I wonder if Jacob is drunk, or if he misses me. I miss him. It’s a strange demented triangle we have here and I wonder what happened to the strong independent girl I used to be. I miss her the most.
Jacob comes home the next morning just as I’m walking Mandy to the door. He rushes in and lifts me up high with a whoop.
“What happened?” I laugh in his arms, “I thought you guys lost.”
“We lost, but by only two points! Only because Brother missed a shot. But you are lucky enough to be in the presence of the MVA of the game!” He is excited and off the walls.
“Look at you!” I hit his chest, “Knew you had it in there!”
“Yeah, like you ever took your eyes off of Big Brother.”
“I saw you!” I tell him, “Anyways, remember Mandy?”
“Of course I remember Mandy! Did you get cuter though?” He is back to his flirting mode.
She huffs, “That’s the worst line.”
“Is it though? Is that why you’re blushing?”
“Should I leave the room?” I ask.
“No, not yet,” Jacob says holding me close with his arm across my shoulders, “Do I have your number?” He asks Mandy.
“I don’t know, do you?”
“Would you, would you let your best friend give it to me?” He asks.
“I don’t know, depends. What do you say, Hannah?” Mandy asks me.
“Go ahead, pretty sure he’s clean, just had him tested last month.” I tease. He pinches me and I scream and squirm out of his hold.
Things feel normal again and I’m glad I asked for Mandy to come over.
Jacob
Yeah, we lost.
No big deal. It happens.
Doesn’t matter. I got to party afterwards. Brother let me drink though nothing else.
It’s not like I had anything stronger on me anyways. Anyways, I think I can do without. I don’t want to end up like those people at the AA meetings.
I have a good deal.
I got my Dad, my brother and Hannah, and yeah, life sucks balls most of the time, but I’ll deal.
As long as none of them leave me, I’ll be okay.
What’s with Little Sis’s friend though?
Where have all these pretty, good girls been my whole life? How come I’m just seeing them now?
Anyways, she’s cute.
With a sassy mouth I love.
The things I want to do with that mouth.
Wonder if she’s as innocent as Little Sis.
Caleb
In Richmond, I wake up next to a warm body. I remember her, I think. Warm, pretty. Yeah, I remember being inside her.
Also sure we both remember she wasn’t the one I was thinking of.
I think I can survive like this. Nights of hot, crazy forgetfulness. At least till I leave for college. Then I’ll have another life.
I lost the game.
I know it was me. I also know they were counting on me, though no one will say anything. Usually when I hit the court I forget. I’m under a spell. But this new problem has me beat.
I can’t stop thinking about her father.
Harry thinks there’s no danger, so he’s being careless.
But I know better.
I see myself dropping the ball every night when I sleep.
I know he’ll come for her and I’m afraid I won’t be enough.
Hannah
I’m back to never seeing Caleb again even though basketball season is over. I am not allowed to go to Percy’s so I can’t even ask him if Caleb’s been training with him. March comes, and plods on, the days gray and wet. Spring seems so far away that there’s not even a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. I’m more and more nervous about my dad showing up. I tell Jacob my fears and he reassures me that I’m perfectly safe in this town and especially the house. I don’t remember my father ever hitting me but I remember him clobbering Mom. I remember the bruises and bloody noses she’d get and I remembered the screaming. For two whole years, we had run and hid. Moving every month, spending fear-filled nights on Greyhound buses and homeless shelters, seeing his face on every tall man. When we got to Charlottesville and Mom heard from Uncle Jerry that he was in jail we finally started to relax. We found Stan and Marianne’s place and it felt safe to be behind a fence and up the stairs. Mom found a stable job at a preschool and I found Mandy. It still took me months to stop looking over my shoulder. Every month I would ask Mom to call Uncle Jerry to make sure he wasn’t getting out. I’d hear all the time about criminals being let out early. But every time he came up to a parole hearing he’d mess it up by getting in a fight. The man had never learned to control that temper. So he’d lasted the five years he’d been sentenced to and they had no more reasons to keep him in any longer.
Spring break was coming up. Mandy and her family were going to the Outer Banks of North Carolina and she asked me to come with, but I didn’t feel safe leaving my Mom at this time.
The weather felt warmer that day and I started to feel some hope. I was at work and Tawny, another waitress, walked up to me.
“Some guy at table nineteen asked for you.” She said.
“What do you mean, asked for me?” I wondered if it was Jacob or even Caleb.
“I don’t know, he wants to talk to you.”
“Maybe it’s one of your boyfriends.” Wanda said.
“I don’t have boyfriends.” I said with a smile and walked to the table.
It was him, fatter and grizzlier and my feet froze.
“Hey, Babygirl!” He crooned in a voice roughened by long-term smoking.
I force my feet to move and stepped closer. One foot, then another.
“You need to leave!” I growled at him.
“My, you grew up pretty!” He gushed.
“Get out of here. Leave!” I said.
“Oh no, you don’t. I’m a customer. You have to take my order.”
“No, I don’t.” I said and somehow managed to turn my back on him and walk away.
In the kitchen, everyone is rushing around busy and I don’t see Wanda. I can’t breathe and I’m afraid I will pass out. Finally, she enters and I grab her arm and pull her to the side.
“You have to make him leave.” I hear myself whisper hoarsely.
“What? Who? Hannah, are you okay?” She asks.
“No, I’m not. Make him leave. Please!” I beg.
“Okay, okay. What table?” She looks around for Tyrone, he isn’t there, then finally, after making me sit down on a chair, goes out herself to talk to my father.
One of the girls hands me a glass of water and I sip slowly. Wanda comes back in and crouches in front of me, her hands caressing my thighs.
“He’s gone now, but I have no idea if he’s waiting around outside.”
“He’s my father.” I tell her. “He wasn’t supposed to know where we were but he found me.”
“Okay, then.” She says with an exhale, “Call your ride and go home.”
“But my shi
ft...” I start.
“Honey, I’m not sure if I can keep you safe here. Call your ride and make sure he comes back here to get you.”
I can do nothing but nod.
I call Travis, he’s in Richmond with Harry and my mom and can’t come. I text Jacob, he doesn’t have the keys to the BMW and I tell him I don’t want him to bring his bike. Mandy is out of town.
“You want me to call Percy?” Wanda asks me when she sees me.
“No, not Percy.” I say, I know he can’t leave the gym during open hours and I have one more person. I text Caleb.
He’s here. He came to the diner. I need you to come and get me.
I’ll be there in fifteen. He texts back right away and I wait.
I wait fifteen, twenty minutes and he’s still not there. Then I remember that I didn’t tell him to come to the back. He’s probably waiting in the front. I don’t want to walk through the dining room so I step out the back entrance. The alley is short and I turn towards the street.
“That’s where you are!” I hear the gravelly voice and force myself to turn around. “I was wondering when you’d come out.”
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Just to see my Babygirl, I’m your Daddy, remember?”
“You’re not my... I remember. I remember everything.” I growl.
“What bullshit did she tell you? I never touched you.”
“That doesn’t matter.” I say, “You hurt her.”
“That little cunt had it coming. She was cheating on me, every time she went out, and now Jerry tells me she’s got some rich sucker.”
He comes up and grabs my arm and I can’t hear any more of his words. A loud buzzing sound fills my ears and my brain warns me that it’s about to slip into panic mode. But before it can, I act, I pull my elbow back and plow my fist into his flabby gut.
He doubles over and lets go of my arm. I turn and run. He is right behind me and then a strong grip pulls me to the side and someone rushes him. I grab the wall to lean and catch my breath and see my father on the ground and Caleb pounding his fists into his face.
“Stay. Away. From. Her!” He hits him after each word. I see blood. I don’t know whose.
“Caleb. Please!” I gasp.
He stops and stands up.
My father is laughing through his bloody nose.
“God, I hope you broke her in for me, boy,” he says, “Because that, that pussy is gonna make me rich.”
Caleb pulls back his foot and his boot meets the side of my father’s jaw. I hear a crack and then the man on the dingy alley floor is still.
I don’t understand what just happened my head feels fuzzy but when Caleb reaches out a hand I take it and follow him to his car.
He puts me in the passenger seat and takes a blanket from the back and covers me gently. I’m glad because I’m starting to shake now. Then he gets into the driver’s side and we leave. It’s dark and I don’t know where we’re going. I hear a phone ring. Someone says ‘Hello’, I think it’s Harry’s voice.
“You left her alone.” Caleb says coldly from next to me.
“Caleb?” Harry asks from the speaker. The car is moving down a dark highway and it feels like it’s moving way too fast.
“You left her alone, Dad, even after I told you not to!” Caleb says much louder.
“Who? Hannah? Oh my God, is she okay?” Harry asks.
“The fuck you care.” Caleb answers.
“No seriously Caleb, tell me. Abby is panicking.”
“He came, he came and she was alone.”
“Caleb.”
“I don’t know if she’s okay, Dad!” Caleb says and I hear his voice break, “I don’t know how long it’ll take her to be okay again but she’s whole.”
“Thank God.” The voice says from the other side. A voice I find myself caring about less and less, all my attention is being taken up by the large presence next to me.
“I’m taking her to the cabin and we’re not coming back until he is behind bars or dead. Take care of it, Dad. Take care of it or Abby is not seeing her daughter again.”
He presses a button on the steering wheel and ends the call before his dad can respond.
The cabin. I think. I’ll be safe.
“You’re safe.” He says to me, “No one is fucking getting to you again.”
“You don’t have to be so mad.” I say in a soft voice, “I survived.”
I turn my head and see him bite his lip. He doesn’t respond. I’m safe. I tell myself again and eventually stop shaking. Sometime later I slide my hand out of my blanket and touch his. He takes it off the steering wheel to grab mine and squeeze tightly. It hurts my bones but I don’t mind. I want it to hurt.
Caleb
He came for her.
I knew he would and he did.
This time everyone dropped the ball. Even I was late.
He put his hand on her and I wanted to rip his arm off. She was good though, she kept her calm and gave him good. Wish I could’ve killed him.
I wanted to.
Right then though, it was more important to take her away. I wish I could erase this from her memory. She is shaking and I just want to hold her.
I hope she didn’t hear what he said.
Someone has to put him away because if they don’t, their shining star, prodigal son is going to jail for murder.
Hannah
I must have fallen asleep because I wake when the cold wind hits my face. I jerk but I’m held secure in Caleb’s arms as he walks up some steps in the dark and brings me inside a warm building. Then he places me gingerly on a couch and goes outside. He is back soon and locking the door. I’m shaking again and wonder where my blanket went.
“Shit.” He whispers and sits in front of me to take my hands into is warm ones and rub them.
“Don’t.” His golden eyes shine deep into mine, “don’t go into shock, I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Okay.” I say and my voice sounds small like a kid’s.
He lets go too soon and I’m still cold. He is busy though, busy lighting a fire in a large fireplace which I know logically will warm me up. The fire flares up big and strong, the flames licking at the logs and in the back of my head, I remember when my body had behaved like that. He finally turns around and comes close to sit next to me. Then his fingers are working on the buttons of my coat.
“I turned on the heat.” He says as his fingers nimbly open my buttons, “It should be warm in an hour. What type of joke is this?” He asks as he pushes my coat off my shoulders.
“What do you mean?” I ask as I wrap my arms around me.
“This.” He lifts up my coat, “This is a joke. How’s this supposed to keep you warm in the winter?”
“It’s been working fine!” I say. I feel myself getting warmer as I get angry. I love my coat.
“Hasn’t your mother taken you shopping yet? You need to go spend my dad’s money and get yourself decent clothes.”
“No, I didn’t go shopping with my mom! I had no need to! And there’s no way I’m spending your dad’s money! I’m not a charity case Caleb and I don’t need a sugar daddy!”
He smiles and then laughs, and then grabs me tight in a hug.
“It’s good that you have a pretty smile or else I was going to hit you.” I say into his warm hoodie.
“Do you even know what a sugar daddy is?” He asks and I can hear the smile in his words.
“Yeah, he’s a daddy who pays...”
“He’s not your daddy. At least not in that way.” He interrupts still holding me close.
“Of course he’s not my daddy, he’s...” I pull back to look up at him. He is grinning.
“Eww!” I say and hit his chest lightly.
He laughs and I’m glad I made him laugh.
I bury myself back into his warmth and feel the vibrations of his laughter.
“You hungry?” He asks a little bit later.
“No.” I answer.
“Thirsty?”
“No.”
“Sleepy?”
“No.”
“Then what? You horny?” He asks and I hide my face into his neck.
“You can’t talk to me like that.” I say, my voice muffled.
“Why not? Jacob does.”
“Do you hear our conversations, do you have a bug in my room?” I ask.
“No, but I wish. Are you warm now?”
I nod still not letting go. He pulls back and smoothing back the hair off my face says, “Let me go see if we have something to eat.”
I let him, though when he leaves to go towards the kitchen area of this open plan cabin, I follow.
He opens and shuts the cabinets finally finding some cans.
“We got cans of soup if I can figure out how to turn on the stove.”
“What’s that back there?” I ask pointing to the dark back of the cabinet.
“Chef boy R Dee ravioli.” He says pulling out a can.
“That sounds better.” I say.
He looks back and pulls out another can.
“We have two!”
“That’s enough for both.” I say.
“If you say so, now the stove.”
“You know, if we have bowls we can use the microwave,” I say and smile when he gives me a strange look.
We sit on the extra-large couch and eat the warm stew from our bowls. It’s nice, and quiet, too quiet.
“Are we in the middle of nowhere?” I ask him.
“You’re safe Hannah.” He says, putting down his spoon.
“I know, but where are we exactly?”
“In the mountains.” He says.
“Is that all you’re gonna tell me?”
“That’s all you need to know.”
“I’m not gonna tell anyone.” I say.
He frowns and puts his bowl on the coffee table.
“You tell me not to be scared and now you look worried.” I say.
“You don’t need to be scared here, Hannah, I told you.”