I work on Will’s nipples until he groans with pleasure. I hate the fact that while he’s kissing me and telling me how much he loves me, I’m wondering exactly what Stephanie used to do to bring him pleasure. Was it the same thing? Or did she have some other tricks up her sleeve?
And why exactly am I thinking about this right now?
I don’t bother going below the belt too often these days since he can’t feel it, but I’m always exploring ways to bring Will pleasure using what he’s got. Like I said, the nipples are usually a safe bet. My tongue on his nipples makes him groan and writhe around in the very best way. And although he doesn’t orgasm in the true sense of the word, there’s usually a moment when I can tell his pleasure has reached its climax. I see it happen now—his eyes squeeze shut and he gasps my name as a sheen of sweat covers his face. Then he goes limp.
“Pizza?” he manages as he wipes sweat off his brow with the back of his forearm.
I kiss his damp lips. “Sounds good. And then I need to go over my flash cards.”
“Polar is on the outside because it’s cold.” He grins at me as he struggles into a sitting position. “See? Even I remembered.”
“Well, it’s easy when you’ve got a photographic memory,” I mutter.
Am I bitter? Slightly.
Will frowns. “What did you say?”
“Nothing,” I say. I hesitate. “It’s just that if you have a photographic memory, you probably don’t realize how hard it is for someone like me to remember stuff.”
A dark shadow comes over Will’s face. “Who said that to you? That I have a photographic memory?”
Uh oh. Maybe I should have kept my fool mouth shut.
“Was it Stephanie?” he presses me, frowning. “Did you see Stephanie? Did she talk to you?”
I stand up from his lap and brush off my slacks. “Do you have a photographic memory?”
“I don’t have a photographic memory, whatever that means.” He shakes his head. “Stephanie always used to say I did though. I have a good memory, okay? I can remember most things I read pretty well. But it’s not photographic.” He folds his arms across his chest. “Now it’s your turn. Why were you talking to Stephanie?”
Lying would be pointless. It’s all over my face. But I have to spin the truth.
“She wanted to apologize,” I say.
He snorts. “Apologize? No, not Stephanie. Try again.”
“She did,” I insist. “She was very nice.”
Will just shakes his head. “Stephanie always has an ulterior motive. She wanted something from you, even if she didn’t say it outright.”
“She didn’t want anything,” I lie.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” he says. “Whatever she wants, she’s not going to get it from you. Right?”
I nod firmly. “Right.”
Of course, I know what Stephanie wants. But there’s no way I’ll ever get Will to quit this case. That isn’t a possibility.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say.
He narrows his eyes. “Yes…”
Before I can stop myself, the words are out of my mouth, “Were you in love with Stephanie?”
“That,” Will says, “is a trick question.”
“How is it a trick question?”
“How can I possibly answer that?” he says. “If I say I loved her, then you’d feel hurt. If I said I didn’t, then I’m heartless because I dated her for two years. There’s no right answer.”
I shrug. “How about the truth?”
He sighs. “The truth is…” He sighs again, this one really long and drawn out. “Yeah, I loved her. Of course I did—she was my girlfriend for two years. And she was the first girl that I… you know…”
“She told me you were her first too,” I say. Stupidly.
Will looks like he’s about to choke. I can’t entirely blame him. “You talked about that?”
“Just a little,” I admit. “No details or anything.”
“Please don’t talk to her again, Libby,” he says. “I really just… I don’t need this right now.”
“I won’t,” I say.
I hate that I have to lie to Will this way. But it’s not like Stephanie and I are going to become BFFs. I can’t say that I necessarily won’t talk to her again though. But I’ll try, at least. Maybe I can avoid her.
Chapter 20
I leave my second biology midterm feeling absolutely ill.
The first exam—well, anyone can screw up one exam. That’s understandable. But this is my second exam… and I actually tried this time. I studied my butt off. I made flash cards—nearly a hundred of them. I gave this class and college my best try, but it’s not working.
It didn’t help that Reid was proctoring the first half of the exam. Every time I looked up, he was gazing at me and would offer an enthusiastic thumbs-up. I didn’t deserve a thumbs-up. I don’t need to get my score back to know that this is not a thumbs-up worthy exam paper.
After they collect the exams, I head to the back to make a quick exit. But Reid is waiting for me at the door to give me a high five. I almost do it just to appease him, but at the last minute, I leave him hanging. I’m not in a high-five kind of mood today.
“Hey,” Reid says, grabbing my arm gently. “What’s going on, Libby?”
I shrug away from him. I don’t want him to see me cry, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold it in. “Nothing,” I mumble.
I start walking away from him quickly, but his legs are much longer than mine and he takes long strides to catch up with me. “Libby…”
Finally, I stop and turn to face him. “I didn’t do well, okay?”
Reid looks shocked. “But you studied so much.”
“Well, I guess I’m stupider than you thought.”
I turn away from Reid and start walking quickly toward the doors to the outside. My palm hits them with a crack and then I’m outside. The crisp November air hits me like a slap in the face, which is sort of what I need right now. I don’t even bother with my hat. I want to feel something right now besides the horrible burn of failure and humiliation.
“Libby…” Inexplicably, Reid is still behind me. What is he doing? Doesn’t he get that I want to be left alone?
“I’m fine,” I manage to say.
“Listen, hold up,” he says, “I want to talk to you.”
I recognize that he’s going to keep following me until I stop. So I come to a halt on the street, my eyes looking anywhere but at his. I look down at his sandals instead. How is it this cold and he’s still wearing shorts and sandals? He must be freezing his ass off.
“You probably did better than you think,” he says.
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t. I promise you.”
“Maybe—”
“No.” I blink my eyes, holding back the tears. “Reid, why do you think I’m here? I already flunked out of college once. I’m no good at this shit. I can’t study—I can’t focus.”
“Maybe you have ADHD,” he suggests.
“Or maybe I’m just dumb.”
Reid’s eyebrows knit together. “You’re not dumb, Libby. We talk all the time and that’s one thing I can say for sure.”
“Well,” I say, “then it’s just one big mystery why I keep failing.”
He shoves his hands into his shorts pockets. He’s not even wearing a coat, for God’s sake—he’s going to get pneumonia again at this rate. “Maybe school just isn’t your thing,” he says. “Maybe you’re meant for something different.”
“Don’t tell that to my boyfriend,” I snort. “He’s always giving me pep talks about how I’m definitely smart enough to be a vet. He’d be so disappointed if I left school again.”
“You don’t think he’d understand?” Reid asks.
“I mean, he would, but…” I bite my lip. I don’t know how I’ll ever work up the nerve to tell Will about failing biology. I don’t want to see the look on his face when he finds out.
“Your significant other is s
upposed to be your confidante,” Reid says. “If you can’t talk to him about this…”
“I can,” I say.
Except maybe that’s not entirely true.
Reid and I stare at each other for a moment. He’s still got his hands jammed into his pockets, and despite his claim about being protected by his extra padding, he looks really cold. But he’s not leaving me. He’s wearing another one of his hemp shirts—I can tell by the leaf across the chest. I wonder if I didn’t have Will, if Reid might be the kind of guy I could get to like. He may not be my type physically, but he’s got such a good heart. He’s a kind, wonderful person.
If I were dating Reid, I wouldn’t have to wait up till midnight just to see my boyfriend. And I wouldn’t have to worry about in vitro fertilization to get pregnant.
“Hey,” he says as the wind blows loose strands of his hair into his face. “You want to go get a beer?”
“It’s three in the afternoon,” I point out.
He shrugs.
I shake my head. “I can’t, Reid.”
Reid opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but no words come out. We just stand there for a minute in silence.
“You’re coming to work on the rally on Monday, right?” he finally says.
I nod. “I’ll be there.”
He smiles at me. “We’re going to make a difference—I promise you. We’re going to take down that company.”
I ignore the tight feeling in my chest. “Yeah,” I say. “I hope so.”
_____
Will still doesn’t know that I’m failing biology.
We go out to dinner on Saturday night at a bar near NYU. It’s one he used to go to during his own college days, so it’s got that air of nostalgia for him. It’s dimly lit and pulsing with college kids, and even though cigarettes aren’t allowed anymore, the whole place somehow smells like smoke, like it’s never had a chance to air out in the last twenty years.
“I still get excited at the thought of the chicken wings here,” Will tells me across our narrow wooden table as we study the menu.
“What kind is your favorite?” I ask.
“Buffalo and barbecue,” he says. “Either one is good.”
“So let’s get both,” I suggest.
He raises his eyebrows at me. “Aren’t you vegetarian now or something?”
Oh crap. Somehow I keep forgetting that I’m a vegetarian. You wouldn’t think that sort of thing would slip my mind, but somehow it does. And anyway, how can I not eat chicken wings? That’s inhuman. It’s not like chickens have a lot of personality.
“I think chicken is okay to eat,” I say.
He shrugs. “Hey, fine with me.”
I usually would protest the amount of wings that Will orders because my waistline really doesn’t need it, but he’s lost some weight that he didn’t need to lose, so this is for his sake. I actually started packing him lunches because I’m worried he doesn’t eat otherwise. He gets so caught up in his work that he just forgets.
“I miss college,” Will says as he looks around the bar wistfully. His eyes settle on some kids playing a game of darts and he smiles. “Those were the days. Went out whenever I wanted… no responsibilities…”
“Well, you chose a job that works you to the bone,” I point out to him.
Will swirls his beer around in the glass. “So I did.”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “Any regrets?”
He smiles again but doesn’t answer my question. I wonder—I honestly do. There was a time when I would have said that Will loves his job, but now he just seems tired all the time. He hardly talks about work anymore. And there’s a part of me that believes he must feel some sort of misgivings about defending the Hanford Corporation, despite how nuanced he claims it is.
“Anyway,” he says, “did you get your test back yet?”
I wince. I haven’t gotten it back yet, but I don’t need to. I already know how poorly I did. “Not yet.”
“I’m sure you did great,” he says.
Based on what? He’s the one with the goddamn photographic memory.
A waitress comes around to take our order, and we talk and sip on our beers while we wait. Will grabs my hand across the table and I enjoy the feel of his callused palm against mine. I get this tingle when I see the way he’s grinning at me—I don’t know if there’s ever been a guy who could turn me on as much as my fiancé does. And that’s when I see them.
Reid and Josh.
Walking into the bar.
Shit.
“Are you okay, Libby?” Will squints at me.
“I’m fine,” I manage.
Why oh why did I agree to have dinner by NYU? What a stupid idea. Well, maybe if I sink down in my seat, they won’t see me.
Except Reid is waving at me.
“You just…” Will frowns at me. “You look really pale all of a sudden.”
Please don’t come over here. Please don’t come over here.
Damn it, they’re coming over here. This has the potential to be really, really bad.
Well, at least they’re not with Stephanie.
“Libby!” Reid calls out when he gets within earshot. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Just, um…” I glance at Will, who turns to look at the guys. “Just having dinner with my fiancé.”
The two of them reach our table and thank God there aren’t any seats for them to pull up to sit with us. Maybe this interaction can end quickly and painlessly.
When the guys stop in front of our table, Reid’s eyes widen when he sees that Will is in a wheelchair. I know that look very well. Josh notices as well, but his expression is more difficult to read.
“Hi,” Will says to them. “I’m Will.”
“I’m Reid,” Reid says as he takes his hand. “I’m Libby’s teaching assistant.”
“Josh.” Josh takes Will’s hand, but he’s giving him a funny look. That’s when I remember that Josh was the one who saw that clip from television, where Will was in court. Does he recognize him? It seems unlikely based on the fact that Will was probably dressed in a suit and tie in court, but now he’s wearing a T-shirt and jeans, which gives him an entirely different look. But then again, he’s a young guy in a wheelchair. That’s got to spark Josh’s memory.
“Anyway,” Reid says. He tugs on his latest hemp shirt. “We’ll leave you guys alone on your date.”
Oh my God, I can’t believe it. I’m going to get through this interaction without something horrible happening. It’s a miracle.
“I just wanted to tell you, Libby,” Reid says, “that we’re all going to meet at two instead of three on Monday to discuss the rally. Is that okay?”
Oh no.
“Rally?” Will says.
Reid raises his eyebrows. “Libby didn’t tell you? She’s helping us organize a protest rally against the Hanford Corporation. You know, that company that’s being sued for animal cruelty?”
Will’s jaw drops open. I know that’s an expression, but he literally is staring at me with his mouth hanging wide open. I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“You’re organizing a protest rally against the Hanford Corporation, Libby?” Will manages to say. “Are you kidding me?”
I look down at my hands. “I’m not exactly organizing it…”
Before I can offer any further lame explanations, Josh bursts out with, “I know you!”
Will frowns up at Josh. “What?”
Josh’s long face is bright pink. He shakes his finger in Will’s face. “You’re their lawyer! The one I saw on television. I recognize you.” Josh turns to Reid. “This guy is Hanford’s lawyer!”
Reid looks completely lost. “What?”
Josh appears just as incensed as Will was a minute ago. (And presumably still is.) “Libby,” he says, “you’re dating Hanford’s lawyer?”
“We’re engaged, actually,” Will shoots back. “And we’d appreciate being left alone to eat in peace.”
“Peace,” Jos
h repeats. “Yeah, well, do those pigs get any peace? How’d you like to be trapped all day and not be able to move?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he looks down at Will’s legs and realizes what he just said. He stops for a second, the words just hanging between them. But then he recovers his composure enough to continue: “How can you do it? How can you defend something so unconscionable? How can you sleep at night?”
“You know what?” Will says. “It’s actually none of your business.”
“I’m making it my business.” Josh tugs angrily at his beard. “By the time you get to trial, everyone in this city is going to know what shitheads you and your client are.”
“Great,” Will mutters. “Knock yourself out.”
Josh leans forward, getting in Will’s face. To his credit, Will doesn’t back away. “And you know what else?” Josh snarls. “Your girlfriend is going to help us. Just like she’s been helping us. Behind your back.”
I can tell that comment actually got to Will. His eyes drop and he slumps in his chair. Josh smiles triumphantly and then marches out of the bar. Reid gives me this baffled, hurt look, then follows after him.
Well, at least they didn’t see the huge pile of chicken wings we ordered.
After they’re gone, Will and I just sit in silence for a minute. He’s staring at me, a look of growing fury on his face. I can’t say that I blame him.
“What the hell, Libby?” he finally says. “Have you seriously been working on a protest rally against the company I’ve been defending?”
“Sort of,” I mumble.
“I can’t fucking believe this,” he says, shaking his head. “I mean, I knew you weren’t thrilled about the whole thing, but I figured that you at least supported me. Or at the very least, I didn’t think you’d do something like this. Behind my fucking back.” His brown eyes meet mine. “I feel like a complete idiot.”
“Will,” I say softly. “I didn’t do it to upset you.”
“Yeah, but you obviously didn’t care if you did.”
I look at Will’s face. He isn’t just angry—he’s hurt. Maybe more hurt than angry. He thought that I was on his side when a lot of people aren’t.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t have done it and definitely not behind your back. But I joined them before I even knew you were Hanford’s lawyer. And… I don’t think I was entirely wrong. I mean, if you could see the videos of what they do to those pigs—”
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