by Shyla Colt
“Sassy, you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m all right.” I brace myself against the sink.
“You want me to come in there?”
“No, I’m coming out.”
I push away from the sink and walk out to a worried Ollie.
“I’m fine.”
“Uh huh.”
I roll my eyes and move to sit on the bed, propping myself up against a pillow. “Can I rest?”
“Yes, I’ll keep monitoring you every hour.” Ollie places a kiss on my forehead. I want to ask him how he feels, but I don’t have the strength or energy, so I close my eyes and zone out.
OLLIE
I hold Quinn’s hand as we wait for the phone to ring. Today we get the verdict. We’re hoping for two counts of robbery and attempted murder. They recovered his fingerprints in the area and some of his DNA on my clothing. I’d gotten some good enough licks in to draw blood. How they could let him walk with that coupled with our eye witness accounts, I don’t know, but stranger things have happened. The phone rings and I close my eyes and picture Rolly. This is the closest to gaining justice for him as I can come. If he walks, I can’t guarantee I won’t take things into my own hands.
“Carter. Yeah? You got it? ... Yeah, I’m ready. ... Yeah. Okay. I’ll tell them.”
“They charged Santiago with attempted murder in the second degree, and two counts of aggravated robbery. They gave him twenty years for the robbery, and twenty for the attempted murder. He’s going to be locked down for a while.”
I thought I’d be happy. Instead, I’m pissed. Forty years when my boy only had four, seems like nothing. Quinn throws herself into my arms, and I hold her close as she sobs.
“It’s over. Thank God, it’s finally over.”
I rock her, absorbing her pain as the rage burns brightly in my belly. She’s coming to the end of her journey, and I’m just starting mine. I’ve moved on to a new stage, no more pleasant than the previous one. Clutching the hair she’s kept straight to change up her appearance, I bury my face in her neck.
“I want to go home, but I don’t have one. Not anymore,” she whispers.
“Your home is with me. We’ll find a new one together.” She pulls back and clutches my shirt, and I study her face. The doctor diagnosed her with a slight concussion which should have dissipated by now. It’s been three days, and she still seems off.
She opens her mouth.
“As much as I hate to break up the love fest, this is where we’ll part ways.”
“Tonight?” I ask.
“Time is money, and our local department isn’t equipped financially to handle long-term protection. Now if you feel the need to be relocated permanently, we can put in for a file.”
“No,” we chime together.
“I can respect that, but I suggest you stay armed and watch your backs,” Carter says.
“I understand,” I say with a nod of respect. He doesn’t seem so awful when I know I’ll be leaving him behind. “How does this work?”
“We’ll drop you off at a safe location of your choosing and return your phones and keys.” The only place I want to be is away from Carter and back to being free.
“Take us to the Hilton at Lincoln center,” I say.
“Once Johnson gets back we’ll take the trip. That gives you guys enough time to get everything together, doesn’t it?”
“More than enough,” Quinn agrees.
He stands and makes his way to the connecting room. Finally.
“You okay, Quinn? You don’t seem like yourself.”
“There’s a lot going on. I’m ...” She frowned. “Digesting.”
“Seems like more than that—”
“I’m fine,” she snaps.
Arching my eyebrow, I raise my hands in surrender. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.” She shakes her head. “I’m stressed and overwhelmed. I don’t mean to take it out on you.”
“So say that. No one expects you to be Super Woman.”
“I do.”
“Even Super Woman had back up and days off.” I lean down. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Her lackluster answer concerns me. Maybe she’s tired? The quiet spreads as the minutes tick by like molasses and we make sure the little we have is packed. I want to probe, but I know she’ll shut me down until she’s ready to talk, so I hold my tongue and wonder if what I thought was the start of a new phase might’ve been the final nail in our coffin. We’ve been through more than most married couples experience in decades. Part of me wants to push her away before she can hurt me. The other part, the larger portion, squashes the idea. She’s never let me down. I can only return the unfailing dedication. Life is bleak, but without her, it’s a total blackout.
“I WANT TO SAY I’LL miss you, but I’m not in the habit of lying,” Carter says as we shake hands in front of the Hilton hotel.
“The feeling is mutual. Thank you for protecting us.”
“You got a good woman there. Might want to lock that down permanently.”
I smirk. “You get tired of her turning you down?”
“Oh no, I love a challenge. You screw up I might just come back around.”
I open my mouth to tell him where he can go, when she places a hand on my shoulder, done with her good-byes to Johnson.
“Thank you again for everything.”
“My pleasure. You ever need anything, you look me up, okay?” He winks.
“We’re no longer under your protection. You make one more pass at my woman, and we’re going to have a problem.”
Carter laughs. “Been waiting for you to do that.” He salutes us both and walks away with Johnson who shakes his head.
“Stay safe guys,” Johnson delivers a parting statement.
“And then there were two. I know we have our cell phones, but I don’t have enough desire or energy to open up that can of worms.”
“Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”
“Quinn?”
“I’m tired, Ollie. Bone deep, soul level exhaustion. I could sleep for twenty-four hours, and still feel drained. Give me a chance to get my bearings and recharge. I thought I’d be relieved when he got sentenced. I don’t. I’m lost. I’m confused, and uncertain about the future. Are they going to keep coming after us? I have a business to run. I can’t go into hiding. To stop doing what I love would be a slow death.”
“Are you thinking about quitting?” I ask, stunned.
“I don’t know what to think. That’s the problem. I don’t do well with the lack of direction or planning. I need time.”
“Without me?”
“What? No? Is that what you want?”
“Wherever you are is where I want to be,” I say honestly. I have no problem being transparent. The rest of my life feels like is occurred light years ago. It’s distant and removed from my present. Of course it does, I’ve been all but locked away from it for nearly a month.
“Then let’s go inside, grab a room, a real shower in a clean bathroom, and call room service.”
“I like that plan.” It’s a small decision, but it’s ours, and that feels better than turning eighteen and leaving my mother’s house. You never appreciate freedom until it’s taken away. The brightly lit hotel is a beacon as we move out of the night and into the light. I want it to be a sign of what’s to come. Even now I can feel the cold claws of depression and grief ripping into me. Is it okay to accept this as justice? How can one ever truly get over the loss of a child? Every instance of joy feels wrong because he’s no longer here. I coast on autopilot as we step inside and I book us a suite. After the cabin and the crappy hotel with questionable cleanliness, we deserve an upgrade.
Chapter Fourteen
Quinn
“Where are you?”
“Mom, I’m in a hotel.”
“Where? You disappeared off the face of the planet before. I’m never letting you do it again.”
“I didn’t want to do that, Mom. It was necessary to keep me and the rest
of the family safe.”
“A short communal text is a piss poor excuse to explain what’s going on.”
I sigh. “There are rules, Mom. Every call is monitored and scripted, believe me. It wasn’t a picnic for me either.”
“I know it wasn’t. I’m sorry. I’m just ... you scared me so badly, and when we went to your apartment and saw you hadn’t lived there for God knows how long we worried. No one would tell us anything, and the police refused to file a missing person’s report.”
“Because they knew I was under protection, Mom.”
“It’s terrifying not knowing where your child is, when she’ll be back, of if she’ll be back. We worried they’d taken you to another state, changed your name and outward appearance.”
“No. These men are dangerous, but they’re no mafia.” I hope I sound more convincing than I feel.
“When will we see you?”
“I’ll come by tonight for dinner, Mom.”
“Good.”
“Mom, I’m only going to come over if you promise it’s only you, Dad, and Riley. Max if he’s in town. Anything bigger than that and I swear to you I’ll leave the way I came.” Images of cake, balloons, and way too many people flashes in my head.
“I understand.” She sighs.
“Thank you,” I say dryly.
“Are you bringing Ollie?”
I glance into the room from the balcony and take in the tense set of his back as he calls his own people.
“No, he’ll be having his own family reunion. I think it’s better that way.”
“I heard what that woman did to you. You should press charges.”
“No, she’s a grieving mother.”
“Who doesn’t know what family she’s dealing with.”
I laugh at her gumption. “Mom, I don’t want to be bailing you out of jail for assault. Let it lie.”
“I will if she does. I can get Riley to take care of my light work anytime.”
I laugh. “I needed that, Mom.”
“I’m serious,” she deadpans.
“I know you are. We don’t have to worry about her. I doubt our paths will be crossing.”
“You’re with her ex, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but you know what happened to Rolly.” My voice shakes as I think of the sweet boy who swiftly captured my heart.
“Trust me, she’ll be around. Probably trying to play on his sympathy. She was never over him. You said it yourself.”
Sighing, I rub my eyelids. “Mom, I’m too tired to get this deep.”
“Okay, baby, you come by, and I’ll make your favorite tonight.”
“Lasagna and homemade garlic bread?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll even throw in some peach cobbler.”
“My mouth is watering already.” My stomach growls as my hunger flares. We’ve been eating crap with a side of healthy at the hotel when they could get it.
“Good. I’ll see you soon, baby.”
I hang up feeling connected and loved. Slipping my phone in the pocket of my robe, I soak up the sunshine. There’s no one to tell me to stay inside, no rules to follow other than the ones I make for myself, and no looming trial. All that exists is me and decisions that need to be made. I’ve yet to even check my Facebook because I’m afraid of what I might find. It’s no way to live. The door behind me slides open.
“How did it go?” I peer over my shoulder.
“They understood. They want to see me.” He stands beside me.
“I’m going to my parents’ house tonight. You should do the same.”
“You don’t want to do it together?” he asks.
“No, I don’t want to take from your reunion, and I think you should make sure there are no lingering hard feelings toward me.” I cringe at the thought of his flesh and blood blaming me for Rolly’s death.
“There isn’t. They were worried about you while you were in the hospital. If it wasn’t for the guards and tight security, they would’ve gone to see you. Please don’t let Allie’s behavior turn you off them. They adore you. Any more loss is too much.” His voice wavers and I wonder if he’s talking about them or himself.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I cover his hand with mine, and he kisses my shoulder. We’ve spent the past couple of days sleeping, eating, and watching mindless television. It’s time to return to the real world. “We need to decide what we’re doing.”
“I know. It’s hard to think further than a few hours at a time,” he admits.
“Where do you want the new place to be?”
“Away from both our houses. I can’t. The thought of going back makes me break out in a cold sweat.”
“Hey. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“Yes. Yes I do,” he croaks.
“Why?”
“Because he’s never coming back. I have to face that.” His lower lip trembles and his face crumbles like a deck of cards. I move forward to hold him, taken aback by the swift fluctuation of emotions. As his cries break loose, I find myself unable to hold back my own tears. I tried to so hard to be strong for him. I compartmentalized my own feelings. The purge is a baptism as I shed the old skin and share my pain with Ollie.
“THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER returns,” Max says as I walk into the house.
“I thought it was more our style to make the parental units worry,” Riley adds.
“I figured it was my turn to rebel,” I say drolly.
“None of this is funny.” My mother rushes over and hugs me.
“I agree. Hi, Mom.” I inhale her floral scent and hold her closer than usual. I’ll never take the small things for granted the way I used to.
“Hi, sugarplum.” She pulls back from me and gives me a slow once over. “How are you? You look like you lost weight.”
“The stress got to me.”
“It’s all over now, though, right?” Max asks as I move to hug my father.
“It should be. I don’t know how rational criminal types can be. The testimony’s been given, there’s no taking it back, and he’s in prison. I’ll be moving out of my apartment to a new location. I’m not sure where or when but hotel life is wearing me thin, so it’ll be sooner rather than later.”
“I don’t know, room service, maids, and no work, sound pretty cushy to me,” Max says.
“Until it isn’t,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
“Now quit picking on your sister,” my father instructs.
“Yeah.” I stick out my tongue.
“Always the baby brat,” Riley says.
“You guys can’t stop picking on me, can you?” I ask as I move to hug Riley. I close my eyes, welcoming the familiar lavender scent and the heat of her body. Riley always ran hot.
She pulls away and gazes at me. “You okay, little sister?”
“Yeah, I am. Shaken, but on the mend.”
She gives me a nod.
“Where’s that boyfriend of yours? Seems kind of shitty he let you come alone,” Max says as he gives me a bear hug and lifts me off my feet. I squeal.
“I decided we should both go solo to reassure our family that we were okay. Tempers were running high in the courtroom.”
“So I heard, slugger,” Max says as he sets me on my feet.
“You girls want to help me get the salad ready so we can serve dinner?” my mom asks. I understand the code. It’s time for girl talk.
“Sure, Mom.” We head to the kitchen where we wash fresh veggies and hand them to my mother to chop.
“What are your plans with this boy? Grief is an all-encompassing thing that never fully goes away. He’s not the same man you originally fell in love with. Are you prepared to deal with that?”
“It’s very serious. I understand he’s not going to be okay overnight, Mom.”
“There will be times of great sadness you’ll never understand. I saw it with my own mother after my brother drowned. It drove my parents apart and nearly ruined their marriage. I know you’re a grown woman, but I wouldn�
�t feel right if I didn’t speak frankly. My parents wanted a large family, but after Johnny died, that ended. Are you prepared to give up having children altogether? Have you discussed the possibility?”
“Mom, it seems ... premature and cruel.”
“Not if you’re throwing everything you have in with him. I know you, girl. You don’t love in halves.”
I look down at the avocado I’m slicing in two and squirting with lemon juice to keep it from browning. Dealing with Rolly convinced me I wanted children. I couldn’t put that wish back.
“I’ll bring it up.”
“Soon.”
“Yeah, Mom. I’ll do it soon,” I reply quietly.
“Hey, it’ll work out. Look at all you two have been through,” Riley says.
“I hope. I think part of me is always waiting for the final straw to be pulled,” I admit honestly.
Mom squeezes my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot, I’m not surprised you’re wondering what will come next.”
“How did you know that Daddy was the one?” I ask.
“Because I couldn’t imagine life without him. He made me angrier than anyone I’d ever known, but he made my life more, too. It’s a balance. We’re day and night but we complement one another, and he’s always been there for me when I need him. I can’t say I had a defining moment. One day I knew I was willing to take the risk of giving him my heart, and my hand in marriage and try to make it for the long haul.”
Her words resonate. This is how I feel about Ollie. Walking away isn’t an option.
OLLIE
It’s an off sight, all of my family members under my father’s roof along with my mother and her beau. Beau. It’s weird to think of the dapper gentleman in crisp khaki pants, and a light blue button down. He has a full head of white hair he parts on one side and slicks back. His face is kind, freckled, and rounded. He’s taller than my mother and spry. I like the look and sound of Mike Rhodes. I’m seated beside my mother on her left, and he’s on her right. The steak is well-seasoned and cooked to perfection, along with the twice baked potatoes and baked beans. We’re having a BBQ on the large back patio.