“Hmm?” I mumble, not really looking at him. He knows I get embarrassed whenever this happens. He’s even talked to the guys about not working with the garage door open if I’m home because of this exact reason. I’m sure he’s goin’ to be chewin’ their asses out as soon as he gets me settled. There’s only one way that this passes and that’s just pure, old-fashioned time.
“BUTCH!” Ollie yells, anger beaming out of him. He’s turning bright red again. This is like the third time this month that he’s lost his shit.
I see Butch run out of the garage, coated with oil and other dirty car things. I’ve never been too much into cars. As long as they’re running, I’m fine, and if they aren’t – well, I just grab one that belongs to the boys. I only know when one looks pretty for the road.
“Yeah?” He looks to Ollie and then spots me. I don’t hear him say shit, but I can read his lips. I know he didn’t do this on purpose, but that doesn’t matter to Ollie.
“I thought I fuckin’ told you to shut that goddamned garage door if Dais’ is here. Can you not fuckin’ listen?”
“Uh – I can, I mean … I didn’t know Dais was here. She was supposed to be working today.”
“I switched with Maria,” I tell Ollie. “We didn’t really feel the need to inform the entire club about our shift change.”
“Just shut the damn door,” Ollie growls over to Butch, who nods and walks back over to the garage, grabbing the remote to the door and shutting it.
“Why didn’t you go into work today baby?” Ollie asks, wrapping his arms around me. He soothingly brushes his hand against my hair, every time calming me a little more and more.
“I just wasn’t feeling too well this morning. I slept in and ate a little, wanted to go on a walk to see if it would make me feel a little better,” I admitted.
“Oh Babygirl. I wish you woulda told me. I could have stayed with you, took care of you.” He presses a soft kiss to my temple, showing me exactly how much he is the man for me. I’ve never doubted him once, though, I’ve doubted myself – numerous times. Ollie is perfect. He’s caring. loving. raw. firm. He’s so much more than anything I ever could’ve expected.
I don’t know what comes over me. I’m hit with the sudden urge to cry, and the tears roll down over my cheeks in a heavy flow. What the hell is my problem today?
“Hey, hey. You aren’t back in that fuckin’ metal tin Babygirl, you’re here with me.” He tries to console me, unknowingly to him that isn’t what I’m crying about right now. I simply nod and sink further into his chest, allowing him to console me in the way that I need to be. I’m not crying because of freezing with fear at the sounds of those jumpers. I’m crying because until today, I never really think I knew how much I loved Ollie.
I’m the luckiest girl in the world.
***
Ollie held me until I could finally move around again. It was perfect timing because he was called off to do something with the club, and I had to go into the bar to work the night shift that I switched with Jenna. She told me she’d pull a double, but I’m really starting to feel okay. I’m a little bit queasy and lightheaded, but it’s nothing worse than a shitty hangover. I’ll be fine.
“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” Michelle, otherwise known as Meech, giggles.
“I actually wasn’t feelin’ well,” I tell her, flipping her the bird while I’m at it, cause why not?
“You were feeling something alright, girly, and I’m betting it was long, hard, and makes you scream over and over again.” She winks at me, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“She wasn’t feeling well, Meech,” Jenna tells her, walking over to me and giving me a small hug. Jenna pulls me over to the side and fills me in on everything that’s happened in the bar tonight – which really isn’t much. There’s almost no point.
I can tell it’s going to be a slow night here at the bar, which means I need to work my shit to get those big tips. It is a good thing I am not wearing a bra. In the right light, my nipples will stick out for the boys....and girls… who like to look, and they'll bounce when I pace back and forth behind the bar. That, and my signature move of getting them drunk early always wins me that cash; cash I can take home at the end of the night and show my Ollie. In between clients, though, I would need to find something to do. I glance over and see that Elena and Maria are hanging around, chatting it up. I know we are supposed to still be planning her wedding, and I think Jenna tucked a wedding catalog under the bar. It sounds like a good plan to me when the place gets dead. Elena is gonna flip out, though, when I pull that shit out in front of her. She is still resisting this whole 30 days thing even though I know Reed is serious. Somewhere deep down, she must know too.
The night goes even slower than I expected, with just a few lurkers, wanting to find a good fuck, and a couple of drunks. They all tip well, though, and that’s what matters. It is an hour until I need to close up, and the place is empty other than one man who looks like he might be about to pass out. I call a cab for him before going to the bar, pulling out the catalog and gathering with the girls at the left edge of the bar where they sit in bar stools or lean.
"I have something special here for the bride to be!" I announced in a sing-song voice, slapping that catalog down on the counter. The girls cheer, and Elena covers her face.
"We are really going to pick my shit out of a catalog?" she asks with a hint of laughter in her voice.
"Less than 20 days ‘til you say I do. What choice you got?" I ask her, opening it up. "Besides, these are some beautiful gowns, and there’s even a couple tuxes and lingerie in the back. It’s a one stop shop."
Elena seems mortified, but as we flip through the dresses, I can see her light up. She starts folding pages over to mark the ones she likes. I get a little sentimental, watching her, wondering if I will ever see myself doing this very thing. I can't imagine wanting something so formal as she might have, but to be beautiful and the center of attention for a day while I marry the man I love, that doesn’t sound so damn bad. It isn’t something I talk about with Sea yet, nor do I expect to. We love each other, but we just now came out to the club, and I had those plans with Kyle for years. But, it does make me smile to imagine it someday.
Elena narrows it down to two dresses and agrees to sleep on it and easily picks a simple black tux that will look awesome on Reed, even with all his bad assery. She has an eye for style.
But, that’s when the fun starts. "Hold on, lemme close this baby down," I say, running to get all the bar shut down and the drunk into his cab. Us ladies needed some alone time to look over the lingerie offerings in this catalog.
I make my way back to where I was as the girls squeal like we're all teenagers, talking about boys and sex for the first time. "Is this really necessary?" Elena asks as Jenna turns onto the first page of lingerie. Everything comes in red, white, and black, and I point that out to her. I think she might feel more comfortable in something dark instead of all that white shit.
"Yes," all the girls chime in before a collective giggle. Some of them are pure slut and others look like a nun might wear them under her gown at church. That’s when I spot it as the girls are flipping the pages too fast. I slap my hand down like we’re playing that damn card game where you have to get your hand in the card before someone else, forcing the girls to stop and pay attention. “Elena, what about that one?” I ask, and she leans over to look at it, possibly imagining it on her.
It is a complete set, and the picture is actually in black. It looks fuckin' gorgeous on the model whose hair is dark like mine. It includes a corset with a mesh center so that part of the abdomen in showing, and the panties are tiny lace boy shorts. The whole thing connects with garters to some thigh highs. It’s classy and sexy, and she will really look like the siren Reed calls her in that.
"I think that’s the one," she says, smiling up at me in thanks.
***
I slide into Ollie’s bedroom. He’s sitting at his computer, typi
ng away. He doesn’t even say anything as I venture closer to our closet. Ours – I’m not even saying his anymore. I’m practically living in this room anyways, but I still have the option to go to my bedroom if I want to for now.
“How was work, baby?” I glance over to him, his eyes are locked on me, watching me as I kick off my black heels, slip off my short black mini skirt, and take off my deep red tank top. “Shit, you weren’t wearing a bra tonight?” His voice is shocked, and his eyes are dark like he’s furious with me.
I know this look.
He isn’t furious; he’s something else entirely.
“Nah, but lookie here,” I giggle, bending over to let him see the perfect view of my pert ass. I yank the wad of cash out of the pocket in my skirt and start counting it out in front of him. “Looks like I made about 593.00 tonight, sweetheart” I add in a wink for effect and the oaf just smiles.
“It’s a damn good thing I wasn’t there tonight, Babygirl, cuz’ I woulda scared all those men away.”
“Mhm,” I agree, going to the wardrobe and pulling out a dark purple tank top. Ollie’s right up next to me, tearing it out of my hand and holding out one of his Skulls Renegade T-shirts. He opens the head, pulls it over mine, and I place my arms through the holes.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and when he does speak, I’m not shocked. “I take it you knew what I had the boys doin’ with the garage all this time?”
“Yep. You’re not exactly a rocket scientist. I put two and two together, ya know.”
“I did that for you. I don’t think you’re weak, not at all Babygirl. You’re so fuckin’ strong, sometimes, hell – I don’t even know how you got through what you did. At the same time, I’m not gonna be adding to your remembrance of all that fucked up shit you went to, so if tellin’ those idiots to keep that damn door shut kept you from having a flashback or two, I was gonna do it.”
He thought that I’d be mad at him for that? Never. If anything, I admired him for doing it for me. I’ve known for a while, but never once have I been mad at Ollie for doing anything to protect me. And that’s exactly what he was doin’; protectin’ me.
He takes my hands in his, rubbing my wrists softly. He doesn’t look at me – he stares at my hands, so intently, like he has something troubling his mind.
“You didn’t tell me everything. Even after all we’ve been through, I know that. I know that there were things so horrible, that even you couldn’t share them with me. I never once took any offense to that. I understood why you needed your secrets, why you kept some things locked up. Hell, I’d have probably done the same thing if I was in your shoes.” He stays silent for a moment, then his eyes meet mine. “I didn’t have to ask you about the things they did Dais. I can put two and two together.”
I nod, I didn’t tell him everything that happened to me. If I’m honest, I couldn’t bring myself to voice those things – to admit that they happened. Living it was enough, and talking about it was horrible. I went to therapy for months after my kidnapping, even after Harley, I still went. It did a little bit of good, but you didn’t see me talkin’ to anyone who wasn’t my therapist either.
I’d always wondered how he knew certain things. He was reading between the lines this entire time. “Electricity. Chains. Belts. Water.” He fires them out of his mouth so fast, like he wasn’t going to say anything if he didn’t just blurt it out like that.
“Uh, what?” I say, knowing well what he’s getting at.
“Electricity, when we were in the garage and Butch was working on that old Camaro, he asked you to help him with the jumper cables, and you looked like you saw a damn ghost. Belts, after you were back and I was changing in the room cuz you didn’t want me to leave you. I saw the look in your eyes when I took off my belt; you looked at me like I was the devil reincarnate. Water. You still refuse to get into a pool, something you did every damn day in the summer. You avoid it like all hell. And Chains. Slash was commenting about what he did that to that girl, ya know, the one who’s into BDSM shit. You looked at him with the same look the day that I slid my belt off. Like he was the devil. I can add things up baby, you didn’t have to tell me a damn thing because I already knew the worst of it.”
“Oh.” It is all I can say.
“All of us here love you. Every single person, every brother, every Ol’Lady, every Nomad, and even some of the sugar butts and club whores love you.” He gives me a smirk, and I bust out into laughter. The sugar butts and club whores in no way love me. They hate me because I’m a nasty fuckin’ bitch when I see them hangin’ around the girls who have men. “My point is, we’ll do anything that we can to make it easier on you. No one wants to remind you of anything that you went through because in the end it was our fault that you were there.”
“No way in hell was it the club’s fault I was there. It was Kyle’s and his selfish need to gamble.” I grumble, glaring at Ollie. I won’t accept him blaming the entire club for Kyle’s mistake. I won’t have him blaming my family for Kyle’s mistake. I may seem like a bitch for putting all the blame on Kyle, but that’s just the way it is.
Have I forgiven him? In an odd way, I have. That doesn’t mean blame doesn’t lie with him.
I will never forget what happened to me because of his choices, not ever.
“We sent fuckin’ Pain with you and – “
I cut off Ollie before he even finishes that sentence. “I swear to fuckin’ God, Ollie, you’d better not finish that damn sentence.”
“He fucked up, he’s the reason you were taken.” He finishes it, much to my dismay, and all I see is red.
I’ve had it with Ollie, and I’ve fuckin’ had it with Reed and his ridiculous punishments for Pain. That man deserved to be patched in centuries ago, and they won’t fuckin’ do it. He didn’t make a mistake that day he left me in the grocery store, he went to go save his sister’s life and he did – his sister is alive because of his choice, and if keeping me safe in that store that day meant that she woulda died, I could never have lived with myself.
“You can’t keep blaming him for what happened that day. It wasn’t his fault,” I argue, ready to dig my heels into the carpet and go to war for Pain.
“The FUCK it wasn’t!” Ollie roars. He screams so loud that I visibly shake. “It was our damn fault you were there. He FUCKED up, he is the reason you were in that fucking hell hole.”
The door to our bedroom comes flying open. I first see Reed, then Dmitri, Jenna pummels in next with a baseball bat. Why the fuck did she bring a baseball bat?
“Plan on playin’ some ball, Jen?” Reed chuckles. She shoots him a glare before he turns his attention back to Ollie and me.
“What the hell is going on in here?” Reed asks, he’s annoyed, I’d be dumb not to see that.
“We’re just having a slight disagreement on who to blame for my kidnapping. Ollie here thinks it’s Pain’s fault, and I, on the other hand, think that’s complete fuckin’ bullshit. Did either of you think what would’ve happened if he stayed with me? If he didn’t go get his sister when she called him? She would’ve died! Not only her, but his parents would’ve lost two children that day. The second that they saw him, they would’ve killed him, and you both know it. You’re so okay with him staying and being killed? Well, I’m not. I’m not fuckin’ okay with that. He left, saved himself and his sister in the process. That’s what I wanted, do you think I wanted two people’s blood on my hands? And now, all these years later, and he’s still not patched in because you’re punishing him!”
“It’s not about what you wanted, Dais. He didn’t do his damn job, and he left you unprotected. That’s why he doesn’t have his patch, because we can’t trust him. We cannot rely on him. Until he proves himself, his loyalty, there is no way in hell I will be giving him a patch. Pain can prospect until the day he dies for all I care,” Reed states, firm in his decision.
My mouth gapes open, but not because of what Reed just said, but because of who’s standing in the hallway.
“You good Dais?” Pain asks me, I look right into his dark eyes and nod. Reed doesn’t even bother to turn around, to acknowledge him, nothing. He acts like he’s a bug under his shoe, and he’s acted like this for ages. I’m so done with Reed treating him like this.
“You’re an asshole,” I tell Reed, and Ollie shoots me a glare. I glare right back. “And don’t you say a word, you’re in big shit.”
“Dais.” I look over to Pain, he offers me a half smile as he continues to speak “It’s alright. I deserve it. I fucked up that day, and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make it right. Do me a favor and drop it. Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I can handle myself.” Before I can argue, Pain is already in the hallway, going back to wherever he’s sleeping.
“You all are such fuckin’ assholes,” I growl before heading into my bedroom.
Chapter 15
Seamus
It’s been three days since Dais’ has really been talking to me. I can’t say I blame her, but I stand firm in my decision to blame Pain for her disappearance, it is his fault entirely, and one day, I’m confident that she’ll understand why I feel the way I do.
“Fist said that Rafael tried to strike a deal with him to blow up the entire fuckin’ club,” Reed comments. Fist is the Prez of the Reapers MC up in Montana. He’s one of our closest allies, and together, we’re a force to be reckoned with. Our clubs are strong alone, but together, we’re practically unstoppable. “He said Rafael promised him our club if he went along with it. He’d get Tennessee and Texas.”
“Well, shit.”
“Rafael is desperate, he wants revenge for the shit we pulled. He’s trying to do anything that he can to do it. What he doesn’t realize is that between the Skulls and the Vipers, we have a lot of allies.”
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