by T. Smollett
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
HE ATTRACTS THE ENVY AND ILL OFFICES OF THE MINOR KNIGHTS OF HIS OWNORDER, OVER WHOM HE OBTAINS A COMPLETE VICTORY.
Such a pre-eminence could not be enjoyed without exciting the malevolenceof envy and detraction, in the propagation of which none were soindustrious as the brethren of his own order, who had, like him, made adescent upon this island, and could not, without repining, see the wholeharvest in the hands of one man, who, with equal art and discretion,avoided all intercourse with their society. In vain they strove todiscover his pedigree, and detect the particular circumstances of hislife and conversation; all their inquiries were baffled by the obscurityof his origin, and that solitary scheme which he had adopted in thebeginning of his career. The whole fruit of their investigation amountedto no more than a certainty that there was no family of any considerationin Europe known by the denomination of Fathom; and this discovery theydid not fail to divulge for the benefit of our adventurer, who had bythis time taken such firm root in the favour of the great, as to set allthose little arts at defiance; and when the report reached his ear,actually made his friends merry with the conjectures which had beencirculated at his expense.
His adversaries, finding themselves disappointed in this effort, held aconsultation to devise other measures against him, and came to aresolution of ending him by the sword, or rather of expelling him fromthe kingdom by the fear of death, which they hoped he had not courageenough to resist, because his deportment had always been remarkably mildand pacific. It was upon this supposition that they left to thedetermination of the dice the choice of the person who should executetheir plan; and the lot falling upon a Swiss, who, from the station of afoot soldier in the Dutch service, out of which he had been drummed fortheft, had erected himself into the rank of a self-created chevalier,this hero fortified himself with a double dose of brandy, and betookhimself to a certain noted coffee-house, with an intent to affront CountFathom in public.
He was lucky enough to find our adventurer sitting at a table inconversation with some persons of the first rank; upon which he seatedhimself in the next box, and after having intruded himself into theirdiscourse, which happened to turn upon the politics of some Germancourts, "Count," said he to Ferdinand, in a very abrupt and disagreeablemanner of address, "I was last night in company with some gentlemen,among whom a dispute happened about the place of your nativity; pray,what country are you of?" "Sir," answered the other, with greatpoliteness, "I at present have the honour to be of England." "Oho!"replied the chevalier, "I ask your pardon, that is to say, you are incog;some people may find it convenient to keep themselves in that situation.""True," said the Count, "but some people are too well known to enjoy thatprivilege." The Swiss being a little disconcerted at this repartee,which extracted a smile from the audience, after some pause, observed,that persons of a certain class had good reason to drop the remembranceof what they have been; but a good citizen will not forget his country,or former condition. "And a bad citizen," said Fathom, "cannot, if hewould, provided he has met with his deserts; a sharper may as well forgetthe shape of a die, or a discarded soldier the sound of a drum."
As the chevalier's character and story were not unknown, this applicationraised an universal laugh at his expense, which provoked him to such adegree, that, starting up, he swore Fathom could not have mentioned anyobject in nature that he himself resembled so much as a drum, which wasexactly typified by his emptiness and sound, with this difference,however, that a drum was never noisy till beaten, whereas the Count wouldnever be quiet, until he should have undergone the same discipline. Sosaying, he laid his hand upon his sword with a menacing look, and walkedout as if in expectation of being followed by our adventurer, whosuffered himself to be detained by the company, and very calmly tooknotice, that his antagonist would not be ill pleased at theirinterposition. Perhaps he would not have comported himself with suchease and deliberation, had not he made such remarks upon the dispositionof the chevalier, as convinced him of his own safety. He had perceived aperplexity and perturbation in the countenance of the Swiss, when hefirst entered the coffee-room; his blunt and precipitate way of accostinghim seemed to denote confusion and compulsion; and, in the midst of hisferocity, this accurate observer discerned the trepidation of fear. Bythe help of these signs, his sagacity soon comprehended the nature of hisschemes, and prepared accordingly for a formal defiance.
His conjecture was verified next morning by a visit from the chevalier,who, taking it for granted that Fathom would not face an adversary in thefield, because he had not followed him from the coffee-house, went to hislodgings with great confidence, and demanded to see the Count upon anaffair that would admit of no delay. Maurice, according to hisinstructions, told him that his master was gone out, but desired he wouldhave the goodness to repose himself in the parlour, till the Count'sreturn, which he expected every moment. Ferdinand, who had taken post ina proper place for observation, seeing his antagonist fairly admitted,took the same road, and appearing before him, wrapped up in a longSpanish cloak, desired to know what had procured him the honour of suchan early visit. The Swiss, raising his voice to conceal his agitation,explained his errand, in demanding reparation for the injury his honourhad sustained the preceding day, in that odious allusion to a scandalousreport which had been raised by the malice of his enemies; and insisted,in a very imperious style, upon his attending him forthwith to thenursery in Hyde Park. "Have a little patience," said our adventurer withgreat composure, "and I will do myself the pleasure to wait upon you in afew moments."
With these words, he rang the bell, and, calling for a bason of water,laid aside his cloak, and displayed himself in his shirt, with a sword inhis right hand, which was all over besmeared with recent blood, as if hehad just come from the slaughter of a foe. This phenomenon made such animpression upon the astonished chevalier, already discomposed by theresolute behaviour of the Count, that he became jaundiced with terror anddismay, and, while his teeth chattered in his head, told our hero he hadhoped, from his known politeness, to have found him ready to acknowledgean injury which might have been the effect of anger or misapprehension,in which case the affair might have been compromised to their mutualsatisfaction, without proceeding to those extremities which, among men ofhonour, are always accounted the last resource. To this representationFerdinand answered, that the affair had been of the chevalier's ownseeking, inasmuch as he had intruded himself into his company, andtreated him with the most insolent and unprovoked abuse, which plainlyflowed from a premeditated design against his honour and reputation; he,therefore, far from being disposed to own himself in the wrong, would noteven accept of a public acknowledgment from him, the aggressor, whom helooked upon as an infamous sharper, and was resolved to chastiseaccordingly.
Here the conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a person who wasbrought to the door in a chair, and conducted into another apartment,from which a message was brought to the Count, importing, that thestranger desired to speak with him upon business of the last importance.Fathom having chid the servant for admitting people without his order,desired the Swiss to excuse him for a minute longer, and went in to thenext room, from whence the following dialogue was overheard by thischallenger:--"Count," said the stranger, "you are not ignorant of mypretensions to the heart of that young lady, at whose house I met youyesterday; therefore you cannot be surprised when I declare myselfdispleased with your visits and behaviour to my mistress, and demand thatyou will instantly promise to drop the correspondence." "Else whatfollows?" answered Ferdinand, with a cool and temperate voice. "Myresentment and immediate defiance," replied the other; "for the onlyalternative I propose is, to forego your design upon that lady, or todecide our pretension by the sword."
Our hero, having expressed a regard for this visitant as the son of agentleman whom he honoured, was at the pains to represent theunreasonableness of his demand, and the folly of his presumption; andearnestly exhorted him to put the issue of his cause upon a more safe ande
quitable footing. But this admonition, instead of appeasing the wrath,seemed to inflame the resentment of the opponent, who swore he would notleave him until he should have accomplished the purport of his errand.In vain our adventurer requested half an hour for the despatch of someurgent business, in which he was engaged with a gentleman in the otherparlour. This impetuous rival rejected all the terms he could propose,and even challenged him to decide the controversy upon the spot; anexpedient to which the other having assented with reluctance, the doorwas secured, the swords unsheathed, and a hot engagement ensued, to theinexpressible pleasure of the Swiss, who did not doubt that he himselfwould be screened from all danger by the event of this rencontre.Nevertheless, his hope was disappointed in the defeat of the stranger,who was quickly disarmed, in consequence of a wound through thesword-arm; upon which occasion Fathom was heard to say, that, inconsideration of his youth and family, he had spared his life; but hewould not act with the same tenderness towards any other antagonist. Hethen bound up the limb he had disabled, conducted the vanquished party tohis chair, rejoined the chevalier with a serene countenance, and, askingpardon for having detained him so long, proposed they should instantlyset out in a hackney-coach for the place of appointment.
The stratagem thus conducted, had all the success the inventor coulddesire. The fear of the Swiss had risen almost to an ecstasy before theCount quitted the room; but after this sham battle, which had beenpreconcerted betwixt our adventurer and his friend Ratchcali, thechevalier's terrors were unspeakable. He considered Fathom as a devilincarnate, and went into the coach as a malefactor bound for Tyburn. Hewould have gladly compounded for the loss of a leg or arm, andentertained some transient gleams of hope, that he should escape for halfa dozen flesh-wounds, which he would have willingly received as the priceof his presumption; but these hopes were banished by the remembrance ofthat dreadful declaration which he had heard the Count make, after havingovercome his last adversary; and he continued under the power of the mostunsupportable panic, until the carriage halted at Hyde Park Corner, wherehe crawled forth in a most piteous and lamentable condition; so that,when they reached the spot, he was scarce able to stand.
Here he made an effort to speak, and propose an accommodation upon a newplan, by which he promised to leave his cause to the arbitrement of thosegentlemen who were present at the rupture, and to ask pardon of theCount, provided he should be found guilty of a trespass upon goodmanners; but this proposal would not satisfy the implacable Ferdinand,who, perceiving the agony of the Swiss, resolved to make the most of theadventure, and giving him to understand he was not a man to be trifledwith, desired him to draw without further preamble. Thus compelled, theunfortunate gamester pulled off his coat, and, putting himself in aposture, to use the words of Nym, "winked, and held out his cold iron."
Our adventurer, far from making a gentle use of the advantages hepossessed, fiercely attacked him, while he was incapable of makingresistance, and, aiming at a fleshy part, ran him through the arm andoutside of the shoulder at the very first pass. The chevalier, alreadystupefied with the horror of expectation, no sooner felt his adversary'spoint in his body than he fell to the ground, and, concluding he was nolonger a man for this world, began to cross himself with great devotion;while Fathom walked home deliberately, and in his way sent a couple ofchairmen to the assistance of the wounded knight.
This achievement, which could not be concealed from the knowledge of thepublic, not only furnished the character of Fathom with fresh wreaths ofadmiration and applause, but likewise effectually secured him from anyfuture attempts of his enemies, to whom the Swiss, for his own sake, hadcommunicated such terrible ideas of his valour, as overawed the wholecommunity.