It wiggled from the wound like a woman taking off a dress that was too tight. And it stood above me, not more than three feet tall. It balanced precariously on two slender legs and a thick tail helped it stay upright. The little thing was devilish and licked the blood from its claws. I was so afraid; I wanted to scoot away from it, but I couldn't move.
It leapt swiftly over my chest and straddled me. With one of the strong claws, it pushed my shoulders down to the dirt. I felt its tail pressing against my body, keeping it balanced. It smelled like carrion, and its eyes glowed iridescent crimson.
"Into you, I go next,” it said. Then it sniffed my skin. “Inside you, is sweet and warm. Inside you is where I will live."
"No!” I shouted as it lifted my shirt.
The little creature noticed chocolate on my shirt and crinkled up its nose in displeasure. “Over you, is covered with this?” It ripped my shirt with its claws. “Through this, I will pass. Before, I will go into you."
"No!” I protested and struggled against its surprising strength. “I'll do anything, just don't kill me!"
"Within you, I want to live, not kill.” It passed its sharp nails over my fat, and I felt them break the skin. “Inside you, is warm. I'm cold."
Then, just as it was about to cut me navel to neck, I heard a voice stopping it. The kitchen witch was at the far end of the gully with an armful of biscuits. She shouted at the creature in some strange language I couldn't understand, and the beast began to back away.
"What are you doing out here?” she scolded me as she put the biscuits down on the ground.
I watched as the thing scurried to the bread, ripping it and eating it. “What is that thing?"
"He is Nana-boo-shoo as the Indians would call it—a woods devil."
"Devil?” That was the only word that registered in my Christian head.
"He is a true demon, albeit a minor one. But he is strong."
I offered my ripped shirt. “I'll say he is."
The demon continued to feast on the biscuits and rolled on top of them like a dog. In fact, much of his mannerisms resembled a dog's, but with darker intent.
"Did he want to eat me?"
The kitchen witch cackled. “Nonsense, he wants to live within you, feed upon you slowly, and drain away your soul.” She pointed to the deer carcasses. “I gave him all of these in which to live. You happened to come along just as he was ready to move on."
"I saw him last night, in the woods outside my cabin."
"You saw him?” She laughed. “He was watching you.” She kept a careful eye on the little devil. “He smelled you all the way from your room—all fat and lonely. No, he smelled you from a mile away."
"What does he want from me?"
"I already told you what he wants."
"Well, he can't have it. I don't want him.” Nervously, I watched as he finished the last of the biscuits and headed back toward the two of us. “I'm scared."
She looked down at me with her bright blue, good eye. “You should be. But he can help you, too."
"Help me?"
"You hate those who tease you. You despise your own body. You loathe your parents."
I hid my eyes shamefully. “I don't like to be teased. Who would?"
"I'll whisper to you a secret.” She knelt close. “Never tell this to Nana-boo-shoo, or he will take your soul in an instant. Never say you liked it better before him. He must always think he has you.” Her rank breath burned my nostrils, but I continued to listen. “Let him inside, and he will help you make all of your dreams come true. He will know what you want and make it so."
"What about all these deer?” I asked.
"They were nothing more than a place to live,” she replied.
"Why hasn't he lived in you?"
"He can't live in me, for I bore him. He is my child, the child of another Nana-boo-shoo.” She looked upon the beast with motherly love. “It is my responsibility to help him.” Then her attention turned to me again. “I want to help you, too. I know how they treat you. My child can help you get revenge on all of them. Let him."
"I don't know."
I was so tempted by the promise. My head swam with possibilities: no more teasing, no more loneliness, no more anything. I could do it, just let it live inside me.
"Will it just live inside me?” I asked.
"Yes, yes that's all.” She smiled. “All he needs is a place to be that is warm."
"When will he start helping me?"
"When you let him in."
She knew I was seriously considering it. I felt his eyes burning into me as he watched the kitchen witch and me whispering. They both knew I was going to let him.
"Will it hurt?"
"There will only be a moment of discomfort, and that is it.” She motioned for the woods devil to come forth. “I will help you with the pain."
Lifting my shirt, she allowed the little devil to approach. Again he smelled my skin where a patch of melted chocolate was still smeared. Curling his mouse-like nose, he protested, and the witch used my shirt to wipe off the candy. Satisfied, he readied his claws.
I felt the first cut, and it burned hotly. Surely, my guts were ready to spill like a pot full of spaghetti onto the forest floor. But the second cut didn't hurt at all. I could hear the kitchen witch uttering the foreign words again, and all my pain subsided. Daring to look at the surreal, horrifying actions going on around my fat abdomen, I looked down.
There was no blood; in fact nothing had been spilled. Nana-boo-shoo had made a small incision and was transforming his own body into a substance resembling modeling clay. He squeezed through the opening in my flesh, burrowing past my fat and entwining among my organs. I felt him pushing and manipulating as he tried to get comfortable. He pressed against my bowels and stomach, and I felt like I was going to vomit or shit my pants. The sensation passed, however, as he settled within my own cavity, making a nest for himself.
"That is where he'll stay,” she cackled.
"What will he do for me? When?"
"Tomorrow, when you wake, you will notice what he's done for you."
"What will that be?"
"That depends on what you dream about,” she said. “Now, be gone from this place. Never come back to these woods again, or surely you will die."
I fell over my own feet as I scrambled from the gully. The wound in my belly was mysteriously healing, but I could tell by its pink color it would leave a faint scar. Leaves scattered as I left the killing field of deer remains.
My mind was swimming with distortions and visions of what had just happened. I couldn't believe it, but it was true nevertheless. I rushed into my cabin, my heart beating in my throat. Sprawling across my bed, I broke into tears, and that is where I lay until I fell asleep.
* * * *
Rays of bright sun woke me from my fitful sleep. Startled, I sat upright and remembered my dream. It had to be a dream; what else could it have been? I must have hallucinated after gorging on pie or candy. My stomach ached, and I accepted my gluttony as the reason I was in pain.
Reaching down to console my fat, I was shocked at what was there. Moreover, my surprise was in response to what was missing: my fat. There was no soft mushy belly to touch, only hard muscle. Bursting from my bed, I ran to the thin mirror in my cabin. My fingers had not lied.
In the mirror stood a stranger. It was a teenager I'd be jealous of: thin, attractive, sleek, athletic-looking. It was me, though. My initial happiness was dampened by the truth. Last night was no fantasy; it was true. I looked closely for the pink scar, and I found it nestled inconspicuously between my newly-exposed abs.
It couldn't be me; my eyes were somehow lying. I remembered everything the old woman said. This is what I dream about, always, every night. I just didn't want to be fat anymore. Nana-boo-shoo made it true for me.
Outside in the campground, I heard all the kids making their way to the dining hall. Breakfast was about to be served. I was afraid to go. Just yesterday, I was the fat kid destined for teasing.
Now, I'm beautiful. What would they think? Would they notice?
I wanted them to notice. I felt the little devil squirm inside. I wanted them all to see me. I put on my smallest clothes—they bagged on me like burlap—and went to join the others.
From the moment I stepped onto my shaky, wooden steps, I was in a different world. My first day as the new me was brilliant. Although there were a few quizzical looks, I was accepted into the popular clique. It happened at the lake while swimming. I had to borrow a swimsuit because my old one didn't fit. I looked and felt brand new. There wasn't an ounce of stray blubber to be seen. My chest was lean, my arms taught, and I zipped through the water like a dolphin.
After swimming, I was selected by the other popular kids to be included in a hike. We ventured out into the forest and along a narrow creek. We left the unpopular losers behind to do crafts. For days it was like that, and it only got better.
Then, three nights later, as I sat at twilight around the campfire, the devil made himself known. All of the campers were collected around the large, licking fire in the center of camp. I had kept away from this circle previously, but I noticed the other losers—not me let me remind you—were there. They collected in orbit around the popular kids and the favorite counselors. There was a definite pecking order, only now I was on the top looking down.
That's when I saw her face, Jenny Sigler. At the beginning of camp, she had been the only other person I had known. She was still a loser, a geek. She had glasses and an overbite, and the popular kids called her “Bucky” because of her front teeth. I wasn't like her anymore, though, and I didn't have to sit with her.
She just looked at me. In her eyes I could see betrayal and pain. Then, she turned away to talk to another dweeb. I heard Nana-boo-shoo in my head, echoing my own ugly voice. You're not one of them anymore. Look at her, ugly and worth nothing. Call her name, call it out and laugh at her.
I giggled and joked with some of the other popular guys. We pointed at the geeks and made comments. Then, I singled her out. Bucky, I yelled. Bucky, Bucky. Then I made beaver-sounds. I couldn't stop myself because the clique laughed with me at her. We stopped the teasing at the request of one of the counselors, but the damage had been done.
Jenny Sigler melted away from the group and went off into the darkness. Nana-boo-shoo laughed in my ears. I tried to suppress his guttural utterance, but he was loud and everywhere. All I could think of was Jenny. I used to be the tortured one, and now I was no better than the rest of them. I had to apologize, I said to myself.
Feigning the call of nature, I rushed off in the direction in which Jenny had gone. I caught up to her near the picnic pavilion, where she sat sobbing. Nana-boo-shoo mocked her; I prepared my apology.
"Jenny,” I said.
"Go away, you jerk.” She turned so I couldn't see her cry.
"I'm sorry for what I did back there.” I tried to sit by her.
She allowed me to, and there was a long, tense silence between us. Then, she turned to look at me. In the moonlight, she scanned my face, my body, my arms, my hair.
"What happened to you?"
"I don't know.” Fearing she knew my secret.
I heard Nana-boo-shoo screaming at me. Louder his voice rose: kill her, kill her, she knows. I fought to control my hands and my actions. It was one thing to dream of beauty, but I wouldn't murder. I liked Jenny; I couldn't hurt her. I had too much pity for the way she looked.
"You know what it's like.” She turned to me. “Just because you lose a bunch of weight doesn't make you any different inside."
"Maybe it does,” I said, with the double meaning known only to myself.
"That's total bullshit. Why did you hurt me in front of them like that? Why? You of all people should have a little compassion. Remember on the bus?"
"Yes.” The horrible memory of their taunts and words flooded back. “But it's different now. They aren't as bad as you think.” Nana-boo-shoo disagreed.
"They are. You don't know ‘cause now you're doing it.” She started to cry again. “Will you go away now? Go back to your little buddies and pick on someone else. How about that Ricky kid? He lovesStar Trek . You should see his cabin."
I wanted to explode. I don't know if it was the devil protesting my conflicting feelings or simply his squirming to get a better lock on my soul. Whatever the reason, I didn't want any part of it. I wanted Nana-boo-shoo out of my body.
Then I remembered what the old woman said: never tell him you were better off before. I didn't want to go to hell. I didn't know what I was doing. She made it all sound so good, so easy. And it was easy. I looked at Jenny. Her teeth were too big, and it was easy to make fun of them. There wasn't anything to tease me about anymore; there were no extra folds of skin to burden me. Only now, my encumbrance was Nana-boo-shoo, and it was much heavier.
I heard him deep inside, laughing at me and my inner conflict. Then for the first time since my transformation, I longed to have a piece of chocolate. The stress was too much; I needed that fix. Candy, cake, extra helpings, it was all I wanted right then. I didn't care if it took away my newfound beauty. I had a demon greater than Nana-boo-shoo to deal with.
I hadn't changed. I wasn't any different inside. I was still the same fat kid in a more attractive package. Jenny's pain was too much. All my life, I vowed that if the situation was different I wouldn't be one to tease and taunt. When the tables turned, however, I fell right in with the tormentors. It was fun and easy. I was accepted for my intolerance. How horrible. I was more monstrous than the grotesque creature swimming with my organs.
"Jenny,” I touched her shoulder gently, “I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll never do it again."
I waited for her to scold me. I wanted her to either say ‘I forgive you’ or ‘get the hell away from me.’ None of those words came. She said nothing.
Realizing an apology simply wasn't enough after the damage I'd done, I walked away.
I didn't go back to the campfire. I passed through the center of camp, carefully sticking to the shadows. Chocolate, candy, that's all I wanted. Nothing would soothe my compromised soul more than a sweet taste. Nana-boo-shoo must have sensed my intent, for he protested by knotting up like a ball near my bladder. I peed a little in my pants.
No one saw me as I slipped into my cabin. Immediately upon entering, I went for my secret stash. There was my friend, the only friend I ever had. A gold wrapper was its clothes, and I undressed it. Just beyond the end of my bed, I glimpsed myself in the old mirror. I was beautiful. Then, I opened my ugly mouth and shoved the candy bar deep inside.
The first enormous bite filled me with joy, and I swallowed it with relish. Only moments later did I begin to suffer. Nana-boo-shoo pressed against my abdomen. I could feel him pressing, pushing, screeching inside. It must be the candy. I remembered how he rolled up his nose at me when we first met.
The pain was unbearable. I could barely stand, and I felt the rush of vomit in my throat. Nana-boo-shoo was pushing now from the inside. Forcing the chocolate pollutant back up from whence it came. I lunged for the door, opened it, and fell upon the stairs just in time. Vomit exploded from my mouth and onto the sandy soil.
He now controlled what I ate. This devil inside, which gave me what I wanted, was now punishing me. I didn't want him anymore. Although it had only been a brief time that I was beautiful, I was an ugly monster inside. I hurt people the way I used to be hurt. I started thinking like the people I hated most. I had to get it out of me.
Weak from the episode, I pulled myself up by using the door. I wobbled slightly as I stood and felt the devil churn in my guts. He pushed and pulled and stretched, asserting himself deeper into my organs. I feared he wouldn't stop until he reached my soul.
The old woman, she was the only one who could help me. I knew she had the answers, but I didn't know where to find her. During the day, she would be in the kitchen. I couldn't wait until morning, though. I needed to be released. I'd made a big mistake; I didn't want beaut
y at such a high price.
The only place I could think of to go was the woods where I first saw Nana-boo-shoo. Perhaps he'd want one of the deer again and leave me. I reached inside the door and snatched my flashlight from the old table. I also grabbed a handful of Hershey's kisses in case I needed the strength. I had to find her, so I set off for the woods. I remembered her warning to never go back, but I was desperate.
There wasn't a spot of moonlight in the woods even though it was high and full. The canopy seemed to resist letting in the light, protecting the little devils and sprites and witches that lived within its twisted trunks. My feet sank in muddy spots, and cold dew chilled my skin. Branches slapped me in the face, pushing me back to where I'd come. The forest didn't want me poking around. It wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I had compromised my very soul.
SLClimer - Rumours of the Grotesque Page 13