In My Bed

  “Is that why you didn’t pursue it?”

  “Well, kind of. It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later,” I say, taking another big bite of my taco.

  “How is everything tasting?” the waiter asks, coming out of nowhere.

  “Great!” Nate replies, trying not to laugh as the waiter looks to me for an answer.

  “Mmm … Good,” I mumble around my bite.

  “Excellent. Let me know if you need anything else,” the waiter responds with a smile before he turns and walks away.

  Nate throws his head back and starts laughing, his throat muscles moving as his hands go to his stomach. “I can’t believe that happened to you again. And after we just talked about it.”

  I’m laughing as I finish my bite. “Yeah, yeah. Won’t be so funny when it happens to you.”

  We finish dinner and get the check, Nate paying for me as his thank you for letting him stay over last night.

  “See,” I say as we leave the restaurant. “This was cheaper than cab fare and you got a meal out of it.”

  “You’re right. We’ll have to do this again,” he replies, smiling over at me. The look in his eyes has me in total agreement.

  “Absolutely.” I smile back.

  He pulls out of the parking lot and starts to head towards the freeway. Neither of us has mentioned the idea of dinner transitioning into more, so I decide to bring it up. “Hey, Nate?”

  “Yeah?” he responds, glancing over at me as he drives.

  “I was thinking that maybe you’d like to come up to my room when you drop me off,” I offer, my voice low and sexy.

  He clears his throat and shifts in his chair, adjusting his hands on the steering wheel before he answers me. “And what did you think we would do when we got to your room?” he asks his voice low. He’s turned on.

  My body responds to his tone as my center clenches and my heart races. I fully embrace this type of response in my heart as I tell him, “We’d be doing what we didn’t do last night.”

  He moves a little more in his chair and takes a breath as if preparing himself to give an answer. “While that sounds great, I want to take you out a few more times before we sleep together.” I thought he was going to sound nervous based on his body language, but his voice is sure and strong when he responds.

  And dammit if that doesn’t turn me on even more, regardless of the fact that he just turned my offer down. My heart is screaming at me to accept his offer, but I don’t. Instead, I raise a brow and ask, “So we’d be dating?”

  He nods his head and smiles. “Isn’t that what you meant when you said there would be a possibility of more last night?”

  I shake my head and toss him a sexy smile. “The more I was talking about takes place in a bed, not in a restaurant,” I explain, pausing a moment before clarifying. “Well, actually, it can take place just about anywhere, but a bed is the most common location for my type of more.”

  He chuckles a little and glances over at me. He’s quiet for a moment before he responds. “I think we may have our wires crossed. I like to date a girl for a while before we get physical.”

  “Well, that’s unfortunate, because I don’t really like to date like that,” I tell him, wanting to be honest about myself.

  “Weren’t you dating Will?” he asks, tilting his head to the side while his eyes narrow as if he’s trying to remember what went on between us.

  “We were hooking up, but it wasn’t anything serious,” I clarify.

  “Oh.” He nods. “So when I turned down something between us last night …”

  “I thought it was because we both had too much to drink.”

  He nods again. “We definitely have our wires crossed.”

  We’re both quiet for a few moments. I should have realized he’d be different. I’ve known from the beginning that Nate isn’t like most guys. But from our conversation in my bedroom last night while we were changing, I thought he knew what I meant when I said I wanted more from him. At this point, I think the best thing we can do is be honest with one another, so I tell him what I want. Plain and simple.

  “I feel this crazy attraction to you, Nate. Honestly, no one has ever had the type of effect that you have on me, but I don’t want a boyfriend. I haven’t had one for a while and it’s working well for me. I want you, but that’s it. I don’t want a relationship outside of friendship with you. With anyone.”

  He nods his head slowly, taking in what I’ve said. “Okay,” he says quietly. He heaves a big sigh before he asks, “Since you were so honest, can I do the same?”

  I nod.

  “I like sex. I fucking love it,” he says, smiling over at me with this look in his eye that makes my body shiver. “But I like to really know the girl first. We can go for something more casual if you don’t want to date. We can get to know each other as friends and see where things go. One step at a time?”

  “So we’ll be friends, with the possibility of more,” I clarify with a smile.

  “Maybe we should be clear about what that means this time?” He laughs.

  I laugh with him. “Yeah, let’s see where things go and get to know each other as friends. But before we go there, I want to warn you. I can be crass and quite naughty when I joke with my friends. Do you think you can handle it without wanting to jump my bones?” I say, raising a brow.

  He gives me that big laugh that I really, really, really, like and looks over at me before he replies with a raised brow of his own. “Oh, I think I can handle it.”

  “So friends,” I say through a smile, reaching over and punching him in the shoulder.

  “Ow!” he exclaims, rubbing his shoulder with one hand. Even though he claims injury, he’s laughing so I know he’s not really hurt. “What was that for?”

  “I always see guys do that to their friends. It looks fun, so I wanted to try it. No good?” He starts to laugh even harder at my disappointment—and then he snorts. “Even sober, I still think the snort is cute,” I laugh.

  “Well, I’m glad, considering it seems to happen a lot around you,” he admits with a smile.

  We finish the drive back to my dorm in comfortable silence, and when get there he parks before getting out and walking me to the door of the building. When we say goodbye, our eyes connect and the look in his makes my heart accelerate. He smiles and turns to walk back to his truck. I watch him the whole way, my gaze lingering in his direction even after he drives off.

  The dinner with Nate didn’t end the way I wanted it to, but I think I’m really going to enjoy my new friendship with him. And since this night was filled with honesty from both of us, I think it’s time to be honest with myself.

  I’m glad he turned me down because there is no way I would have been able to sleep with him once or twice and be done. I’ll deny it until the end, but I wanted tonight to be a date and I’m so excited at his idea to take things slow and see where they go.

  It’s different for me.

  And everyone needs a little strange sometimes.

  Chapter 10

  Monday

  Me: How’s work going today?

  Nate: The usual… Helped some people and saved some lives

  Me: My hero…

  Nate: And I made the mean little old lady in the cafeteria blush

  Me: Huh?

  Nate: There’s a lady who works in the cafeteria. She’s about ninety years old and always miserable, except when she sees me.

  Me: Sounds like someone has a crush on you ;)

  Nate: She’s always asking me questions about her garden. I think she thinks that becuase I’m from Kansas that I know about farming...

  Me: LOL!!! Her garden? I think she wants you to strap on your boots and take her to the farmhouse…

  Nate: Hahaha! What?

  Me: She sees a young man who can plow her field…

  Nate: Wow…

  Me: And plant some seeds in her garden…

  Nate: Seriously? What goes on in your mind?

  Me: Um. Duh. Farmin
g? I don’t really know the correct terminology, but I did my best :)

  Nate: No way. There are hidden meanings there…

  Me: What? I was just talking about a nice, strapping, young man helping a lonely, old lady tend to her bush…es ;)

  Nate: Ha

  Me: She can show you how they used to ride the tractor…

  Nate: Now you’re reaching

  Me: She can show you the way to tug her utters…

  Nate: Goodbye now, Jenna

  ***

  Tuesday

  Nate: Are you in class?

  Me: No, I just got out of my contemporary dance class.

  Nate: Contemporary dance?

  Me: It’s sort of like ballet, but not as restrictive. You move in a different way. It’s actually one of my more challenging classes since I was trained for so many years in classical ballet.

  Nate: Do you ever have performances for your classes?

  Me: Sometimes :)

  Nate: It’d be cool to see you dance

  Me: We’ve been to Sound together. You’ve seen me dance :)

  Nate: True, but I’d like to see you dance in a ballet.

  Me: You should actually come to the next interpretive dance performance… I’m performing and there’s another group performing a sexual interpretive dance.

  Nate: What? That’s a thing?

  Me: It can actually be really powerful if you do it right.

  Nate: So they’re doing it right?

  Me: Lol… absolutely not! The instructor keeps trying to correct them, but they don’t seem to think her opinion matters even though she’s the one grading them.

  Nate: So if they’re not doing it right, what are they doing wrong?

  Me: It’s too crude.

  Nate: Too crude? For you?

  Me: Even I draw the line somewhere, Nate.

  Nate: Where is your line drawn here?

  Me: 1 of the dancers makes a circle with her fingers before another dancer puts his finger through the hole she made. Junior high sex gestures are not dance :/

  Nate: They can’t really be doing that…

  Me: Come next week and see :)

  Nate: Since you’re dancing, I think I will...

  ***

  Wednesday

  Nate: We still on for lunch today?

  Me: Definitely.

  Nate: I’ll be there to pick you up around noon. What are you in the mood for?

  Me: Whatever :)

  Nate: Sandwiches?

  Me: I’m cool with that

  Nate: Pick you up around twelve?

  Me: Yep… I’ll meet you downstairs. Parking on campus is killer during the day.

  Nate: Can’t wait to see you :)

  Me: It’s only been a few days…

  Nate: With the week I’ve had it feels much longer

  Me: You didn’t mention you were having a bad week when we talked before…

  Nate: It’s not that I’m having a bad week, I just miss hanging out with you. We spent a lot of time together this last weekend…

  Me: Aw… You miss me :)

  Nate: You don’t miss me?

  Me: I plead the 5th ;)

  Nate: I think that means yes… You miss me, too

  Me: We’re being kinda cheesy…

  Nate: The cheesiest :D

  ***

  When Nate and I talked about being friends and taking things as they come, I wasn’t exactly sure how that would work. But it’s now day four of our maybe-more-than-friendship and whatever it is that Nate and I have, I like it. We’ve been texting each other back and forth all week and I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed just talking to a guy as much as I enjoy talking to him. I like spending time with him because he’s smart, funny, and doesn’t seem put off by my sense of humor. Even though we haven’t been friends for very long, he gets me. We can talk about anything and I always end the conversation with a smile on my face.

  Our interactions are fun and flirty, and so close to crossing the line that I think our toes are touching it, but we’re on this side of friendship. We’re keeping things light and easy and I think that works for us right now—it’s a little bit of what we both want.

  But the more time I spend with him, the more I’m realizing that I may want to date him. I plan on taking my time with the decision, but it may be time for me to let go of everything that’s holding me back. I’ve always been afraid of that phrase—fall in love. Falling takes away all of my control and that scares the shit out of me.

  But I’m starting to think if I let go of all of the issues weighing me down, after that short fall, I may be able to soar.

  ***

  It’s Thursday and I’m talking to Nate on the phone as I walk across campus back to my dorm. The weather today is perfect. It rained this morning, and the air is crisp and clean, the sunshine bringing a little heat to the spring day.

  We all had so much fun last week at Charlie’s that we decided to get together and go out to dinner tonight. Nate tells me we’re going to try this new Asian fusion restaurant a couple of blocks from campus, then we’re planning on going to see a movie after—sans group. He suggested we see this new action movie; lots of explosions and yelling at each other to “Move! Move! Move!” and “Get Down!” While I enjoy some action movies, this one looks like a big flop.

  “I don’t really want to see that movie.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it looks terrible.” He laughs. “How about a comedy? There’s that one out with the guy from the movie about the boat.”

  “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I’m always up to watch something funny.”

  “Perfect. Are you coming to see our show at The Grove this weekend?”

  “I’ll be there!” I tell him excitedly. “I’m going home tomorrow, but I’m just staying one night, so I’ll be back on Saturday.”

  “The show’s tomorrow night.”

  “Friday? I thought it was on Saturday?”

  “No, it got moved because they have some sort of inspection,” he explains.

  “They’re having an inspection on a Saturday?”

  “Yeah. I guess they like to come do the inspection on the busiest day to test compliance.”

  “Compliance for what?”

  “I don’t know, Jenna. I heard the same generic answer I’m giving you. I don’t work there, I just play there.”

  I laugh at his feigned annoyance. “I was just wondering.”

  “Well, anyway, that sucks you won’t be there,” he says, sounding disappointed. “Though I guess there’s always next time.”

  “Definitely next time.” My ever present smile grows a little when I think about watching him perform again.

  “I’ve gotta go now. I’ll see you later,” he says, ending the conversation.

  “See ya, Nate.”

  ***

  I think this might be the earliest I’ve been awake in years. When I was in New York, and even before, I was up at this hour daily, wanting to use the studio before all the other dancers were there. I always thought early morning was peaceful, but now I think that anyone choosing to wake up before eight is insane. The quiet of the early morning isn’t worth giving up time spent in my warm bed.

  Rachel was supposed to meet me in my room fifteen minutes ago since we’re trying to leave to drive home before the traffic hits this morning, but she seems to be running a little late. I send her a text message that I’ll meet her in front of the building and walk down to the parking lot, pulling my car up along the curb in front of my dorm. Walking back upstairs, I grab my overnight bag and take it down to my car. Rachel still hasn’t responded, so I decide to call her.

  I climb into my car as I dial her number, starting to get a little worried. When I left her last night, she was upset about the way Jake was reacting to something she’d said to Jake’s dad. My concerns fade when she picks up the phone because she’s laughing, barely even able to get out a greeting.

  “Everything okay?”
I ask, smiling as I hear a deeper laugh echo through the receiver.

  “Jake, stop,” she demands through her giggling. “Let me talk to Jenna for just a second.”

  “Am I interrupting?” I laugh.

  “Fine,” she breathes out, sounding happy. “I meant to call you, but we slept through my alarm. I’m going to ride up with my brother later today. I had a late night and I haven’t had time to pack anything. Are you mad at me for canceling?”

  “Not even a little,” I assure her. “Things are good with you and Jake?”

  “Better than good.” She sighs. “I can still drive home with you if you want.”

  I’m about to say yes when I get a better idea. “That’s okay. I think I’ll head home tonight instead of staying over.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. My dad’s out of town anyway and I’m spending the day with my mom.”

  “Okay. Text me when you get there so I know you’re safe.”

  “I will. See ya.”

  I hang up the phone and immediately dial my mom to let her know of the change in plans. After I hang up, I turn up the radio, excited to get home and spend some time with my mom before I drive back to San Diego. Second Story is playing tonight at The Grove and now that I won’t be spending the night at my parents, I can be one of the fans in attendance.

  ***

  I pull into my parents’ driveway, walking up the steps and onto the porch of their two story home. I use my key and open the door, punching the code into the alarm pad before yelling out for my mom.

  “I’m in my room!” she calls, her voice echoing down from upstairs.

  I climb the stairs and head straight to my parents’ room, knocking even though the door is half open. “Mom?”

  She comes barreling out of her closet and nearly knocks me over when she pulls me into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you,” she says, kissing my head.

  I go to tell her that I missed her too, but before I can say anything she pushes me away from her and looks a little shocked as she stares at me. The stunned look quickly clears from her face and she starts to smile.