‘Okay, I’ll be out in a sec,’ Danny said, smiling as he began typing a reply.
‘What do you want for breakfast?’ Kit asked when Danny joined him in the kitchen. ‘Eggs? Croissants?’
‘Actually, I thought we might go out for brunch,’ Danny said.
‘Okay.’ Kit shrugged. It was a bright, sunny morning, and it had finally stopped snowing, though the ground was still covered. It would be nice to get out. ‘Where do you want to go?’
‘Well, some of the friends I was meant to be going to the party with last night are meeting up at Odessa.’
‘Oh. That was them texting you just now?’
‘Yeah. So – what do you say? They do fantastic huevos rancheros.’
‘Were they mad at you for not turning up at the party?’ Kit asked, smiling crookedly.
‘No. Not when I told them why.’ Danny grinned.
Kit’s smile faded instantly. ‘You didn’t tell them about me?’
‘Well … yeah. I mean, I told them I got lucky.’
‘But you didn’t say who with?’
‘No. They wouldn’t even know you.’
‘And you won’t … tell anyone, will you?’
‘What?’ Danny said scathingly.
‘You won’t tell anyone about this?’ Kit said uncertainly, surprised by Danny’s sudden coldness.
‘No, don’t worry,’Danny said, his lip curled contemptuously. ‘Your secret’s safe with me.’
Kit looked after him in confusion as he stormed off towards the bathroom. A moment later, he heard the shower running. What the hell had got into him all of a sudden? He thought they had had a nice time – a very nice time. And now suddenly he was getting the cold shoulder.
When Danny returned, he was fully dressed and pulling on his jacket. Kit jumped in front of him, barring his way as he headed for the door.
‘Hey, where are you going?’
‘I’m going to meet my friends in Odessa,’ Danny said implacably. ‘I take it you’re not coming?’
‘I can’t. You know that.’
‘Why can’t you?’
‘Because – they’ll know it was me you were with last night. Why don’t you stay here with me? ’ Kit said, putting a hand on Danny’s shoulder. ‘I’ll make us huevos rancheros.’
‘What’s the point?’ Danny said huffily, shrugging off his hand.
‘Is this because I asked you not to tell anyone?’
‘Yeah, it is. I’m not interested in being anyone’s dirty little secret, okay?’
‘But I’m not out. I told you. What did you expect?’ Damn it, why was he being so obtuse?
‘And why aren’t you out?’
‘Jesus! Were you not listening to a word I said in there?’ Kit raged, waving to the bedroom.
‘Yes, but – you’re not on Wall Street anymore, Kit. Why do you still need all the pretence, the fake girlfriends?’
‘It just makes life easier,’ he said, shrugging.
‘Whose life?’
‘Look, Danny, I really like you. This wasn’t just a casual shag for me. I want to be with you.’
‘Just not in public.’
Kit sighed. ‘No,’ he admitted finally.
Danny flinched. ‘Well, sorry, but that doesn’t work for me.’
With that, he stomped off and slammed out the door. Kit went to the window and watched as everything he most liked about Danny – his honesty, his integrity, his refusal to compromise – took him farther and farther away.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Having wished the snow away when it first came, Romy now wanted it to last forever. First thing every morning, she raced anxiously to the window to check that it was still there, hoping for the thaw to hold off just a little longer. She loved living with Ethan and Luke in their little bubble, cocooned from the outside world. She and Ethan did what work they could on the house during the day, and spent the rest of the time making love, playing with Luke and having fun in the snow. They cooked and ate, they talked endlessly, and because the hot water still wasn’t working, they boiled pots of water and took baths together. It was like a lovely holiday, and Romy was afraid that it would all melt away with the snow, and she would be dumped back into reality with a thud. She knew Ethan didn’t want a serious relationship, and that was fine. But she was having so much fun, she just wanted it to last a bit longer. She was having a fling with a gorgeous, uncomplicated man who seemed to want her as much as she wanted him. She couldn’t remember when she’d felt so happy, and she hadn’t had this much sex in … well, ever!
Still, she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of guilt when she thought of Kit.
‘Don’t tell Kit I told you, okay?’ she said to Ethan one night when they were in bed together. ‘That I’m not really his girlfriend.’
‘Okay,’ Ethan said, his brow furrowed. ‘Not that I really needed you to tell me.’
‘Yeah, how did you know?’
Etha smiled. ‘Let’s just say, I don’t think you’re his type.’
‘Huh! That’s not very nice.’
‘I’m very glad you’re not,’ he said, tucking a strand of hair over her ear. ‘Believe me, his type does nothing for me.’
‘Is he … is he gay?’
Ethan raised his eyebrows. ‘I thought you could tell me. I mean, what other reason could he give you for wanting you to be his fake girlfriend?’
‘Well, he didn’t tell me in so many words – he just said he didn’t want people prying into his private life and stuff.’
‘But it must have been obvious why?’
‘Well, yeah,’ she said, feeling silly that it hadn’t been. ‘Pretty much. But I couldn’t be absolutely sure.’
‘What other explanation could there be?’
‘None, really.’ She didn’t want to get into Lesley’s BDSM theory. ‘So he’s never actually come out to anyone?’
‘No. But Hannah and I have always suspected, and then one time she decided to surprise him in New York. He didn’t know she was there and she turned up at his apartment unexpectedly. There was this guy there … Kit tried to explain him away, but Hannah wasn’t convinced. And there was other stuff too – she said he’d obviously spent a lot of time clearing away any evidence from the apartment if he knew we were coming.’
‘Wow.’
‘Plus his girlfriends weren’t very plausible.’
‘Gee, thanks. Now I’m implausible.’
‘I don’t mean you,’ Ethan said, smiling at her. ‘Well, not when you really were his girlfriend – I doubt he even knew he was gay himself back then.’
‘Poor Kit. It must be exhausting keeping up that pretence all the time.’
‘I know.’ Ethan sighed. ‘Hannah and I were hoping that when he came back to Ireland, he’d come out. We just think he’d be so much happier if he could be open about it and be himself.’
‘So that’s why you were angry with me?’
‘We weren’t angry with you – well, maybe Hannah was a little bit. But mainly she was just pissed off with Kit.’
‘Well, you can’t tell her about this,’ she said, waving her hand between the two of them.
‘You mean about all the sexing we’ve been doing?’ he grinned wolfishly, leaning over her and planting a kiss on her chest.
‘We can’t tell anyone – especially Kit. It has to be a secret.’
‘I know. But it’s going to be difficult when we’re back in Dublin. I mean, Kit lives in your house.’ He started nuzzling her neck.
‘You mean – you want to keep, um … doing this when we’re back in Dublin?’
‘Hell, yeah,’ he said, his breath hot on her skin as he pressed little butterfly kisses down her neck. Then he stopped suddenly, pulling back to look at her. ‘Don’t you?’ he asked, his expression anxious.
‘Yes!’ she squealed, putting an arm around his neck and tugging him back to her. ‘We’ll just have to be careful.’
‘Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.’
Rom
y had adapted the old adage ‘when your baby sleeps, you sleep’ to ‘when your baby sleeps, you have sex’, and she had never been more grateful that Luke was such a good sleeper.
‘Has Luke gone for his nap?’ Ethan asked as he appeared at the door of her bedroom, his eyes glittering with intent.
‘Yeah. We’ve got about an hour, hopefully,’ Romy said, grinning.
‘Cool.’ He wasted no time, removing his jacket as he strode into the room. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Then he blew on his hands to warm them before sliding them up under her top, tickling her sides, and cupping her breasts. She grabbed the hem of his jumper and he broke the kiss to lift his arms so she could yank it off over his head. Then they were kissing again, Romy’s hands moving to the waistband of his jeans.
‘Mmm,’ he groaned, pulling away. ‘I’ll just be a sec.’ He darted off to the bathroom, leaving Romy practically hopping from foot to foot as she waited for his return.
When he came back he stood in the doorway with the box of condoms in his hand, looking worried. Damn! What’s wrong? she thought. Why wasn’t he lunging for her and throwing her on the bed? They didn’t have any time to waste.
‘Um … problem,’ he said, running his hand through his hair. ‘We’re running out of supplies.’
‘Oh, no, I’m sure not. There was plenty of milk in the fridge this morning. And don’t forget we’ve got all that stuff in the freezer too. Don’t worry about it,’ she said, beckoning him to her, impatient to get on with the ravishing.
But Ethan was shaking his head. ‘No, I don’t mean food. We’re running out of condoms,’ he said, waving the box. ‘Look.’ He crossed the room to her.
‘Oh!’ They both gazed down forlornly into the box. There was one foil packet at the bottom. ‘Is that it?’ she asked in a tiny voice.’ That can’t be it!
‘Yeah.’ He sighed. ‘I didn’t realise.’
‘Noooo!’ Romy couldn’t suppress her cry of anguish. How could this have happened? Why had they been so profligate? They had been going at it like rabbits on ecstasy, with no thought of tomorrow, and now suddenly they only had one shag left. One shag!
‘I know.’ He gave her a pained look. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault. It’s just – aaargh!’
‘So, do you want to – I mean, maybe we should save it for tonight or—’
‘But what if the snow doesn’t clear tomorrow?’ Romy asked with rising panic. She knew she wasn’t behaving in a very dignified manner, and if she wasn’t so damn horny, she might actually feel quite ashamed of herself. But the lust was all-consuming. Her libido had staged a mutiny and taken over her brain, and was already hatching plans for her to hike through the snow to the nearest pharmacy.
‘I could pull out,’ Ethan suggested.
Her mouth twisted. ‘It’s a bit risky.’
‘I always use protection. And I’ve been tested regularly for work, so I know I’m clean. But if you’re not comfortable—’
‘It’s not that. But I’m not on the pill.’
‘Oh! Okay. Too risky, then.’
‘Yeah.’ She chewed her lip.
‘Well, there’s lots of other stuff we can do,’ Ethan said.
‘True.’ She smiled, relaxing a little. ‘But what about tomorrow? And the day after? If the snow lasts—’
‘Ssh,’ he said, bending to kiss her before pulling her sweater off in one fluid movement. ‘We’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes. We’re wasting time here.’
‘You okay?’ he said later as they lay in each other’s arms, their skin sticky with sweat and saliva.
‘More than okay,’ she grinned at him. ‘Fabulous. You?’
‘Fantastic.’
‘Other stuff is fun.’ She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. ‘Was it really okay for you?’
‘Uh, yeah,’ he said. ‘Couldn’t you tell?’
‘I thought maybe you were just being nice.’
She felt his chest rise and fall as he laughed. ‘You’re funny,’ he said, his fingers moving through her hair. ‘It’s not easy to fake that, you know.’
‘Sorry. It’s just – I haven’t done this in a long time – a very long time. Not since Luke’s father. And that hardly even counts.’
‘Who was he?’ he asked, immediately adding ‘You don’t have to tell me.’
She propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him. ‘No, I don’t mind. But there’s not much to tell. It was just a one-night stand with a stranger. I don’t even know his name.’
Ethan stroked her cheek. ‘Do you mind – not knowing?’
She sighed. ‘Not so much for myself. But I wish I had something better to tell Luke when he grows up.’
‘What will you tell him?’
‘The truth. And I’ll tell him what little I do know about his father.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘That he was a good man,’ she said, reciting the words she often said to Luke as she lulled him to sleep. ‘A compassionate man. And he was kind to me once when I was very sad.’
She already told Luke about his father, repeating it like a bedtime story, as though he could absorb it into his psyche, though he was too young to understand. Since discovering she was pregnant, she had dissected every detail of that night, scrutinised every word spoken for what it could tell her about the father of her child. Then she wove it into a fable that she told Luke as she soothed him to sleep, imbuing her narrative with all the classical elements of a fairytale – a mysterious knight, a healing kiss, the gift of a baby. ‘Your father is a good man, Luke,’ she would say, as she stroked his soft cheeks. ‘Young, but wise, with a good heart. He understood human suffering. Even though I told him my worst secret, he still kissed me.’
‘It’s not much,’ she said now to Ethan, as he stroked her hair.
‘It seems like a lot to me – for a one-night stand.’
‘Yeah,’ she said, smiling as she laid her head on his chest. ‘We didn’t bother with small talk – thank goodness. I know so little about him – I don’t even know his name or what he does for a living. But at least I feel I know what kind of person he was.’
The following morning, Romy placed the condom box on the windowsill in the kitchen, like a monument to their resourcefulness and frugality. She felt like a wartime housewife, storing up their meagre rations for when they would need them most.
They wouldn’t have to hold out much longer, she thought, looking out the window. There had been no fresh snow in the past couple of days, and when she flicked on the radio, the weather reporter said that there was a thaw on the way. It seemed to have already started, fat dollops of snow dropping off the branches of the trees, the whole landscape shimmering and glistening in the dazzling sunlight. At least their snowman was still intact. She felt sad at the thought of him melting away and wished there was some way they could preserve him.
She and Ethan had agreed that they should return to Dublin as soon as the roads were driveable. It was less than a week to Christmas, and the long-term forecast was for more snow. If they didn’t leave when they got the chance, they could end up stuck here for Christmas. When the oil company rang to say they would deliver the following day, she knew it was time.
‘We’ll use it tonight,’ she told Ethan, nodding to the condom.
But Luke had other ideas. He was fractious all day and kept them awake most of the night, crying incessantly. It was impossible to pacify him, and Romy began to worry that there was something seriously wrong with him. But Ethan checked him out and assured her he was fine.
‘I think he’s probably teething,’ he told her – which made sense considering the way Luke was frenziedly gumming every available object.
Though they took turns pacing the floor with him, neither of them got much sleep, and when Ethan got up with him the following morning, it felt like only minutes had passed since Luke had finally settled down and fallen asleep.
‘You stay here, get some
rest,’ Ethan said, kissing Romy on the forehead as he slid out of bed. She was about to protest, but her eyes were already closing.
She woke hours later to a deep rumbling sound outside. Getting up and going to the window, she was greeted with the welcome sight of the oil truck chugging down the drive. Ethan was standing outside with Luke, both of them bundled up in coats and gloves while they waited for the truck.
She hopped back into bed, listening to the pumping of oil and then the truck rumbling away again into the distance. When all was silent again, Ethan came in, stamping his feet on the mat before coming over to sit on the couch with Luke on his lap.
‘What time is it?’ she asked, raising herself up on one elbow.
He glanced at his watch. ‘Two thirty.’
‘Oh my God! I must have slept for hours.’
‘Well, you needed it.’
‘So, what did I miss?’
‘Loads.’ He grinned. ‘We have oil. Luke said his first word.’
‘He did? What was it?’
‘Ethan.’
‘Huh!’
‘Aw, don’t be jealous. I’m sure it would have been ‘mama’ but you weren’t around, so …’ He shrugged. ‘Babies live in the moment.’
‘Oh, well – at least I got my lie-in. That’s the main thing.’
‘What else?’ He thought. ‘I took him for a go on the tree swing. He liked that. And he took his first step.’
‘Damn! I miss everything.’
‘I recorded it all on my mobile.’
‘Oh, that’s okay, then,’ she said snuggling back into the pillow. ‘But wake me up for his first day at school.’
‘So, what do you think of today’s outfit?’ he asked, removing Luke’s jacket.
Romy held out her arms and he handed Luke to her. ‘Very nice,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t have put those colours together, but they really work.’ She put Luke down on the bed and lay down next to him. Luke promptly grabbed his feet, babbling tunefully to himself.
Ethan removed his jacket, kicked off his shoes and slid in beside them. He placed a soft kiss on Luke’s forehead, then Romy’s, and lay back against the pillows with a contented sigh. ‘Let’s stay here all day,’ he murmured, putting his arm across them both as his eyes closed.
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